


The Monster I Am

by Forever_Tank



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Anger, Anxiety Attacks, Arguments, Assault, Attempt #2, Attempted Sexual Assault, Behavioral changes, Binging, Bloodlust, Chasing squirrels, Cold Weather, Comfort, Doctor Visits, Established Relationship, F/F, Face Punching, Fade to Black, Fighting, Forests, Full Moon, Garnet's a cop, Hallucinations, Horniness, Hospitals, Intentional OOC-ness, Loss of Control, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Nightmares, Non-Graphic Smut, Over-Protective, POV Garnet (Steven Universe), Panic Attacks, Pearlnet, Punching Bags, Self-harm via biting, Smut, TV News, Transformation, Urges, Violence, Vomiting, Waking Up, Werewolf!Garnet, Werewolves, changes, hunger, no seriously, pearl - Freeform, werewolf attack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:36:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 93,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14403234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Tank/pseuds/Forever_Tank
Summary: She was just responding to an animal control call, just a sighting of something that presented a danger to the public and she was on duty to handle it, but now Garnet is facing off against something she thought only existed in storybooks.  Will she survive?  And if she does, will she have wished she didn't?  Piece by piece things will change despite how desperately she clings to her former, more human, life





	1. A Lunar Curse

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to TheTruthHertz for the summary. With The Machine she helped me fix up what I had, but this one she wrote for me. All credit goes to her! :D
> 
> So, is this the replacement for WNF? Yes and no. this actually the original! Except rewritten because the original-original pretty much read like shit. Wait, wasn't WNF rewritten of this one too? Yes... but it had a few changes to the plot and scenes, TMIA (a.k.a this fic lol) is what I had written almost 4 years ago. So, anyway, second time's the charm?

**_A Lunar Curse_ **

Feet pounded against the pavement, the sound of rapid thudding and heavy breathing filling the silence of the night. The moon was high above the sky in its waxing gibbous state, illuminating two figures, one running from the other. Buildings, signs, and cars blurred into simple shapes and colors as the figures blew past them at high speeds. They rounded a corner, sliding on their feet as they turned. Ungraceful in their turn, the figure in front slipped, falling over and hitting pavement with a loud ‘smack!’. The figure behind the other fell to their knees and grabbed the other's hands, pulling them behind their back.

“Add ‘Running from an Officer’ to your list of charges,” A deep accented voice said, belonging to the umber-skinned woman on top of the suspect. She produced cuffs from her belt, attaching them to the suspect's wrists. They grunted in frustration, thrashing around in an attempt to throw off the officer.

“Go fuck yourself,” They snapped. The officer stood, pulling the suspect with her.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of law,” The officer said, her voice carrying smugness. She began to guide the suspect back towards the corner.

The suspect was led to the crime scene by the officer; a neighborhood with identical one story houses. Some varied in shape, but most were simple box designs. The more interesting ones had picket fences or lawn furniture sitting on the deck. Lighting up the dark of the night were the headlights of police cars and paramedics parked in front of one of the box shaped houses. Two paramedics were retrieving a concealed body on a stretcher, while multiple officers circled around the house, covering the walls with bright yellow ‘Do Not Cross’ tape.

The suspect, a man that looked to be in his early 30’s, was shoved in the back of a police car. He lunged forward in an attempt to escape. The officer intercepted him and shoved him back in. She slammed the door shut on him, scoffing as he continued to bang at the door on the inside.

“You taking him back to the station?” An officer asked the other. They received a curt nod in response. Walking around the car, she opened the door to the driver’s seat and stepped into the vehicle. The roar of the engine starting did nothing to mask the screams of rage of the man in the back. The officer frowned as a deep pulsing started in her temples.

Threats, racial slurs, and pleads were uttered by the man throughout the drive, though he did cease banging on the door, instead choosing to kick at the seat.

“I’m not at fault here!” He screamed, “He shorted me on a deal!” The officer raised an eyebrow. Did that man confess to the crime so soon? She reached a hand up and rubbed her temple, letting out a soft chuckle. The officer returned her hand to the steering wheel.

“You have the right to remain silent.” She uttered for the 5th time. The man shook his head from side to side.

“You’ll see! Wait till they check the house and count the money.” He growled. The officer breathed out heavily through her nose, squeezing the steering wheel tighter.

“You have the right to remain silent.” The man continued on a tirade.

They arrived at the station soon after. The man had stopped his struggling and screaming a few minutes before the ride ended, leaving them in a tense silence that lasted even as the officer led him towards the station. He stayed silent until they stopped in front of the holding cell. Rather than walking in and taking a seat at the bed, he stood still, staring off into the cell. The officer sighed in annoyance, uncuffing him and pushing him forward. He stumbled, but turned around, staring at her with eyes that betrayed no emotion.

“He was my brother,” The man said quietly, averting his gaze. The officer glanced in his direction. “Was. He stopped being my brother a long time ago, he became different. I was doing the world a favor, ‘killing’ him for the time being. You'll see soon.” He spat out. The officer rolled her eyes.

“Save it for the trial,” She turned on her heel and walked away.

\--

She sat at her desk, neat except for a stack of papers at the corner of it, and a nameplate that read “Garnet Clarke” on the front of the desk. Garnet stared down at the report in front of her, partially filled out. She rubbed her head, feeling her headache come back full blast at the sight of it.

“Go home, Clarke,” She heard a voice say. She sat straight up, staring at the officer in front of her.

“Captain?” Garnet inquired. He let out a sigh and folded his arms across his chest.

“We had this guy before; once for robbery, and another time for possessing illegal substances. I can handle the rest of the information. Go home, it’s two in the morning, get some rest. You’re on call tomorrow,” He replied back with a certain sternness that meant he wasn't willing to budge. Garnet stared at him for a moment. She nodded and stood from her chair.

“Alright. I'll see you next shift.” The captain gave her a wave of his hand in acknowledgement.

Garnet sighed as she stepped out of the station, shivering at the cold. She strode over to her car, opening the door and sitting inside. She fooled around with her phone for a moment or two, checking unread messages before she started the car. She drove away from the station, and into the night.

Keys jingled in the steel lock, and Garnet let out noises of aggravation as it refused to turn.

_I really need to replace this damn thing._

A click sounded; Garnet pulled on the knob and entered the house. Once inside, she let out a sigh of relief and shut the door behind her, relocking it.

“You're home early,” The tone was nothing short of sarcastic, and as Garnet turned around she caught eyes with Pearl, sitting in the dining room on a cushioned chair, sipping from a white coffee cup.

“Shift was about to end when I got called in. Took longer than I thought,” She strode over to the pale woman and leaned down, pressing a kiss on her lips. “Didn't mean to keep you waiting.” She finished as she pulled away.

“You’ve been staying later and later,” Pearl brought her cup to her thin lips and sipped at the liquid.

“Can't help that,” A seat was taken opposite from the pale woman. Garnet settled into the cushioned seat and sighed contently- much better than the office chair she had to sit in. “Want to go to bed?”

“After this.”

A hum in reply. They didn’t engage in conversation, much more content with enjoying each other’s silent company. A few minutes and several sips later and Pearl finished off her drink. Garnet stood from her seat and offered to wash the dish. Once that was done, the two women headed for the bedroom down the hallway next to the right side of the dining room.

Pearl had no trouble going to sleep; she was knocked out and snoring- something she always vehemently denied that she did- by the time her head hit the pillow. Garnet stayed up a little longer, thoughts still scrambled from work and brain refusing to allow her to rest. She stared out a large window, next to her and Pearl’s shared dresser, eyes focused on the white glow of the waxing gibbous.

It lured her to sleep within ten minutes.

\--

The next day Garnet barely took a bite of the breakfast prepared for her by Pearl before she received a call from the captain, needing her to come in after all. Her aggravation was apparent by the tight line her lips were in as she dressed out of her pajamas and headed back into the living room to the front door. As her hand wrapped around the knob, the sound of Pearl walking up to her drew Garnet’s attention. The pale woman flashed her a small smile. She drew up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Garnet’s cheek.

“Drive safe.” Despite the aggravation, Garnet found herself smiling.

“Don't worry.” She turned the knob and left out into the brisk morning air.

Garnet preferred to keep the silence, so the radio remained off during her drive. When she arrived, she parked her car in its usual spot, stepped out, and headed into the station right into the locker room. It took her only a few minutes to get into uniform and the moment she finished dressing, she was directed to her desk and the paperwork on it. Garnet sat down and noticed, with a surge of annoyance, that the captain did not in fact fill out the rest of the report from last night. It was untouched.

Her pointer fingers dug into her temples and began to rub in circles, a deep breath letting out through her full lips. Picking up her pen, she began to write.

Within an hour, the rest of it was done and she spent the next hour or so answering the calls that came in and writing the paperwork required for it. Most were mundane: neighbors being too loud, stolen items, public disturbances. Few required a transfer call to an on-duty officer, and soon the hour she spent on the calls and reports bled into multiple, until the yellow glow of the setting sun poured in through the large windows in the room. The rhythmic drum of fingers on the wood of her desk drew her gaze upwards. The captain stood staring at her.

“Think you can go off desk-duty for a bit? One of the officers had a family emergency,” He didn't need to say it twice.

“Yes,” Garnet rose from her seat and barely resisted running out of the room, all too happy to do something other than sit at a desk. Even if she would be sitting in a car now, at least it’d be a change of scenery.

A change of scenery that became old as Garnet sat in her squad car, parked at the boardwalk and staring out at the beach, the silence only broken by the quiet radio chatter of other officers and dispatch. Her head pressed against the window and her fingers drummed on her muscular thighs. A breath blown out from her nose blew away some of the black curls of her hair from her face.

“I’d prefer the paperwork at this point,” At least she would have something to do.

The light of the setting sun cast over the beach, coloring the water yellow and red and turning the few people playing in the sand and ocean into black silhouettes. The beams from the sun gleamed harmlessly off her shades, and as if she remembered them being there Garnet adjusted them so they were higher on her nose and hummed a tune to herself.

The sun set into night, the full moon hanging high in the sky, and as if the day were repeating itself, she got a call in just as her shift was about to end and just as she began to drive back to the station.

_‘Calling all available units. 10-11 down Beach City highway.’_

Garnet threw her head back and groaned. Her hand snatched the radio and she opened the channel.

“Injures?” The radio crackled with white noise before a response came in.

_‘Standby.’_

With a deep frown, Garnet brought her radio to her lips again “En route,” She shifted the car into reverse and pulled out of her spot.

_Looks like I’ll be late again._

When Garnet arrived at the scene, much of the work appeared to be handled, but she still stepped out of her car and headed past the police cars parked along the road and grassy areas beside the asphalt. A few officers were conversing with each other. She headed to them first.

“Everything under control?” Garnet asked as she stepped up to them. One of the officers, a wide-eyed man with a shaggy beard, turned toward her with an odd grin.

“You should have seen the size of that thing, Clarke. It was huge! At least twice as big as you!” The corner of her lips briefly tugged down. The officer beside the wide-eyed one cleared his throat.

“Yes, it is. We were told to handle crowd control; Parks is giving out orders.” Garnet nodded and she headed off into the forest beside the road, where she could spot the gleams of flashlights. She ducked under tree branches and stepped over lines of police tape before she found the grouping of other officers. Some were hanging out by the trees and talking to a civilian, others were kneeling over something, and a few were calling in their radio for aid. Garnet strode to the kneeling officers first. A strange cold feeling swept over her as she approached, sending a shiver down her spine. Taking in a deep breath, Garnet shook off the odd feeling and took the last few steps towards the officers.

Her blue and brown eyes widened underneath her shades as she took in the sight.

_What the hell?_

A creature, at least eleven feet in length and as wide as three men standing together laid in a bloodied heap on the ground. Its shaggy, midnight-black, fur kept most of its injuries from showing, but the hair was matted and wet with blood. Its left leg was severed at the knee, ivory bone sticking out, threads of muscles lying across the grassy floor. Half of its face had been blasted off from a shotgun shot, revealing bone stuck with flaps of skin, its ear hanging by a few threads of flesh, and just below it a crater that revealed mashed grey matter and gore.

“You can get closer; It's dead as shit.” The voice was of an officer she recognized- Jasper Harrison. With a grunt, Garnet dropped to her knees and examined it further, brushing aside some of the fur to look at the injuries and occasionally trailing her eyes up to look at the structure of its head. Its jaws were opened, revealing sharp yellowed fangs almost as long as Garnet’s index finger. The stench of rot wafted from its muzzle.

It resembled a mix of a wolf and a bear. She had never seen anything like it.

“What do you think it is?” One of the others murmured, shining his light into the opened eyes of the beast. They were dull with death, but through the fade Garnet guessed that they had once been a bright red.

“I don't know. A grizzly?”

“Aren't those only in Alaska?”

“Grizzlies don't have black fur, dumbass.”

“If you look at it from this angle, it kind of looks like a Saint Bernard”

“Those dog’s ears don't stick up though.”

“So?”

The chatter of the officers went ignored as Garnet continued looking at the monster. With a huff, she leaned back on her soles and drew her flashlight from her utility belt, shining it on the creature, the light gleaming off of the large fangs adorning its gum line. Mismatched eyes continued to examine the beast, its unnervingly humanoid body, its massive paws with thumbs that looked opposable, its-

_Did it just move?_

 Garnet could have sworn she saw its nose twitch. Her eyes narrowed as she focused on the feature, searching for another motion.

Its chest rose up.

“Hey, its breathing!” One of the policemen called out. The words were enough to send the officers scrambling away in a panic from the beast. Shaking off the momentary shock brought on by a dead thing _breathing_ , Garnet staggered away from the rising body, but she didn’t move far before the monster jumped up and lunged at her at an incredible speed, a gargled, bone chilling roar escaping from its maw.

The weight hitting her chest knocked the breath from her lungs and sent her falling to grass, the beast on top of her in moments, and Garnet couldn’t move or take a breath before its claws and teeth descended upon her. White hot pain exploded through her chest and shoulder as claws ripped through her bulletproof vest with ease and sunk into flesh, sending stars into her vision and drawing involuntary screams from her throat.

“Get it off!!” She managed to shout. Her heart pounded in her chest and in her ears, overpowering the noise of gunshots and panicked yelling. She felt adrenaline pulse through her, fight or flight taking ahold of her as Garnet tried to smack the paws away and kick the beast off. A large paw descended on her head and a nail scraped along her neck to the underside of her jaw, grazing the skin. Instincts to protect her head overpowered the fight or flight, and Garnet stopped her flailing to bring both arms up and cross them over her head.

A loud roar. Teeth sunk into her forearm.  Her vision exploded with white, and Garnet thought she would pass out then as hellfire coursed through her veins down her arm and into her chest. It would have been a mercy if she did. The monster began to tug, letting her know she was still very much awake. It pulled her arm away with ease and loosened it right from the socket with an audible ‘pop!’ The action tugged her entire body up, and claws raked along her back as the beast grabbed ahold of her.

A shot rang out and the beast’s head snapped back, a roar sounding from it as it let Garnet go. She fell back to the grassy ground with a pained, breathless yelp, and through her fading vision she saw the beast take off into the trees, fast even without part of its leg. She heard the sound of yelling voices, barely aware of being crowded around as she rolled over and looked down at her body. Bloodied and torn.

Her ringing ears overpowered the sound of her hyperventilation, her neck tingling with prickles of fear and panic. Adrenaline flooded out of her system along with the blood pouring from her wounds, and she lost her strength and fell onto her back, forced to stare up at the full moon as darkness clouded her vision and pulled her out of consciousness.

-

She found herself in the bedroom, back at the house and Pearl at her side asleep. Jolting up, Garnet slapped her hands around her chest and shoulders. No scratches. She clutched at her wrist. No bite. Relief flooded her. It was a dream.

She turned to Pearl and shook her shoulder, intending to tell her all about the nightmare. Pearl didn't respond. Confused, Garnet drew her hand away.

“Pearl?” It was only when she talked that she noticed the metallic tang in her mouth, a familiar taste of something she couldn’t recall. Her hands and mouth felt wet, she noticed seconds later. She lifted the appendages into view.

Blood stained them from her fingertips to her elbows.

“Wh-what?” Without wasting a moment, she clapped a hand over her mouth and felt it, and when she drew her hand away there was more blood. Red and still fresh, the scent filling her nose.

Dread filled her.

Garnet darted to Pearl and forced her over onto her back.

A carcass. Pink coils of intestine hung out of her torn stomach, the inside a mess of meat and chewed organs. Teeth marks lined her once pristine skin and her dull eyes stared at the ceiling, mouth open in a scream never completed.

Agonized. That was only word to describe the scream that Garnet let out as she gripped at her girlfriend’s shoulders and brought her close to her, looking her over again and again and still not believing that it had happened. Eventually she dropped her down on the bed and instead Garnet planted both hands on either side of her and arched over her body, looking at her, trying to find life in the dull eyes as a droplet of blood fell from her cheek and hit Pearl’s neck.

“Pe-Pearl?” A shaking, bloodied hand moved up to the cold cheek of the pale woman and caressed it, smearing red across the white skin. “Pearl?” Tears beaded at her eyes.

A gleam in her peripheral brought her attention to the window, and to the ivory moon outside, round and full. When she looked back at Pearl, she was gone and Garnet was hanging over an empty bed. Alone. The taste of blood in her mouth. Stomach full.

“Let go.”

Her hands fisted into the fabric of the bedsheets, holding tight as her body racked with sobs. Where was Pearl? What did she do to her?

“I’m sorry.”

“Garnet, let go.”

“I didn't mean to!”

“Garnet, let go!”

“Where are-?”

“GARNET, LET GO!”

And just like that; she was awake.

Her teeth were clenched together, thick lips pulled back to bare them as she kept her eyes narrowed in on the woman in scrubs she had in her iron grip.

It took her more than a second to realize where she was, and an even longer second to realize what she was doing. The poor woman’s face was an unhealthy shade of purple, big brown eyes seeming like they would pop out of her skull from how tightly Garnet was squeezing her neck with a single hand. Garnet’s face fell from its hostile expression as she loosened her grip and snapped her hand away. The nurse let out a gasp of air, darting away as she grasped at her own bruised throat, letting out small wheezing sobs as she struggled to breath. She wasted no time dashing for the door, sparing frightened glances back at Garnet’s way as she did so.

Garnet blinked, drawing her hand back close to her chest as she turned it over and examined her palm. Clean.

‘What happened?’ She asked herself. She couldn't remember anything other than her dream. She looked around the room. A wooden nightstand next to her bed, chairs near large windows overlooking a parking lot, a heart monitor next to her bed and along with it an Iv drip, and a trolley with trays of food atop its metal surface. She was in a hospital room.

‘But why?’ She answered her own question when she tried to sit up and her body responded with waves of pain and nausea. A weak gasp escaped her as she fell back to her bed. Chest rising and falling as she took in shaky breaths, Garnet kept her eyes to the ceiling. The lights hurt. Where were her glasses?

“Garnet!” The door to her room slammed open, startling her enough that she jumped up, pulling at the tubes attached to her and sending fresh pain through her body again. A weak grunt escaped her, despite her wanting to scream instead.

Pearl swallowed as she took a step towards her, hesitant, perhaps even fearful. Garnet eyed her down.

She was alive; no hole in her stomach, no lifeless eyes, her mouth open in surprise and not in an unfinished scream.

“Pearl,” She gasped out. At the sound of her name, Pearl’s face lit up, and she sped over to her so she could kneel by her bedside and take her hand.

“You said my name!” Pearl exclaimed, squeezing Garnet’s hand. She brought it up to her face to deliver a quick kiss to the knuckle. The dark woman opened and closed her mouth, no words coming forth; she instead communicated her confusion with a raised eyebrow. The pale woman did not seem to notice it. Garnet squeezed her hand back as a reassuring gesture, noting that her blue eyes were shimmering in the light, more so than usual. Squinting her eyes for a better view allowed her to see the tears brimming in them.

“Pearl,” She murmured out. She tried to lift her other arm towards her. A blinding pain ripped through it, and she choked out a cry as she quickly returned it to its resting position. Pearl leapt up from her spot, eyes wide.

“Don't move!” A scathing remark was on Garnet’s tongue, but she refrained from saying it because it was obvious that Pearl was out of her mind with worry for her. She sucked in air, flexing her fingers and toes as she waited for the pain to pass. Everything hurt.

The door opened again; this time a balding man walked in, somewhat cautiously. Once he spotted Garnet up and Pearl at her side he relaxed.

“Ms. Clarke,” He began, “Was there a problem in here earlier?”

At his words Pearl glanced at her, curious. Garnet swallowed as best as she could with her dry throat.

“I-I woke up… I-I was choke-choking a nurse,” Her voice broke and sounded wheezy, no doubt a result of not using it in a while. The doctor nodded.

“I've heard,” There was still some caution in his step as he approached her bed. Pearl squeezed her hand ever-so-slightly tighter.

“Did you stop in time?” Her girlfriend asked her. Garnet nodded. The doctor stepped over by her side.

“How are you feeling?” He asked. Garnet swallowed again, taking in a deep breath through her nose.

“It hurts,” She responded. The doctor frowned.

“It shouldn't. Is the medication not working?” He asked the question more to himself than to Garnet. He brought his clipboard-previously tucked underneath his arm- up to his face and squinted as he looked at it.

“You were prescribed Vicodin,” He brought the clipboard even closer. “Perhaps I should increase the dosage.” He mumbled the last part.

“Vicodin?”

“Yes. Have you been taking it or are you still refusing?” He asked, glancing up at her. Garnet blinked.

“No… I've been asleep until now,” At her words, the doctor seemed confused, and even Pearl shot her an odd look.

“No, you've been awake for the last three days,” Pearl corrected her, getting up from her kneeling position.

_Awake?_

Garnet furrowed her eyebrows, trying to recall the last few days. Nothing. She could only remember the nightmare and nothing else. She looked up to Pearl. despite how much it hurt to crane her neck in that particular direction.

“I don't remember being awake,” She said. A sudden tension seemed to fill the air. Pearl and the doctor exchanged glances, communicating something between each other. Pearl gave her hand another reassuring squeeze with her gaze still kept away from the dark woman.

“You did come out of a medically induced coma. Memory loss may be a side effect,” The doctor sounded unsure as he flipped a page up on his clipboard and examined something, his bushy eyebrows furrowing and his lip quirking downwards.

“What did I do?” Garnet asked. Another glance was exchanged between her girlfriend and the man. Irritation rose up in her at the sight. She unconsciously squeezed Pearl’s hand tighter.

“Well, you did choke a nurse,” The doctor started. He shifted his weight onto a different leg. A hand caressed over Garnet’s cheek. Her eyes flicked towards Pearl. who was staring down at her with worried eyes.

“’Patient Clarke has been ripping her Iv lines out and making attempts to escape from the room. Any attempt at getting her back in the bed has been met with physical violence and repeated refusals to cooperate.’ That was listed as a reason for sedation,” The doctor said. He flipped to another page. “Any attempt to enter Patient Clarke’s room is met with verbal abuse and physical retaliation should a staff member get close to her. Patient also refuses to take medications and to eat, only doing so with reluctance when prompted by a visitor,” At the last sentence, Garnet looked to Pearl, who offered her an awkward smile and a shrug of her thin shoulders. A frown tugged at Garnet’s lips, and her forehead creased into stressed lines. Her mind brought her back to the caution the doctor took in approaching her, and how Pearl had a mask of fear on her as she walked in. It made sense now, but there was a different question burning in the front of her mind.

“Did I hurt you?” The thought of it terrified her and Garnet was sure it showed on her face. She only relaxed when Pearl smiled a bit wider and shook her head.

“No. I was the only one that you let close to you,” Her thumb swept over the dark woman’s knuckles.

“Did I do anything to you?” At that, Pearl’s smile faltered and she looked away from her face. Garnet’s eyes widened at a sight on her neck. It was peppered with several small bruises and the occasional scratch mark. Pearl twisted her head back, as if she realized that she had made a mistake. Garnet’s eyebrows sloped downwards and a cold feeling washed over her.

“Pearl…”

“It-it's nothing.”

“I-”

“Don't worry about it. You weren't yourself,” She was quick to shut down her guilt and worries. Pearl gently tugged her hand out of her grip and turned to the doctor.

“When can she be released?” She asked. The doctor tsked.

“Another week wouldn't hurt, but she can be discharged in about two days should she feel well enough,” The way they were talking, as if Garnet weren't even there, made irritation spread throughout her being. She clutched at her bedsheets, grip tight enough that her knuckles turned white, and bared her teeth on an odd, but strong, instinct. The doctor and Pearl carried on their conversation as if they hadn't seen Garnet’s reaction, and she supposed that were the case because they haven't even spared a glance in her direction. Like she became invisible. She settled back down on her bed and pulled the sheets up to her neck, grunting when her arm protested the movement.

She flexed the fingers of her left hand, feeling pain travel down the ligaments to her forearm. Garnet forced her arm out through the sheets, despite the liquid fire that shot through her arm at the simple movement. Through the tears that sprung up from the pain, she looked at the white wrappings on her wrist.

“What happened?” She murmured to herself. A hesitant hand reached up to the bandaging, alternating between touching it with her fingertips and drawing them back. Her lips tugged down into a frown. She reached forward yet again and felt the bandaging. Rough, grainy; almost like sandpaper but not as coarse. She traced her fingers up and down the bandaging, feeling for a groove she could dig her fingers into. Her nails caught on something. She began to scrape them down and pull.

“Garnet, what are you doing?” Pearl’s voice was close. She must've walked to her bed sometime while Garnet was distracted. The dark woman didn't answer, all too focused on tugging her bandaging down. Pearl frowned and moved to reach for her hand.

In hindsight, it wasn't the _best_ idea.

The sudden movement in her peripheral triggered something deep with Garnet, and she couldn't hold back the strange noise that escaped her throat, nor could she hold back the hand she used to swipe at Pearl’s chest. Her nails didn't do as much damage as she hoped they would, but the force of her strike was enough to make Pearl cry out and stumble back, clutching her chest and letting out labored breaths as she tried to regain the air knocked out of her lungs.

Garnet curled her lips back to bare her teeth as her eyes narrowed down at Pearl.

No one in the room moved.

“Ms. Clarke,” The doctor started, taking a step towards her. Garnet didn't look at him, still bristling. “I need you to calm down.”  Garnet didn't take her eyes off of Pearl. Pearl didn't dare to move, staring at the dark woman with what could only be perceived as fear.

And like a switch was flipped, Garnet snapped out of her stupor.

Confusion flooded her. Her right hand moved up to scratch her neck as she looked around in an attempt to get a sense of her surroundings.

“What happened?” The last minute was blur, but the mix of shock and fear on the expressions of both the doctor and Pearl told her that whatever happened wasn’t anything good.

Garnet realized she was still hunching over when a pulse of pain shot from her chest to her stomach. With a grunt, she fell back on the bed and squinted her sensitive eyes at the ceiling. Why wasn't anyone saying anything?

“What happened?” She repeated, an edge in her voice this time. Again, silence. She snapped her head to the side and glowered at the doctor and Pearl.

“What?!” Impatience filled her.

“You…” The pale woman paused. Her fist clutched the fabric of her shirt in a tight grip. “Nothing. Nothing happened.” At this, the doctor shot her an incredulous look. Pearl shook her head and took slow steps to Garnet’s bed side. A hand rested on her forehead and stroked back curls from her eyes. A deep breath escaped from Garnet and her fingers flexed. She wasn't telling the truth. She knew she wasn't.

“Don't worry,” Pearl made to move her hand back into her hair but Garnet caught her wrist and pulled it away from her head. Her touch didn't feel right. She didn't want to be touched. And even the offended and hurt look on her girlfriend’s face didn’t make her want to change her resolve.

“What’s wrong with my wrist?” Mismatched eyes focused on the bandaged appendage. The mix of offense and hurt left Pearl’s face as her eyes looked to the mentioned body part.

“That’s where you were bitten.”

“Bitten?”

“By the bear.”

“A bear?”

“Well, they think it's a bear,” Pearl gave a shrug of her thin shoulders. “It isn't certain until they catch it.” Garnet was utterly confused. She stared hard at her wrist.

“Bitten?” She repeated.

“It mauled you. You’re lucky an ambulance was already en route for other injured people. Otherwise the blood loss would have killed you,” The doctor chimed in.

“It was a close call.” A smile spread over Pearl’s lips. She deposited both hands in her lap and took a seat on the side of the bed. It dipped with her weight. “I'm glad you’re okay.”

“How long was I out? Including the three days I was ‘awake’?”

“A month.”

“A month?!” Garnet repeated, face taking on a look of shock. She had been out that long? Pearl nodded. Dread balled up in Garnet.

“H-how-?”

“Your body needed time to heal,” The doctor interrupted. He strode to the door.

“It still does. You need to rest as much as possible and take your medication at the scheduled hours. Eat if you can,” He took a moment to nod at Pearl, before the doctor disappeared out of the doorway. Garnet’s cheek twitched; she didn’t like him. The door clicked shut and movement at the corner of her eye made Garnet’s head snap to the left. Pearl’s hand was hovering in the air, as if she were trying to reach for her. Slowly, the hand drew away and fell back into the pale woman’s lap, and Pearl’s teeth dug into her bottom lip.

“You were acting so odd the other night,” She said.

Garnet listened with confusion while Pearl seemed split between finishing her sentence or not.

“You kept growling in your sleep.”

\--

The week passed by, the minutes blurring into hours and the hours blurring into days. At 7 PM, Garnet was discharged and she found herself sitting in passenger seat of Pearl’s car, staring out the window while her hand fumbled with the bag of prescriptions given to her. A deep breath was let out as the dark woman closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cold window of the passenger seat.

“Tired,” She murmured to Pearl. She barely slept the past week; either she kept waking up at ten minute intervals or because of nightmares. She couldn’t help but shudder as she remembered the nightmares, each one as horrific as the one of Pearl, each one leading her to wake up in a cold sweat, terrified. Each one leading her to fear sleep. They were worse than any other nightmare she had before.

“I know. We’ll be home soon,” Pearl didn’t take her eyes off the road as she responded. Garnet hummed and scratched at her bandaged wrist, trying and failing to satisfy an inch underneath the white cloth. The slight contact on the appendage made ripples of fire spread under the skin; not painful, but uncomfortable. A grimace crossed over Garnet’s face as her hand snapped away.

She stared down at her wrist for a time, before her eyes trailed up to her shoulder and the bandaging peaking under her shirt sleeve. She shifted in her seat, arching her back as best as she could with the bandaging around her torso constricting her movements. The scratches on her back and chest protested by throbbing, and Garnet let out a small whimper despite her attempt to contain it.

A hand pressed down on her thigh and the dark woman flinched, blue and brown eyes shooting to the body part. The touch didn’t feel as bad or overwhelming as it did while she was in the hospital, but it still didn’t feel right. Garnet kept that to herself, however, not wanting to create a fuss over something that seemed so small. Hesitantly, she raised a hand up and set it over the pale one on her thigh, and out of her peripheral she spotted Pearl turning her head to look at it and smile.

The car ride was silent for the rest of the journey and they reached the house quicker than Garnet thought they would. Pearl insisted on helping her out of the car, but she declined, choosing to hobble across the walkway herself.

Nothing changed, Garnet noticed as she opened the door, though the main room was immaculately clean.

_She stress-cleaned._

A frown pulled at her lips as she was reminded, not for the first time, of the extreme worry Pearl went through during her period of unconsciousness. She made a vow to make it up to her, and Garnet hummed as she stepped over to their leather grey couch and took a seat. Pain shot through her back, drawing a hiss from her lips as she settled back into the cushioning.

“Are you alright?” Came her girlfriend’s worried voice. She was in the process of shutting the door and setting the bag of medication down on an end table near a window.

“Fine,” Garnet grumbled as she rubbed at her back. “You’d think these scratches would heal after a month of being in a coma.”

“You weren’t in a coma; those are caused by head injuries.” Pearl gently corrected. She headed for the couch and sat down next to Garnet.

“Then explain being out for an entire month.”

“You were seriously hurt.” Pearl leaned her head down on Garnet’s shoulder, letting out a small breath through her nose. The contact caused the dark woman to stiffen, though Pearl didn’t seem to notice the sudden tenseness from her girlfriend.

“What’s for dinner?” Garnet tried her best to relax, but her body wasn’t having it.

“Are you hungry?” Pearl lifted her head, looking at Garnet with questioning eyes. She nodded.

“A little.”

“I’ll go make us something.” With that, Pearl stood and Garnet repressed a sigh of relief. She rolled her shoulder back and settled further into the cushioning. Tingles of pain shooting through the scratch marks on her back made her wince, but she didn’t move from her spot. As if her body remembered her exhaustion from before, Garnet grew very tired, to the point where her eyelids kept involuntarily closing. She brought her head back and stretched out her legs, getting into a comfortable position.

_Ten minutes won’t hurt._

Pearl would be done with dinner by then and they could call it an early night. Satisfied with this, the dark woman allowed herself to drift to sleep.

\--

Garnet awoke to a pitch black landscape and an immense pain in her wrist. A hiss escaped her as she clamped her hand over it, as if it would help dispel the pain. A light shone on the side of her face, and the dark woman looked up to see a full moon hanging above her, outlining tall trees but nothing else, as if the landscape was absorbing all the light it was generously being given.

Sweat trickled down her neck, and Garnet couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of the ivory sphere. It was as if it had her under a spell. A low growl. Garnet managed to break her gaze to look to the front of her.

A large, wolfish monster crouched back into the brush of the landscape, blending in with its midnight-black fur, the only thing that kept it from disappearing entirely were its crimson eyes and yellow teeth. It emitted another low growl and took a step forward. A sense of familiarity washed over Garnet; she’s seen the monster before. She stepped back, heart pounding in her chest and prickles of fear stabbing her neck. It drew forward again, and they continued this dance until Garnet’s back hit a hidden tree and she couldn’t bring herself to move away, forced to stare in horror as the monster approached.

It pulled its lips back in a snarl, showing off its razor sharp teeth.

It lunged before she could blink and its sharp teeth clamped down on her wrist, and flashes of white strobed in her vision as the pain exploded through her arm. Garnet tried to scream, but no noise left her lips. The monster pulled away from her arm and licked its maw, backing away before tensing as though it would lunge again.

“GARNET!”

\--

Garnet jolted from her rest, the sudden motion sending waves of pain down her back and chest. A pained groan escaped from her lips and she fell back onto the couch, resting a hand over her aching chest. Above, Pearl looked on with wide eyes and a mouth opened in alarm.

The aching and burning of her wrist brought Garnet’s attention to it. Blood had turned the white bandaging red. The sight made the dark woman’s eyes widen.

“You were screaming.”

Garnet looked back to Pearl, her expression almost mirroring hers. She remembered how she tried to scream in the nightmare, and how no noise came out.

“I was having a nightmare,” Garnet shook out her hand, dispelling some of the pain in her wrist but not a large margin. Pearl’s eyebrows furrowed with concern.

“Are you alright?” Garnet gave a nod.

“Yes.”

“We’ll change the bandaging after dinner,” Pearl said, reaching out a hand towards Garnet’s wrist. Instinct seized her mind; Garnet jerked her wrist away before the pale hand could come into contact with it.

“Don’t touch it!”

She was baring her teeth and lowering herself again, every part of her tensing in preparation to attack should Pearl come any closer. Her eyes, wild and angry, held a challenge in them: _Come closer and see what happens._ Only when Pearl shrunk away did Garnet relax, but her eyes still held the challenge and the warning in them.

“What has gotten into you?!” Pearl met her with an equal amount of anger. Garnet flinched back in surprise, eyes widening before she blinked in quick succession. Confusion filled her; what happened? She searched Pearl’s face for an answer, but all she found was hostility. A dark hand came up to her shoulder and began to rub it.

“Wh-what?” A small voice answered the question, and Pearl relaxed and her features softened. “What did I do?”

“You-“ A flash of anger replaced the softness, but only for a brief moment before Pearl relaxed again. “Nothing. Nothing happened. Let’s go eat.” The pale woman didn’t wait for a response before she spun on her heel and headed for the dining room that connected directly to the main-room, separated only by a square arch-way. Mismatched eyes stared at her back as she left. A bandaged wrist raised into view and they looked at that instead, at the blood that bloomed on the side of it.

A frown pulled over Garnet’s lips, before she lifted herself from the couch and followed her girlfriend into the dining room.

\--

The sound of rustling cloth. A low growl that split into a whine. Quick panting.

Garnet slapped a sweaty hand onto the cloth of her bedsheet, fingers digging in and pulling back close to her torso. A whimper spilled from her throat and the dark woman curled into the fetal position, face strained with stress and fear. Her arms and legs twitched, as if they were trying to perform an action but were held back by an invisible force. Garnet’s entire body jolted and the woman let out a yelp, hands balling into fists and pulling the white, sweat-soaked bedsheet out of place. Beside her, Pearl shuffled along the bed, no doubt roused from her sleep by her panicked noises. Another yelp escaped Garnet, and the bed dipped as her girlfriend moved.

“Garnet?” A pale hand came to the dark woman’s shoulder, and the moment it made contact with the body part Garnet relaxed, though quick pants still escaped from her lips. The hand stroked soothingly up and down the dark woman’s strong shoulder, and into her ear the pale woman whispered soft reassuring words.

“Don’t worry. It’s just a dream. I’m right here. Shh.”

The quick pants turned into regulated breathing, and Garnet’s eyelids fluttered open. Through the window, the waxing crescent shone down on her side of the bed, alluring her to stare and focus on it with eyes that widened and pupils that became pinpricks.

It was like a spell had been cast over her; suddenly, Garnet didn’t feel so tired, or scared, or tense as she had been when she awakened. Though a burn started beneath her skin that refused to ebb away, and her skin dampened with sweat.

A headache formed behind her eyes. Garnet squeezed them shut.

She flipped over onto her other side and faced Pearl. As if the spell had been broken, the headache went away, but her skin still burned. The worst of it was in her wrist, which burned and ached worse than before.

“Are you okay?”

Mismatched eyes flickered up to meet worried blue ones.

“Can you close the curtains?”

A confused look greeted her strained face, but with a shrug of her thin shoulders, Pearl complied and slipped out of the bed, padding towards the window. Garnet let loose a sigh of relief when the room darkened. The burning and sweating stopped; she felt better.

“Thank you.”

“What were you dreaming about?” Pearl asked as she slipped back under the covers and shuffled close to the dark woman. Garnet’s lips pressed into a thin line.

“I was… being chased.” She replied. An eyebrow raised at her.

“By what?”  

Silence. Garnet couldn’t remember. The dream was already blurry in her memories. She shook her head at her girlfriend and shrugged her shoulders. Pearl nodded and rolled back over.

“Try to get some sleep, Garnet. You really need it.” Was all she said before she settled further into the bed and pulled the covers to her nose. Garnet bit into her lip, eyebrows furrowing as she looked down at her bandaged wrist. Her eyes widened. Somewhere in the midst of her tossing she managed to loosen the bandaging, leaving the wraps hanging loosely around her wrist. A dark hand reached to tightened them and retie the knot, but hesitated. Instead, Garnet unraveled the bandaging with a slow, cautious motion.

The bite mark’s burn and ache went away the moment the last of the bandaging came off, a soft sigh leaving Garnet’s lips at the relief. The mark itself marred the top and bottom half of the left side of her wrist. She alternated between turning her hand palm-up and palm-down so she could examine the bite mark, something she wasn’t able to do when Pearl changed the bandaging earlier.

A hand came to one of the indented wounds and the work of stitching on it. A simple poke sent white flashing through her vision and an excruciating pain down her forearm. Teeth gritted in anguish, Garnet let out a whimper as she jerked her hand away. Waves of pain spread up and down her arm, lasting what seemed like hours when it was only seconds.

A rattling noise echoed through the room as the air conditioner kicked on, heated air blowing through the vents. The gust of air blew a curtain aside, and bright moonlight shone down on the bite mark. Temptation rang through Garnet. She forced herself to look back at the moon. A dark figure ducked out of her vision just as she viewed the window. Before she could even snap out of her shock to look around, the curtain settled back into place, casting the room in darkness once more.


	2. Unbridled Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet notices some changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here with the second installment!

**_Unbridled Desires_ **

A calloused finger traced over the indented scar, from her jaw down to her neck, a frown pulling on the lips of the dark woman it marked. No sensation tingled beneath her finger, an unfortunate sign of dead nerves. Garnet took her finger to the top of the scar and traced down again, feeling the smooth, yet wrinkled flesh. The frown deepened and she drew her finger away, viewing her reflection. It stood out like a sore thumb.

“The waffles are ready,” The smooth voice of her girlfriend called out behind her. Garnet turned her head back at her, the frown still there. “I overcooked a few of them, though.” A sheepish smile and a shrug of her thin shoulders.

“Is it unsightly?” Garnet blurted out, her hand going back up to her scar, touching it with her pointer fingers. At once Pearl was shaking her head and coming up to her, and unlike days before Garnet did not shrink away, allowing her to touch the blemish.

“Not at all!”  As if to assure her, she drew up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on the scar, and Garnet couldn’t help the small smile that pulled on the corner of her lips. “I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out.” And then her smile fell, because the dark woman didn’t believe that one bit, but she looked back to the mirror and examined herself again, keeping eye contact with her reflection. It still stuck out, being lighter than the rest of her skin.

_Maybe it’ll fade away in time._

A hand pressed down on her muscular shoulder and the dark woman tensed.

“It’s fine,” Pearl murmured to her, and Garnet let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “C’mon, the food will get cold.”

Garnet pulled herself away from the mosaic countertop of her bathroom and away from the mirror, following after Pearl.

They sat themselves in the dining room, and on the table were three plates, two empty ones on either side of each other, and one stacked with waffles in the middle. On a smaller plate was a stick of butter, next to it a syrup bottle. Garnet noticed as she shuffled in her seat the ends of some of the waffles were blackened; she took those.

“You don’t have to eat the overcooked ones,” Pearl said with a frown as she noticed her stacking her plate with them.

“I don’t mind them burnt,” Garnet cut into one of them and stuffed a piece in her mouth. As the taste tingled at her tongue, it was like her stomach became an empty pit that hadn’t been fed in years. Garnet blinked as she chewed and swallowed. She couldn’t remember if she was this hungry before.

“Rose changed our schedule around again,” Pearl stated as she ate. She cut perfectly rectangular squares out of her food and ate them in nibbles. “I’ll be working 2-9 starting next week.”

Garnet half-listened, focused on her food as she tried to sate the near-painful hunger panging in her stomach. Her plate had two waffles on it now. A dark hand reached for one of them and Garnet tore a piece from it with her teeth, utensils forgotten.

“I guess it’ll be better than the extra-shifts I took when you were in the hospital, but I’m still not fond of working that late.”

Garnet reached for another waffle, only to find her plate clean. Frowning, she stacked it again with more food.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining, considering the hours you work,” A small laugh from the pale woman. Garnet let out a ‘heh’, before digging back into her food. “Your boss wants you back next week, right?”

“Yeah,” Garnet stuffed the last piece of the waffle into her mouth, chewed, then swallowed, and found that she was _still_ hungry. A decision was made and she pushed her plate away instead, relaxing back onto the cushioning of her chair. The wounds on her back protested the pressure by tingling, but the dark woman had learned how to ignore the pain after a while. Her mismatched eyes drifted up to Pearl, examining her face, her long nose, wide blue eyes, and the locks of red hair she had pushed behind her ears.

She blinked, and it was as if she were seeing her beauty for the very first time; everything stood out more, everything was more pleasing to her eyes, everything made her want to get closer to her.

The hunger in her stomach was replaced with a warmth.

“I’m not sure if that’s long enough,” Pearl commented as she brought another square piece to her mouth, taking a small bite out of the corner. “Your wrist still needs time to heal. The arteries were pierced after all, and it still has the risk of infection.” Always like Pearl to explain things and to be over-worried about what she had explained, but Garnet could not find it charming at the moment, her eyes were too busy crossing over her again and again, from her face to her body, not meeting her eyes once. Her fist curled around the table cloth that Pearl set out, painful tingles and heat shooting through the ligaments in her wrist. She couldn’t care less about it.

“I mean, if he keeps you at the desk it should be fine, right? The most activity you would be doing is lifting a phone up and down.”

Garnet stood from her seat, the chair squeaking as it slid across the wooden floor. She crossed the table in a second and held Pearl’s chin in her hand, bringing her up for a kiss. Her lips moved against hers in a practiced motion, as they had done many times before, but this time it felt like the first. Each sensation was amplified, more satisfying, even the hand that moved to caress her back sent sparks of feeling through her and made the warmth in her stomach grow. They pulled away moments after, panting, flushed.

“You could have told me to stop talking,” Pearl quipped with a smile. Garnet ignored her, wrapping her hands around the smaller woman’s arms and pulling her out of her seat, lifting her up. Pearl wrapped both legs around her, and Garnet moved to carry her off to the bedroom.

She sat her down on the white comforter, using her weight to keep her down as she engaged in another kiss, open-mouthed and exploring. Her hand moved up to a breast, the other moving to fist at the cloth above the pale woman’s head. Pearl’s hand moved to her back again, rubbing up and down, until it slipped underneath her shirt and rested on the hot skin.

They parted again, panting heavier this time. Garnet’s hands moved to her girlfriend’s shirt, and in a quick motion she had it off and threw it aside.

“You-“ Garnet silenced Pearl by pressing their lips together again. Both hands drew down to her chest, to her defined ribs, and down to her flat stomach, feeling the heat and the smoothness of her skin. Pearl did much of the same, dragging her hand up and down her back, but even though everything felt better, the odd feeling of not wanting to be _touched_ filled her again. Garnet shoved that feeling aside. The dark woman moved down to the pale woman’s neck, momentarily stopping as she observed the bruises and scratches, once again feeling guilt fill her.

_What did I do?_

Pearl always changed the subject when she brought it up. And as if she sensed her thinking about it, a dainty hand pressed on the back of her head, and Garnet silenced her thoughts in favor for pressing kisses along the smaller woman’s jugular. An occasional nip and a suck and Garnet had Pearl moaning. She ran a tongue up the side of her neck to her earlobe, and she felt hands lift her shirt and settle on her abs. A deep breath. The dark woman tensed, in the back of her mind irritation rose.

Again, she pushed away the feeling as she worked on Pearl, moving down until she was at her chest, pausing only to allow her to remove her shirt. Cold air hit her skin, cooling it down from its heated state as she worked on a breast. One large hand stayed at Pearl’s shoulder, the other at the curve of her hip.

A minute passed. Garnet moved away and removed her pants, and Pearl tried to reach for her but that time the taller woman caught her wrist and held it away from her. The panties were pulled down from her hips and discarded like the rest of the pale woman’s clothing. Garnet moved forward, right past where her heat was, to her stomach so she could plant teasing kisses there. Above her, Pearl groaned, and a smirk pulled at the corner of full lips as Garnet delivered another kiss to her stomach, moving lower, past her stomach and to a thigh instead. Another kiss, a small nip, then a bite, then a tongue to soothe the affliction. Another bite, and Garnet couldn’t seem to draw herself away from the thigh. Another bite.

_Stop it._

She ran her tongue there again, soothing, the taste filling her mouth.

Bite down again. Pearl was going to start wondering. Move to the next. Nip. Lick. Bite. Again.

A grit of her teeth, Garnet drew away and instead arched over Pearl, looking at her, at her flushed face and eyes with dilated pupils. Frustration evident in her expression. Arching over her, something was familiar about it. The taste of her in her mouth, something familiar. Her mismatched eyes glanced down, and she moved back to her again, stopping at her belly.

An urge shot through her, _Devour,_ sate the hunger that was filling her stomach again. Her arms began to shake. The temptation rang through Garnet, her breath hitching. _Kill._ Devour the soft flesh until there was nothing but bone. Her mouth was starting to water, and her eyes trailed over the pale woman again and again. A deep breath. Garnet leaned forward.

Then drew away.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Pearl panted out, sitting up. Garnet looked at her, into the blue eyes staring at her with worry. An image flickered, and instead those eyes were dull and lifeless. Garnet inhaled sharply and averted her gaze to the carpet.

“Ba-bathroom,” She pushed herself off the bed and hurried in, shutting the door behind her and planting herself at the sink.

_What’s wrong with you?_

 She looked up to her reflection as if it would give her an answer. Two sets of mismatched eyes stared at each other, each face it belong to grave.

_Why are you thinking like this?_

And what was with this awful hunger filling her? She looked down at her muscled stomach and sucked in a breath.

_You thought about eating her…_

Disgust filled her. Her lips curled back and she narrowed her eyes.

_What’s wrong with you?_

She couldn’t think straight; her stomach was cramping with hunger. She pushed herself away from the sink and left out the door. Pearl stared at her from her spot on the bed. _Kill, Devour_.

Garnet grimaced as she turned and walked out into the hallway.

“Garnet?” She heard the sound of bare feet hitting the floor, no doubt Pearl coming to follow after her. She didn’t answer as she made a beeline for the kitchen, stopping for a moment at the dining table to grab a waffle off a plate and stuff it into her mouth. “Garnet, what’s wrong?

“I’m hungry,” She opened the fridge and bent over, looking inside. There were plates and bowls inside with tinfoil over them, leftovers from the night before. She took out a plate and stripped the foil off, revealing seasoned chicken with broccoli. She brought the vegetable to her mouth.

“You’re acting off.”

The chicken came next, the dark woman taking a large bite out of it. Her mouth flooded with taste, and her stomach cramped again as she chewed. Once she swallowed, the cramps went away; it seemed the meat did a greater deal in fighting the hunger.

“Go back to bed, I’ll be there in a moment,” Garnet almost snapped. She hadn’t meant for it to sound so harsh, but that was the way it came out as she tore another piece off the chicken. Pearl frowned, but much to Garnet’s relief she turned and left for the bedroom, leaving her to finish her leftovers. The chicken and broccoli was finished in less than a minute, and she set the plate into the sink as she reached for a wrapped bowl. Stew, the broth coagulated and each vegetable ice cold. It didn’t matter to her though, she picked out the chunks of beef instead and ate that. Slowly, her stomach filled, until she was several plates and bowls of leftovers in and she couldn’t manage another bite, and only then did she return to the bedroom, to Pearl’s awaiting form.

“Spread your legs,” Pearl raised an eyebrow at the order, but a small smile pulled on her thin lips as she complied. Garnet moved to step between them and kneel down again. For a moment, she looked up at her, waiting.

No urge, other than one to get close to her. So she did, pressing a tongue to her sex, enjoying the moan that answered in return. Her hand found the pale woman’s hip and brought her closer to her, her tongue circling around her clit before flattening and giving it a lick. Her other hand moved to her thigh.

Breathy pants and moans filled the air of the room, as well as the scent of sex and their combined heat. Garnet worked her fingers in and out of Pearl, pulling out to the fingertips and pressing in until the knuckle, her lips and tongue providing their own jumbled pattern of circling, sucking, and licking, along with sometimes dragging her canine along the clit, an action that always earned a cry from the woman above her. Her eyes alternated between looking at her sex and looking up at Pearl, watching her face as it contorted from pleasure, then not too long after watching as it contorted from climax.

After Pearl settled down, Garnet declined the smaller woman’s attempts at reciprocation. Still, she did not want to be touched, not even to be kissed back. Garnet relaxed into the covers of the bed, staring up into the ceiling and tracing shapes with her eyes. Beside her, she felt Pearl scoot closer, and her body tensed. A hand laid across her chest and Pearl scooted so she was flush against her side. A shaky breath from the dark woman.

_Stop touching me._

She moved a strong arm to wrap around her instead.

“Where did that come from?” There was a hint of a laugh in Pearl’s soft voice.

“I don’t know.”

“We’ve haven’t done that in a while.”

“I know.”

Pearl frowned at the brief replies. She scooted closer, until her lips were at Garnet’s ear.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.” The urge to get close was bleeding out of her, and Garnet couldn’t help but wonder if it was like the hunger she experienced before, temporary.

“Don’t lie, Garnet.” Pearl said, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips set into an even deeper frown. Garnet took in a deep breath and shook her head as best as she could in her current position, damp curls swinging in and away from her face.

“I’m not lying. I swear I’m fine,” Garnet hoped she would believe that. Pearl said nothing, but she pushed at her chest and moved away, out of the covers and stepping onto the carpeted floor. She headed for their shared dresser and opened the top drawer. Garnet watched her with half-lidded eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“I have to go to a meeting, remember?” Pearl spared a glance over her shoulder at the dark woman as she pulled on a new pair of panties. Garnet frowned as she watched her dress; that couldn’t be the entire truth, her actions screamed frustration. Garnet thought about pressing, but that meant talking about her feelings as well and that was something she wasn’t keen on doing yet. Her thoughts cleared when Pearl approached the door. A sudden instinct pulsed deep within her, and the dark woman found herself jumping out of bed and crossing the room, catching Pearl by the wrist and pulling her back into her arms.

“What-“

“Stay,” Garnet purred into her ear. A moment of hesitation. A dark hand sneaked down the pale woman’s back, resting on her ass as Garnet pulled her closer. She leaned forward to press a kiss onto her neck. Two dainty hands pushed on her chest and stomach.

“No, Garnet, not now, I have to go,” A kiss against her cheek before Pearl began to step away. The instinct seized her again and Garnet found herself tightening her grip.

“C’mon, Pearl,” The dark woman enticed. There was a moment where Pearl looked like she was considering the offer. Her cheeks had turned a bright pink and her tongue darted out to run against her lips. For a brief second, the pale woman moved closer, towards her ear.

 “Bye.” Pearl whispered. At once, Garnet’s face fell and Pearl tugged out of her grip, shooting her a teasing smile as she opened the door and stepped out, heading down the hallways without looking back, a sway in every step of hers. Garnet stood there, watching as she rounded the corner. She grimaced as she glanced down to her wrist, raising a hand to rub it. It was starting to burn again.

\-- 

It was as if a switch had flipped inside of Garnet; the next several days were filled with a lust that made her feel as though her loins were on fire, and turned Pearl far more desirable than she already was. Filled with a hunger that made her stomach cramp painfully and frequently no matter how much she ate or how often. Her days were a mixture of eating and engaging with Pearl, and Garnet supposed that that would be nothing to complain about if it weren’t for the fact that she didn’t know _why_ her behavior had changed. Sometimes Pearl would barely get out of bed before Garnet felt the overpowering urge to take her again. And again. And again. Until they were interrupted by Pearl’s need to go to work, and in that slight moment where she was denied, there was an anger like no other that filled the dark woman.

The pale woman wasn’t stupid, either. More often than not would she ask Garnet whether or not she was feeling alright. It took most of Garnet’s abilities to dodge the questions, and the rest to lie to Pearl, but why she felt the need to lie was just as unknown to her as the urges and hunger that plagued her.

Garnet thanked the cashier as he bagged the last of her groceries, bidding him a goodbye as she snatched the bags off the counter and headed for the exit. The automatic doors swished as she came close, and she walked out into the cold night, the moon shining down above her and illuminating the dark parking lot. A dark hand came up to her neck, fingers scratching lightly as it began to tingle.

She stepped into her car and set the groceries onto the passenger’s seat, rubbing her hands together to warm them before pushing her keys into the ignition to start the car. She pulled out of the parking lot of the grocery store.

Garnet kept her eyes to the road for most of the drive, but every so often, they would stray to her rearview mirror to stare at the enticing figure reflected in it. Try as she might, her eyes wouldn’t leave the shape of the ivory moon, staying until she had to physically turn her head away from it. Her fingers flexed out and wrapped around the steering wheel again, and the dark woman puffed out a breath, struggling to keep her gaze on the road.

She arrived at her and Pearl’s house ten minutes later, and she left the car with her head down to keep herself from getting distracted by the moon. She stepped up to their door and pressed her key into the lock, turning it only to hear a grinding.

“Damn it,” Garnet growled out as the key once again got stuck in the faulty lock. She made yet another mental note to replace it as the key finally turned and she was granted entry into her house. She pushed the door open and shut it behind her, kicking her shoes off before starting towards the kitchen, setting the groceries down. The first brown bag was opened up. Cans. Garnet opened a cabinet and began to set them inside. She worked in silence, putting everything away where it belonged. Her hand reached into a bag, touching something soft. Mismatched eyes glanced down to see what had been touched.

A loaf of bread, and the very sight of it made hunger claw at her belly. With a grimace, Garnet pulled it out and undid the tie, opening the bag and stuffing a slice of bread into her mouth. The taste filled her tongue. She grabbed another slice and continued her work. By the time she had finished with the groceries, half the bread was gone and her hunger was only beginning to be sated. She eyed the rest of it hungrily, the smell wafting from the bag to drift into her nose, enticing her to eat more.

_Just ignore it._

Garnet tied the bread again and set it in a basket, gaze lingering as she backed away, until finally she spun and left towards the bedroom _._

Pearl was on the bed, one leg crossed over the other, foot bouncing in an unknown rhythm as she read over a book in her hands. She was dressed in thin plaid pajama bottoms and a tank top that rode up a little, showing off her bellybutton. All it took was one look and Garnet felt the desire come over her again. She took a few steps, and Pearl looked up.

“Did you get wh-“

Garnet settled herself near Pearl’s legs, elbows on the bed, hands on either shin as she spread them. Pearl indulged her, though she wore an expression that expressed distaste. An expression that normally would stop Garnet in her tracks if it wasn’t for the need clouding her mind.

“Bread, milk, cinnamon, flour,” Garnet crawled closer, eyes unable to keep anywhere but in between the pale woman’s legs.

“Is that your new way to talk dirty? Recite our grocery list?” There was a hint of amusement in the pale woman’s voice. Garnet smiled as she met her eyes.

“No,” She moved a hand to her thigh and rubbed it. “I’m just letting you know that I got what we needed.” The other hand moved to the other thigh. Her hands inched downwards with every rub. Her eyes left Pearl’s again as she stared down between her legs. Her hands moved closer.

 The sole of a foot nudged her shoulder.

“Garnet, please. Not tonight. I just want to relax.” Pearl turned her down, voice stern.

Garnet held her position there, blinking slowly as her eyes looked up to meet Pearl’s blue ones again.

For Pearl, the next five seconds were something horrifically different. For Garnet, it was blank.

There was a moment where Garnet held a look of shock at being rejected, then one where her face twisted into something that could only be described as pure rage, a wild look in her eyes and her lips curled back in an expression that the pale woman had never seen before, not in all her years of knowing Garnet. Then not even a moment after, her face melted into the calm, collected woman that she knew well.

“Al’ight,” Garnet shrugged and pulled herself away from the smaller woman, taking a moment to stretch her back out as she headed to her side of the bed. She stripped down to her underwear and left her clothes folded on top of her nightstand. The dark woman settled under the covers and looked to Pearl. Her face was a mixture of confusion and… fear?

“What’s wrong?” Garnet turned over onto her side, eyebrows raised in concern.

“That face you just made,” Pearl started.

“What face?”

“You-“ Pearl stopped there, mouth moving to close. Her eyes moved back and forth as she examined her, as if trying to read her. Suddenly, Garnet felt uncomfortable, and she shuffled back away and avoided her gaze. “You looked mad.”

“I’m not mad!’ Garnet quickly defended. “If you don’t want to do something, then I won’t force you.” The dark woman raised her hands up and set them down. A deep breath from Pearl. She grabbed the book, which she had set on her chest a few minutes before, and bookmarked her place, setting it on her nightstand afterwards.

“Nevermind, I was probably imagining it.” Pearl murmured. She turned over on her side and reached for her lamp, shutting it, casting the room in darkness. Garnet blinked as her eyes tried to adjust to the decrease in light. She reached a hand to Pearl’s shoulder, setting it on the body part. The pale woman tensed. Garnet drew her hand away, and for a moment anger flared in her.

“Fine,” She spat. She flipped over so she was facing the window and shut her eyes, taking in deep breaths and letting them out before her body relaxed enough to let her sleep.

\--

The monster lay on top of her, forcing every bit of air out of her lungs, crushing her bones and organs. Its weight was immense, and it leered at her with crimson eyes and a grin filled with yellowed teeth. A wheezing scream escaped from Garnet’s barely-functioning throat, and the monster answered by dragging a curved claw down her jaw to her neck, reopening the old scar.

Her hands pushed against the beast, but all the monster did was grin further and swipe a paw at her stomach, cutting through the soft flesh and spilling entrails onto the ground. She couldn’t even muster the scream, as it jerked and clamped its massive jaws around her throat, each tooth entering her skin in a separate shot of pain from the others.

She was choking, not only from lack of air, but on her own blood, spilling out of her throat onto the black ground while she stared up at the black forest and moonlit sky. A full moon cast over her. Something familiar.

_“Hey, its breathing!”_

The monster arched over her with its yellow grin, breathing in deeply as if to mock her while she choked. For some reason, life did not want to leave her, as if her own body conspired to let her suffer as long as possible.

_“ **Like me,”**_ Its razor sharp teeth clicked together as the monster spoke, it trotted close to her head on all fours. “ ** _You. Like me.”_**

She tried to speak.

**_“Me.”_** The beast leaned down and took her forearm in its maw, holding it with a gentleness that shocked her more than receiving her wounds. Then it bit down, and warm blood flowed from the wounds and trickled to the black grass floor in a steady stream. Another attempt of a cry.

**_“Like me.”_ **

The blood cleared from her throat, and finally she screamed.

\--

Garnet’s eyes shot open as she let out a gasp for air, shaking, tears leaking from her eyes. She twisted in the coverings and sat up, hunching over herself as she tried to catch her breath. Sweat dripped from her nose and brow, landing on her sweat slicked thighs. A shaking arm moved to wipe her brow. Hot. She was so very hot. There was a fire burning underneath her skin, the worst of it in her left wrist. An uncomfortable moan left her full lips as she sat up from the bed, legs shaking so badly her knees almost knocked together.

The journey felt like an hour when it was only a few seconds, and when Garnet reached the bathroom she switched on the light, repressing a cry of pain at her eyes being assaulted with the painful brightness, and planted herself at the sink. Sweat trailed from her face down to her chin, hitting the sink and mosaic counter.

_Breathe._

Deep breath through her nose. Out through her mouth. She allowed her eyes to shut as she focused on regulating her breathing. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. Her head was pounding. In through nose. Out through mouth. Her body felt like a furnace. Nose. Mouth.

She opened her eyes.

“Ah, fuck!” Garnet jumped and flipped herself so her back was to the counter and she was facing Pearl, who regarded her with equal fear and surprise.

“I-I’m sorry I-I didn’t mean to scare you!” Pearl blurted out, cheeks coloring with red. Garnet panted, chest heaving, wide eyes not leaving the pale woman standing in the threshold of the door. Biting into her lip, Pearl took a step forward.

“Are, are you okay?”

Garnet shook her head.

“Another,” She swallowed, dampening her dry throat. “Another nightmare.”

Pearl moved forward and touched her arm, a look of sympathy in her soft eyes.

“Do you think it’s the medication?” She asked. Her hand rubbed up and down Garnet’s muscled bicep. The dark woman took in another deep breath, shutting her eyes before reopening them to look at Pearl.

“It could-“

“Your eyes,” Pearl took a step forward and cupped a cheek with her hand, tilting her head so Garnet was leaning forward. “Your pupils are dilated.”

Frowning, Garnet gently removed her hand from her cheek and turned to look in the mirror. Her reflection stared back at her, covered in sweat, skin flushed, eyes wild with fear, and pupils pinpricked. The corner of Garnet’s lips drew into a deep frown.

“It has to be the medication,” She took the required dosage before leaving for the grocery store, the effect would have kicked in by now. She turned back to Pearl and rubbed a hand over her eyes, shutting them.

“Do you want to talk about the nightmare?” Pearl offered.

**_“Like me.”_ **

The dark figure of the beast formed behind her eyelids. Her heart leapt into her throat as Garnet snapped open her eyes, seeing the small form of her girlfriend, not the beast. A shaky sigh.

“No,” She shook her head to go along with the no. Pearl took another step forward and grabbed onto her arm.

“Then come back to bed.” Wordlessly, Garnet switched off the bathroom light and followed the pale woman.

They settled into the covers, Garnet faced the window, and Pearl moved close to her, one arm draping over her while her legs tangled with her. The spooning position relaxed the dark woman to an extent, made her heart calm down from the rapid rate it had been going at and making her fears melt away. She let out a sigh.

“It’ll be alright,” Pearl murmured into her ear.

Garnet didn’t answer.

40 minutes and Pearl was asleep while Garnet still remained awake, staring out the window. One fist was clenched tightly, to the point where her veins popped out against her skin, and the other hand fisted into her covers. The air conditioner had kicked on again, and the curtain blew aside to reveal the moon, almost in its half state. Her eyes couldn’t seem to leave it and her skin only grew hotter staring at the ivory glow.

_“Get it off!” Teeth sinking into her forearm. The pain of her shoulder dislocating. A black mass holding onto her._

Garnet blinked and the vision was gone.

_It’s not real. Go to sleep. It’s not real._

She tried the internal encouragement as she shut her eyes, taking in deep breaths and trying to ignore the fear of slipping into another hellish nightmare.

Her body relaxed as she fell into an unrestful sleep.


	3. Inordinate Delusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet experiences hallucinations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will get to replying comments on last chapter sometime! Sorry for the long wait D:

**_Inordinate Delusions_ **

A dark fist connected with the foam of the punching bag, the powerful cross sending the bag swinging towards the wall and back at the woman standing before it. Garnet drew herself back and planted her foot on the punching bag in a teep that sent it swinging violently again. Sweat trickled down her temple, to her chin, and dripped down onto the black mats lining the floor. She set her hands on either side of the bag as it came back at her, steadying it. Body shaking with her panting, Garnet rested her forehead on the bag, wincing at the pain shooting through the old wounds on her back, chest, shoulder, and wrist.

_Work through the pain._

It wasn't a good motto, but she allowed it to encourage her anyway as she drew back and settled into her stance. A jab, and the bag was swinging again.

The garage was meant to keep the cars that Pearl and Garnet owned, but it had turned into more of a recreational area than anything else. Half the room was covered in black mats. In the center of the far wall was the punching bag, and right next to it in the left corner were her dumbbell racks and mini fridge stocked with cool water. The right corner had a pull up bar, and around the rest of the mats were pieces of equipment she hadn't gotten around to moving to a designated place. The plain, grey concrete flooring, the half that wasn't covered by the mats, was reserved for storage.

The uppercut was a mistake, the moment it connected a pain like no other shot through Garnet’s wrist and forearm and tore a cry from her lips as she staggered back, clutching at the appendage and panting with exertion and pain. The bag swung back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until it settled center again. Garnet glared at it like it was a real enemy.

_The only enemy here is my boredom._

It was what led her to punching the bag in the first place. It was hard for her to sit around the house and rest when there was nothing else for her to occupy herself with, aside from reading and watching tv. But Garnet wasn’t a fan of tv, and she couldn't sit still long enough to get into a book. She couldn't seem to sit still much for anything the last few days; every part of her was filled with an anxious energy begging to be spent.

It piled on with the hunger and the lust, dominating her mind just as the others did. With a groan, she shook out her arm and got back into her stance, shooting forward to deliver a powerful hook followed by a cross that melted the urges out of her. But still the bare tingles of hunger remained, and the lust called for satisfaction, whether received from herself or Pearl, it didn't matter. The dark woman’s throat bobbed as she swallowed.

She delivered an uppercut with the opposite fist this time, saving herself from aggravating her wound again, but the way she twisted her body sent pain down through the scratches on her back. A sharp hiss escaped as she moved to lean on the bag, and Garnet decided then that she couldn’t win, it was either dealing with the pain or the anxious energy. Sweat dripped down from her onto the mats, collecting in a small puddle at her feet. Quiet pants escaped her lips. She took a few moments longer to rest herself before she pushed off the bag and moved to the fridge to grab a water that was downed in seconds.

The dark woman toweled off and headed back into the main room. One glance at the mounted wall clock told her that Pearl wouldn’t be back for another two hours. An irritated huff escaped full lips as Garnet strode towards the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and took out a container of ham, peeling the top off and shoving a slice into her mouth. As if it were a beast awakened, her hunger roared to life in the form of painful cramps. It gave her all the more incentive to eat faster, faster, until the container was empty and she was scraping at oily plastic. Without looking, she chucked the container behind her into the sink and reached for another food item. A stick of pepperoni. Garnet was halfway through it when she heard a noise in the main room.

Her head snapped back, but her body stilled with alarm. Seconds ticked by as she listened for another noise.

_Clang!_

The noise was all it took for the dark woman to twist around and crouch low, sneaking out of the kitchen, on her way out trading the pepperoni stick for a knife in a wooden holder. She stayed at the threshold that led into the dining room, peering around the corner. Clear. She headed into the room and towards the doorway that led to the main room. The knife stayed clutched tightly in her hands, held upwards near her cheek, ready to strike if necessary.

_Clang!_

Her face twisted into a scowl as she approached the doorway, each footstep silent and careful. Garnet inched closer until her back was at the wall and all it took was a simple head turn for her to be able to look around the threshold.

Garnet glanced around the corner.

It stood on all fours, there on her coffee table with a yellow grin and crimson eyes that bore straight into her. Its black fur made it seem like a pit in the room, save for the ivory of the exposed skull of its head.

The shock barely left Garnet before the monster barreled towards her at a speed her eyes couldn’t even register, but somehow her reflexes worked faster than her eyes did and she twisted out of the way as it crashed through the doorway and onto the dining table. It twisted and looked at her again, grinning its yellow grin.

“Wha-what are…?” Garnet backed away as it began to approach, looming over her and casting a shadow across her that stretched towards the beige wall behind her, making seem as though it were her shadow instead.

“ ** _You.”_** The clicking of fangs as it spoke. “ ** _Soon.”_**

A massive paw swept towards her, but once again reflex kicked in and Garnet jumped away, the dagger-like claws missing her by mere inches. Pain shot through her knees as she landed near the door, but adrenaline made it feel like an insignificant pinch as she bolted out of the room.

She could hear it thundering behind her, but Garnet didn’t dare look back as she tore down the hallway, barreling towards her bedroom as the beast barreled towards her. She dove through the doorway, landing hard but still finding it in her to twist and kick the door shut.

A thump.

Her heart pounded, and she swallowed air mouthful-after-mouthful as she scooted away from the door, listening, waiting, the knife in a white-knuckled grip.

The scratching of claws against the wood of the door.

It taunted her with each pass, raising every hair on her body and forcing an involuntary tremor to take over. Her already-quickened heart rate sped up as the claws dragged over the door again, the sound of splintering wood sounding through the wood as they dug in deeper. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck, seeping through the cloth of her shirt.

 ** _“Can’t hide. Not long. Can't escape. Stuck. Like me.”_** The monster spoke in stunted sentences, each punctuated with heavy, growly breathing.

**_“Like me.”_ **

A quick inhale before she shouted back, “You're not real!” Garnet didn’t know if her words were true. The dark woman began to lift herself up from the carpeted floor.

 ** _“You are.”_** The monster sneered through the door. Garnet got to her shaky feet, knife held high again. She inched for the door, teeth clenched together and eyes narrowed.

“You’re not real,” her voice came out in almost a growl. Her hand wrapped around the knob, and her grip on the knife was so tight it hurt.

“ ** _You are.”_** The monster growled again. “ ** _You are.”_**

With a shout, she wrenched the door open and stabbed the knife forward. The hallway was empty and dark, and her knife cut through the air rather than the beast.

 Puzzled, Garnet lowered the knife and glanced back at the door. No scratches marring the wood. She twisted around to face the bedroom. Empty.

Garnet turned again, lips set in a tight line as she strode out of the hallway and into the main room, alternating her grip on the knife between tight and loose. Once she passed the threshold, she glanced at the coffee table. Unbroken. Her feet carried her to the dining room. The table, the one the beast had crashed into with such force, sat there unmoved. It didn't take long for her to put two and two together.

“Oh… I’m going crazy,” The knife clattered onto the table and a chair was pulled out. Garnet rested a hand on her forehead, wide eyes staring down at the light brown wood as she took her seat. Her leg bobbed up and down with excess adrenaline.

How long she remained there was determined by Pearl’s arrival, several hours later and well into the night. The pale woman came in cursing at the lock, but Garnet didn’t move from her spot, fixated on the table.

“Garnet?” She had been noticed. Garnet did the bare minimum of a head movement to let her girlfriend know she heard her. Footsteps sounded behind her, and as they drew closer Garnet found herself stiffening more and more.

“Are you okay?”

Garnet’s teeth gritted together as she moved her hand from her forehead to rest in her curly black hair. She had come to hate that question with a fiery passion. A hand rested on her shoulder, and before Garnet even knew what she was doing she swatted it off.

“Hey!” There was a bit of outrage in Pearl’s tone, and the dark woman didn’t blame her for it.

“I want to be left alone, Pearl,” Her voice shook, almost like how her hands were beginning to shake, she set them on the dining table and scratched her nails along the wood. The noise reminded her of the sound of the claws on the door.

“Garnet, look at me.” The dark woman almost did, but she shook her head.

“Leave me alone.”

“Garnet.”

“Go. Away.” There was that odd instinct filling her again, the one that told her to curl her lips and bare her teeth. Her fingers continued to drag along the table. Tension and stress steadily rose in her as she heard footsteps again.

“Look at me.”

Garnet sprang from her chair.

“If you don’t-!” She had whipped around, angry and ready to lay onto Pearl, but the person she faced was not the pale woman. Her blue eyes were dull and unseeing, her mouth hanging open in a scream never completed. Blood stained her pale neck and cheeks, and her shiny pink entrails spilled from her stomach and dripped black and red.

The stench hit Garnet full on, and a dark hand slapped to her mouth as she barely kept herself from retching. Her back hit the table as she backed away, but the corpse advanced on her.

“You did it,” Her lips didn’t move with the words.

“You’re not real,” Garnet replied hurriedly, pulling her hand away to slap it onto the table. She leaned back as the dead woman moved closer.

“You will.”

**_“You are.”_ **

Her heart threatened to break free from her ribcage, and her mismatched eyes, wide from fear, couldn’t seem to leave the dull blue ones. Barely, she was aware of a heat brewing under her skin, the worst of it focused in her wounded wrist.

“You- You’re not-,”

A cold hand pressed up against her throat, raising goosebumps underneath the skin it caressed. A flicker of a memory. The nurse she had nearly choked out when she awakened dominated her view for a split second before disappearing, leaving her to stare at the dead woman.

Black dotted her vision, and it was getting harder and harder to breath with every passing instance as the corpse tightened her grip. Her skin felt like it was on fire at this point. A weak hand raised up and wrapped around the corpse’s wrist, pulling but failing to budge it.

“Look at me,” Each word dragged out as the dead woman tilted her head up.

Then she was gone.

Garnet was choking, and soon she realized it was because her own hand had closed around her throat, squeezing with enough force to bruise the dark skin underneath. Garnet yanked her hand away and gasped for air, chest heaving as she desperately tried to regain the breath she had denied herself. She leaned back on the table, sweaty hands slipping on the wood, skin hot enough that she felt like she had been bathed in lava. Her stomach cramped, but not from hunger. A pained moan slipped from the dark woman’s lips and she slid down until she was sitting on the floor.

There was another wall clock in the kitchen, one above the threshold that led to the main room. Pearl always had a habit of losing track of time, which is what led to the installment of them around the house. Mismatched eyes glanced up to it. 6:23PM.

Ten minutes had passed between the beast hallucination and this one.

Garnet swallowed, wincing at another cramp.

_This is going to be a long night._

\--

Garnet kept herself rooted to the dining room floor, and whether it was for hours or minutes, she didn’t know. She was far too focused on fighting off the flickers of hallucinations that crept up in her vision. One moment she would be blinking and in the next she was sitting in a black forest, until she blinked again and she was in her dining room again being stalked by the beast, and when the beast drew close it morphed into the corpse. It was pure torture, and eventually Garnet brought her knees up and her hands to her head, rocking back and forth in slight motions. 

At least the cramping had stopped.

The sound of the lock turning and the front door opening echoed into the dining room, but Garnet didn’t care to move, only stopping her rocking to tense as she listened to footsteps drawing near. Her lips twitched up at the corner, the urge to bare them flooding her.

“Garnet?” Pearl called out. The dark woman sucked in a breath as she heard her girlfriend enter the dining room.

_Please be real, please be real, please be-_

“What are you doing on the floor?” Pearl stood over her and regarded her with a raised brow and a frown. Taking in another breath, Garnet tilted her head up to look at the pale woman standing above her.

“I think I need to switch medications,” Shakily, she got to her feet, using the dining table as support.

“What? Why?”

“I-“ Garnet paused, eyes looking anywhere but at Pearl. She found interest in the clock again. “I’m having hallucinations.” Her eyes shot back to the pale woman. Her frown remained on her lips, but both of her eyebrows were raised.

“Hallucinations? What of?”

Garnet looked away and swallowed, wincing as she remembered the corpse. Pearl tapped her foot against the floor with a hum.

“I guess we can call Stromberg tomorrow about switching it,” Garnet let out a sigh of relief. “But don't you only have to take it for another week or two? It’s a bit of a waste. Oh! And what if he charges us? Everything at that pharmacy is so expensive-!”

Garnet thought about the noise of the claws raking against her door, a noise that had replaced Pearl’s rambling, and she thought about the yellowed grin and crimson eyes of the beast, and the walking corpse that had taken Pearl over. A grimace spread across her face, replacing her previous wince. Another week of _that?_ And the anxiety and urges that the medication was most likely causing as well? The dark woman stood up and rubbed her shoulder, where the bandaging covering her scratch mark was.

“No, I’ll call him. I can’t handle it,” She always hated admitting defeat, especially when she was being defeated by something as stupid as medication.

Pearl stopped her rant at her response, lips quirked down again.

“Alright, we’ll call then. Are you okay?” Garnet ignore her irritation at the question to quietly nod instead. Pearl sighed, and for a moment Garnet expected more pressing from her, but instead the pale woman moved close and outstretched her arms. Garnet stepped into the hug and tried to relax, but her heart was still thundering and the pale woman’s touch was beginning to feel odd again. She tried to take her mind off it by thinking of something else, but all she thought of was food and when she dismissed that thought she instead thought of Pearl naked.

_Fuck this._

All she could do was hope that the switch would get rid of it all and help her act like herself again.

**_“You are.”_ **

“You will.”

Garnet squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on Pearl’s affection instead of the hallucinations’ words. Her face buried into the crook of Pearl’s neck as she breathed in and- _bite down._

Her eyes shot open. And suddenly the heat returned to her skin as her mismatched eyes glanced down at Pearl’s neck. _Kill, Devour._ Her mouth began to flood with saliva. Her stomach cramped with hunger. _Kill, devour._

Garnet shoved Pearl away.

There was a look of shock on the pale woman’s face, and she looked as though she would say something, but Garnet turned away and left out into the main room.

“Garnet?”

The dark woman sped up her walking towards the front door.

“Garnet, why did you- what’s-,” Pearl stammered as she followed. Garnet wrapped her hand around the knob. “Where are you going?” She finally got out.

“I need air.” Garnet pushed open the door and stepped out into the cool air of the night, sighing as it soothed her heated skin. She took two steps more and sat on one of the steps leading up to their house, a hand placed over her mouth, index finger digging its nail into the skin of her cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

Garnet grimaced. She was tired of hearing that.

“I don’t know.”

She heard footsteps and then the pale woman was at her side sitting next to her. Her eyes burned into the side of Garnet’s neck, but she refused to look at her. A soft breeze blew across her face, blowing the curls of her hair away from her cheeks and rustling the few leaves that remained on the oak tree in the front yard.

“You’ve been-,” Pearl stopped, and Garnet allowed herself a glance despite her earlier feelings. She was struggling for words, thin lips moving up and down and pale throat bobbing as she swallowed. The dark woman looked away, scratching the scar on her neck and jaw. “Different.”

Garnet didn’t look back, “I know.”

“Why?”

“I _don’t_ know.” She kept her eyes to her lap and tried to ignore the aggravation welling up in her, at both the questions and the fact that she didn’t have the answer to them. Her hands curled into fists, and a hiss of breath escaped from her lips. “I don’t know.”

“Garnet-” Pearl scooted closer, and Garnet moved away, keeping herself as close to the railing of the stairs as possible. Still, she didn’t meet her gaze.

“I'm sorry,” Garnet began, “but I need to be left alone.”

For a long time, it seemed as though Pearl wanted to argue, her lips were closing and opening again and sometimes a silver of a word escaped before she cut it off. Her hands worried themselves with the material of her pants, plucking at threads and pinching the fabric and pulling, reflecting just how distressed she was. Despite that, Garnet brought a hand to her temple and scratched, the body part serving as a way to hide the pale woman's face from her view.

Pearl breathed out.

“Okay,” she sat up and brushed imaginary dirt off her pants. “I'll leave you to it. Do you want me to bring you a jacket?”

Garnet noticed the chill in the air for the first time, but her skin was so hot it made it feel like nothing. “No, I'll be alright.”

A silent nod. Pearl turned around and left back into the house.

A frustrated sigh left Garnet’s lips as she heard the door close. She dropped her hand from her temple back into her lap and squeezed her thigh, mismatched eyes tracing the bandaging of her wrist up and down. Prickles of heat and pain stung underneath the gritty cloth.

With a frown on her lips, Garnet dug into the wrappings, loosening them from her arm.

_What’s wrong with me?_

She wouldn't admit it to her, but Pearl’s words cut, as simple as they were, because even the love of her life couldn't make her feel normal.

The bandaging fell into a heap on the concrete step below the dark woman’s feet, and her mismatched eyes stayed on the revealed bite mark. The skin glistened with sweat that had a pinkish tone, no doubt from the droplets of blood forming on the separate teeth marks on her wrist. Garnet brushed away the small amount of blood and turned her wrist to and fro.

_A bear._

Garnet scoffed and clamped her hand around the wound, wincing at the slight sting.

_Maybe I have rabies._

A chuckle devoid of humor left her full lips, and briefly she tried to remember the last time she had her vaccinations. It dissipated quickly. Her body still felt like she had boiling water poured over her, and with each passing second the hunger worsened, clouding her mind with nothing but idle thoughts on what Pearl would taste like.

A palm slapped against her forehead, serving to jumble her thoughts for a second before they returned back to the cannibalistic urge filling her. Her mouth begun to water again.

“Stop it,” she whispered it through clenched teeth, both hands moving to tangle in her afro. Her body bowed over.  If she wasn’t so sure that she was going crazy, then Garnet could have sworn that she could _smell_ Pearl through the walls.

The dark woman shot up from her spot on the stairs and sped down the driveway, away from the house and the target of her urges. She reached her car and made to pull the handle before pausing. What if she had a hallucination while driving? Not wanting to risk it, Garnet pulled away from the door and started a brisk pace away from the house.

She found herself standing in the middle of a copses in the woods behind her neighborhood an hour later, trying to calm herself from the urges running rampant through her, not projected at Pearl but instead at a squirrel sitting on a high branch in an oak tree, peering down at Garnet with black beady eyes and an ajar mouth. She stared right back at it, hand flexing at her side as she fought the urge to climb the tree and attempt to grab it.

_It would taste awful._

The reasoning did nothing to dash away the urge. In fact, it seemed to make it stronger, as if her body wanted to prove that it would in fact taste good. A shaky forearm wiped at the corner of full lips, clearing away drool that had begun to leak out. Mismatched eyes searched the trunk of the tree up and down, studying every grove and strip of bark that stuck out from the base.

_It would be easy to climb..._

As if it sensed the danger, the squirrel whipped around and scurried further up the tree and out of sight from the predatory eyes watching it. A single leaf that drifted down from the tree marked its potential location. A deep sigh left the dark woman as she watched it fall.

“I'm being ridiculous,” Garnet murmured under her breath. Hesitantly, she started back towards the house, trying to keep her mind off the squirrel. Before she even made it five feet away, she felt a pair of eyes watching her, and Garnet stopped and looked back at the tree. The squirrel was scrutinizing her from a leafless branch, small nose twitching as it scented the area. The dark woman turned back around, eyes kept on the rodent. It brushed its paws against its nose and leaned forward, black eyes staring right into hers.

It was as if she were being controlled by something, because her feet moved on their own and so did her hands as they gripped the trunk and began to pull her up. The squirrel bounded down the branch and sat back on its haunches, watching as she climbed the tree. With ease, Garnet pulled herself up branches and scaled the tree until she was at the branch the squirrel was on. Garnet swung a leg over the trunk and held on as she began to scoot closer.

_Stay right there, you little rat._

Her body stopped moving on its own accord, and her actions were her own as she moved closer and closer until the squirrel was in arms reach, it didn't move, only continuing to stare at her with beady, unintelligent eyes.

A strained grin split across Garnet’s face as she swiped her hand towards the squirrel, easily grabbing it by the body. It let out a loud squeak and sunk its teeth into the web of her index finger and thumb, but it did nothing to faze the dark woman as she brought the struggling rodent close to her. Her earlier resolve was fading, all she could focus on was the hunger cramping in her stomach and the desire to eat something still _alive._

“ ** _Congratulations, you caught me_.”**

Garnet faltered, eyes widening at the voice. The squirrel tilted its head at her, nose twitching.

_“ **Are you going to do it?**_ **”**

Garnet couldn't find it in her to speak.

 **“ _Where’s your voice? You’re not that much of an animal yet, I know you can talk.”_ ** The squirrel planted its front paws on her hand and tried pushing itself out of her grip, kicking its legs fast enough that the motion blurred.

“I- you’re-you’re not supposed to talk,” Garnet fell back onto her butt, strong legs wrapping around the branch to secure her. The squirrel bit at her again, drawing blood and causing the dark woman to wince.

“ ** _And you’re not supposed to be eating squirrels. Not yet anyways. Have a little more self-control.”_**

For a second, Garnet wanted to argue. She paused, however, because she indeed lost enough control that she now had a squirrel in her hands and was fully prepared to eat it before it started to talk back at her. Instead, she furrowed her brow at it. The squirrel stopped its struggle and instead stared at her, beady eyes twinkling with fear. **_“You only have so long to be yourself. You should cherish those moments.”_** The squirrel patted a paw down on her palm.

“I’m still trying to process that a squirrel is talking to me.”

The rodent bit her hand again, drawing a hiss from the dark woman as she resisted the urge to fling the animal away from her.

**_“Go home, Garnet. Go home to your Pearl and forget that this happened. I'm not keen on dying today and I’m sure you’re not too keen on eating me.”_ **

Garnet’s stomach growled, but then she blinked and it was as though a haze was lifted from her mind. The urge to kill and devour melted away, and for a brief moment confusion flooded the dark woman as she took in her surroundings. She could barely remember the journey she made to get here.

The squirrel bit her again, and this time Garnet let go with a grunt of pain. The rodent ran off, paws pitter-pattering on the branch of the tree and the trunk as it scaled up high. Garnet watched, rubbing her injured hand.

_I was going to eat that._

She grimaced.

_I was going to-_

_“_ What the fuck is wrong with me?” Her head slammed back into the trunk. “Why am I _doing_ this?!” Her voice picked up volume, disturbing the strange quiet of the woods.

She didn't dwell in the tree much longer, sliding down the trunk to the dead grass floor and starting off towards the house. She wanted to go home and hug Pearl and apologize for her behavior. And most of all she wanted to go to sleep and forget that any of this had happened.

The rustling of leaves above her caught the dark woman's attention, and she spared a glance behind her shoulder. The squirrel was once again watching her from the branch.

Swallowing, Garnet turned and continued on.

\--

Pearl was fast asleep when Garnet arrived back at the house, and for that she was glad because not only did she get to avoid explaining herself, but also she would get a little longer to think of an explanation. Garnet shrugged off her t-shirt and pulled down her pants, moving to take off her shades as well. Her hand found only the air.

“Oh, right,” They were never on her person when she was at the hospital, and the new pair wasn't due for another week. With a sigh Garnet slid under the covers with Pearl, enjoying the warmth that contrasted with how cold her skin had become from staying outside. A dark hand moved to the pale woman's hair and began to play with a few stray strands, twirling them around her finger and patting them down so they were uniform with the rest of her hair. Garnet scooted closer.

“Where were you?”

Garnet had to bite back the groan that threatened to escape. Of course, she should have known that Pearl wouldn't go to sleep until she came back. She never did.

“I took a walk; I needed to clear my head.”

“Did it work?” Pearl shifted so she was facing Garnet, and she could see slight worry and the exhaustion in her blue eyes. Swallowing, Garnet raised a hand and brushed it against her cheek.

“A little, I guess.” She recalled the feeling of a haze lifting from her mind after the hallucination of the squirrel, but that was a small percentage of clarity amongst a large percentage of uncertainty. Her eyes fluttered closed and a deep breath escaped from her. How she tired of the uncertainty.

“That’s good,” A pause “Are you ready to talk?”

Garnet considered whether or not she was. And truthfully she wasn’t, she didn’t want to talk at all. She just wanted everything to go away and for Pearl to forget about it. Her wrist pulsed.

“I’m ready to go to bed. Maybe in the morning.” Garnet lied. The pale woman lying in front of her frowned, an action barely visible in the dark room. The covers rustled as Pearl pulled away from her and turned over onto her side.

“In the morning, then.” Pearl murmured.

Garnet sighed.

“In the morning.”

\--

The creature kept her pinned to the bed, teeth gleaming in the moonlight pouring in through the shattered window and droplets of saliva landing on her cheek. Noises of panic escaped Garnet as she pulled and struggled, desperate to escape the monster above her. There was a pain in her spine, and her skin had never felt so hot.

“I can’t…. breathe…. Get off... me” Garnet managed to gasp out. The beast’s maw stretched out into a horrific grin as it bared down more, exerting enough pressure that the dark woman was certain her ribs would break at any moment.

“ ** _You. Like me. Will be.”_** Clawed hands dug into her wrists, breaking the skin and drawing hot blood and a choked cry from Garnet’s lips. “ ** _Don’t you see?”_**

And suddenly the weight had lifted off her chest and she could breathe again. A heavy gasp escaped Garnet as she slapped her hands down on either side of the bed, flinging off the already-dangling covers from her body. Her chest heaved with each intake. Garnet squeezed her mismatched eyes shut, undignified whimpers escaping from her lips as her body ached, the worst of the pain in her spine. A sheen of sweat covered her sepia skin and soaked into the mattress beneath, turning the white sheets into a light grey. Garnet opened her eyes again, staring at the ceiling.

Slowly, she lifted herself to her elbows, wincing and groaning at every pain that shot through her body. Somehow, she managed to sit up, and the pain eased in her spine at the new position. Her mouth hung open, as she felt like that if she closed it she wouldn’t be able to breathe again.

A quick glance to her side told her that she hadn’t woken Pearl up, but glancing over to her other side told her how much she had thrashed in her sleep. The fitted sheet was undone, leaving the slightly stained mattress bare, and the covers were wrinkled and bunched up from where she had grabbed it and pulled. A drop of sweat fell from Garnet’s chin as she turned and planted her feet on the thick carpet of the bedroom floor.

She found herself in the dining room, sitting at the table with a package of bologna and a cup of tea. She stuffed slice after slice into her mouth and only stopped to take a sip of tea in between, grimacing at the bad combination of taste each time she did so. The ache in her body had eased up, but the pain in her spine kept. Maybe her thrashing pulled a muscle or two. The heat hadn’t ebbed away, slicking her body with sweat and sticking her black curls to her face and neck. But even with the discomforts, all her focus was on satisfying her hunger, and she brought another slice of bologna to her mouth and devoured it in a few bites.

Garnet reached for the handle of her cup and brought the drink to her full lips, taking a long swing that burned her throat on the way down. The cup was set down, and for the first time, Garnet noticed something different about the table.

Five grooves marred the wood, each mark appearing as though nails had dragged down through it. Swallowing the remainder of tea in her mouth, Garnet moved her hand so it rested on the marks and found that it fit her size. Something cold sparked through her, a contrast to the heat as she brought her hand up to examine it. Her nails were dull. The dark woman blinked before she placed her hand down again, fingers pressing into the grooves. They dragged down along it until they reached where the grooves had stopped. No matter the pressure, Garnet couldn’t get her nails to dig in.

_Maybe we scraped the table and didn’t notice._

It was unlikely, but it wasn’t any more unlikely than Garnet having scratched it herself. She finished off the rest of the bologna and dropped the container into the trash and the cup into the sink. Stretching out her back as she walked, Garnet headed for the bathroom.

She peeled off her sweat soaked bra and panties and dropped them to the bin sitting aside the door, staring in the mirror at her reflection. The whites of the bandages contrasted against her dark skin, but what stood out even more were the bags under her reddened eyes. A knuckle traced over the scar on her neck as she stared at her own reflection, dragging down to her jaw, across her collarbone, until it landed onto her shoulder. Fingers dug into the tight bandaging.

It took a while to unwrap everything, but once she finished Garnet dropped the mess of wrappings into the garbage bin sitting by the toilet and examined herself. Each scar was lighter than the rest of her skin, as well as indented. Crisscrossing claw marks scarred her chest, stretching from her breasts down to her obliques. Four claw marks marred her shoulder, and when she twisted around she could see the same for the small of her back. The only scar that wasn’t uniform with the others was the bite mark on her wrist, both in shape and how it healed.

_More like how it didn’t heal._

Garnet grasped her wrist, frowning as she squeezed it, staring at herself through the mirror. Her body was never flawless before the attack, but at least then the few scars and marks had been for the most part unnoticeable. All of these were anything but unnoticeable. Leaning forward onto the counter, Garnet kept eye contact with her reflection, staring into the sleep-deprived eyes.

_Something… Isn’t right._

Her eyes held a look in them that Garnet had never seen before, but what it was she couldn’t say. All she knew was that it made her uneasy. Her pupils were dilated into pinpricks. Garnet held a hand over her eyes, shielding them from the light, but her pupils didn’t expand despite the darkness. With a frown, she pulled away from the counter, shut the light, and left into the bedroom. The dark woman changed into a new pair of underwear and pajamas and slipped underneath the covers with Pearl, grimacing at the dampness of the sheets.

Sleep didn’t come to her, keeping her awake until the room started to lighten with the rising sun. No matter how many times Garnet switched sides or tried to clear her mind of her thoughts, she remained awake, until finally she gave up on sleep and rolled over onto her back, staring once more at the ceiling. Her hand fisted into the fabric of her shirt and a long breath escaped from her nostrils. Curly hair swept into her face as she turned her head to look at Pearl. Desire flared inside of her and Garnet quickly looked away, cheeks darkening. A soft groan left her lips as Garnet brushed her hand up her face to tangle into her afro.

She just wanted it to end already.


	4. Inescapable Hunger (With a Hint of Rage)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Garnet's urges reaches a boiling point.

**_Inescapable Hunger (With a Hint of Rage)_ **

The razor slid down the sepia-colored leg, cutting away the hairs that had grown there over the course of the last few days. Passing over a knee, Garnet hissed as one of the blades nicked her skin, drawing a line of blood, quickly washed away by the water raining down from the shower head. Tapping her razor against the tub, she went about shaving away another strip of hair.

Going about the task, Garnet muttered to herself, random tidbits about the ache spreading through her back and chest from her hunched position and the fact that she had shaved the other day, yet she had enough hair that you’d think it had been a month. She rapped the razor against the tub again and set it down on a soap holder, sighing as she brought her leg down to the smooth floor of the tub. Her hands raised up to her chest, and she examined her nails, which she had remembered cutting the other day as well.

They were half an inch long now and came up to a slight point, something that she couldn’t even begin to fathom how they grew in like that. Letting her hands fall to her side, Garnet tilted her head up and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the warm water running down her body, soothing the aches in her muscles from her workout session beforehand.

A knock at her door brought her back, and mismatched eyes opened up to drift to the side, where the shower curtain covered the onslaught of water from hitting the floor.

“Yes?”

“Everything alright? You’ve been in there for a while!”

A sigh drifted past Garnet’s lips, aggravation washing through her at Pearl’s concern.

_I just want to enjoy a shower._

In the back of her mind, she knew that Pearl’s concern was valid, as her showers were always done in five minutes or less, sometimes ten if she had to shave. But Garnet had been in there for almost an hour now. The irritation kept the calm rationing at bay.

“Fine!” She snapped back, huffing as she ran her fingers through her wet hair. She wanted to be left alone.

“I’m just making sure! Dinner will be ready in a few minutes!” Pearl yelled back through the door. Garnet’s stomach growled at the mention of dinner. The dark woman rested a hand on it, thick lips pulling down into a frown. Really, she could step out at any time; she had already washed her hair and body and everything that needed to be shaved was. Still, Garnet settled for staying in for a few more minutes.

By the time she got out, the water had run cold and so had her dinner. Pearl was halfway finished with hers, ever the slow eater. Garnet sat down in the chair without a word of greeting and stuck her fork into the steak, knife working away to slice into the meat. She let out a hum of approval when she noticed the redness in the middle.

“How was your workout?” Pearl tried for conversation. Garnet stuffed the piece of steak into her mouth and chewed. Well-seasoned. Swallowing, her stomach thanked her by stopping its aches.

“Fine.” She cut out another piece and shoveled it into her mouth, almost moaning with the taste. Pearl stared at her, and when Garnet glanced up she could see concern and hurt. A pang shot out through her chest as she slowed her chewing until she swallowed. “It went well; I’m gaining back the progress I lost at the hospital. A little more time and I can stop doubling my sets” Garnet added on. The pale woman in front of her gave an appreciative nod, eyes brightening as she poked at her salad.

The rest of their dinner was quiet, Pearl finished before Garnet and waited as she scarfed down the rest of her steak. As Garnet finished off the last bite, Pearl spoke.

“I’m going to go visit my mother next Wednesday, I got a call from her doctor and-,” Pearl’s shoulders slumped as she glanced away “She’s not doing well.”

Garnet’s eyes softened with sympathy. Her mother-in-law’s health had been on a steady decline since the beginning of the year, multiple issues catching up with her in her old age. She was only a state away, but with work, Pearl rarely found the time to visit.

“She’s strong; I’m sure she’ll pull through,” Garnet offered her words of comfort as she set her fork down, the utensil clinking against the plate. “How long will you be gone for?”

“The entire day, Blue agreed to let me stay at her place. I’ll be back Thursday afternoon. Will you be okay?” Pearl spoke in stunted sentences, showing off how her scattered mind was at the moment. Garnet gave a swift nod.

“Don’t worry about me, go see your mother and tell her I said hello.” The dark woman wiped at her mouth with a napkin. Her chair squeaked against the floor as she stood up and collected the dishes, moving to wash them. Another chair creaked, and she could hear Pearl following her.

“Are you sure?” A hand rested on her shoulder, shooting tingles of sensation through Garnet’s body as she stopped washing the plate. An urge steadily rose up in her.

_Now’s not the time._

She resumed her washing.

“Yes, I’ll be preoccupied with work for most of the day, and after that it’s straight to bed.” Garnet looked over shoulder, offering a smile to the woman behind her “I’ll be fine. Go see your mom.”

At that, Pearl smiled and leaned over to plant a kiss on her cheek, but Garnet turned her head and caught her on the lips. The urge rose up again, and when Pearl pulled away Garnet rested a hand on the back of her head and moved in for another, dishes forgotten. They moved slow, keeping things sensual until Garnet deepened the kiss and Pearl let out a moan in turn. Garnet turned away from the sink and pushed Pearl back against the counter, one hand gripping her hip while the other still kept at the back of her head, resolve to ignore her urge forgotten.

They pulled away for air, but when Garnet tried to engage again, Pearl pressed a hand on her chest.

“Not now, Garnet.”

Garnet’s lips twitched into a frown as she tightened her grip on the pale woman’s hip.

“What made you think we were going to do anything?” Her voice came harsh, a reflection of the aggravation coursing through her at being denied. A red blush colored over Pearl’s cheeks.

“Oh, I-uh-I assumed-“

Garnet pulled away from the smaller woman, turning back to the dishes to roughly grab a plate and begin scrubbing it. In the back of her mind, a voice whispered-

_You’re being irrational._

Frowning deeper, the dark woman shoved the thought away.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood as Pearl drew close, and for whatever reason her lips had drawn up to show teeth as her body tensed.

“Garnet-“ Pearl had let out a long, annoyed sigh “What’s wrong with you this time?”

That took Garnet aback, not so much that Pearl confronted her behavior, but she had said ‘this time’. She glanced back at the smaller woman, who was regarding her with a slight frown on her pink lips. A flush began to creep up on her cheeks. Garnet snapped her head away from her.

“Maybe it’s the way I woke up today.” Garnet muttered.

_What a half-assed excuse._

“Today?” Pearl’s voice took on an accusing tone. Garnet winced.

It was hard to notice at first, but only because it was so minor at first. As the days went on, her patience seemed to wane, and her temper took less and less strain before it snapped. She recalled an incident where she hit her punching bag a little too hard and it swung back and hit her in the chin. Garnet had it wrapped in a bear hug and was halfway through pulling it off the chain before she managed to calm down and realize just _what_ she was doing. Even more to her embarrassment, Pearl walked in on her, and that started the endless array of ‘is there something wrong?”

_Something is wrong. Something is very wrong._

 “I’m sorry,” Garnet sighed “I’m stressed out and I’ve barely been getting any sleep-“ Her eyes had developed noticeable bags under them, “I don’t mean to be so cross.” Garnet turned to face her girlfriend fully, reaching up to pull her shades off- they had come in the mail a day ago- and regard her with remorseful eyes. With a sigh, she shook her head “I thought it was the medication’s doing, but I’ve switched and-“

“Garnet,” Pearl interjected with a long exhale. “Forget it.”

Her heart dropped in her chest as she watched the pale woman walk away without staying to hear her response. Pearl was out of the kitchen and out of the dining room before Garnet found her composure. Chewing her bottom lip and pushing down the spark of anger welling up in her, she placed her glasses back on her face and resumed her dishwashing.

\--

The day was slow, slower then desk duty normally was. Garnet let out a sigh as she wrote out an incident report relating to the last call that came in. A man robbing a grocery store, with a knife at that! Garnet frowned as she finished off the last details and set it aside, pushing back on her desk to lean against the chair. It creaked with her weight, and warily she watched other officers walk around. Her wrist itched, and she reached down to scratch the bite mark.

“Nice scar, Clarke.”

The dark woman tensed at the gruff voice, leaning away from the source of it before looking up.

“Harrison.”

Jasper Harrison grinned at her, showing off white teeth with canines a little sharper than normal. Her sandy blonde hair fell about her face, out of the massive bun she usually kept it in.

“What? No greeting? You’re gone for almost two months and all I get is a ‘Harrison’? Where’s the love, Clarke?” Jasper pulled up a chair from a nearby desk and took a seat, scooting as close as Garnet’s desk would allow. She reached a thick thumb towards the stack of reports and began to thumb through them.

“Hello, Harrison.” Garnet said without a hint of fondness in her voice. She focused back on her report and pretended to be fixing up some of the details in a vain hope that it would draw the muscular woman away. No such luck. She scooted even closer.

“Damn, one on your neck too? That bear sure got you good, didn’t it? Honestly, was surprised you didn’t die when it first tackled you. Looked like it hit hard enough to break your spine.”

Garnet tensed once more, tearing her gaze from her papers to look at the other cop. If she didn’t have her glasses on, then her raised eyebrows and surprised eyes would have been revealed.

“You were there?”

Jasper snorted.

“Of course I was there; I was one of the first ones to respond to the call- like usual.” Jasper leaned in the seat, and crossed her arms, and her amber eyes narrowed. “You have amnesia or something?”

Jasper’s tone was wearing on her already-short temper. A frown pulled on her lips as she faced away and took in a deep breath to compose herself.

“I don’t remember much from that night.” Garnet tapped her pencil against the paper, filling out a question further to busy her hand with. Once again, Jasper was leaning over her shoulder to see what she written. Aggravation rose at a steady pace. She wanted to be left alone.

“Harrison-“

“So, desk duty? Gone soft after all that time off the captain gave you?” Jasper’s grin turned up again, more wicked looking than the last time. Garnet side-eyed her, entertaining the idea of what it would be like to punch it off her face. Her left hand curled into a fist, but the dark woman forced it to splay out again and instead dug her nails into the desk. Another deep breath was taken in.

_One, two, three-_

“I’m supposed to be on desk duty for the first week, then I can switch out. Captain’s orders.” The dark woman scooted her chair away from the other cop. “Shouldn’t you be doing work?” Garnet regarded her with a tilt of her head. Jasper scoffed, the puff of air blowing a bang away from her face as she leaned back.

“I got time.”

“Go bother someone else.” Her voice wavered slightly, the tinge of a growing rage lacing her words. Garnet brought her hand away from the desk and instead squeezed at her thigh, taking in another deep breath.

_One, two, three-_

“Why? I missed you, Clarke!” Jasper leaned forward, arm out to throw against the dark woman’s shoulder. Garnet intercepted the action, pushing her arm away with more force than necessary. The chair squeaked against the ground as she scooted back even further. To Garnet’s dismay, this prompted the other woman to scoot even closer.

“What’s with the animosity?” Jasper feigned ignorance. She set a large hand on the desk and leaned further, using it to ground her. Garnet breathed out heavily.

_One, two, thr- If she gets any closer-_

Her lips twitched, beginning to pull up when Jasper set a hand near her wrist. Every muscle in Garnet tensed, except her leg, which bobbed up and down at a rapid pace. She leered at the other woman through the side of her eye.

“Lemme see that wrist, I want look at the damage.”

Jasper made a grab for it. Garnet jerked her hand away.

“Get. Away. From. Me.” She spat out every word with rage no longer concealed. For a moment, surprise flashed across the other cop’s face, before she gave her toothy grin again.

“Or what?”

“Harrison, what are you doing?”

Both women snapped their heads up to look at the source of the voice. The captain stood in front of Garnet’s desk, his arms crossed and his face stern. The rage began to temper with relief, and Garnet let out another breath as her body relaxed.

Jasper stood from the chair “Captain. I was just welcoming Clarke back.” The chair was pulled back to its original spot, and the other officer stood away from the desk. The squeaking of a chair sounded as Garnet scooted back to the center.

“Welcome her on your own time, get back to work.” The captain turned, not before giving a nod to Garnet. The action didn’t go unnoticed, and the moment the man was out of sight, Jasper turned to the dark woman with a sneer.

“What? Are you some wounded hero now? He giving you the special treatment?” Jasper didn’t wait for a response before twisting on her heel and stalking off, muttering to herself. Garnet sighed, shaking her head as she watched the taller woman leave. Turning her gaze back to her desk, her eyes swept across it for any missing papers.

Mismatched eyes zeroed in on four indents in the wood, long lines hat tapered off into points at each end, ones that weren’t there before. Swallowing, Garnet raised her hand up. Her nails were at a longer length than normal, and the tips on them were pointed until they almost looked claw-like.

_What the hell…_

She recalled clipping them last night, before bed. A hand gripped over the other, and the dark woman swept her thumb up and down her palm, her eyes still searching her fingers as if they could give her an answer to the sudden growth.

Garnet jumped as the phone rang, and before she knew what she was doing she shrunk away and bared her teeth as if it were an enemy to intimidate. A low rumbling escaped from her throat, but by the second ring realization of what she was doing dawned over the woman, and quickly she sat back up and swept the room with her eyes to see if anyone had seen her actions. A flush crept down her neck as Garnet picked up the phone.

\--

The waxing gibbous shone down on Garnet’s back as she unlocked on her door after several tries. She didn’t bother to hide her irritation as she shoved the door open and chucked her keys at the couch. A huff of aggravation left her full lips. She kicked the door shut and stalked to the kitchen. Her stomach was growling.

“Bad day?” Pearl asked from her spot in the dining room, and Garnet had the mind to ignore her as she blew past into the kitchen, yanking the fridge open and searching for something to eat.

“That damn door.” She growled out, pushing the carton of milk aside to further her searching. She heard Pearl hum into her cup. A dark hand slapped at her neck to scratch a persisting inch, before returning to the side of the fridge as Garnet leaned in. After a full minute of searching, she found a package of sausage sitting near the side shelf. A quick look at the packaging told her that it was a few days’ shy of its expiration date.

“I would have made something, but-“

Garnet tuned out the excuse as she fetched a pan from a cabinet, setting it on the heating stove. The sound of tearing plastic replaced Pearl’s voice as Garnet pulled out the sausages. Only then did she pause, staring at it.

Her mouth was watering, and every part of her was screaming to eat it as is, telling her that it would be much better raw, hell, much better if it was still _alive._ A burning started in her stomach and throat as Garnet gazed down at the meat. Suddenly, she was very aware of Pearl being only a few feet away from her, and she was reminded of her two neighbors and their housecat who always seemed to roam into her and Pearl’s yard in the middle of the night. It was fast, but Garnet could be faster. She caught the squirrel, didn’t she? It would be better than what she could cook-

“Garnet, why are you staring at the sausage?” Her girlfriend’s voice snapped Garnet out of her trance, and she looked at Pearl with a slightly ajar mouth before looking back at the food in her hand. The burning ebbed away little by little.

“I-uh,” Garnet set the meat into the pan, and it began to sizzle. The other sausages were grabbed out and set in as well. “Got lost in thought, um…” The dark woman cleared her throat. “Where- where does that cat go at night? I hadn’t seen him around lately” Garnet covered a nervous cough with her elbow. Pearl left her chair to enter the kitchen, setting her empty cup into the sink.

“I wouldn’t know. Maybe they’re keeping him in since it’s getting colder.” Pearl replied. Garnet gave a nod in response as she watched the meat cook, mouth still watering, stomach cramping again. Half of her mind was still trying to formulate a plan to catch the cat, while the other half expressed disgust at the mere idea of eating a beloved pet. Frankly, Garnet didn’t know which side to pick.

“How was work?” Pearl’s voice yanked her from her thoughts, and reminded her to turn the sausages so they wouldn’t burn. She did so, once more clearing her throat as she prepared to speak.

“Uneventful. Captain has me on desk duty, and Jasper Harrison decided that she wanted to welcome me back by bugging the shit out of me.” Garnet chatted as she turned the sausages again.

_Oh, and I was ‘this’ close to attacking her. But you don’t want to know that part. I swear I’m fine._

Her mind tacked on afterwards. A frown tugged at her lips as she began to pile the cooked sausages onto a plate, one hand moving to turn off the stove. The smell of the meat permeated the air. Garnet crossed the barrier between the kitchen and the dining room quickly, moving to sit down.

“That doesn’t sound too good. Did you take care of her?” Pearl asked as she sat down with Garnet. Her nose scrunched as Garnet took a large bite out of the sausage. “Don’t you want some seasoning on that?” she noticed the steam pouring from the sausages “Or wait for it to cool?”

“No,” Garnet mumbled through a mouthful of food. She swallowed and took another bite, desperate to stop the cramping in her belly. Pearl shook her head, but the chuckle that left her told that she wasn’t as annoyed as her actions would suggest. The pale woman waited as Garnet worked through the meat on her plate, until she was at the last one and practically ate it in one bite.

“You had a lunch break, right?” Pearl joked. Garnet nodded as she resisted the urge to grab the plate and start licking it clean. Somehow, it didn’t feel like enough, and the craving only grew stronger after ingesting all the food. She let out a shaky sigh as she pushed her chair away to stand. Mismatched eyes glanced to Pearl, but the sight of her made her stomach growl and her mind scream at her to attack. Garnet averted her gaze.

“I’m… going to go blow off some steam.” Garnet murmured. She didn’t wait for a response before pushing past her girlfriend to head to the garage. Once inside, she strapped on her training gloves and headed for her bag.

Two punches in and she could feel her stress melt away along with the roaring urges inside her. The hunger lingered, though, unfazed by her wailing on the punching bag. As she twisted her body for a hook, her stomach let out a long growl that the dark woman could swear echoed off the walls. Her fist connected, but Garnet drew away to rest on the bag.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Something in the back of her mind answered by making her think of the cat. She salivated at the image of it, at the thought of what its blood would taste like on her tongue, how easy the muscle and flesh would be to chew, and the satisfaction of scrapping the bones of the meat stuck to it. The perceived fulfilment that would come from satisfying her hunger slowly but surely began to overpower the rational part of her mind telling her that it was wrong.

_I could corner it; it can’t run forever. No, I’m overthinking this, it might just come to me and start rubbing on my leg and I can grab it. Should I snap its neck first or- What hell is wrong with me?!_

“Damn it…. _Shit!_ ” She tried to rid herself of the intrusive thoughts but they refused to go, swirling around in her head. Mismatched eyes glanced to the garage door that led to the outside, to the window on top of it that showed the waxing moon. Pupils dilated as they took in the shining light, and it was like her body had become petrified. She couldn’t move. Her eyes took in every inch of the moon. A huff of air left her lips. The hand on the punching bag gripped the material until her knuckles turned white. When had it become so… enticing? Garnet wanted nothing more but to reach out and grasp the light in her hand, to stand under it and feel its effects on her.

Garnet blinked. The trance broke.

She snapped her head away, closing her eyes and gasping for air as if she had been choked. Leaning on the punching bag, the dark woman struggled to regain her breath and decipher what had happened to her. A burning started in her wrist that spread up her forearm to her bicep, rivaling the heat on her skin that was causing her to perspire. The hand that was hanging at her side moved to tangle into her curly hair.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?”

This wasn’t right. Nothing was right. Garnet pulled away and raised her fists up, but they were shaking so badly that throwing a punch was out of the question. She tugged her gloves off her hands and threw them to the side, choosing to fall onto her rump and bring her knees up to her chest, her hands in her hair as she began to rock, trying to soothe herself. The pain in her stomach was growing; _damn it, she needed to eat something._

A sharp breath was sucked in as her eyes zeroed in on her wrist, the one without the bite mark scarring the side of it. Garnet couldn’t stop herself; she brought her arm to her mouth and bit in. Pain seared through the body part, drawing grunts from the dark woman, but she clenched harder and harder until she felt her teeth sink into the tender flesh. How she wanted to tear a chunk out, but she managed to regain enough control to pull away before she could do permanent damage. Hot blood leaked down the entry holes in her wrist, and Garnet brought her forearm close to lap at the body fluid. The metallic tang stung at her tongue, but _stars_ was it the best thing she’s tasted in months, maybe even years. Her wrist throbbed with pain, but Garnet wrapped a hand around the other and yanked her arm closer to lick away at the beading blood. The pain in her stomach left bit by bit with each swallow.

Garnet lapped and lapped until the bleeding slowed to a halt, and by the time she was finished she had never felt more satisfied in her life. Not any degree of indulgence in lust or gluttony matched the feeling coursing through her after tasting blood, satisfying the craving that had been seizing her mind. The dark woman fell onto her back, staring up at the ceiling of her garage. Pants left through parted lips, still slicked with her own blood. Garnet ran her tongue along her mouth, licking up the last of the fluid.

Her mind was a mess of voices.

_What did I do?!_

_Stars that tasted so good…_

_What will I tell Pearl?!_

_I need more!_

_What the hell is happening to me?!_

_Nothing will top that taste._

_How could I enjoy that?!_

The dark woman squeezed her eyes shut and shuddered, rolling over onto her side so she could curl up into the fetal position. It was equivalent to having a war fought in her mind, each side desperate to convince her of their view, one side being rational and other… it was almost like an animal. Garnet curled into herself even more so than she already did, shuddering again and licking her lips as her mind settled on a mutual agreement: Pearl couldn’t know. Excuses turned over in her mind, until she found one that would work well enough.

_I will tell her I scrapped my arm on the bag._

She formulated the plan as her body began to cool from the heat enveloping it. Her arm raised in front of her face, allowing Garnet to look at the wound she inflicted. A shuddering breath left her, before she winced at the panging in it. She needed to clean and bandage it. With slight hesitation, she lifted herself onto her feet and stumbled to the door that led to the living room.  To her relief, Pearl wasn’t to be found, and she quickly made her way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Shaky hands opened the cabinets and fished out the first aid kit. Garnet popped open the lid and retrieved the bottle of alcohol. She flicked the cap open and squirted it onto her wound. Garnet could have sworn she heard sizzling as an intense burning started in the wounds, a yell tearing from her throat.

“What’s wrong?!” Pearl’s voice came from the door that led into the bedroom. A hiss escaped from between the dark woman’s teeth as she hunched over, gripping her wrist as if it would help stop the burning.

“I scr-scraped my arm on the bag! Just cleaning it!” She lied, and then added a soft “fuck me,” as the burning ebbed. A wink of time passed before Garnet continued focusing on her work. The alcohol was rubbed into the bite mark, and gauze was wrapped around it until the layer was thick and the wound was hidden. Garnet applied medical tape to keep the gauze in place. A breath left her lips, before she turned her gaze up to her reflection.

The woman that greeted her covered gaze was disheveled, shaking, and had smears of blood on her chin and shirt. Garnet reached up and snatched off her glasses, sucking in a pained breath as the light irritated her sensitive eyes. When she opened them after a few moments, she saw that her pupils were dilated until the blacks almost took up her entire iris, and her eyes held a wild and frantic look in them that unnerved her.

She looked like a wild animal.

Garnet swallowed, and she watched as her throat bobbed in the reflection presented to her. Her heart was thundering in her chest.

_What’s happening to me?_

She gripped the mosaic counter tighter. Her lips parted to allow her to pant again.

_What the fuck is happening to me?_

She squeezed her eyes shut, giving them relief from the harsh lighting of the bathroom. Her index finger set a rapid pace, her nail clicking against the counter.

_I…_

Enough.

Garnet composed herself as best as she could, grabbing her glasses to place them on her face again and pulling away from the counter. She reached for a washcloth on the side of the sink and wet it under the faucet, wiping the drops of blood off her chin and cleaning her shirt as best as she could. Only then did she exit out the bathroom into her and Pearl’s bedroom. The pale woman was on the bed, teetering between sleep and awareness, but she pushed herself onto her elbows at the sight of the dark woman.

“Hey,” She whispered. “How’s your wrist?” Her voice sounded thick with sleep. Garnet shrugged.

“Stings a bit, I missed a punch.” The steadiness of her voice despite her breakdown only moments ago surprised Garnet, but she fought against letting it show as she removed her shirt and pulled down her pants, crawling under the covers with Pearl. A sigh drifted passed her lips at the warmth under the covers, and she removed her glasses and set them on the nightstand. Scooting along the bed, the dark woman reached a hand over to cup the back of Pearl’s head and bring her in for a kiss.

When they parted, Garnet turned to face away from the pale woman, a breath escaping from her parted lips. Eyes closing, she cleared her thoughts and memories of what happened and wished for a dreamless sleep.

\--

The sheets wrapped around her legs and body as Garnet twisted in the bed, face scrunched into a painful expression and hands digging into the sheets. A humming started from her throat, before her mouth opened and she panted instead. One jerk of her leg nearly sent her off the bed, but served to tear her from her nightmare and into reality as she desperately grabbed for the first thing close to her. Sweaty hands managed to grasp onto Pearl’s thin waist and Garnet didn’t hesitate in pulling her close. The pale woman let out a grunt at being disturbed, before drifting off into a light snore as Garnet tried to regain her breath. Her body was trembling, and when her mismatched eyes trailed down to look at Pearl she recoiled and tucked herself as far away as she could without falling off the mattress.

She remembered the taste of blood, and the smell of cooper hanging thick in the air. Her mouth watered as she remembered the bite of flesh she consumed before she was ripped from sleep. Garnet grunted and lifted a hand up to her eyes, pressing her thumb and index finger onto them, chest still heaving. A bitter thought crossed her mind to replace the memory of the dream; whether or not she would ever get a good night’s sleep again. Exhaustion laced through her entire being, and all she wanted to do was go back to sleep, but she knew that if she drifted again she would dream of either eating someone or being hunted by the beast.

Garnet sat up, resigned to having to stay up again. Tired eyes glanced to the clock near her bed side. 3:12 am. A sigh drifted past her lips as she swung her feet to the side of the bed and stood up, shuffling to the window seat. As she passed by Pearl’s nightstand, she swiped one of the many books stacked on it and climbed onto the seat, pulling back the curtains to provide light.

The moment the moonlight hit her face Garnet became entranced, pupils dilating to take in as much of the light as possible. She could feel her heart slow, and her previously heavy breathing became quiet and paced. The swirling thoughts that occupied her mind disappeared without a trace, leaving her in a blank state. The book fell from her grasp, hitting the window seat with a thud. Garnet barely acknowledged the shuffling behind her as Pearl was roused from sleep.

“Garnet?” Her girlfriend’s voice was hoarse. “Wha’ are you doin’ up?’

Garnet didn’t answer.

Pearl shuffled out of the bed and trudged over to the dark woman, wiping her eyes as she yawned. Behind her the blanket slid off the bed and followed after her, wrapped around her leg. The pale woman said nothing as she clambered up the window seat and groped for the blanket on the ground, pulling up and over her and Garnet. Pearl nuzzled into Garnet’s chest, shutting her eyes.

“Talk to me,” It was an order, and it surprised Garnet enough to make her eyes flicker down to look at the top of the pale woman’s head before they snapped back up.

“I’m just enjoying the sky.” Garnet murmured, dreamlike. She felt Pearl press her nose into her chest.

“Was it another nightmare?” She asked. A deep breath left Garnet as her eyes searched the moon, still refusing to leave, and her mind was starting to become blank again. Her left wrist pulsed.

“Yeah…”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Her guard was down, mind far too focused on the moon to give her usual answer of ‘no’ or ‘I already forgot about it.

“I was eating you.”

That made Pearl sit up, and Garnet could feel her gaze on her but she still didn’t look away from the window. She felt the pale woman shuffle against her chest.

“Uh… out?” Pearl added, a light humor coloring her tone. Garnet shook her head.

“No.” She didn’t add anymore and Pearl didn’t press for a while. Garnet’s mind cleared again, and already the conversation was gone to her. Her wrist continued to pulse a beat per second, a steady ache starting in the area of the bite mark. She flexed her fingers, dispelling some of the pain. A hand swept into her vision and pulled back, taking the curtain with it, shrouding the room in darkness and causing Garnet to blink as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light. Slowly, the fogginess left, and her head jerked back an inch as she snapped out of her trance.

“Garnet, please,” The dark woman looked down to the woman lying on her chest, mouth slightly open as the last of her awareness regained. Pearl looked distraught, her lips set into a frown and her eyebrows sloped. Garnet swallowed.

“What?” She shuffled back onto the wall and cradled Pearl’s head in her hands, fingers working to swipe away stray locks of red hair. For a long moment, Pearl seemed conflicted, before her expression reverted and she sat up.

“You haven’t been yourself,”

“I know.”

“Please, stop that.” Pearl squeezed her eyes shut and sighed, shoulders slumping. “Being dismissive. I’m tired of it, I want an explanation and I want to help you.” Pearl opened her eyes again, and they were pleading.

Garnet frowned.

“If I knew what was wrong, I would let you help. I don’t though.” She made to stop before she tacked on “I’m sorry”

“Garnet,” Another sigh. “Is it trauma? You said you had nightmares about some sort of animal chasing you.” Pearl leveled her with a pleading gaze. “We can get you to therapy-“

“I don’t need help.” Garnet’s voice dropped low, and a hint of a warning laced it. “I don’t have trauma, a mauling I can’t remember is nothing to be traumatized about.”

“Then please, tell me what’s going on! Tell me how you’re feeling and what you think is different and let me help!” Pearl looked as though she was ready to beg, and in the corner of her blue eyes tears began to gather. Garnet hadn’t seen her this upset since their last fight; it made her heart clench in her chest.

“I noticed you’ve been binging and you’ve been taking your frustration out on your bag more often and there’s _nothing_ wrong with that, but it’s not you, that’s not what you do.” Pearl’s voice dropped into a whisper and she leaned forward to rest on Garnet’s chest. The dark woman tensed, a grimace spreading across her face as she looked at the covered window. “Please, talk to me.” Garnet almost didn’t catch the last part.

“Pearl,” Garnet let out her own sigh this time, lips dropping into a frown afterwards. She looked down at the pale woman, heart squeezing at the sight of tear streaks on her cheeks. It dispelled her answer. Instead, the dark woman reached a hand up and brushed away a tear and looked at her blue eyes with her mismatched ones.

“I’ll- I need time to think about this, about what’s wrong. I haven’t even figured it out. I-hey, look at me” Pearl had begun shaking her head and trying to pull away. While she stopped, she didn’t oblige in looking at Garnet. Her frown deepened. “Pearl.” Pearl glanced up, only to look back down and Garnet had to suppress irritation that threatened to rise up. “I promise, when you get back from visiting your mom, I will have my thoughts gathered by then and I will tell you everything you want to know. I just need the time to think.”

“You always need time,” Pearl muttered, and a spark of aggravation jolted through Garnet.

“Hey,” Garnet made her voice stern “I promise you, this time I’ll tell. Okay? I promis- look at me already.” Pearl finally looked up and held Garnet’s gaze. Garnet tilted her head down.

“I promise.”

She reached out and took her hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.

Pearl let out a sigh, “Okay.”

And the two women said no more as they relaxed on the window seat. Pearl was the first to drift off, and Garnet followed soon after, for once dreaming of nothing but darkness.


	5. Irrefutable Paranoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet finds it hard to stay calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We return to our regularly scheduled program! Sorry for the delay in this chapter!

**_Irrefutable Paranoia_ **

Garnet felt a pair of eyes on her back, but when she snapped her head back to catch them, she saw only the wall behind her. A deep breath left her lips as she shifted in her seat to look forward again. A stack of report templates rested on the side of her desk. On the other side, three of these templates sat, and each of them were scrawled on with pen, the words almost looking akin to squiggles and lines rather than the usual elegant script Garnet wrote in. Her hand twitched back and forth, covered in a bandaging, her fingers marked with scabs and scratches. Her other hand was clear of any blemishing aside from the scar marring the side of her wrist.

Garnet let out another breath, shaky pupils staring at her desk, hairs raising as she heard approaching footsteps that wandered off afterwards. Behind her shades, her eyes glanced towards the source of the sound, spotting the foot of an officer disappearing behind a door. A dark hand raised to her neck and scratched at the scar leading up to the bottom of her jaw.

A ringing in her left ear jolted Garnet in her seat and she barely suppressed a yelp that shot to her throat. She leaned away as far as the stiff office chair would let her, wide eyes staring at the phone. Heart thundering in her chest, Garnet raised a hand, hesitating it in the air for a few moments before it darted and snatched the phone up. Arm shaking, Garnet brought the phone to her ear.

“B-Beach City Police Station.”

The caller complained to her about a neighbor throwing a party, taking up her right ear while her left listened for anyone approaching her. Mismatched eyes scanned the front room wall to wall, over the line of desks and cubicles and into the opened office doors. They followed anyone that walked by, and searched for the source of voices or footsteps with a fervor. The caller caught her attention after the third ‘hello?’ and Garnet cleared her throat as she told them an officer will be sent to the location and subsequently transferred the call. Setting the phone into its holder, Garnet grabbed a report and wrote out a transcript and the information of the call. Her hand shook so much that it ended up looking like chicken scrawl again, but she didn’t bother to white out the ink, instead setting it into the pile of written reports on the other side of her desk.

The sound of heavy footsteps made her tense, but Garnet fought back the urge to jerk her head towards the noise. She waited until they stopped.

“Still on desk duty, Clarke?”

Garnet breathed out. Jasper was the last person she wanted bothering her. She reached for her small pile of written reports and tapped them against the wood of her desk so they were in line.

“As I said before, captain-“ Garnet flinched as Jasper planted both her hands on her desk with a loud thud. A wicked grin on her lips, Jasper raised a meaty finger and trailed it along the claw-like marks on her desk.

“Decorating your desk is against the rules, y’know?” The muscular woman teased, tracing each mark individually. Garnet watched the movement, tensing each time the hand came closer to her, relaxing when it drew back.

“I didn’t decorate it,” Garnet said. Huffing, Jasper drew back from her desk, hands still gripping the edge of it.

“Sure you didn’t. What are these, knife marks?”

“Leave me alone.”

“Aw, already?” Another grin split across her face. “I just got here.” Garnet glowered at Jasper, hunching over in her chair. Her hands, fingernails already long despite being clipped this morning, rested in her lap, out of sight as she clenched them into fists. Her paranoia left to make way for anger.

“Yes. Go.” She growled out, and a rumbling escaped from her throat as well as the words. If Jasper noticed it, then she didn’t show it, still grinning that annoying grin and drumming her fingers against the wood of her desk. Each tapping noise pushed Garnet further to the edge of both anger and anxiousness, and the dark woman was confused on whether she wanted to run or attack. Jasper leaned in closer, amber eyes shining with amusement as Garnet leaned back in response.

“I think I’ll stay for a little longer.” Jasper said.

At that, Garnet stood from her chair and glared at the other woman through her shades, lips curling up to show her teeth. The rumbling wanted to escape from her throat again, but she suppressed it barely. Jasper leveled her with amber eyes, and she straightened up and crossed her arms over her chest, showing off her superior height to the dark woman.

“What are you going to do about it?” A challenge. A quick glance around the room told Garnet that they had garnered the attention of a few officers, some looking like they were ready to intervene should things escalate, others looking as though they were waiting for a good fight to happen. Somehow, noticing the attention made her temper simmer. She relaxed from her tensed state, but only by a little.

“Nothing,” It was hard for Garnet to not spit the word. She straightened up as well. “Kicking your ass is a waste of time.” The dark woman made to sit back down.

Jasper scoffed, “Like you could kick my ass, Clarke. But you’re right,” Another infuriating grin. “No need to embarrass yourself.”

Garnet took a seat on her chair, elbows and arms resting on the table, her fists clenched tight enough that her nails nearly pierced the skin of her palm. She leveled Jasper with a dark glare, mouth set in a tight line, not trusting her words to be anything short of another challenge or an insult.

_I’ll kill you._

The intrusive thought made her blink, face falling into a look of surprise for a brief moment. Mismatched eyes averted to the desk, and Garnet let out a breath as she turned her hands over to splay them across the wood. It was the first time she had an intrusive thought that related to the killing of another human, but not the first that she was tempted to go through with. Fingers twitching, Garnet struggled between the sides that began to war with each other; the rational and the ‘animal’ one, as she had taken to calling it.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, Clarke.” And Jasper didn’t leave room for another word as she turned on her heel and headed off towards her own desk, footsteps thumping against the ground, each thump stinging Garnet’s ears. Her arms shook, but the dark woman could no longer tell whether it was from anger or anxiety. She was preoccupied with her own mind and the thoughts swirling around inside it.

_I could kill her._

Garnet grimaced.

_Killing is wrong._

The fist of her scarred wrist clenched into a tight ball.

_It would be easy._

The fist relaxed.

_It’s wrong._

The ringing of the phone made Garnet flinch back, something that resembled a whimper leaving her lips. As the phone rung on, a dark blush spread from her cheeks down to her neck, the dark woman embarrassed at the noise she uttered. Swallowing, she forced herself to calm as she reached for the phone.

\--

A locked door was better than an unlocked one. Far safer. Far easier to guard. Garnet stayed near the bedroom door, sitting with her knees tucked to her chest and her strong arms wrapped around them, shades for once off her face and resting near her hip. The room was quiet, quiet enough for Garnet to hear the faint sound of blood rushing through her ears, and where she sat allowed her to have full visibility of the room, save for what lied behind furniture. Still, she trusted her ears to warn her of potential enemies.

In the back of her mind, Garnet knew she was being ridiculous, that there was no reason for her to be this paranoid in her own home. But she couldn’t shake the feeling off, it clung to her and refused to leave. Hairs raised on her body as she heard a car pass down the street, her body straightening until the noise of the engine quieted. A shaky breath left her lips as she relaxed into a hunch, hugging her knees tighter. Through the blinds, the light of the moon dashed across the wall in three slits, the only light aside from the hallway light peering underneath the door.

A soft growl escaped from Garnet as she heard another car pass by, bristling at the noise and baring her teeth at the unseen enemy. The car continued to rev, the noise never fading, and the sound began to wear on the dark woman’s already-shot nerves. Her hands gripped her arms tighter, and her nails pierced the thin top layer of skin, drawing pain but not blood. Garnet almost wished blood had been drawn; she was getting hungry again.

“Garnet?” The voice was accompanied by the sound of the front door shutting. Garnet sprung from her spot on the carpeted floor and flung the door open, striding down the long hallway. Pearl was in the process of setting her bag on the couch when Garnet came out to greet her, and the pale woman straightened up and regarded her with a smile that quickly fell.

“You look frazzled.”

Garnet wondered what gave it away: the bags under her bloodshot eyes, the more-disheveled-than-normal hair, or the slight twitch in her index finger that she couldn’t seem to get rid of. Garnet never replied to the comment, though. She only stepped forward and wrapped Pearl into a tight hug, strong arms holding her in a way that was almost possessive.

“How was work?” The dark woman murmured into Pearl’s ear, head and back bent so she could do so. Pearl let out a sigh as she returned the hug.

“Long,” Her eyes fluttered closed as she rested her head on Garnet’s chest. “You?”

“Uneventful,” Garnet said after a moment of consideration. She tightened the hug when Pearl tried to pull away. She didn’t want her to leave yet. “Want me to make you something?”

“No, I’ll just-“ Pearl let out a laugh when she tried to pull out of the hug only to be pulled in again, “Can you let me go now?”

“I think I’ll hold on a little longer.” Garnet’s tone was joking, but the smile she gave didn’t reach her eyes. Slowly, those eyes began to wander over Pearl, and a hiss of breath left from between her lips.

“Alright then,” Pearl nuzzled into her chest again. “I was thinking about eating some leftovers and going to bed, if that’s alright. It’s been a very long day.”

Garnet didn’t respond. One of her dark hands moved up to brush Pearl’s hair out of her face. Her fingers lingered on her cheekbone. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

“You really haven’t been sleeping lately, have you?”

Garnet focused in, pulling herself from the thoughts that were beginning to fog her mind again, seeing that Pearl was staring at her eyes. She shook her head.

“No.”

Garnet let go of the pale woman at last, taking a step back to rub her eyes and glance back at the hallway, irritated that she left her glasses behind. When she looked back she saw that Pearl was already heading towards the kitchen. An inclination to follow her filled the dark woman, and Garnet did so.

“Rose might be changing my schedule again so I’m not working as late anymore,” Pearl made idle conversation as she raided the fridge, the sound of items being shuffled around and clanking together sounding from it. Garnet eyed the wrapped leftover steak she brought out, her stomach panging at the site of it. Another breath leaving her, she looked down at her hand, at the multiple scabs and cuts that marred it.

“I guess she might have overheard some of my complaints about going home so late,” A frown pulled on Pearl’s lips, “I don’t mean to come across as whiny, I hope she doesn’t think that I am,” The loud bang of the microwave sounded, as well the subsequent beeping as Pearl inputted a time. Garnet watched her every movement.

“You’re worrying too much.”

_And I’m a hypocrite._

“I know, but this is the first boss that I ever liked and I don’t want her to-“

“Pearl,”

Pearl looked over at Garnet, eyes downcast.

“You’re overthinking it.” Garnet said. A sigh left Pearl as she turned back to the beeping microwave and pulled out the steak. The smell of it permeated the air and Garnet found her mouth watering, her eyes refusing to leave the plate Pearl carried to the dining room. She pulled up a chair next to Pearl’s, sitting far closer than she usually did.

“And you’re being close tonight,” Pearl joked, nudging Garnet’s side with an elbow, a smirk playing on her thin lips. She cut into her steak and brought the piece to her mouth, nibbling at it. The dark woman drummed her fingers against her thigh. Yet another breath leaves her lips.

“I’m feeling affectionate.” A lie. What Garnet was feeling was primarily lust and a need to protect her from an enemy that existed only in her head.  Garnet settled back in her chair and twisted her torso away, trying to seem less close.

“I can tell from the hug.” Pearl finished off her piece of steak and cut another perfect square, bringing it to her mouth. Without thinking, Garnet shot her hand out and wrapped her fingers around the fork, bringing it to her own mouth and stealing the piece from her. As she chewed, a slow realization came over her of what she had done. A shaky smile spread across her full lips.

“Mine.” Her pinky traced over Pearl’s knuckles, and Garnet didn’t know if she was talking about the steak or her.

Pearl let out a light laugh, “Alright, yours then.” She pulled her hand away and cut another piece, and this time Garnet let her eat it unbothered, sighing as she leaned even further away.

_What the hell was that?_

It seemed that she couldn’t even keep control of her own actions anymore. Maybe it was dumb luck that she didn’t end up acting on the intrusive thought she had at work earlier today. Garnet scratched at her temple and watched as Pearl cleaned off her plate, and when she stood Garnet stood with her, following her to the kitchen where she washed her dish and then following her down the hallway. Pearl glanced behind her shoulder twice during then, a small smile making her way onto her lips each time she caught Garnet trailing after her.

When they settled into bed, Garnet didn’t hesitate in pulling Pearl flush against her and wrapping her strong arms around her body. Mismatched eyes searched the front of the room rapidly, staring at the shadows they hadn’t adjusted enough to see past yet.

“You need to wear your gloves when you practice, Garnet,” Pearl sighed, her own dainty hands holding Garnet’s, fingers tracing over the scabs.

“They’re uncomfortable.” The dark woman responded.

“But you keep scrapping your hands.”

“It doesn’t hurt.” She had scrapped her hands against the bag only once before and the pain was a simple sting and a dull throb. The act of biting through the skin, however, that was something Garnet didn’t think she would get used to anytime soon.

_I shouldn’t be getting used to it. Stars, I shouldn’t even be biting myself._

Anger rose in her the more her thoughts trailed on, and Garnet gripped Pearl that much tighter, her lips pulling up to bare her teeth. A slight hiss escaped from the pale woman. She wriggled out of her grip.

“Is something wrong?”

And there it was, that damned question again. Shame, Garnet almost went an entire day without hearing it.

“Nothing!” She snapped, and she jerked away until she was teetering off the edge of the bed, inadvertently taking some of the covers with her. She heard a huff from her girlfriend as the covers were tugged back.

“Stars, do we really have to wait until Wednesday to talk about this? It seems like every day you’re getting worse!”

It stung, but it served to fuel her anger rather than create sadness. The instinct to bare her teeth filled her, and Garnet did so.

“We wait as long as I say we wait.” Her voice wavered, strained between her own voice and something else. She gripped the covers tighter, tight enough her knuckles turned white and the bite scar on her left wrist began to ache. Her eyes, still not adjusted to the dark of the room, could make out the bare outline of Pearl’s eyes, the way they were narrowed at her.

“You’re entitled to that, but when it’s bad enough to the point where you’re _snapping_ at me-“ Pearl let that hang in the air for a few moments “Then we need to talk about it sooner than later.”

“It’s nothing you can help.” Garnet growled.

“You don’t know that!” Pearl sprung up so her upper body was off the bed, thin arms thrown out in exasperation. Garnet shrunk away and bared her teeth again, bristling at the sudden movement. “You keep saying that and we keep arguing about it but the fact will _always_ remain the same: You. Don’t. Know. That.”

Garnet didn’t speak, and even if she tried to, she was sure her words wouldn’t come out right if at all. She spun around and slammed her feet onto the carpet, getting up and storming towards the door

“Where are you going?!”

Garnet stopped at the doorway, planting her hand at the threshold, “Getting away from you.” She ripped the door open and stomped out without another regard to the pale woman, slamming the door. The picture frames on the wall rattled with the force, one of the smaller ones tilting out of place. Shooting a glare towards it, Garnet shot her hand out and yanked the picture off its nail, holding it for less than a second before dashing the frame against the wall.

_Crack!_

A huff left her lips as she stalked down the hallway, some of her aggression simmered by breaking the picture. The living room was brighter than the bedroom, with the light of the waxing gibbous shining though all three windows. The moon was a crescent away from being full, and when Garnet glared at it she felt a spark of anxiety that forced her to glance away. The rage melted, allowing the unease to take root in her instead. Her fist clenched at her side. A sharp intake of air was taken in.

_Calm down. I need to calm down._

Her mental encouragements didn’t serve to do much. Her other hand moved to tangle into the black curls of her afro. Her lips parted to let out short, almost-panting breaths. The steady thumping of her heart grew more erratic with each passing second.

Mismatched eyes glanced towards the window again, at the ivory moon resting in the inky black of the sky. Its light allured her, but scared her at the same time. Garnet looked away again, not allowing her body the chance to become ensnared by it again. Her arms trembled first, before the shaking overtook her whole body and made the dark woman resemble a leaf in the wind. The panting became hyperventilation. Her fingers weaved through her hair and pulled until she could hear the ripping of the strands separating from her scalp. A terrified whimper escaped from Garnet’s lips as her mind began to fog with fear.

“Garnet?”

Garnet whirled around, losing her footing and falling right on her ass. She didn’t hesitate to scoot away from Pearl, who was standing above her with concerned eyes and crossed arms. It didn’t take more than a second for Pearl to realize that something was seriously wrong with the dark woman. Her arms fell to the side and she dashed towards Garnet, falling to her knees near her head.

There were no words of alarm exchanged, only Pearl wrapping her arms around Garnet’s head and pulling her to her chest, tilting her head down and whispering soft words into her ear, sentences that didn’t hold any merit or contain any strict orders. Just soft words that told Garnet to listen to the pale woman’s voice.  Deep down, she was aware that her and Pearl’s positions were switched, that she had comforted her girlfriend this exact same way before more than once.  Garnet hated it.

But she couldn’t contain herself as she gripped onto the cotton pajama shirt of the pale woman and squeezed her eyes shut, breathing coming out rugged through her nose, teeth gritted as she tried to focus on fighting off the growing fear. The powerlessness to do so without the support of Pearl made her anger flare up again; Garnet almost wanted to push her away.

Instead, she gasped out “Cover the windows, please, cover them”

Pearl responded, pulling away from her and speeding towards the windows to draw the curtains, and as each one was covered the room became darker and darker until Garnet could no longer see in front of her. The lack of the moonlight steadied her heart by a little, slowed her breathing enough to count. Garnet started relaxing. Pearl gathered her in her thin arms again and held her tight, leaning down to whisper in her ear once more. Garnet burrowed her head in her chest, each breath shaky, body still trembling in two second-intervals.

Then she began to cry.

Garnet didn’t know why, but the tears came flooding out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks, and once she began to think about it, she supposed it was all the stress from the last month finally snapping. The dark woman was glad it came in the form of crying instead of anger, at least. She held on tighter and pressed closer to Pearl, and those thin arms wrapped around her torso and pulled her even closer.

“It’s okay.” Pearl murmured.

“It’s not.” Garnet countered.

“I know it’s been hard for you.”

“That’s not an excuse for how I’ve been acting.”

“No, it isn’t. That was me trying to understand.”

Mismatched eyes glanced up at Pearl, at her round face and long nose and big blue eyes. Garnet gritted her teeth and gripped the cloth of her pajamas tighter as she shuffled backwards to rest her head in the pale woman’s lap.

“I don’t know what’s been going on. I really don’t know. I can’t figure it out.” Garnet lifted her hand in front of her face, flexing it into a fist and splaying it out over and over again. “I’ve been feeling angry, scared-.” Her cheeks flushed “horny beyond belief, and no matter how much I eat I always feel like I’m starving.” For a moment, Garnet considered telling Pearl about the craving she developed for blood. But then that would mean telling her that she had been biting herself to fight back the urge to kill something, and that would open another can of worms she didn’t want opened.

Pearl didn’t respond to Garnet’s confession, she only combed her fingers through the dark woman’s curly hair. Garnet felt prompted to continue at the silence.

“I-I can’t sleep because of these nightmares I keep on having, where I’m getting chased by some monster, or ones where you’re taunting me.” Once again, she decided to leave out a bit of information: the fact that the Dream-Pearl only appeared as a half-eaten corpse. The feeling of fingers running across her hair distracted Garnet from her swirling thoughts, if only for a moment. She shut her eyes as the last of her tears slipped out, trailing down her cheek to further wet the leg of Pearl’s pants.

“It’s getting harder to control everything: the anger, the fear, the lust, the hunger.” Garnet swallowed. She squeezed her eyes shut again and let out a breath. “I think I’m falling apart.” Pearl’s hand stopped stroking her hair and lingered near her forehead.

“All of these feeling have been only cropping up recently, right? After we got home from the hospital?” Pearl asked. Garnet nodded her head.

“Maybe I have rabies.” Garnet muttered.

“You were vaccinated.” Pearl brushed off the comment, stroking her fingers through her hair again. “Do you think…. Do you think it might be something going on mentally?”

Aggravation. It was rising again. Garnet almost pushed away from Pearl again but she fought off the feeling, wanting to hear her out. “No.”

“Bipolar disorder might fit the-“

“Pearl!” Garnet shoved away from the pale woman and glared at her. Pearl looked back at her in surprise.

“It’s not mental. Something else is wrong, something physical. I can feel it.” Garnet tried to explain. She glanced down towards the bite mark on her wrist, eyes tracing each indent. “I think- I think it has something to do with this.” Garnet pressed her hand over her wrist, covering the scar.

“The bite?” Pearl raised an eyebrow, lips set in a confused frown.

“Yes.”

Five seconds ticked by, not a word said.

“Are you sure this isn’t something that’s been going on before you were attacked? You might be equating the problem with the wrong thing, Garnet.”

Garnet considered that thought; she really couldn’t remember much that happened the week before she was attacked by the supposed-bear. She gave a slow nod.

“I… Maybe.” She squeezed her wrist, a pang and a burst of heat shooting through it, causing the dark woman to wince. “I don’t know. Stars, I don’t know.” She scrubbed at her eyes with both hands, face twisting into a scowl. “Sometimes I wished that bear had just killed me.” She muttered it, but still Pearl heard.

“Don’t say that!” Her voice had taken on an indignant tone. Pearl leaned forward, planting her palms on the living room floor. Her mouth opened, before quickly closing. Her eyebrows furrowed “This is something temporary, something we can work through together. I promise that I will help you, Garnet.” Pearl crawled towards Garnet and sat back on her heels, reaching forward to pluck one of Garnet’s hands away from her eyes to hold it in her own dainty one.

Garnet didn’t respond, she kept her own gaze to her lap.

“Look at me, Garnet.”

Pearl’s voice was stern, far sterner than it had ever been before. Garnet felt inclined to listen. She looked up, meeting her blue eyes with her mismatched ones.

“I promise you.”

Pearl squeezed her hand.

Garnet sighed.

“Okay.”          

Pearl smiled and pulled her forward and kissed her forehead. And all Garnet could feel was anger on how their positions had switched so quickly.

\--

The days went on, and the anxiety never left. It lingered around like a cloud following over Garnet’s head. And the anger followed after her like a loyal dog. Try as she might to contain it, the outbursts became more frequent, one of them bad enough that Pearl went to sleep on the couch one night, leaving the bed empty. A mattress never felt so cold.

Garnet sipped at her coffee and rapidly blinked her eyes, trying to fight off the growing drowsiness. Her sleep patterns have worsened over the last few days, leaving her with no energy to expend on anything other than finding a new position to sleep in. Still, Garnet tried to focus on her work, writing out a report and transcription of the most recent call she had. It was something along the lines of a car theft, from what the dark woman could remember. That was another thing; the lack of sleep was taking a toll on her memory.

Garnet sipped at her coffee again, only to find the mug dry. Frowning, she set it down and pushed it aside, away from her workspace, opening her mouth to let out a yawn. Rubbing her eyes with her index finger, Garnet continued writing, finishing off the last details before she set her pen down and stepped out of her chair. She headed over to the captain’s office. The man was sitting in his worn leather chair, pouring over his own work when he looked up at her arrival.

“Yes?”

“I’m taking an early lunch.” Garnet notified him. The captain nodded and gestured to the door, signaling his permission. There, Garnet left.

_A few minutes of shut eye, just a few and I’ll be ready to work again._

Garnet yawned again, mismatched eyes blinking owlishly beneath her glasses. She didn’t even realize she left the station until her boots were clicking against the pavement. The dark woman headed over to her car, opening it up and taking a seat. She pulled her phone from her pocket and set an alarm to go off thirty minutes from now. Garnet turned the key to ‘on’, turned on the heat, and reclined the seat back, allowing her tired eyes to close.

Her dreams consisted of nothing but an inky black sky and a white, glowing, full moon in the middle of it, and when Garnet woke up her heart was erratic, she was covered in sweat, and there was an impeding sense of doom filling her. Panting, she leaned back against her seat and glanced about the car. Through the windows she could see the empty lot, and the dashboard mirror contained much of the same. Garnet breathed out. Shaky hands reached for the discarded phone resting on the dashboard. Only four minutes had passed.

“Fuck…”

She was wide awake now, fear in place of drowsiness. Swallowing, Garnet stopped the alarm and leaned back against the car seat, pressing a palm on her sweaty forehead.

“Fuck!”

Her palm closed into a fist and slammed down on the center console, the thud sounding through the car and her hand stinging with pain. Heavy breaths escaped from her, and the dark woman was aware that she was baring her teeth again. She shut her lips and squeezed her eyes shut.

_1,2,3,4,5-_

Garnet stopped counting, letting out a sigh as she felt herself calm.

_This is hopeless._

The car door clicked as Garnet opened it. A dark hand pulled the keys from the ignition and the dark woman stepped out of the vehicle. She shoved the keys into her pocket and kicked the door shut. Scratching the back of her neck, Garnet made for the police station.

“Hey, Clarke!”

She stopped dead in her tracks, irritation flooding her. She didn’t turn to face Jasper.

“What?”

Jasper approached her with a wide grin, amusement in her amber eyes. Garnet regarded her through her peripheral.

“So, you’re sleeping on the job now, huh? Did you-“

Garnet didn’t let her finish “I took an early lunch and that’s how I chose to spend it.” She started walking again. Heavy footsteps sounded behind her as Jasper trailed after her.

“An early lunch? Clarke, are you slacking?”

Garnet scoffed.

“And you aren’t? What are you doing out here?”

“Returning from my patrol. I’m not surprised you forget we had those considering how comfy you made yourself in the office.” Jasper sneered. She squeezed past her in the tight hallway of the building, walking in front of her before stopping and turning to face the dark woman again. Garnet was forced to stop. Her fist clenched at her side. Her mismatched eyes glanced past Jasper’s wide shoulders and her hips, looking for a way to escape. Nothing.

“Not by choice.” Her reply was strained. Anger was boiling in her again, and combined with the exhaustion and remains of fear it was far more amplified than it had been before. Internally, Garnet started to count to ten again. “Let me through.” She said, her voice a little calmer than it was before. Her hand flexed into a fist and splayed out repeatedly.

Jasper seemed to consider it for a moment.

“Nah.” A wide grin broke out across her face.

Garnet opened her mouth to retort, before her jaw shut with an audible ‘click’. She sucked in a breath of air, twisted on her heel, and began walking back towards the lot.

“Where you going, Clarke?” Jasper called after her. Garnet ignored her in favor for getting out before counting to ten stopped working. There was a strange tugging in her ribcage. It wasn’t painful, wasn’t uncomfortable either, but it was there.

Garnet rubbed her side with a frown.

 “C’mon, I’m not done talking yet.”

“Leave me alone.” She surprised herself with how she managed to keep her voice steady despite the anger. Garnet was almost proud of it.

A large hand rested on her shoulder.

“Don’t walk away-,”

Every single thought in Garnet’s mind ceased then and there, leaving her head empty. A ringing replaced every noise in the station, replaced the sound of Jasper’s voice, replaced the sound of the dark woman’s own breathing. With a noise that resembled a snarl, Garnet swung around, fist out. It connected with the Jasper’s cheek, snapping her head to the side, staggering her back a foot.

“DON’T TO _UCH ME!”_

And just like that, her hearing returned and her mind was in a rush again, but none of her thoughts were coherent. Garnet’s entire body trembled with a barely-contained rage. Her knuckles ached from the hit, and when she glanced down at them she saw that her middle knuckle had split and was leaking blood that dripped down onto the blue carpeting of the hallway.

“You broke my fucking cheek!”

Mismatched eyes darted to Jasper again. She was hunched over, one large hand covering her swelling cheek while the other was planted on the wall, keeping her steady. Her amber eyes held nothing but contempt. Garnet sneered.

“Good.”

Without another word, she twisted again and stomped off through the door that led to the parking lot, heading straight to her car. She yanked the door open and sat down hard enough to make the vehicle shake with the force. Jamming her keys into the ignition, Garnet started the car and sped off from the station.

By the time she pulled into her driveway, her rage had only simmered a little bit, and Garnet was still angry as she shoved her key in the lock and turned it. The door didn’t budge. Baring her teeth, she tried again. Nothing. She barely resisted the urge to shout as she tugged her key out of the lock and stepped back, leveling it with one strong kick that left an imprint of her boot on the door and slammed it open. Screws and parts of the lock fell from the door with a clatter. Garnet didn’t spare another glance back at it. She pounded towards the bathroom and wretched the door open, stepping inside.

Planting herself at the sink, Garnet reached a hand up and snatched her glasses off, throwing them to the side. She glared at her own reflection.

_I could have killed her._

She let out a pant and gripped the counter tighter.

_She deserved it._

Her pupils were dilated to pinpricks, and her mismatched eyes held nothing human in them.

_I should have killed her._

She glanced down to her knuckle. It was still dripping blood. She brought it up to her mouth and pressed her tongue to it, the metallic taste overpowering her taste buds. Garnet calmed down only then, focusing on satisfying her hunger far too much to maintain her rage. She lapped at her knuckle and hand until the bleeding stopped and there was nothing else to taste. Her hand rested on the counter again and she looked back to her reflection.

She couldn’t muster up an emotion. Anger, fear, regret; nothing. Garnet huffed as she pulled away from the mosaic counter.

Turning, she left through the door that led into her and Pearl’s bedroom. She needed a nap.


	6. Awakening the Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet awakens feeling sick. It's a full moon that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this what you guys have been waiting for?

**_Awakening the Monster_ **

Garnet woke up to a burning and weak body. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and her stomach flipped over and over again until she brought her knees close to her chest in an attempt to keep last night’s dinner down. A soft groan left her lips as she twisted her hands in the sheets of her bed and curled into herself. Sweat shone on her dark skin and soaked into the sheets beneath her.

She felt fine yesterday, save for a bit of a stomach ache. Why she woke up today with a fever was what she was trying to figure out; usually her body gave her a few days of warning before she came down with anything. Another groan slipped out. She rolled over onto her back and brought her forearm across her burning forehead, squinting at the light in the room. Dark spots danced across the ceiling and zig-zags that almost looked like TV static ran up and down. Garnet shut her eyes. Her stomach cramped and she brought one of her legs up and stretched out the other, trying to offset the pain.

“Garnet?”

Garnet cracked open an eye, peering at the pale woman standing in the doorway. A glass of water was held in one of her petite hands, the other pressed onto the rim of the door. Garnet mumbled something unintelligible, closing her eyes again. Footsteps sounded across the carpet. A dull thunk as the glass was set down on the nightstand.

“Are you alright?” Pearl asked. The bed dipped with her weight. Garnet tensed as Pearl grabbed her forearm, but she allowed it to be pulled away to make room for her girlfriend to rest her hand on her head.

“You’re burning up,” Pearl murmured to herself. Garnet opened an eye again to look at her. She looked like someone smeared colors across paper. Garnet opened both her eyes fully and tried to focus, but the result stayed the same.

The smear of color moved up and begin to grow smaller, until a rectangular of white was replaced with a dark spot that became yellow. Garnet tried to figure out what was going on, but her mind was so muddled all she could think about was how much her stomach hurt and how hot she was. The dark woman shut her eyes again.

Footsteps padded on the carpet, and a small hand pressed onto Garnet’s shoulder.

“Open your mouth.”

Garnet opened her eyes instead, and still Pearl was a smear of color but at the very least she interpreted that she was holding a thermometer. Her lips parted, and the cool plastic and bit of metal slipped in. The metal poked at the back of her tongue uncomfortably, but Garnet kept it in place. A few seconds passed in silence before a soft beeping sounded from the device. Pearl took it from her mouth.

“A hundred and-!” Pearl clamped up. “Tha-that can’t be right.”

“What does it say?” Garnet squinted at her. The squinting helped to clear her vision until the smear became basic shapes and outlines.

“A hundred and twelve!” Pearl waved the thermometer in front of her face. The numbers were blurry, but Garnet could see that the temperature read true. She took it in for a moment.

“I think I’d be dead, Pearl.” Garnet shuffled back into the mattress and grunted at another cramp in her stomach. “Get me some aspirin and I’ll be fine.”

“I should take you to-“

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Garnet growled out. She leaned up to flip her pillow, resting down on it afterwards and enjoying the newfound coolness. She shut her eyes again. “Just get me an aspirin.”

She felt Pearl’s hand rest on her stomach, and she tensed again.

“Do you need me to stay home?”

Garnet snapped her eyes open and looked at the blur that resembled Pearl’s eyes.

“No. Go see your mom.”

“I can hold off for a few-“

“Pearl.” Garnet sat up, eyebrows furrowing at her girlfriend. “I can take care of myself. You need to see your mom.”

It looked like Pearl was grimacing, “It’ll be for a few days until-“

“This could very well be the last time you’ll be able to see her, Pearl.” Garnet forced her voice to sound even sterner than it already did. “I’ll be alright; I already have a few days off anyway. I can take medicine and sleep it off.” As she finished her sentence, shame rose up in her. She had gotten the call an hour after the incident with Jasper, after she woken up from her nap. The captain never accused her of anything or even mentioned the incident; all he said was that she should “blow off some steam’ for a few days and said he would see her next week. Without it having to be said, Garnet knew that her paycheck would look lighter. The dark woman supposed that she couldn’t be too mad about it. At least Jasper was prideful enough that she most likely downplayed her injury to the point where the captain didn’t think that further punishment was needed.

“I-I guess so.”

Garnet pulled away from her thoughts at Pearl’s response. The pale woman was looking away from her, one hand grasping her arm. She glanced back for a brief moment. “Are you sure you don’t-“

“Yes!” Garnet snapped. She gritted her teeth and took in a deep breath to calm herself. “I’m sure. Go see your mom.”

Pearl sighed and nodded. The hand on her arm moved down to grasp Garnet’s own clammy hand. Garnet gave it a light squeeze.

“If you’re sure about it,” Pearl murmured. “I’ll finish eating and then I’ll get going.” Pearl sat up from the bed. She stepped closer and leaned down, pressing a kiss on Garnet’s cheek, but she couldn’t even be receptive to it, as at the mention of eating Garnet was suddenly aware of how starved she felt.

“I love you.”

Garnet glanced up.

“I love you too.”

Pearl smiled. She turned and headed for the doorway.

Once she was out into the hallway, Garnet let out another groan and rolled over onto her side, her arms wrapped around her cramping and flipping stomach. She felt like vomiting, but at the same time she felt like eating as well. Mismatched eyes glanced down to a bandaged hand. Garnet curled her fingers underneath a loose strip of the gauze and pulled it free, undoing the wrappings. Her hand, wrist, and fingers were covered in bite marks, small and large, packed close enough that it was hard to see flesh. Still, Garnet brought her hand to her mouth and sunk her teeth into a scab, tearing into it easily and drawing the blood she craved.

Garnet lapped at the wound for a while, then opened more and more until her hand was stained with red and so were the sheets. Tongue brushing over the wounds again and again, the metallic taste flooded the dark woman’s mouth, filling her aching stomach. After she felt fulfilled, she wrapped her hand again and winced at the pain panging through her arm. She needed to stop, but she knew that if she stopped then she would end up finding a different way to satisfy her cravings.

Garnet shut her eyes and took in a few deep rasping breaths, shivering at a sudden cold brushing through her. Groping for her blanket, she pulled it up and over her body, trying to offset the cold. The blanket started to trap body heat. Then the dark woman was hot again. She tried putting off the covers but then she was shivering again. She pulled them up again. Hot. Threw them off and she was cold.

It was going to be a long day.

\--

A mixture of liquids and solids splattered against the ceramic of the toilet, staining the clear water a reddish-brown. Garnet tried to lean up, but her stomach squeezed and she leaned over and regurgitated again. The few curls that weren’t stuck to her sweaty forehead hung about her face, threatening to enter the ‘splash-zone’ that would prompt the need to shower afterwards. A line of thick saliva hung from Garnet’s bottom lip, and she wiped it with the back of her hand before setting her palm down on the wooden floor again. The smell in the bathroom was rotten, but the sights were even worse and Garnet closed her eyes, taking in deep breaths as to not vomit again.

It was mid-day, and this was the fifth time Garnet found herself in the bathroom since waking up that morning. Garnet lifted herself from the floor and slapped the handle of the toilet, flushing away the sick. Her shaking feet took her to the front of the sink, and the dark woman rinsed out her mouth and brushed her teeth. Her gums ached as she brushed, sparks of pain shooting down from the root to spread throughout each individual tooth. When Garnet spit into the sink, the foam from the toothpaste was red.

She rinsed until the water stopped turning pink, aggravated and confused at the sudden bleeding and pain. Garnet pulled away from the counter and walked out of the bathroom. She wasted no time settling back into the covers of her bed, even though her body felt far too hot. The sun was beaming into the room through the window, shrouding the room in a deep yellow. It was going to set soon. Brushing a hand across her brow, Garnet turned over so she was lying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. Her wrist was throbbing with pain.

 ** _“Like me._** ”

The voice made Garnet shoot up, swiveling her body around, wide eyes scanning the room. Empty.

“ ** _Tonight._** ”

“Fuck, not again.” Garnet sprung from her bed- and almost immediately toppled over at the pain in her stomach that resulted. A soft groan left her lips as she wrapped one arm around her stomach, the other fisting into the carpet. Deep breaths were taken in and let out. The pain arrived and left in quick waves.

“ ** _Like me,_** ”

The voice stung her ears.

“ ** _You._** ”

“Sh-shut up…” The dark woman leaned down, wrapping her arms in front of her and resting her sweaty forehead on her forearms. Nausea began to rise again, whatever remained in her stomach rising up to burn at her throat. She swallowed the saliva flooding her mouth.

“ ** _Tonight._** ”

Garnet lifted her head to glare at thin air. The room’s color was dulling little by little, signs of a setting sun. She forced herself to her feet and made for the bathroom as quick as the pain and sickness would allow her to. Once again she found herself hunched over a toilet, heaving, stomach cramping.

“ ** _Like me._** ”

She vomited, staining pristine water and ceramic once more. The back of her throat ached with each gag and exit of fluid. Her chest rose and fell at a rapid pace. Garnet brushed her curls out of her face with her bandaged hand, holding them in a clump to keep them from falling again. Mismatched eyes slowly began to open. Her vision was smeared again, but second by second it began to clear, allowing her to see the red water in the bowl.

Ice raked along her neck. Garnet pressed her pointer fingers to the corner of her lips and pulled them away. Dark red blood stained the fingertips. On her hands and knees, Garnet forced herself up, gripping the counter for support. Arm muscles strained as she pulled herself up to the mirror, catching a glimpse of her blood-stained lips and the liquid leaking from the corner of them. The room was spinning, but all Garnet could focus on was getting to her phone and calling 911. Pushing herself off the counter, the dark woman took her first step… and promptly collapsed.

Everything was darkening, swerving back and forth, smearing into colors, hard to hear, couldn’t taste, thoughts refusing to be coherent.

_I am dying._

Except that one. That one rang in Garnet’s head over and over again as she tried to lift an arm up to crawl along the cold wooden floor. She was too weak, it wouldn’t even budge. Her vision was out completely, her ears couldn’t pick up any sound, and soon enough Garnet wasn’t aware anymore.

\--

Garnet awoke.

A gasp burst out of her lips as her eyes shot open. Her mind hadn’t caught up yet, but she was already crawling along the floor again, out of the lit bathroom and into the darkening bedroom. It was a light blue in the room, a signal of a sun almost set. Garnet kept crawling, leaving tracks of sweat on the wooden floor and ruffling the wool carpet. Her mind caught up then, and she stopped, slumping against the floor, panting.

_I-it’s hot in here._

She lifted herself to her knees and took a moment to rest because that simple action made her feel like she ran a marathon. Garnet panted harder, chest expanding and deflating. Her hands gripped at her thighs. Slowly, she began to make the push to get onto her feet. Her calves ached, her stomach flipped, her head was pounding. Garnet stumbled to the bed and planted a hand on the footboard, steadying herself. Black dots danced in front of her eyes. The bed, nightstand, and window split into double.

“F-fuck,” The dark woman brushed a hand across her face, and it came back dripping. Her hair stuck to her neck and forehead alike. Droplets of sweat dripped off her chin and nose. Garnet tried to move, but her knees buckled and she found herself falling. A dull thud sounded through the room, and Garnet writhed at the sudden onslaught of pain racking her body. It was everywhere at once; her arms, legs, stomach, chest, spine -stars, especially her spine- head, even her mouth. She gasped like a fish out of water, white exploding in her doubled, smeared vision. A scream began to bubble in her throat.

Then it stopped.

Just like that, the pain was gone and Garnet was reeling. She rolled over onto her back and gripped the carpet hard enough the muscles in her forearm began to ache. Her lungs were hurting. Garnet realized she wasn’t breathing. She gasped again, swallowing mouthful after mouthful of air. Her wrist was burning, why was it burning? The dark woman pulled her arm up and looked at it. The muscles, barely visible under the cover of her flesh, were spasming, irritating the bite scar. Whimpering, Garnet slapped a hand over it.

“Fu-fuck!”

Garnet hunched over herself. Squeezing her wrist. Heavy panting. Trembling.

The room was becoming a darker blue.

Her mind was a swarm of curse words, several of which escaped her lips as she lifted herself from the floor once more and stumbled over to the nightstand. A bottle of Advil rested next to her phone. Garnet swiped the bottle off the wooden surface and twisted the cap open to shake two pills into her mouth. She chewed them into a powder, the bitter taste flooding her mouth, replacing the tang of copper. Throwing the pills aside, she reached for her phone. As she brought it close, a light glinted off the phone screen.

Cold. She felt very cold then. Her mismatched eyes were moving on their own accord, dragging away from her phone to look at the window. A deep blue sky, turning progressively blacker further up, with bright stars clustering and standing single across it. One large grey cloud peeked from the side, hidden mostly by the window frame. That’s not what drew her eyes though. It was the brilliant glow of the full moon that did, hanging low in the horizon, shining its ivory light straight through the window.

The phone fell from Garnet’s hand.

She found herself moving, feet walking her to the window on their own accord. Garnet moved until she was right in front of it and then she stopped and planted her hands down on the window seat, leaning forward to get a further look at the full moon.

It was so enticing.

It was almost like the light was shining through her.

It’s hot in the room.

It’s getting harder to breath.

Garnet gasped and gripped the edge of the window seat, arching her back as she tried to offset the painful pressure gathering there, with no such luck. A groan slipped free from her lips. Sweat dripped off her face and trickled down her arms to her palms, slickening the window seat. Her legs couldn’t take her weight anymore. She dropped to her knees and narrowly avoided collision with her chin on the window seat. Even if it did hit, the pain wouldn’t be much different from the ache settling in her teeth and gums now. The taste of cooper flooded her mouth again.

A scream almost left her lips, but Garnet choked last minute. Her back shifted upwards and her spine cracked loud enough to almost echo in the room. Fingers dug into the seat, nails pulling the white paint away and revealing the dark grey drywall underneath. A steady stream of blood left from out the corner of her lips and soon Garnet found herself spitting as it flooded her mouth and her throat and threatened to drown her. White spilled out amongst the red, and when Garnet looked closer she saw that it was her teeth.

Panic tried to flood her, but all her focus was on the pain racking her body. From her muscles, to her bones, to her organs, to her skin, and Garnet could have sworn that she felt her cells throb too.

“Ah, fu _ck!”_ Her voice was changing, and then Garnet truly started to focus on herself and she realized that _everything_ was changing _._ Black hairs steadily pushed from the pores of her arms, and when she lifted her hands up, she saw her nails were cracked in the middle and bleeding. She blinked her burning eyes. Her spine snapped audibly again and her neck involuntarily jerked to the side and Garnet let out a cry that sounded gargled with an animal’s yelp.

_Crick!_

Burning eyes that were starting to shine gold looked up, watched as claws pushed free from the remains of her nails, watched as black fur shrouded over arms that looked thicker in muscle than normal. Then her focus was torn away as Garnet realized how hot and oversensitive her skin was and how badly her clothes were irritating it. She curled her clawed hands around the hem of her shirt and tugged it upwards, pulling it off and trying to go for her bra before a spasm in her lower back and her shoulder crunching made her fall forward onto her hands.

She was coughing again, spitting out more blood and the last of her teeth, but when Garnet clamped her jaw again she heard a loud ‘clack’. Her tongue ran along her mouth and found sharpened points rather than gums. Air was getting harder and harder to inhale, despite the opened-mouth gulps Garnet was struggling to take in. A deep ache started in her sternum and spread throughout her ribs. A clawed hand pressed over her heart and squeezed, nails piercing through flesh easily and drawing hot blood. Garnet jerked her hand away and observed the stains of red on her fingers, the pads of which were thickening, as well as the pads on her palm.

_Crack!_

It sounded several more times as each of her ribs broke to make room for expanding lungs. Garnet couldn’t even make a noise this time; she only writhed against the floor gasping for air she was still being denied. Hands flexed and stretched out, further and further until they looked a cross between paws and hands. Muscles strained and swelled. Bones broke and began to mend themselves in a different form. A spine began to decompress, more and more until the skin covering Garnet’s tailbone stretched and ripped as it forced itself out.

The room was tilting dark and forth, becoming dark and then becoming brighter, hearing dimming until Garnet could only her blood rushing through her ears, then turning up until she could hear a car several miles away and a person arguing on the phone with their spouse. Smell limited to just the copper scent in the room, then she could smell everyone who had ever been in this room and she could even smell the person in the car and knew that they were female and had just eaten chips and they were wearing rose-scented deodorant made with- she couldn’t think anymore.

Her legs were hind legs now and her body was covered in black fur and she had a tail and she was a lot taller and bigger and her jaw was unhinging and _it hurts so much_ and-

And then she roared.

\--

The light empowered her and the small furry thing couldn’t run quick enough. She caught it between her massive jaws and took off its bottom half and chewed eagerly, blood and meat and fur filling her mouth and spilling out from between her teeth as she satisfied the burning hunger in her stomach. Then she caught the scent of something sweeter and she began to run, quick and quicker, lights and shapes and large metal moving things passing by her in a blink of an eye. She found the sweet scent and tackled it and dug in, ripping open its soft belly while it screamed and slapped at her head. She caught one of those arms between her teeth and pulled and gnawed on it while the sweet scent became still. 

She hunched over it and ate more and more until white began to peek out, then she crunched that and ate what spilled out until another sweet scent wafted into her nose and her hunger roared to life again. She ran away. Speeding towards it in a place where large brown things topped with green stuck up from the ground. She broke through green and batted at the sweet smell with a hand, knocking it to the side before she descended on it and ate. Another sweet scent, and she was off again.

And then she killed and then she ate. And then she killed and then she ate. And then she killed and then she ate. And then she killed and then she ate. And the empowering ivory light drifted away and became a pale yellow one that burned her body and made her weaker and weaker until she knew no more.


	7. Awake as Someone New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet wakes up in a place she does not recognize, with a faltering memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness!

**_Awake as Someone New_ **

Grass poked into her stomach and legs like soft needles, serving to make her aware that she was alive. What roused her from sleep was the blaring sound of birds, a squirrel cracking into an acorn, and the sound of waves crashing off in the distance. The smells hit her soon afterwards, the smell of nature, dirt, blood, people, animals, _everything._

Garnet let out a groan and tried to shift upwards, but the pain shooting throughout her body kept her from doing so. She let her mouth fall open and panted instead, but even that hurt her jaw. Opening her eyes only served to draw a cry from her lips as they were assaulted with bright lights. She felt powerless lying there, too fatigued and in pain to do anything other than breath. Cold air brushed over her body, eliciting a shiver from her, and Garnet realized for the first time that she was naked.

Her mouth tasted like blood, and there was a pressure between her molars that told her that something was stuck in them. But Garnet was more concerned about the metallic taste; just what the hell happened? Her memory gave her nothing other than when she went to bed a few days before. Was it even a few days before? Stars, she couldn’t think straight. Her hands closed into fists, pulling grass and cold dirt from the ground. She tried opening her eyes again.

Light shot into them, instantly springing tears and making her eyelids squeeze shut. It hurt too much. It had never hurt this bad before. The dark woman tried once more to lift herself, but her arms were noodles and her body was a sack of bricks. Short pants left her lips before she clamped her jaw shut. The darkness her eyelids provided began to bleed into something else, images of her standing at her window seat, images of running through the woods, images of the ivory light of the full moon.

The oddest feeling swept over her body at the last image. The feeling was warm and exhilarating, arousing her body from its fatigue briefly. She took advantage of that, lifting herself onto her hands and knees at last. Garnet’s limbs wobbled, but she didn’t let herself fall. Once more, she tried to open her eyes, this time making sure to not let them open all the way. Squinting them was still painful, but not enough to make her close her eyes to spare them from the light again. In front of her was an oak tree, standing tall and proud in front of smaller trees and the surrounding brush. Garnet swiveled her head. Trees surrounded her on all sides, and beneath her were mounds of dirt and grass and rocks.

Directly under her was a large spot of matted red grass, and her equally-as-stained hands. Blinking, Garnet sat back on her ass and raised them up. Dried blood coated them fingertip-to-elbow, and at her fingertips were curved claws. Mouth hanging open, Garnet brought her arms closer to her and flipped her hands palm-up. The claws were as real as they were the other way around. She closed her mouth, and there she realized that her mouth was fuller than usual, the tips of her teeth scraping against the inside of her lips. She ran her tongue along her teeth and found sharpened points that threatened to slice into it if she added anymore pressure.

The wind picked up, blowing her curls out of her face as well as the black fur covering her arms and body. Blood splattered her chest, arms, and, judging by the stiffness, her neck and mouth. Garnet swayed back and forth. Her legs gave out and her knees suck into the cold ground, her clawed hands planting down next to them. A deep breath. She sucked salvia into the front of her mouth and spat. It came out as a red glob.

The sun steadily began to rise higher, its light shining through the mix of green, red, and yellow leaves, shining down on her back and relieving the skin only slightly from the cold. Her hands began to curl around the grass, gathering it into her hands, ripping it from its place in the ground. She didn’t realize it at first, but her body shaking wasn’t from the cold. Garnet hissed and shot down, pressing her forehead against one of her fists, trying to calm herself from the panic she could feel filling her. Inch by inch she crawled along the floor of the forest, away from the small clearing and the grass matted with blood and all the strange feelings filling her. But that one stayed with her no matter how far she crawled. Sounds were still blaring, the foliage was still too detailed, and things were still too pungent. Miles away, she smelled a hotdog stand, and her stomach growled and panged but she felt like vomiting rather than eating.

Garnet crawled. Out of the trees and through clearings and back into the trees. A few times she attempted to stand, but her legs gave out again. The dark woman moved at a snail’s pace through the woods, all until she came to a neighborhood and recognized her house by its smell. The dark woman didn’t bother to glance around to see if she was being watched. She crawled along the trimmed grass and checkered lawns until she found herself at her back door twenty minutes later. Then she tried standing again. Her legs quaked. Pain shot up and down every part of her body. Still she gripped the doorknob and turned it, almost crying out in relief as it gave no resistance and opened.

The darkness of the house was an immense relief to her oversensitive eyes, the quiet helping her ears and weakening her headache. But still the smells were there; all the food in the fridge, the blood in the bedroom, the lingering scent of Pearl, her mothers even though the last time they were here was months ago, their cocker spaniel named Frog, _herself_. Garnet gritted her teeth together and stumbled further into her house, her hands pressed to the wall to keep her balance. She inched along the wall, pausing as she met the laundry room door. Detergents, dirty clothes, water, lint, mildew. The low thrumming of electricity running through the circuits and plugs behind the machines. A sharp breath. Garnet continued on until she met the bathroom door, and she opened it and nearly fell, catching herself on counter. It didn’t matter though; still she sunk to her knees and held on tightly, clawed hands digging in. Quiet pants let her lips.

Garnet couldn’t think of anything other than cleaning herself, getting the taste of copper out of her mouth and washing away the stickiness and stiffness of blood, the mustiness of dirt, and the fur that clung onto her. Pulling herself up, Garnet hesitated flicking the light switch on, remembering the pain from opening her eyes outside. The gross smell of gore made her decision for her, and she turned on the light and let out a yell as her eyes were assaulted. Involuntary tears spilled down her cheeks, blurring her vision.

Several seconds later, she managed to open them and met a stranger in the mirror. A stranger with curly black hair like her own, but with mismatched eyes that looked wild and unfriendly. With a mouth covered in dried blood that spilled down to her neck and chest, it added to the unfriendliness. Garnet yanked the faucet up, hearing a small crack come from it that signaled she pulled too far, as well as the sound of water rushing through pipes to spray out into her sink. The smell of water and soap overpowered the blood and dirt for a few minutes while she scrubbed her mouth and neck clean. A shower would still be needed afterwards, but Garnet wasn’t thinking straight. All she knew was that she wanted her face clean and recognizable.

The dark woman hadn’t opened her mouth yet, and she was afraid to. Running a hand along her chin, Garnet swallowed, tasting more blood and hints of something else. Her lips parted. She bared her teeth.

Not a single one of them were white, all stained either pink or red, but what caught Garnet’s eyes was the fact that they were no longer wedged or blunt, but each one had its own sharpened point and looked a little longer than they did before. Save for her canines, which were definitely longer, long enough for the top set to overlap the other teeth and touch at her bottom gums and long enough for the bottom teeth to scrape at gum right above the top canines. Another thing caught her eyes, a bit of pink between her teeth. Garnet thumbed at it with a raised eyebrow. The texture was slimy. It was shaped like a string. She pulled until it dislodged, holding it between her thumb and index finger to examine it.

Garnet dropped it into the sink, where it stained the water pink as it drifted into the drain. She didn’t want to know. Leaning down, she cleaned out her mouth with water, and then reached for the mouthwash and swished it. Several seconds later she brushed her mouth out with toothpaste and spat the rest of the pink foam into the sink, swishing with water and leaning up again so she could examine her mouth. Clean white fangs. Experimentally she smiled, and the reflection in the mirror greeted her with the most unfriendly smile she’d ever seen. Her face dropped.

_I’m dreaming. This is another one of those surreal dreams or realistic hallucinations. This isn’t real. I’m asleep._

She pulled away from the counter and let out a deep breath, shutting her eyes and trying to stop her hands from shaking. Step by step she approached the shower, twisting the faucet three times and hitting the pin so the water came out of the shower head. Another deep breath. Garnet stepped in and began to scrub at the blood on her body.

\--

The last of the pink washed away, leaving clear water to pool at the drain. Garnet stared at her feet, shaving off the last of the hair beneath her belly button and tapping out the razor against the tub. Garnet examined the blade afterwards. There was still coarse hair stuck into it, and sliding her finger along the blade drew no blood or a sting of pain. Dull. She would have to throw the top out and replace it. Setting the item down on the side of the tub, Garnet spent one last minute making sure all the soap was off from her body and her hair, and then she turned the shower off. The smell of steam and lavender permeated the air, and without the running water filling the silence the dark woman’s ears began to pick up other things. Dogs barking, crying, cars beeping and tires rolling along the asphalt, birds and leaves rustling against the window.

A headache formed behind Garnet’s eyes.

_This isn’t real. I’m asleep. Once I wake up things won’t be as loud or odorous or bright._

Garnet headed out into her bedroom after drying off. The blankets and sheets on top of the bed were rustled and out of place, but what caught her eyes was the light pouring in from the shattered window. Hastily she ran over, forgetting her pains and aches and gaining a reminder about them once her knee popped and she fell onto her hands with a short cry. Her muscles throbbed. Garnet hissed, tilting her head sideways. Broken glass littered the window seat and the ground in front of it, as well as shreds of clothing and her intact T-shirt on the ground. Reaching for it, the dark woman felt its dampness, smelled the sweat and vomit and blood on it. Blood everywhere, all over the carpet. Garnet lifted herself to her feet and spotted scratch marks on the window sill. Her mismatched eyes trailed to her clawed hand.

_This isn’t real._

But still, she couldn’t leave a mess. Garnet dressed herself and she set off into the other room to retrieve a broom and dustpan as well as a carpet cleaner and a rag. First she swept up the glass shards, and when enough of them were gone, she sprayed the carpet down with the cleaner and went to dump the dustpan full of glass.

“This is not real, I’m dreaming, I don’t know why I’m doing this but I know it’s not real,” Garnet muttered.

She left the broom and dustpan leaning against a counter in the kitchen and fetched the vacuum cleaner from the hallway closet. Returning to the bedroom, she set the vacuum aside and dropped to her knees in front of the window. The carpet cleaner had risen into pink foam, and at the first scrub already Garnet could see that it would need multiple layers. Still, she cleaned up the foam and ran the vacuum across the carpet for several minutes, picking up whatever glass she might have missed, as well as the ruins of clothing.

As she set the vacuum cleaner into the corner and bent to spray the carpet again, her ears picked up the noise of a car door slamming, and the scent of Pearl flooded her nostrils. Garnet straightened up, eyes wide with surprise looking at the door. She could hear the sound of feet walking across gravel and pavement; hear the sound of keys jingling as they were drawn from a pocket. Anxiety flooded Garnet. She snapped her gaze forward again and wildly scrubbed at the carpet. Her wrist began to ache long before Pearl even reached the hallway, and by the time the pale woman opened the door, her shoulder was on fire.

“Garnet?”

Garnet stiffened.

“What are you doing on the- What happened to the window?!”

Her yell was obscenely loud; Garnet almost covered her ears from it. Instead she scrubbed harder at the carpet, trying to get out the last of the red stains. She heard Pearl’s approach, and she tensed further. A cloud crept into the front of her mind, scattering away her thoughts, filling her with a sense of danger.

A low growl, nothing that sounded human, slipped from her lips.

“Garnet, what happened? Did someone-“

“Go away.”

“What?” Pearl’s voice was small, as if she were offended by the demand.

Garnet bared her teeth on an instinct.

“Get. Out.”

Instead, Pearl approached again. Garnet gripped the rag in her hand, squeezing it in an attempt to dispel the anger coursing through her.

_Get out of here._

_I have no reason to keep her away._

_I want her gone._

Two parts of her warred against each other, and little by little the violent one was winning out. Garnet tried taking deep breaths, but it was thwarted by a second growl rumbling out from her throat.

“Garnet, if something happened I need to know about it.” Pearl’s voice was stern, and Garnet was sure that the pale woman was crossing her arms.

She stood up, throwing the rag down.

“Get. _Out.”_ Her voice changed deeper, rougher, and she was clenching her teeth so hard she was sure one of them was about to chip. Her ears picked up the sound of Pearl’s increased heartbeat, the stench of her sweat and natural, almost-vanilla-like scent.  The cloud had settled fully in her head, no other thought running through it. Her muscles and bones and skin ached; she was vulnerable in this state, Pearl could hurt her, she needed to get rid of her, Pearl could resist, she needed to kill-

Garnet whipped around at the hand that rested on her shoulder.

Blue eyes wide with concern, a pale face twisted with worry and something reminiscent of alarm, a thin hand raised in the air and another worrying against her pants.

The fog dissipated.

Garnet’s shoulders dropped, a breath she didn’t know she was holding escaping from her lips. Her mismatched eyes turned down to her hands.

“I’m sorry.” Garnet pressed a hand up to her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Pearl made no move to approach. She was looking down at her feet.

“Lately, a lot has been wrong with you.”

Garnet winced at the brutal honesty, but she made no move to refute it. She didn’t want to stay on the subject any longer, though.

“Your mom, did you get to see her?”

Pearl nodded.

“I did, she didn’t-,” Pearl paused. “She didn’t really remember me. She thought I was her sister.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. All that matters is that I got to see her.”

Garnet nodded.

“Uh, about the window. I kind of-,” Garnet searched for an excuse. She looked down at her hands, and her eyes widening in shock as she saw that all the wounds from her biting herself were gone. Her jaw clamped shut.

_Okay, this is definitely a dream._

“P-put my, uh, put… my… foot… through it.” Garnet swallowed and chided herself internally for the poor excuse and the terrible lying she did.

Pearl didn’t look surprised.

“Of course you did.” She sighed out before rubbing her forehead with her hand. Her blue eyes were looking at the broken window. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Must have been one strong kick. You dislodged the frame too?” Pearl said walking towards the window to further examine it. Alarm bells rang in Garnet’s head as her girlfriend stopped in front of it. She could catch her in the lie easily. Pearl wasn’t an idiot.

_Why do I even feel the need to lie?_

_Why am I putting the blame on myself? I don’t even know what happened to the window._

Her mismatched eyes fixated on the blood on the carpet, how it all seemed focused on one place, before she trailed her eyes upwards to the window seat, where claw makes marred the drywall. Something started to push free from her memory, something that made dread settle in her stomach. Garnet furrowed her eyebrows.

“Garnet?”

The dark woman snapped out of her thoughts, the resurfacing memory disappearing as quickly as it came, leaving her without an answer.

“I think last night might have been a stomach bug, a pretty bad one. Uh, when I…kicked the window, it was partly because I… uh… th-thought there was someone in the room with me.” She stumbled over her lie, and once more she kicked herself for digging herself into a deeper pit. But something was telling her that she needed to lie to the pale woman. Hell, something that was forcing her to. She was saying the words, but in a way she didn’t know she was saying them. Her head throbbed, and she pressed a clawed hand to her temple and began to rub it.

“Garnet, you-“ Pearl paused. She slapped both hands over her eyes. “You know what? I don’t even want to deal with this right now, I thought I could come home and relax after an emotional day, but apparently that’s not the case.”

“Pearl-“

“I’m going to go outside and call Blue to let her know I got home safe, then after that, I want to be left alone.” Pearl said. Moving her hands away from her eyes, she fixed Garnet with a gaze that could almost be described as a glare. “Can you give me that, at least?”

The dark woman clicked her teeth together, feeling a spark of anger shoot through her. “Yes.” Came her strained reply. Pearl nodded, and without another word she walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Her fists were clenching together, hard enough that her nails threatened to break the skin. A deep breath escaped through her nose, then another, another, as she tried to calm herself down from what was boiling inside of her. It seemed that the moment Pearl was out of the room her emotions couldn’t keep themselves in check anymore. Shaking, Garnet took heavy steps to the bed. She sat. Her hands dug into the bed spread.

_Damn it._

Garnet pressed her palms onto her eyes and leaned forward, elbows resting on her thighs.

_Damn it!_

She wanted to punch something. Thoughts of going for a few rounds on her bag filled her head, but then, as if to remind her, aches shot through her body, muscles involuntary flexing from a spasm and a dull throb starting in her bones. No, she couldn’t punch something, not when she hurts this bad. Pulling her hands away from her eyes, she glared at her palms as if they were the source of her problems. Mismatched eyes trailed up her fingers, until they settled on the claws curving towards her, each with a wicked point. Her shoulders dropped.

_This isn’t a dream, is it?_

The senses, the interactions, the environment, all too real to be considered a dream. Garnet pressed her hands back onto the sides of her head and leaned even further forward.

_Fuck…_

 Never before had she been this confused. The blank in her memory still refused to fill itself, leaving her grasping for what little things made sense. Falling back onto the bed, Garnet stared up at the ceiling, another deep breath escaping her. Her eyelids felt heavy, and even though Garnet wanted stay up so she could attempt to unravel what happened, she wanted to sleep even more. Shifting so she was lying vertical on the bed, the dark woman closed her eyes, and within a dozen seconds her exhaustion washed over her and sent her into a sound sleep.

\--

On top of the bed, the dark woman’s entire body trembled. Her eyes moved rapidly beneath their lids, and her sharp teeth were clenched together in a way that threatened to crack them. A growl ripped from her throat, and Garnet thrashed over onto her side, clawed hands fisting into the sheets.

_Don’t hurt me!_

_I want to._

Her mouth fell open and light pants escaped through. A steady _shriiiip_ filled the air as claws dragged down the bed, ripping the sheets into strips with ease.

_There’s another one close by. I’m still hungry._

_I’m faster than you._

Golden eyes opened centimeter-by-centimeter at a time, until they snapped open fully and the black pupils dilated into pinpricks. A roar, and clawed hands shot out and grabbed the first thing they could find and jerked it towards an open mouth. Clacking filled the air as Garnet tried and failed to bite through an alarm clock, but the points still left dent after dent until finally the dark woman wretched it away from her mouth to glare at it. A growl as she dashed it against the wall. Garnet slipped off the bed and prowled towards the door.

Something smelled off, and soon Garnet realized that it was because Pearl wasn’t here. She had left some time ago, perhaps an hour before by how faint her scent was. Garnet continued her way on to the kitchen, her ears pricking and stinging at the sound of the loud TV blaring in the living room. Clawed hands ripped open the door and reached for the jug of milk sitting on the top shelf. Garnet chugged it. Thin streams of the liquid trailed down her chin and neck. When the jug was empty she tossed it aside and found something else, but as she reached for it, her body decided to stop responding, and there was a pull, coming from somewhere inside of her head. Slowly, her hand lowered, and the dark woman closed the fridge and leaned on it.

“…More on that later, we have an incoming report of an unidentified body…”

Garnet lifted her head up, listening in to the TV. Pushing off the refrigerator, she made her way to the living room.

“… Switching to Karen, who is on the scene…”

Garnet watched as the news anchor reported on the events for a few minutes, until the cameras began to cut away to different images. Do not cross police tape, on-duty officers (she tried to see if she could recognize anyone, but to no avail), until finally a video of a covered body on a stretcher being wheeled into an ambulance came on. One of the first responders bumped the wheel into the ramp as they tried to load the body in, and the brief jostling moved the sheet out of place, revealing a part of the victim’s face. Garnet’s eyes widened as a sense of familiarity washed over her.

An exhale of air left full lips, and the dark woman whirled around and shot off towards the bathroom. The door buckled underneath her weight, a fine crack splintering down its center. Garnet planted herself at the mosaic counter, her hand waving behind her as she tried to find the light switch.

_Bending over the toilet, Garnet retched. And when she drew back up, her eyes widened at the splattering of red across the porcelain._

Garnet needed to focus on her breathing, because she was hyperventilating at the sight of golden eyes and fangs in her reflection, still struggling with the recognition that filled her at the sight of the dead person’s face.

_That wasn’t me. That wasn’t me._

She pushed the door behind her open and left into her bedroom, almost falling on her knees.

_Losing the ability to walk, to see, to hear, Garnet thought she was dying._

_A pain and heat like no other filling her._

_The sight of an ivory full moon staring down at her as she changed._

She found herself near the broken window, kneeling on the carpet, looking down at the blood that had come from her own mouth not even twenty-four hours ago. Golden eyes that were slowly dimming back to brown and blue trailed a slow way up, until they settled on the waning moon.


	8. Resisting the Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After recovering from her transformation, Garnet finds that certain things are getting harder and harder to control with each passing day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the super long wait but I'm back now and ready for a consistent schedule! (please don't let me jinx myself)
> 
> I think one of the worst things about having a bunch of chapters premade is that I always run the risk of posting the wrong chapter. Like today, where I almost gave you guys chapter 17 rather than 8.

**_Resisting the Pressure_ **

Garnet tasted blood.

Thick, metallic, _deli_ -disgusting blood. When she opened her eyes she saw that she had bitten hard into her hand in her sleep. Better her than Pearl. She was sure that if Pearl chose to sleep with her instead of on the couch than it would have been the pale woman that Garnet had bitten instead of herself. The dark woman shuffled upwards on the bed, eyes dull as she examined her hand.

_Just fucking fantastic._

She slipped off the bed and trudged to the bathroom, not bothering with the lights because the room was already bright enough. She fished for the first aid kit under the sink and when she found it she wasted no time disinfecting and wrapping her hand with their dwindling supply of gauze. It was the fifth time it happened in three days, and Garnet thought that if her body wanted to injury itself that badly, then she might as well let herself bleed out at this point. Not like she wouldn’t deserve it. Mismatched eyes glanced at the door behind her, seeing how the dull white paint became a bright white in the center. A result of them using dry wall to patch the crack she had made. Much like how they used duct tape and cardboard to cover the broken window until they had enough money to properly repair it (fixing the front door blew through whatever extra funds they could spare this month.)

A yawn escaped her lips as she walked back into the bedroom and took a seat on the bed, rubbing her neck, wincing as she felt her fingernails slice into the flesh as though it were paper. Garnet yanked her hand back to glare at the claws that had already grown back, despite her cutting them last night. A quiet growl rumbled from her throat as she threw herself on the bed and shut her eyes in an attempt to sleep. She hated this.

A few days ago, she would have been sad about it. Crying, even. Garnet did that a lot on the first day, because her body still ached, her and Pearl were fighting, and she didn’t know what was going on. All she knew was that she had memories of turning into something, and she had recognized the dead body on the stretcher as someone she attacked. But every time she tried to think about it, her thoughts slowly turned from regret into what it would be like to taste more, to satisfy the hunger that was creeping up on her again. It felt like she was sharing her head with something else.

Garnet tossed around on the bed again and let out a low growl at the noise of a motorcycle revving up. It was a mile away, but it sounded as though it were right next to her ears. The dark woman tried covering her head with a pillow, but the noise still escaped through, irritating her more and more until she began to contemplate finding whoever was revving it and killing them. The covers landed onto the floor. Garnet stomped off into the living room.

At the end of the hallway, she stopped to look at the covered lump on the couch, feeling her irritation grow. On the second day, Pearl returned from wherever she had gone the previous night, still tense and still irritated. It didn’t take long for a massive fight to break out between them, and her girlfriend had refused to sleep in the bed since. Garnet didn’t know what came over her, but her feet started to move on her own and she found herself approaching the couch. A clawed hand snatched the blanket off Pearl, before resting on the top of the couch so Garnet could lean over the pale woman.

Her eyes were barely open, but slowly they began to open wider and wider until glazed-over blue eyes could be seen.

“What?” Pearl groaned out. She tried reaching for the blanket. Garnet grabbed it and threw it out of reach, prompting Pearl to attempt to sit up, her eyes narrowing.

“What?” There was more of a demand in her voice. 

“I think-,” Garnet paused to collect her thoughts. “We’re being ridiculous.”

Pearl looked unamused. “We?”

A growl attempted to rumble from Garnet’s throat, but she covered it by clearing her throat, pressing a fist to her lips before setting it back on the cushion of the couch, trapping Pearl in.

“Yes, we. Sleeping on the couch, avoiding each other all day. We need to talk.”

“Oh that’s _rich_ coming from you.” Her girlfriend seethed. She sat up on her elbows. “I’ve trying to get us to talk for a month now, but you refuse to, and when you do talk, you won’t tell me the truth!”

“I’ve been telling you the truth!” Garnet snapped. “You refuse to believe me!”

“Oh really?! You claim you kicked in the window, but your foot doesn’t have a single scratch on it, you’re sick for one day and then suddenly you’re fine, and I swear sometimes you come in here _reeking_ of wet dog-”

“I _did_ kick the window, I _was_ sick, and for stars’ sake why didn’t you tell me that sooner?!” Garnet did a test sniff of her arm, but her nose was blind to the scent, only picking up Pearl’s, the food in the fridge, all her neighbors within several blocks, and much more. The dark woman shot her arm back down, trapping Pearl in again, leaning further forward until their noses were almost touching. “I’ve been telling you the truth, hell, I’ve told you the truth before. Did you forget about our conversation a week ago?”

Pearl’s eyes softened.

“No, I haven’t.” Her shoulders visibly slumped. The sight of it doused the rage boiling inside the dark woman.

Garnet grimaced, hanging her head down, struggling between the two options her mind presented. Either tell Pearl, or keep the lie going for even longer. She found herself leaning towards the latter the more she thought about going for the former.

“It’s been getting worse.” She murmured. “So much worse.”

“You won’t let me take you to a doctor.”

“A doctor won’t help.”

“And you won’t let me help you.” Pearl finished with a blank expression. Garnet hesitated in her response; mouth slightly ajar until she remembered to close it as to not show her newly sharp teeth.

“I-“

“You’re giving me nothing to help you with. I don’t know how many times I have to say that, Garnet.” Pearl settled down on the couch. “Just… go… let me sleep. I don’t want to do this tonight.”

Garnet hung over her for a few moments, debating on whether or not she should heed her girlfriend’s request. A strange feeling set over her, one that told her that if she left now then things may be irreparable. Instead, Garnet sat down on the edge of the couch, next to Pearl legs. Garnet took in a deep breath. She rested her hand on the pale woman’s thigh.

“I want to stop fighting.”

Pearl didn’t respond. Garnet forced down the anger.

“And I don’t want to keep things from you.”

Pearl turned her head. Blue eyes stared straight at Garnet’s mismatched ones. She looked away.

“I hate fighting with you like this. I hate having to go to bed alone.”

Pearl’s eyes drew downcast.

“I do too.” She responded quietly.

“And I hate making promises I can’t keep. I know I need help, I just…” Garnet bit into her lip, almost drawing blood. She often forgot her teeth were sharper now. “Don’t want it.” Her eyes fluttered close, her face almost screwing into a wince for the angry reaction she expected to come any moment now. It never did. Pearl stared at her, blank, lips in a tight line.

“If you don’t want help,” A paused where her lips remained parted, “then don’t expect me to try and put up with you.”

A thick swallow. Garnet nodded.

“I can accept that.”

“Good.”

Pearl made to turn her head back to the side, but her body tensed. “Goodnight, Garnet.”

The dark woman almost replied, but she paused and rethought her actions. The blankets ruffled as she rose up to lean over Pearl again. She hesitated long enough her girlfriend to deny her or push her away, then she pressed a kiss on her temple.

“Goodnight.”

A hand grabbed her wrist as Garnet rose up. Mismatched eyes met blue ones as they looked down.

“Don’t go.”

Garnet trailed her gaze down to the pale fingers wrapped around her wrist, then back up to the pleading eyes staring right at her. Lust sparked through her, but she struggled it down. She wouldn’t give in to it. Now wasn’t appropriate. It probably wouldn’t be appropriate for a while. Garnet gently tugged her hand out of Pearl’s grip and leaned forward, pressing a knee onto the couch, waited as Pearl shifted to make room.

The two woman molded themselves to each other’s sides, lying sideways as to not fall off the couch, closer to each other than they’ve been in a while. Garnet rubbed her hand along Pearl’s shoulder, occasionally moving it up to brush away red hair. Her hand struggled to keep itself up high, though, wanting to travel lower. Garnet sucked in a breath and flexed her fingers outwards, willing herself to stay in control of her actions.

“I missed you.” Pearl whispered. Garnet tightened her grip on the pale woman’s shoulder, throat bobbing as she swallowed.

“I missed you too.” She replied.

“And this couch is outrageously uncomfortable.” Pearl added.

They both let out a half-hearted laugh. The dark woman shifted closer and snaked her arm around Pearl’s shoulder so she was hugging her flush against her. Her pelvis bumped against her ass, and the desire that she was losing a battle against continued to rise within.

 “Wanna move to a bed?” Garnet hoped Pearl wouldn’t pick up on how her strained her voice was.

“Yeah.”

The two took a few moments before they shuffled off the couch and into the bedroom. It was colder than usual due to the outside air escaping in through the broken window, despite the cardboard covering it. When they crawled under the covers, there was no hesitation in molding themselves to each other’s sides in an attempt to dash away the cold chilling them.

Garnet wrapped her arms around Pearl again, holding tightly, pressing herself close. Willing herself to ignore the urges screaming inside her.

“Goodnight… again.”

Pearl’s soft laugh made her lips quirk into a smile.

“Goodnight, again.”

She felt Pearl take her hand in her own, giving it a light squeeze, something she hadn’t done in a while now. It made her heart ache in a way, knowing that it hadn’t been done because of her behavior.

_I need to figure this out. I need to get this under control._

It was easier said than done. Her memories were still scattered and with work starting up again soon her available time in trying to figure herself out would be halved. Plus, doing something as simple as googling ‘why am I hairy and hungry all the time” didn’t give any reliable results other than telling her that she had a hormone imbalance, which means that she would have to go even deeper if she wanted an answer to what had happened to her that night. Garnet bit into her lip again, making sure to apply gentle pressure as to not cut into the soft flesh. Her hands ached to squeeze tighter, but she didn’t want to harm Pearl.

_Maybe I should tell her._

Mismatched eyes focused on the nearly-asleep woman. Pearl was always so understanding, she always accepted her for who she was.

_But that was when I came out to her, it probably won’t be the same when I tell her that I woke up naked and covered in blood in the woods, and that I possibly killed a man._

Garnet moved away from Pearl, a frown on her lips as she shifted onto her back to look up at the popcorned ceiling. Her eyes traced shapes in the material. She ran a hand up her forehead.

_Figure myself out first, then tell her? Might not be a bad idea-No, awful idea. Figure myself out, then fix it, then tell her so that way she won’t have to worry because it’s already dealt with. Or is that worse?_

She held back a noise of frustration as her palm covered her eyes, fingers pressing into her temple. She couldn’t remember the last time she was this indecisive; decisions came easy to her before.

A shift next to her pulled her from her thoughts. Garnet lifted her hand and peered to the side as Pearl moved closer, wrapping her arms around her, seemingly asleep. Garnet frowned and she looked at the hand that had been resting on her forehead, still bandaged. A spark of panic ran through her. Maybe staying with Pearl was a bad idea, what if she hurt her in her sleep?

_I wouldn’t do that. I would never hurt her._

The thought didn’t stop Garnet from staying up all night to avoid the possibility.

\--

A rhythmic snapping sounded through the bathroom as Garnet clipped her nails into a wastebin. Setting the clipper down, she ran a file over the jagged remains of them until they were smooth and no longer left light marks on her skin when she ran her fingers across her forearm. She dropped the wastebin back down next to the toilet and set the clipper and file into the drawer, stepping out of the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. The sound of a coffeemaker running drew her attention; Pearl was up. Her heartbeat thumped in her ears, and Garnet could hear her light breathing. The smell coming off of her was enticing. Garnet had to shake her head to rid herself of the lustful trance she was quickly falling into. Moving down the hallway and swinging into the dining room, Garnet greeted Pearl with a soft ‘morning.’

“Good morning.” Pearl replied back. She was standing over the coffee maker, one hand braced against the counter while the other rubbed at her eyes. Her hair was tousled out of place and her clothes were bunched up and wrinkled. Her mouth stretched open in a yawn. “You look tired.” Pearl managed to get out.

“Didn’t sleep too well.” Garnet approached her girlfriend with an intent to pull her into a hug and deliver a kiss atop her head, but she hesitated at the last moment. They had only just ‘made-up’ (She didn’t consider it making up as much as she considered it coming to an agreement that being mad at each other was tiring and lonely.) Best not to overstep any boundaries. She stepped back and leaned on her elbows against the counter casually. Her eyes caught the slightest frown appearing on Pearl’s face. Garnet cursed herself. Wrong decision.

“Well, at least we both get to sleep in today.” Pearl sighed out, mouth stretching in another yawn afterwards.

“Then work.”

“Then work.” Pearl agreed. She rubbed her eyes again. “What do you want to do today?”

Garnet’s eyes traced down her figure without her even willing them to, several inappropriate answers filling her head. She bit into her cheek to keep them from escaping her lips. Staying away from Pearl might be the better option, or at least going out and calming down before her self-control dwindled into nothing.

“Grocery shopping.” Garnet mumbled out.  

“Fun.” It dripped with sarcasm.

“Make a list for me while I work out?”

Pearl gave an affirmative nod. With a quick thank you (and resisting the need to give her an appreciative kiss) Garnet left the dining room and headed for the garage door. It was cold in the room, the air raising goosebumps on her skin, but the dark woman knew that would soon change as she approached the mats in front of her weights. Garnet took a few minutes to stretch, then she approached the dumbbell rack and grabbed a fifty pound.

Garnet almost whacked herself in the face.

Of course, she had been expecting the fifty-pound weight to weigh _fifty_ pounds, so she lifted it with the needed amount of power. The weight, however, felt like air, and so it sailed towards her head until she managed to catch herself before it made contact. Bewildered, Garnet pulled her arm away, looking at the weight, double-checking the engraving on it, then staring at her arm. The muscles weren’t bulging; her veins weren’t pressing up. It wasn’t even strained.

‘The hell?’ Garnet mouthed to herself as she set the weight down back on the rack. She looked at the bottom row of weights, where the hundred-and-up dumbbells rested. Kneeling down, the dark woman reached for a hundred. Wrapping her fingers around the bar and pressing her other hand on the plate, she started to lift, but found that the second hand was unnecessary because it felt like nothing. Garnet let her hand drop from the plate. She experimented with motions, circling her arm, then bringing it up so it was level with her shoulder, then up over her head. No strain. It felt like she was holding a balloon. Garnet once more brought the weight down to look at it, a frown on her lips.

She dropped the weight, and it thudded on the mat, sinking into the foam. When pulled away, it revealed a deep indent. Still not convinced. Garnet grabbed a water bottle from the mini fridge and set it down upright. Once more she dropped the weight, and the bottle promptly exploded as it was crushed, water splattering across the ground and Garnet’s legs. She picked it up again.

“I… can’t explain this.” Garnet muttered to herself. She placed the weight back on the rack and rubbed her head. She hadn’t worked out much since that night, due to the aches and the fighting. This discovery was new to her. Frowning, she took a few steps back from the rack and instead headed for her pull-up bar, where she leapt to catch the bar in her hands and started to pull herself up. She couldn’t feel any of the muscles in her back or arms being worked as she leveled herself into a muscle-up. She lifted a hand away from the bar. The slightest bit of strain in her shoulder. The dark woman dropped from the bar and landed on her feet.

“Okay, I guess working out is out of the question…” Garnet muttered to herself, scratching the back of her neck. A part of her wanted to be excited at the newfound strength, but all she could think about in the moment are what the drawbacks would be, if the strength was worth becoming whatever she had become. She reached for the doorknob and grasped it, almost surprised that she didn’t crush it in her grip. When she tried to do so she could hear the metal creaking, so she stopped and instead opened the door to go back inside.

“Done already?” Pearl was on the couch, a notebook in her hand and a pen in the other. Garnet shrugged.

“I wasn’t feeling it.” She took a seat next to the woman, close enough so that their thighs were almost touching. She glanced at the list. There was a sorrowful lack of meats. She would have to pick those up. She was getting hungry again.

“Garnet?”

Garnet blinked twice, looking up at Pearl.

“Yeah?”

“I asked you if you wanted me to go instead.”

“No.” Garnet didn’t hesitate with the answer, giving a small smile. “I’ll go. I need to make a few trips anyway.”

_Like trying to retrace my steps, going to the station to see if I can get any info on the man, a pair of earmuffs so I can get to sleep at night without every little noise rousing me._

Garnet went through her mental checklist as Pearl ripped the list from her note book and folded it into four squares, handing it to the dark woman afterwards. Garnet accepted the paper and slid it in her pocket, standing up from the couch.

“I’ll be back in a few.”

She started to walk, but stopped.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Once more, she debated whether or not she should go and kiss her, but even the thought of going and doing something as innocent as that started to escalate into doing more with her.  Instead, Garnet headed for the front door and outside into the cold morning air, hating her decision, but not regretting it.

\--

The groceries were in the car, and the bagged meats were calling out to her, but not as much as the small bunny out in the field was. Garnet tried to keep her eyes off it as she sifted through her memories to recall her steps, but after only a second her mismatched eyes would soon trail back over to it, and her stomach would growl, and her mind would scream at her to go and kill it. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore the bloodlust surging through her, and quickly she headed back to her car to lock herself in it before she wouldn’t be in control of herself anymore. A deep sigh left full lips as Garnet pulled the seatbelt across her chest and buckled it.

“Looks like I’ll have to retrace my steps some other time.”

It was her last errand; she got the groceries, the earmuffs, and some information about the case (the rest would have to be given to her tomorrow when she is on duty, however) Frustration rushed through her at the thought of not being able to get everything done. The dark woman turned on the car and put it into drive, veering back onto the road from where she had pulled off to the side. The smell of gasoline and exhaust filled her nose, masking the scent of the bunny. The further she got, the more the bloodlust faded off, until she felt somewhat normal again.

_How am I going to live like this?_

With the worries of her and Pearl’s relationship gone for now, Garnet found herself realizing more and more the severity of her situation. She gripped the steering wheel tighter. Store-bought meat might satisfy her cravings, but at the thought of tasting that bunny her mouth watered and she wanted to turn back and hunt it. Any thought of Pearl turned into something sexual, and when she tried to think of the wholesome parts of their relationship she couldn’t muster any emotion towards it. Realization dawned over Garnet as she switched lanes; this wouldn’t be something temporary. The realization was enough for her to almost veer into the car next to her, and its honking horn drew her out of shock enough for her to correct herself.

Swallowing, Garnet tried her best to cease her thinking, driving back home.

She took all the groceries in one trip, setting them on their scratched dining table and rubbing her forehead afterwards, looking back at the fixed front door. For a moment the dark woman wondered whether or not she should have checked a hardware store while she was out for window frames and glass, as a cheaper alternative to just hiring a repairman, when the smell of sautéed peppers and onions filled her nostrils, springing hunger back to the forefront of her mind as her feet moved on their own, leading her into the kitchen. Garnet peeked her head in. Pearl was standing over the stove, brushing the ingredients around with a spoon.

She walked in, eyes fully on the pan. Pearl glanced up at the sound of footsteps.

“Hi.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you get everything you needed to get done?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s nice,” An awkward silence fell over them. Pearl cleared her throat and switched off the burner. “I’ve, uh, just been premaking lunches for work, nothing too big.”

Garnet could smell sweat starting to bead on her skin, hear the way her heart was somewhat erratic. She was nervous. That was enough for her to snap out of her hunger and focus on her girlfriend. A frown pulled at her lips. She set a hand over Pearl’s hip.

“Wanna watch a movie later?”

Pearl perked up at the offer. “Which one?”

“Whatever one you want, I’ll watch anything.” Garnet smiled. The fingers on her right hand twitched, aching to travel away from Pearl’s hip. She shot her hand back to her side and took in a calming breath.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to watch this sci-fi for a while, it’s called-“

Garnet tuned Pearl out, focused on her heart rate and her smell, the latter becoming more enticing as the seconds passed.

She wanted her.

The realization made Garnet blink, and she started to back away from Pearl, hands moving behind her to grip the counter and squeeze until her palms and fingers started to hurt. She took in more calming breaths, and even started to count to three in her head. Still, the urges were roaring to life, more powerful than before, powerful enough that it even made the hunger seem small in comparison. Sweat started to bead on her forehead from the strain of keeping herself under control. Garnet wiped it away with a forearm.

“I mean, now that I summarized it, it sounds really cheesy. But I do love my sci-fi!” Pearl proclaimed at the end of her sentence, holding up an index finger in a way that was so dorky it made Garnet smile and forget her lust for a moment in favor for remembering why she fell in love with this woman. But then that dissipated. And all she wanted to do then was pin her against the wall and fuck her. The muscles in her forearm ached something terrible; she was gripping the counter so hard she thought it might break.

“That you do.” Garnet gave a strained smile. Her smile dropped. “So, uh, about last night.”

The mood dropped.

Pearl shifted her weight from foot to foot and crossed her arms, looking down.

“Yeah?”

“Wh-what are you comfortable with me doing? Do we still need space or-?”

The question hung in the air for a while, so long that Garnet wished she could reach out and grab it back, but it was out there and now her face was starting to flush from embarrassment. Her grip increased, the joints of her fingers popping.

“I-I, well I mean-we did, uh-,” Pearl stuttered. Her hand started to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. “We did come to an agreement.  But-,” She took in a deep breath and paused for a few moments, then let it out. “Sleeping with you felt nice. Really nice. And it… hurt… when you didn’t kiss me today at breakfast or before you left.”

Garnet gave a slight nod, but kept her mouth closed. She didn’t trust her words.

“We’ve fought, and we both said some things that I’m sure you didn’t mean and I know I didn’t mean. I want us to go back to normal, but we can’t ignore what’s been happening.”

“No, we can’t.” Garnet agreed. And she was looking over Pearl’s body, thinking about how good she would look bent over the counter.

“This has all been so confusing for me; it’s all been so much in so little time. I don’t even know how I’ve managed to handle it for this long.” Pearl rubbed at her eyes, which were starting to become red and glassy. She pulled her hand away and looked at something behind her. “Why won’t you go see a doctor? Garnet, this could be something diagnosed and it’ll all be better if-,” Pearl paused, her shoulders slumping. “You’re not listening, are you?”

“I am,” but Garnet’s voice was dazed and entirely unconvincing. “I’ll see a doctor if you want.” She murmured out. Her own eyes were glossed over, pupils dilated, the blue and brown irises carrying a glint of gold. Her head felt foggy, and everything looked like she was viewing it through a television screen, like she wasn’t there in the picture. Garnet took her hands away from the counter and crossed her arms over each other.

“You-you will?” Pearl’s head whipped around and her wide blue eyes settled on Garnet’s, searching for any hint of a lie.

“Yeah, I will.”

Then at last the tears started to fall, and Pearl held her head down and sniffled.

“I’m glad.” Her voice cracked, and the sound of another sniffle brought Garnet out of the fog, allowing her to realize what was happening with Pearl… and what she had agreed to.

_Fuck._

Anger flared deep in her, but still she marched over and pulled Pearl into her arms right then and there, keeping a hand on the back of her head and around her waist. She felt thin arms wrap around her and hands rest on her shoulders. Garnet pulled back to kiss away some of the tears, and she leaned in and whispered.

“Do you want to go lay down for a while?”

Pearl nodded against her chest. “I’d like that.”

So they did just that, lying flush with each other, not really saying anything other than a murmur that warned the other that they needed to change positions because something was starting to go numb. Pearl hands rested on Garnet’s shoulder blades, fingers splayed out and rubbing along the muscles. An appreciative hum, and the dark woman returned the favor by running her fingers through Pearl’s hair, something she loved and always managed to put her to sleep.

Garnet opened her eyes, the glint of gold gone from them. She stared down at Pearl’s forehead and tried to keep her eyes there and there only.

“Are you alright?” Garnet voice was quiet, and with a sudden flash of embarrassment and shame she realized that that was the first time she had asked Pearl that in weeks almost. Her fingers started to massage her scalp in a way of silent apology. She felt arms wrap around her tighter.

“I-I think so.”

“I want to help you too, Pearl.”

“I know. You’ll be helping me by getting checked out, okay?” Pearl looked up at her, big blue eyes staring right into Garnet in a way that made her flush red and glance away, biting the inside of her cheek. She almost hissed when her teeth broke through skin and drew blood.

“Y-yeah. Okay.”

Pearl smiled. She shut her eyes and nuzzled her head into Garnet’s chest. “Good. Thank you.”

The dark woman swallowed, mismatched eyes glancing down at the top of her head.

_She’s so understanding._

_She puts up with so much._

_What have I done to deserve her?_

_I need to tell her._

“Pearl?” Garnet started, wetting her lips with her tongue seconds later. Apprehension filled her when Pearl peeked up at her again, expectant. Her hands slightly pulled at her girlfriend’s hair and squeezed her shoulder. Mismatched eyes couldn’t bear to look at blue ones for long, so they found the wall interesting instead.

“I-,”

_I became something the other night. I don’t know what, but I don’t think it went away. I can show you. I lied about the window._

“I-,” Garnet stopped again, gritting her teeth behind closed lips.

The dark woman hugged Pearl tighter, almost possessively.

“Nevermind.”

Pearl let out a small laugh, pressing closer, not at all aware of the internal war waging within Garnet and the problem that was slowly starting to grow. “Alright then.”


	9. Coming to a Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet returns to a place familiar to her, and she finds out something a little unsettling.

**_Coming to a Conclusion_ **

****

“Yes, yes that’s fine. 7:30 am. Yes. Okay, thank you. You too, bye.” Garnet tapped the hang up icon on her phone and let out a long sigh, rubbing her eyelids. One eye peeked up, seeing the smiling face of Pearl behind the coffee table. Garnet didn’t offer her own.

“Happy?”

“Very.”

Her smile didn’t leave her face as she danced around the coffee table towards the couch and plopped down on the spot next to Garnet, draping her arms around her shoulders as she leaned onto her, letting out a content sigh. “Thank you.”

Garnet blinked, somewhat surprised, but slowly she nodded and resting a hand on top of her head, threading her fingers through the red strands. “Of course.”

Rain and ice pattered against the window, filling the living room with the relaxing noise as the two girlfriends sat on the couch. The sound of thunder made Garnet flinch, the noise louder than ever in her ears. Discreetly, she reached a hand up to rub them. The thought of buying ear plugs to wear around the house became a more tempting thought. Brushing her hand down to Pearl’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze, she planted a kiss on top of the pale woman’s head.

“I’m really glad you agreed to see a doctor, Garnet. It’ll be good for you, I swear.”

Garnet had to bite back a remark as she turned her gaze up to the mounted TV on their wall, a frown on her lips. Frustration rose up in her as she remembered the circumstances behind her agreeing to the call. Caught off guard by her own lust and now she was stuck doing the very last thing she wanted to do. It still aggravated her even a day later. But she wouldn’t bring that up to Pearl, not when she looked so happy to have her request finally be granted. Garnet wouldn’t betray her feelings like that.

“If you say so,” She offered that simple response only and let out a sigh as thunder rumbled again, stinging her sensitive ears. Her fingers brushed up against them and rubbed, as if that would soothe the noise ringing around.

“It will, I promise you, Garnet, it will.”

Garnet offered her a small, almost-insincere smile. “If you say so.

“I did say so.” Pearl laughed. Garnet didn’t join her in it. She placed another kiss on her forehead and stood up from the couch, adjusting her shirt so it didn’t ride up.

“I gotta get ready now.”

Garnet walked off into the bedroom, not sparing another glance back at the pale woman. She dressed into simple semi-professional clothes; she never bothered much with her wardrobe because she would be changing out of it anyway. Afterwards, the dark woman headed into the bathroom, trimmed her nails, brushed her teeth (with a quickly deteriorating toothbrush), and sprayed some of Pearl’s perfume in an attempt to cover whatever wet dog smell she might have been carrying. For a moment, Garnet considered the rain and wondered if that would make it worse, but she shrugged her shoulders and left the bathroom.

The rain and hail irritated her ears more and more every second she spent in that car, and combined with the rumbling of the engine and the smell of gasoline burning, it was starting to give her a headache. Once more, Garnet dwelled in the fact that she would have to live like this for now on, and that thought was so disheartening that she immediately rid herself of it, not wanting to think. Pulling into her usual parking spot, Garnet opened her car door and got out, walking towards the station. She paid a greeting to a few people as she walked through it, nearing the locker rooms. Changing into her outfit took a few minutes, and she changed in the bathroom as she had started to become used to doing. She would rather not anyone walk in and see the scars on her body, nor the abundant amount of hair she couldn’t reach with a razor.

Garnet made her way to the general office area of the station, resigned to sitting and taking calls for another day. As she made her way to the desk, the sounds of footsteps nearing her alerted her, and she had to crinkle her nose at the smell of cologne and apple.

“Clarke.” The captain approached her and stopped, sizing her up. “You calmed down?”

Garnet nodded. “Yes, captain.”

“Good,” he fiddled with his badge. “We’re wrapping up the investigation on the body. I’d like you to go over there and help with clean up. Try to see if you can find anything that we missed during the initial investigation, though, something conclusive.”

_How convenient._

“Yes, captain.” Garnet repeated.

“You’re on patrol after that, get you some exercise. Might help burn off some stress.”

Garnet’s lips tilted ever-so-slightly down at the implication. She only nodded and turned, walking out of the office area and out the building. There she headed into a different parking lot to pick up her patrol car.

“Burn off stress.” Garnet muttered to herself. Her eyebrows furrowed as she unlocked her car and took a seat. She switched on the ignition and pulled out, driving to the area she was needed. “He’s starting to sound like Pearl.”

The area was commercial, a few corporate buildings on the left side of the road, while the right was grassy and led off into the woods. It wasn’t far from her house at all, and that realization made Garnet sick to her stomach at she stepped out of her patrol car and headed over to the grassy area, where the remains of tape lie on the ground and tied on trees. She took the time to pick up the remains as she glanced around, tossing them into a waste bin set near the scene for the exact purpose of clean up, catching the sight of three officers, two she had only seen around here and there, the other being Jasper. A frown pressed over her lips as she walked the opposite direction. No need to confront her.

The body had long been removed, and the dark woman could tell not only by sight but by smell. The smell of blood and flesh was faint, coming off the grass, roaring her stomach to life, making her hyperaware of her coworkers’ heartbeats and smell. Steady thumps resounded in her ears, the smell of citrus, sweat, cologne wafting off of all three of them. A small pant left Garnet’s lips as she twisted away and headed into the woods, disappearing behind the trees in hopes that getting away from them would calm her.

_Tearing the screaming thing’s arm away, and then sinking her teeth into the softest and juiciest part of it, teeth tearing through as if it were wet paper._

Garnet squeezed her eyes shut at the memory, letting out another pant as she braced herself against the large trunk of a tree. It was almost like she could taste it, the blood and the muscle and the organs, feeling as it all squished between her teeth and tore away into nothing. Garnet could see him, the terrified and pain-filled green eyes, the wrinkled face splattered with his own blood, the claw marks running up his receding-hairline where Garnet had initially grabbed him.

“Oh stars…” She managed to get out in her state of shock and horror. Her stomach twisted and cramped at the same time, wanting release its contents and wanting more at the same time. Hunger and nausea danced around in her. Garnet gripped the tree trunk harder. Rumbling thunder above indicated another burst of rain soon to come, the smell of electricity, moisture, and dirt filling Garnet’s nose, distracting her from the scents of her coworkers and remains of the man. Garnet pushed herself off the tree trunk and stumbled forward, further away. The phantom taste of blood faded away, leaving her craving for the real thing.

Her foot stepped into a large indent in the dirt, jerking her forward and sending an uncomfortable sting up her ankle and hip. Garnet jerked away from it and turned to look at the offending thing, her teeth showing and a low growl akin to an animal’s rumbling out. The dark woman stopped almost immediately, shocked and ashamed at her own reaction, but that was soon forgotten when her eyes focused on the hole she stepped in.

It wasn’t a hole. It was a large track, something mixed between what looked to be a human’s hand and a dog’s paw. It was larger, larger than anything she had ever seen, maybe even larger than a grizzly bear. Garnet couldn’t help herself but to bend down and pressed her hand on the print, marveling at how it was almost twice her size.

_That was…. Me?_

She thought it to herself, and then she whispered it under her breath. Her hand slowly returned to her, and she turned it over and looked. Human. No pads, but her palm and finger tips did look a little more calloused than usual. Her other hand raised, and Garnet gripped it, thumb rubbing along her palm.

_Black fur pushing up from her arms, nails splitting down the middle to allow claws to break free._

“What am I?” Garnet muttered.

A noise in front of her made her jump, head jolting up to look forward. A rabbit stood on its hind legs, ears perked up and its small head swiveling back and forth. Its heart beat was erratic, pounding in her ears, enticing the hunger and blood lust to return. Pupils dilated as they focused on the rabbit.

Then it went blank.

And when she came to, her arms were wet and warm, as was the area around her mouth. She was chewing on something spongey, gripping something furry, and when she looked down, she saw the rabbit, dead in her hands, its belly ripped wide open, half-chewed intestine spilling out and dripping bright red blood onto the forest floor. Garnet’s chewing slowed as the fog on her mind left little by little, and gradually her eyes widened and her grip became looser and looser until she dropped the rabbit onto the floor and stood, staggering away from it. Sick flooded up her throat. She managed to turn around and run just in time to drop to her knees in front of a small creek and heave, bits of flesh and blood coming out of her mouth, but nothing else. Almost as though her stomach didn’t want to let go of what it now contained.

She scrubbed at her face and arms almost hard enough to rub the skin raw, trying to get the red off and the taste out of her mouth, but though the blood turned the creek’s water pink as it washed away, her mouth still tinged with the taste of copper and fur and organs. Her stomach lurched and again Garnet tried to heave. Something pink and stringy escaped from her throat and dropped into the creek, washing away. Muscle, Garnet recognized. It was muscle. The same thing she picked out of her teeth when she woke up that fateful morning.

Her hands shook so hard her shoulders quaked with them. The smell of her coworkers swirled around her, the noise of their heartbeats and breathing filling her ears, louder than the sound of the rain starting to fall from the sky. Breaths escaped in quick pants through full lips. Her hands curled into fists, nails digging into the skin, sending sharp pains up her arms.

_Calm down. I need to calm down. I need to calm down. I need to calm down._

Her hands started to relax. The smell was getting stronger; citrus, with a touch of sweat. A heart rate was getting louder. Her hands clenched into fists again and she started her mantra once more. Teeth gritted together with a ‘click’.

“What are you doing out here, Clarke?”

The sound of that hated voice made her lips pull up, but Garnet worked to cover her teeth again as she took in several deep breaths and spoke with a voice far too strained to sound natural.

“I was following tracks.”

She could hear Jasper’s laugh, so loud and so infuriating.

“Really? The investigation is wrapped. Always the workaholic, aren’t you?” Jasper said. Garnet could hear her trailing away. “Wow, those are some big- _URGH!_ ”

Garnet turned around just in time to see Jasper cover her mouth to repress a gag, kicking the rabbit’s corpse away into a shrub. The officer bent over and heaved again, hands on her knees.

“Fuckin’ – _Gag!-_ disgusting.”

Another deep breath left her nose, and the dark woman felt herself relax as she watched Jasper get up and examine the prints. She looked for the next, and when she found it she headed over to that one.

“The rain will wash them away.”

“Are there- Is there any speculation that this might be done by a person instead of an animal?” Garnet asked, breath hitching when Jasper turned back to look at her with a raised brow.

“No? It’s obviously a mauling. What are you, stupid?”

Garnet ignored the insult, breathing a sigh of relief as she looked back down at her clean hands.

“They go into the stream.” Jasper said as she followed the last of the tracks. Her eyes squinted as they looked for the continuation of them.

“That’s why I was over here.” Garnet said, approaching her side.

“Sure you weren’t going for a swim? You’re wet.”

“Trying to catch a fish.”

Jasper let out a laugh. She trekked across the creek, heavy boots sloshing through water and mud. Garnet followed her. Her boot sunk into a recess in the mud. She pulled it out and shook the mud and gravel off her foot.

“Gotta give you credit, Clarke, you busted my cheek pretty good the other day.” Jasper said in passing. Garnet glanced up from the waters in an attempt to catch a glimpse of her cheek, but the officer was facing away from her, still looking for the tracks. The next one was near an overturned rock.

“Damn, I thought I had big feet.” Jasper let out a low whistle. She walked further ahead, pushing brambles and branches out of her way, disappearing into the green. Garnet made to follow, her foot stepping right onto the track, dwarfed completely by the paw print. Pushing past the green, she spotted Jasper standing over the decomposing carcass of a deer, strangely calm, face showing no signs of disgust.

“The rabbit does you in, but not that?” Garnet said. The officer shrugged.

“My dad used to take me deer hunting. Besides, this is old. That other one was fresh.”

Garnet approached the carcass.

_Batting the creature to the side, she descended on it as it began to call out to a herd that was no longer there._

Garnet squeezed her eyes shut with a hitched breath. Her fingers flexed outwards.

“They lead up to that ledge.”

Peering out with one eye, Garnet saw Jasper pointing to a rock face, green and grey mottled together as grass crept up its side and crown, protruding from the earth like a misplaced thorn. Deep claw marks marred the rock face, at least three inches inwards just by examining it. It had been scaled by the- by her.

“Well, we can’t go climbing that.” The dark woman coughed into her fist. “We should start heading back-,”

“Nah, I want to see what’s up.” And without waiting for a response Jasper approached the rock face and grabbed onto a jutting stone, lifting her hulking body up as she reached for another. Garnet watched in disbelief as the officer continued to scale the face another ten feet until she reached the top. There wasn’t even a pause for a breath before Jasper started to follow the tracks again, clearly determined to find where they end. Worry rose in Garnet, about where the tracks would ultimately lead, and what Jasper could deduce by them. She was far from an idiot, in fact a little smarter than most gave her credit for. Swallowing down what felt like lead in her throat, Garnet approached the rock face and climbed as well. The action felt like nothing to her arms and back, and she climbed it faster than Jasper did, up on the ledge in less than ten seconds. The officer was over by a large fallen tree trunk, examining something on the base of it. Garnet approached from behind.

“We need to head back-“

“ _You_ can head back, but I like getting a job done once I start it. It’s a good quality to have, Clarke.”

Garnet frowned at the disguised insult. Jasper was wearing on her patience more and more with each passing second.

“It’s been almost a week since the murder. We’ll be halfway into Empire city if we keep following this.”

“An animal can’t cover that much ground in 5 days.”

Her frown deepened.

_We’re not dealing with an animal._

Rain pattered on the trunk as both women stepped over it, almost in unison as Jasper took the lead on the tracks. They passed several more, each growing farther and farther apart as rain began to wash them away. A half-washed one is what brought them to a stop, and Jasper let out a sigh of frustration.

“Well, they’re going to be gone before we can get to the end of them. Fuck.” Jasper whirled around and stepped over to a print that was under a tree, spared from the rain by the yellowing leaves above it. The officer whipped a smartphone out from her pocket, sliding it into camera mode and taking a picture. Garnet couldn’t help but flinch at the high pitched noise it made. Jasper pressed her phone back into her pocket. “Just for a little home studying.”

A bead of sweat formed behind Garnet’s neck despite the cold in the air, trickling down into the collar of her uniform. She watched in silence as Jasper turned back towards her and crossed her arms.

“You alright, Clarke?” An arched eyebrow rose. “You seem a little stiff.”

“I don’t like the look of those tracks.”

“Seems a little familiar, right?”

Her lips pressed into a line.

“Think it might be the same thing that attacked you?” Jasper asked. The dark woman turned her gaze to the ground, but kept her head up, grateful for the glasses that hid her lack of eye contact.

“Might be.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Might want to ignore this case then, don’t want another scar ruining your face, eh?” Jasper let out a laugh as she walked forward, pushing past a stunned-Garnet, whose hand was rising towards the thin scar on her jaw. “Oh, and by the way, invest in a toothbrush sometime, your breath fucking stinks.” Jasper called over her shoulder. Garnet whirled around to face her, but she was already disappearing behind the ledge. Sharp teeth clamped together. Her hands were starting to shake again, this time with a barely contained rage. Red bled into her vision.

Then Garnet breathed out, hands relaxing.

_She’s not worth it._

With a neutral expression, Garnet headed towards the ledge to make her way back to the scene.

\--

The trip back to the station gave Garnet the time to calm down further and take in the events that happened. The blank state she went into was something to be terrified about, and Garnet very much _was._ Try as she might to recall what happened, not a single thing pushed up from her memory. All she remembered was looking at the rabbit, feeling hungry, and then coming back to the poor thing dead in her hands. She remembered how she would wake up at night with her wrist torn open, and how her hunger was rarely sated afterwards. Her grip tightened on the steering wheel as she stopped at an intersection, giving her a moment to bring her focus to something else.

_I can do that to Pearl._

It kept crossing her mind, the possibility of her going into the blank state with Pearl. It scared her shitless. Already she kept herself awake at night as to eliminate the chances of her biting into her in her sleep, but now with the chance of her doing it during the day? Garnet thought that getting far away from Pearl as possible to eliminate the chance was becoming a better idea with each passing day, but the thought of leaving her made her heart ache. She didn’t want to do it, it was the very last thing she wanted to do. A deep sigh left her lips as she started to drive again, heading for the station.

“I can either lose control and kill her, or I can lose control and rape her.” Garnet muttered to herself with a bitterness that would sour the sweetest fruit. Her fingers ached with the grip they set into the material of the wheel.

Pulling into the station, Garnet didn’t stay in the car any longer than she had to, jumping out almost as soon as the engine turned off. She shoved the keys in her pocket and half-walked/half-marched into the station. It was warmer in there then it was in the outside. Water dripped from her arms and hair as she walked, heading into the main office area. Instead of going for her desk, she walked past it and into a different part of the police station, one that led into the small lab. Garnet halted in her tracks at the sight of a hulking individual blocking off the rest of the hallway. Frowning, Garnet calmed the anger that rose up in her and approached the lab entrance.

“That’s pretty crazy.” Garnet caught the tail end of Jasper’s sentence as she stopped in front of the door way, fully intending to ignore her. The officer foiled those plans by turning to her almost immediately.

“You finally decided to stop slacking off, Clarke?”

Garnet ignored her.

“Any word on evidence on the body?” She asked the person in front of her, a woman almost half her size in height. She was peering up at her through round-rimmed glasses, beak –like nose that reminded her of Pearl’s scrunching up.

“Yeah, lots of words on it.” Her voice was nasally, irritating Garnet’s sensitive ears enough to make her grimace. She disguised it as a response to her answer, however, by continuing with:

“That’s not good.”

“Tell her what you told me, Peri.” Jasper chimed in with a face uncharacteristically devoid of emotion.

The woman practically hissed at the pet name.

“So, we found saliva on the body, and we examined the claw and bite marks _very closely,_ but our lab equipment and analysis provided nothing of substance, so we sent it off to a bigger lab in Empire city _._ The results that came back matches with something akin to a wolf, and when the saliva came back, it was loosely matched with that of a wolf’s too. Not any specific species, mind you.” Her voice picked up a tone of excitement, eyes starting to gleam with excitement as she continued “We think we may have found either a new species of wolf, or an entirely new animal altogether!” Her voice raised a level. “Exciting, isn’t it?!”

“Whatever it is, it’s hostile to humans and will be killed on sight.” Jasper waved it off, and ‘Peri’s’ face soured. Garnet brewed over the information given, her lips quirking downwards.

_A wolf._

As the dark woman started to piece things together, Jasper spoke again.

“Maybe you should take a look at Clarke’s scars over here, we think whatever killed that dude might have been what attacked her a month ago.”

Garnet jolted from her thoughts at the mention of her name, and when she looked she saw that two pairs of eyes were on her, one amused and the other interested. Repressing the urge to swallow, she shifted her weight to her other foot.

“I’d… rather… not, have you do that.” Garnet spoke with several pauses. She shifted her weight again. “I’m sure whatever information you can get off of them won’t be interesting.”

“Afraid of a little checkup? Not surprised.” Jasper grinned. Garnet let out an aggravated sigh and bit back a comment that bubbled up in her throat. ‘Peri’ crossed her arms and frowned.

“Well, if you won’t let me take a look at it, and you have the information you wanted.” She shot a quick glare towards Jasper. “Then you both are crowding my space.”

Garnet nodded and turned to leave. Her eyebrows furrowed at the sound of heavy footsteps behind her.

“So, something unidentifiable. I bet you anything I can find an animal that shares the same tracks online later tonight.”

“I’m sure you can.” Garnet dismissed Jasper.

_A wolf._

“You can’t trust the lab of a small-town police station. We barely have any need for it, anyway.”

“I’m sure we can trust you a lot more than trained forensic scientists and 10-year outdated technology.”

“Yes you can!” Jasper exclaimed, “Glad we can come to an agreement for once.” Garnet could hear the grin in her voice.

Jasper parted ways with her soon after heading into the office, and Garnet made for her desk. Before she could come two feet of it, the captain’s voice chimed in from his own office-“Get away from that, you’re still on patrol!” He had said, and Garnet couldn’t help the flush of color that bloomed on her cheeks as she stepped away from the desk and walked to the parking lot instead. The fact that she had forgotten that she was on patrols is what cemented the fact that she wasn’t thinking straight, and she wasn’t thinking straight because she couldn’t stop thinking about-

_A wolf._

Piece-by-piece, it came together. The claws, the sharp teeth, the hair, the hunger, the lust, the strength, the moon ensnaring her, the-

_A wolf._

Garnet stepped in her patrol car and her hands immediately reached for the steering wheel, desperate for something to squeeze. Something to take her growing anger and unease out on. She took in a long, shaky breath.

“I’m a fucking werewolf.”

Saying it out loud made the realization come to fruition.

 And that made her laugh, harder and harder until she started to cry.


	10. Protecting What's Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet visits the doctor, and comes home to find someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the point in the story where things will be taking a down-turn. You may have noticed the new warning posted and the tag. That is relevant to this chapter, so if that type of content is not for you, then please don't read on.

**_Protecting What’s Yours_ **

****

“And that’s all your symptoms?”

Garnet had to work to unclench her jaw, so aggravated and so annoyed that the thought of walking out then and there became more tempting with each passing second. She hated medical centers, and with her heightened senses, she now hated them even more. Everything smelled sterile, so sterile she could practically taste it on her tongue, and the noise of other people receiving their appointments by tired doctors and nurses and the sound of them complaining about waiting times stung her ears. She shifted on the cushioned examination table, feeling more like a kid then an adult simply by being there.

“Yes, Doctor Maheswaran.”

The aforementioned doctor hummed, adopting the look of ‘why are you here wasting my time?’ as she pulled her stethoscope from her neck to poke into her ears. Without a word needed to be traded between them they went through the motions of a regular checkup; listening to her heart, looking at her eyes, her ears, at her throat, blood pressure, and then taking her temperature when all those tests proved concerning.

“Your heart rate is abnormal.”

“Dilation is unusual”

“Ears are oddly shaped, do you hear alright?” (Garnet answered yes)

“Tongue is textured strangely; did you drink anything before coming here? Taken any medication?” (Yes and a no)

“Blood pressure is high.”

“Fever of 103. May I ask how you are standing and coherent?”

With each comment and each completed examination her irritation rose more and more, until Garnet was bristling by the time Doctor Maheswaran finished, feeling the urge and the need to attack. Her privacy was being invaded, her words were taunting, there was nothing wrong with her, there was nothing-

“I’d like to run more tests-“

“No.” Garnet snapped, sitting up fast enough to make the doctor stand back in surprise. “No, I only came here to tell you what I told you and get a diagnosis.”

“Well, my diagnosis is that something else may be-“

“My symptoms. The ones I told you about. What do they mean?” Garnet growled. Doctor Maheswaran sighed out loud, dark eyebrows furrowing as she turned her eyes down to what she had written out.

“Have you been in any stressful situations recently?”

“Yes.”

“Such as?”

“Last month, I was attacked by a bear.” Werewolf. “I was in the hospital for a week and had to be switched from several medications to get rid of side effects.”

Doctor Maheswaran nodded, jotting down notes.

“Anything else?”

“Fighting with my girlfriend.”

“Hm.

“And daily stress at work. I’m a cop.”

“I see.” Doctor Maheswaran scribbled a little more. Garnet leaned back on her palms and took in deep breaths to calm the aggravation.  “Well, most of your symptoms can be chalked up to that, others are a little more abnormal. Your last cycle was-?”

“Does that matter?”

Doctor Maheswaran looked unamused, “Generally, you want to answer the questions a medical professional asks you.”

Garnet’s canine sunk into the inside of her lip, drawing blood. “Two weeks ago.”

“Ovulation can be another cause of your symptoms.” She concluded, writing that down.  “I can prescribe you buspirone to help with stress and keep you calm. As with most anti-depressants, it’ll take a few weeks before you notice any changes. I’ll write you a prescription for 3 weeks. I want you to come back here when it runs out and we can discuss whether it worked or if you need something else.”

Garnet’s mouth opened, and then closed. She didn’t trust that nothing insulting would come out. Instead, she nodded her head and offered an inch of a smile. Doctor Maheswaran bid her goodbye and left the examination room. The door clicking closed made Garnet’s shoulders drop with stress, and she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. A part of her wanted to hope that the medication could help her, but she already knew that it would do nothing. Since when in any type of media did a werewolf calm down after they were given anti-depressants? It made her scoff. Sliding off the table, Garnet stretched and starting to pace the room.

Several minutes later, Doctor Maheswaran came back with the papers that listed her details and the medication she was prescribed, giving her instructions to go pick up the prescription from the pharmacy once she received the call, and then running passed her the procedure again until finally she let her go. The open air of the outside almost made Garnet cry in relief, her nose relieved from the burning stench of sterile air.  She walked to her car and got in, starting it and pulling out of the parking lot to make her way back home.

  _200 dollars to be told to relax. I could have gotten a better consultation from my mum._

Guilt spread over her at that thought; she really should visit her mothers sometime soon, it’s been a while. Maybe talking to them would be easier than talking to Pearl, too. She relaxed into the seat of her car and tried to keep her head clear. Garnet didn’t want to go home aggravated, lest she earn unwanted concern from Pearl.

The sun was starting to settle into the late-morning sky when Garnet pulled up in her driveway. She pulled her keys out of the ignition, but paused before she could open her car door. Her nose twitched as she inhaled. Sweat, cologne, pencil lead.

“Mr. Dewey, for the last time, I’m not interested.”

“O-oh, that’s quite alright! We-we’re trying to recruit-“

At the sound of the dreaded voice, Garnet’s hand slowly retracted from the handle, and her head drifted to the side. She glowered at the man through her shades. Mayor Dewey stood on her house’s steps, talking with Pearl who didn’t look at all interested or amused. She was leaning against the door frame, both arms crossed and eyes half-lidded as she listened to Dewey rattle on about the program he was starting, all the details of which loud and clear in Garnet’s sensitive ears.

A loud creak drew her attention to the side; she was gripping the handle of her car in a white knuckled grip. Releasing it, she drew in a shaky breath and turned her attention back to the pair. Mayor Dewey has always aggravated her with his incessant flirting with her girlfriend, but otherwise, he was a nice man, if a little ‘unaware’ of things. But now that aggravation was amplified into something else; she couldn’t take her eyes off his throat.

Mayor Dewey stepped forward and gripped Pearl’s wrist before she could turn and shut the door on him. Something snapped.

The next few seconds was like a slideshow that had a few frames missing. Garnet saw herself walking up the driveway, then herself getting on the stairs, and then she saw herself throw Dewey down, a single hand raked in his shirt to keep him level with her gaze. Her teeth were bared, nose scrunched up and eyes enraged.

“Stay the _fuck away from her!”_ A growl danced with her voice, changing it deeper, rougher.

“Garnet!”

“I-I’m sorry! I did-didn’t mean any offen-“

“ _Touch her again and I’ll_ -“

“GARNET!”

Two hands grabbed onto her arm and yanked her back, but she pulled Dewey with her, still not letting go. He almost fell forward with the pull, his shirt ripping down to the first button in her grip. Garnet whipped her head around, catching Pearl’s eyes. Her teeth were still bared, her nostrils flared.

The look of astonishment and fear made Garnet’s face drop.

Her grip slackened, and Dewey took the opportunity to slip out of it, brushing off his dress shirt and letting out another apology before he scurried off the steps and down the driveway without another word. The sound of his vehicle starting up and skirting off cut the pregnant silence. Garnet realized she was still holding her hand out, and she let it drop to her side, turning to face Pearl fully.

“I-”

“Inside. Now.”

Garnet obeyed, heading inside with her eyes averted. The door slammed shut and Pearl stood there, clad in pajamas and her fluffy slippers, otherwise unmenacing if it weren’t for the look of anger she wore like it was natural.

“What the, the _fuck_ is the matter with you?!”

Garnet winced and jammed her palms into her pockets, scuffing her foot along the floor. “I didn’t-“

“No, no, I’m going to cut you off. Don’t you dare say ‘I didn’t mean to’ or -“

“He was touching you.”

“That gives you no right to assault the man!”

“I didn’t want him near you!” Her own anger was escalating, not quite doused from the previous minute. She took a step forward and Pearl did too.

“It’s not like I want him around either, Garnet!”

“I don’t want him near you; I don’t want him near this house. Next time I see him I’ll-“

“You’ll what?!”

“I’ll _kill him!”_

They were steadily getting closer and closer, until their chests were almost brushing together.

“Of course you will.” Pearl sneered.

“ _Do you want to try me?!”_ Garnet whipped around and yanked at the knob, nearly pulling the door off the hinges as she rushed forward with full intent to get in her car and follow after Dewey.

“Garnet, stop!”

Hands locked onto her arm again, and Garnet whipped around and threw Pearl forward, pinning her to the door hard enough to slam it shut. Wide blue eyes stared back at her, her girlfriend’s lips opened in shock. Garnet blew out a breath of air that rustled the red fringes that swooped over Pearl’s forehead. She squeezed her thin wrists tighter.

“ _You’re mine.”_ She growled out, leaning closer so the tips of their noses brushed together. Her teeth clicked together as she closed her jaw. “ _Mine.”_

Her glasses were dangling on her ear, flung away from her eyes from flipping their positions earlier. With her eyes on full display, they bore right into Pearl’s. And Pearl never took her eyes off them. Garnet’s breathing started to come out into pants; she could feel heat coursing beneath her skin. Twinges ran up her spine, drawing ever-so-slight twitches from her.

Then Pearl kissed her.

It came so suddenly that it shocked Garnet out of her stupor and she reeled back a little, looking at Pearl. That wasn’t like her, but she didn’t get a chance to think on it because Pearl grabbed her and pulled her back again, kissing even harder, her hands flying forward to tangle into her curls and wrap around her shoulders. Garnet rested her hands on her hips, still not kissing back, but soon a warm rush flowed through her, and she let out a low growl as she kissed back. The lust came back full force, crying for relief that Garnet was intent on receiving. A clatter sounded as the shades hit the wooden floors.

Garnet pushed Pearl back against the door, pinning her hands above her head and running her tongue along her bottom lip. When Pearl opened her mouth she wasted no time pressing in and deepening the kiss. A low moan escaped from her girlfriend, making Garnet grip tighter and let out another growl that rumbled throughout her entire body. A line of saliva briefly connected their lips as Garnet pulled away to go for her jaw lines, nipping and licking at the afflictions. Another moan; she could hear Pearl’s heart pound, hear how rugged her breathing had gotten, smell her-

Garnet let go of her wrists and instead scooped her into her arms, carrying her away from the front room and past the hallway and into their bedroom, she laid her down on the made up bed and planted her hands on either side of her head. Pearl tried to grab and pull her close but her hands were roughly slapped away and she was tugged forward so Garnet could remove her shirt. At the sight of bare pale flesh she started to kiss again, her hand pressing into her ribs, nails digging in and drawing red lines down. Hips moved beneath her. She met her neck afterwards, mouth opening to graze fangs along her throat. Her other hand came up, and fingers danced along Pearl’s nape and a thumb pressed into her jugular, feeling it pulse beneath the calloused pad of the digit.

A canine poked into the skin, drawing a bright red contrast against the white. Garnet licked it up. A cooper taste overwhelmed each and every one of her taste buds, flooding her mouth with saliva. She ran her tongue along her neck again, but the effort was in vain; all she tasted was her skin.

_Bite._

She bared her teeth, a snarl rippling through her throat.

“Garnet…” Pearl moaned out, tangling a hand into her curls, tugging her downwards, pressing her nose into the crook of her neck. Drawing red lines in her skin again, Garnet bit into the flesh, rough enough to leave a mark, enough to cut the skin, but not enough to draw any blood. The moan rose out of her, coiling pain and pleasure together, her hands gripping tighter into her hair and back. Garnet wanted to draw blood, but a spark of consciousness forced her away from her neck and away from the tempting jugular, leading her downwards instead.

She yanked her pants down to her ankles and her underwear along with it, ripping a centimeter of a seam in the process. Pearl kicked the articles of clothing off, baring herself to her.

She went at her with fingers and her tongue, not pausing once to even let Pearl recuperate, using her as though she were a toy. Garnet left her mark in the form of scratches and bites, in the form of finger-shaped bruises that marred her thighs and stomach bright purple. At one point she could feel the woman trying to move away from her, and Garnet pulled herself back up and kissed her hard, hands tangling into her hair and tugging it roughly. She nipped hard at her bottom lip and licked away the blood that beaded there. She could feel hands resting on her lower back and grappling onto the hem of her jeans, trying to tug them down, and Garnet caught those wandering hands and yanked them above Pearl’s head, squeezing tighter and tighter with each time she tried to escape the grip.

At one point, those hands escaped and slithered up her shirt, and Garnet saw a brief flash of red in her vision as she tore away from Pearl, grabbing her hips and flipping her over so she could attack her back with teeth that she desperately wanted to sink in more than skin-deep.

\--

The fog faded after a time, and when it did they both rested on the bed, Garnet’s arm draped over Pearl and the smaller woman hugging her side with her head buried into the crook of her neck.

“It really was.” Garnet said in response to Pearl’s earlier statement (‘Well, that was something.’)

Pearl rubbed her wrist and winced at the dull pain there.

“You were rough.”

“I’m sorry.” Garnet kissed her forehead in apology and rubbed her fingers in soothing circles along a bruise. “I don’t know what got into me.”

“I don’t know what got into me either.” Pearl rested a hand on her neck and winced. “You really were rough.” She repeated.

“I guess I felt possessive.” Garnet said. She pulled away to give Pearl her space, but to her surprise she followed her along the bed and molded to her side again. “Not that I felt threatened by someone by the likes of Dewey.”

Oh no, it ran much deeper than that. Seeing him near her house, on her property, speaking to Pearl, all three things ran loud alarm bells in her head that made rationality fly out the window. It wasn’t threatening at all, it just felt _wrong._ He didn’t belong there. No one belonged here other than her and Pearl.

“Dewey is as threatening as a fish.” Pearl joked. Garnet smiled at the comparison and hugged her a little tighter.

“His son scares me more.”

“Buck? He’s a nice kid.”

“I know.”

Pearl got the implication and let out a small laugh. Then she tried to get up. The smile and joy drained away from Garnet and she glowered as her girlfriend got off the bed.

“I’m making Spaghetti for dinner tonight.” Pearl said as she found her pajama pants on the floor. She stood up, presumably to go find a clean pair of underwear, but Garnet grasped her wrist and pulled her back onto the bed, wrapping her muscular arms tight around her.

“You can make it later,” Her voice wavered on the line of a growl. Pearl patted her forearm and tried to pull away.

“I should get it started if I want the sauce to be ready at a reasonable time. It’s already-“ Pearl checked clock. “Two o’clock?!” Pearl yanked herself out of Garnet’s grip and practically sprinted to her dresser, pulling put a pair of panties and yanking them on. Just as she slipped them past her hips, Garnet was there to wrap her arms around her again, this time tighter, tight enough that Pearl curved into her.

“Stay.” She snapped. Pearl twisted back, the look on her face a mix of offense and surprise. Letting out a huff, she wrestled out of her grip and stomped off, throwing open the door and disappearing into the hallway. Baring her teeth, Garnet stalked after her.

She was already in the kitchen, pulling out tomatoes from the fridge and garlic from the cabinet. Their cutting board was on the counter, and Pearl worked on dicing the garlic, ignoring Garnet hovering over her. Her eyebrows still hadn’t unfurrowed, and her hands curled into fists and flexed out over and over again. A particularly powerful urge swept over her, and Garnet moved forward and grabbed Pearl around the hips, tugging her back so she could kiss her neck, right where she had bitten her previously. Pearl halted her movements, and for a moment she seemed to melt into it, but then she tensed and pulled away.

“No.” she said curtly, not even looking her in the eyes. Garnet’s lip curled. Pearl scraped the garlic away from the cutting board and went about dicing the tomatoes. The frantic sound of the steel knife hitting the wooden board almost matched the beat of Garnet’s heart. Sweat beaded at her neck and trickled down into her shirt. Her hands flexed.

_I need her._

A deep breath meant to be calming, but instead ramped up her anxiety.

_I want her._

Garnet stepped up again and her hands hovered in the air behind Pearl’s sides.

_She’s mine._

Garnet grabbed at Pearl again and held on tighter, kissing and licking and nipping at her neck, one hand already starting to snake around to her stomach.

“Stop. It.”

Pearl jerked back, trying to buck her off but that only made her resolve to hold on tighter and bare down more. Her other hand moved to grip her ass, while the other still made its way to her stomach.

“Stop!”

She pushed herself even closer, the hand that was on her stomach shoving itself underneath her bra and grasping the breast, the one situated on her rear snaking around to stuff into her underwear, fingers already spreading her apart to allow her middle finger to tease into her entrance. A low growl escaped.

“I SAID STOP!”

In a burst of strength unfamiliar to both of them, Pearl had shoved Garnet away from her and against the counter. She whirled around with the motion; her face twisted into fury, one hand grasping the counter in a white-knuckled grip and the other wielding the knife as if she intended to use it. Garnet grounded herself on the sink, blinking dumbly as she stared at Pearl. Realization dawned over her, and so did mortification.

“I- oh stars, I-“

“When I say no, I mean it! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“I-I’m sorry! That was wrong, that was so fucking wrong and I shouldn’t have-“

Pearl had pinched the bridge of her nose and hung her head down, “Get out.”

Garnet’s mouth opened, and then closed. She swallowed back another apology and instead turned and left the kitchen in silence. Passed the dining room, and into the living room. She was shaking all over, and once more she could feel that heat coursing underneath her skin. She took a seat on the couch and tried to think, but she was so swept up in her own shame and apology that she couldn’t get a coherent thought across. She buried her fingers into curls and hunched over herself, elbows pressing hard enough onto her thighs to hurt.

“Fuck, I really just did that.” She murmured to herself.

Tears burned at her eyes and Garnet gritted her teeth hard enough for them to hurt, squeezing her hands into fists and pulling at her hair. Her breaths were shaky. Behind the wall and ten feet away she could hear Pearl swearing at her in a teary voice, smell the salt of her tears too. It mixed with the smell of minced garlic and tomato and the heat of the burner as Pearl still cooked rather than take a moment to compose herself. All Garnet could think about then is how she could hurt herself in this emotional state.

Over thirty minutes later Pearl exited out of the dining room and didn’t spare a glance at Garnet as she made a beeline for the bedroom. The sound of the door slamming echoed through the house and stung Garnet’s ears, drawing a hiss from between her teeth and making her curl into herself that much more.

\--

Oddly enough, Pearl still set out two bowls on the table later that night, two pairs of utensils, and two pairs of napkins. Garnet knew what the invitation was, but still she hesitated on taking it, not moving from the spot she made hours ago. It wasn’t until Pearl set the pot of spaghetti on the table and stared her down that Garnet finally got up and walked into the dining room, where the bowl was, which happened to be right next to the scratch marks she made long ago. Still nothing was said as her girlfriend scooped her own filling into the bowl and began to eat, taking the time to twirl the fork long enough so no extra noodles hung loose from the coil.

Swallowing, Garnet reached for the utensil.

“What did the doctor say?” Pearl’s voice, so cold and distant, made her hesitate with her hand in the air.

“Uh,” Garnet let her hand fall back onto the table. “She thinks its stress from everything that happened in the last month. She prescribed me buspirone.”

“Stress.” Pearl repeated. She took a bite of her food.

“Y-yeah.” Garnet drummed her fingers along the table. “Look, Pearl-“

“I don’t want to hear it.” She interrupted.

Garnet winced.

“Eat your food.”

Garnet listened, filling her bowl and bringing a bite to her lips, even though her appetite had long since disappeared. It almost hurt to swallow it down, and when it hit her stomach her body wanted to regurgitate it. Still, she forced down bite after bite, until she was scrapping her bowl of sauce and swirling it just so she had something to occupy herself with.

“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight,” Garnet muttered out. “I don’t want you getting sore.”

“You care about that, but not whether or not you have my consent?”

Garnet’s shoulders dropped and she didn’t take her eyes from her bowl.

“It was awful for me to do that. I was thinking about myself, and not about you. It’ll never happen again, I swear it Pearl.” She brought her gaze up then to look her in the eyes and give her the most sincere look she could muster. Her expression didn’t change.

“Garnet, you’ve shown me time and time again that I can’t trust your word.”

Her face fell. Pearl twisted her fork in her bowl.

“You can say that it won’t happen again, but do you actually believe that?”

“Of course I do!”

“Take a moment to think about it and say that again.”

Garnet gritted her teeth.

_It won’t happen again. That was appalling of me. I won’t lose control of myself like that again. I won’t let this get the best of me._

She looked her in the eyes with her brow furrowed.

“I believe it. I’ve been too caught up in myself, in my own feelings and in my own thoughts. I’ve been casting you aside and using you to take out my aggravation and it’s wrong that I’ve been doing that. It won’t happen again, I promise you. I‘ll take the medication and get therapy and anything else. I don’t want to keep hurting you like this.”

Again, Pearl’s expression kept neutral. She lifted her fork to her mouth and ate her spaghetti, her teeth scraping against the fork. Garnet’s determination fell away into uncertainty and she looked down at her clasped hands. Taking in a shaking breath, she unclasped them and rested them on the dining table. She stood up.

“I’ll… leave you alone.”

Garnet turned away and left into the main room. Pearl didn’t call her back.

She meant to walk to the couch and lay there but instead Garnet found herself moving towards the front door. She pulled her jacket off a hook near the door and shrugged it on, then took her keys and checked her pants for her phone. She opened the door and stepped out into the cold night, closing the door behind her with a quiet ‘click.’

She didn’t really know where she was driving, but she found herself circling down the streets. The smell of gasoline and thrum of the engine started to give her a headache, so she picked a destination and went there. Eventually she pulled up to a sign “Welcome to Dewey Park!” and drove past it to access the small parking lot. Stepping out of the car, Garnet shoved her keys into her back pocket. The smell of freshly cut grass and untreated sprinkler water wafted into her nose. She could hear the sound of branches and leaves rustling in the wind, and with it, the sound of crying.

_Yeah, me too._

Garnet found a park bench and sat down on it. The wood was freezing, but she decided that she deserved the discomfort at this point. The waning moon peered above, shining down almost tauntingly. It beckoned her gaze, but Garnet managed to resist, burying her mouth and nose into the collar of her jacket and keeping her gaze on her lap. Her fingers were numb; she stuffed them into her pockets.

“-and I al-always liked how he-he batted at my hands…  under the bed.”

Conversation drifted into her ears. She inhaled and let it out in a sigh. Garnet leaned back against the bench and tilted her head towards the direction of the voices. Off in the distance, farther than what the human eye could see in the dark, but her eyes could see almost perfectly, there was a family. Two parents, two kids. They were all crowded against something. Garnet squinted. She recognized them.

_My neighbors?_

“When Remus died, I always swore to myself that I’d never love another cat-“ The dad chimed in, his voice as watery as the one before him. It all clicked into place. They were mourning their cat. Garnet almost assumed that he had died of natural causes, but something faint started to push from her memory.

_‘The small furry thing couldn’t run fast enough.’_

“I ate their cat.” Garnet whispered out. “I ate their… cat.” She said louder. A laugh tumbled from her lips, then another, and another, until she was in full-hysterics, hunched over herself and laughing so hard her chest and stomach hurt. Tears spilled from her eyes and dribbled down her cheeks and chin. The laughing mixed with her crying, until there was barely a difference to be heard between them. Her body couldn’t stop shaking. She couldn’t stop laughing. She couldn’t stop crying.

Faintly, she was aware of the sound of light footsteps approaching her. Garnet opened her eyes and saw shoes approaching. They disappeared out of her sight, and the bench tipped down as someone sat next to her.

“It’s been a sad day for us all, hasn’t it?” Her voice was gentle, something almost grandmotherly. Her heart beat was quick, though, something that implied that she was anxious. Her smell was something else. Garnet couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

_Old people smell._

She tried joking to herself to cheer herself up, but it didn’t work. Garnet didn’t say anything to the woman, but she tilted her head in acknowledgement.

“I know what it’s like to lose what you have lost. It’s confusing, emotional, scary,” She trailed off into a whisper and didn’t pick up where she left off. She was more content with starting to hum. Anger started to rise. Garnet gritted her teeth and turned her head away.

_No, you don’t know what I’ve lost._

“I’m new to this town.” She continued as if she didn’t notice Garnet’s tense form. “I only moved here a few weeks ago. It’s odd; so many people seem to be sad here.”

“We have our reasons.” Garnet muttered, crossing her arms over each other. “Look, I appreciate-“

 “We have to grow from what we lost though. It’s easier said than done.” The woman interrupted, changing the subject. She let out a heavy breath and Garnet heard the bench creaking as she leaned back against it. Rustling fabric as her fingers drummed along her thighs, then dead grass and leaves crunching as she stood up. “I hope to see you around sometime. I wish you well in getting over your grief.” Then like that, she walked away. And when Garnet glanced up she could see a muddy fabric swishing behind her; a skirt? Without leaving her much time to think about it, Garnet’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She reached for it but hesitated, biting her lip, fearing the notification that might be on her screen. An overwhelming sense of dread washed over her. Garnet glanced back towards the family, but from what she could hear and see (and smell for that matter) they were leaving. No distractions.

Letting a sigh, she realized that she would have to check her phone eventually, so Garnet decided to get it over with. Tugging her phone out of her pocket, Garnet turned it on and checked the notification.

She was ashamed of her relief when she read the text from Pearl.

Pearl- My mom died. (Sent 6:13)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inconsistency with these updates. Life's hard and I'm really struggling with the idea of whether or not I actually want to continue writing for Ao3. The Machine's final chapters will come next week.


	11. Lessons in Dysfunction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet takes Pearl to Blue's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry, almost forget to post this!

**_Lessons in Dysfunction_ **

****

The issue was forgotten, but not forgiven when Garnet came home to Pearl, red-eyed and barley coherent through her tears. Garnet wanted to hug her, but at the same time she didn’t want to push a boundary so instead she rushed into the room and packed a bag with both their clothes, then came back out, grabbed her keys and told Pearl to get into the car and that they were going to Blue’s. There was no resistance, she just followed along.

The moon shone in through the passenger’s window, high in the sky at this point, the light only occasionally being blocked out by a passing tree or streetlamp. Those brief moments of relief kept Garnet from going insane with the need to stare at it, to drink in the light that called for her attention. Instead, she kept her focus on the long highway that led into Keystone. Pearl sniffles and light sobs rang in her right ear, the smell of the salt of her tears filling her nostrils. She desperately wanted to do something, anything to comfort her, but she already fucked up once today and she didn’t want to do it a second time.

Twenty minutes in and they had to pull over because Pearl cried herself sick, heaving and gagging as what was leftover of her dinner spilled out onto the ground. Only then did Garnet forget her resolve, holding her hair out of her face even though it was quite short and rubbing a hand up and down her back with every lure in the vomiting. Not once did her girlfriend try to brush her off, which Garnet supposed was a good thing. After ten minutes, Pearl had gotten rid of whatever was left in her system, and they both got back into the car and started to drive again. It would be three hours more before they arrived in the state and another 30 before they got to Blue’s house.

Garnet took in a deep breath and released it out her mouth, squeezing the steering wheel tight in her hands. The moon on the side of her face was starting to make her skin tingle. Her head fogged with broken thoughts and slowly it became hotter and hotter in the car until she had to turn the air conditioner down to cold and put it on to four. Panic was rushing through her, and for what little control she had over her conscious thought she tried to recall if there was any werewolf media-- because that was all she had to go off of when it came to this-- where being in the moon for too long could trigger a transformation.

“D-did I eve-even tell her that I,’ Pearl’s ramble trailed off into more sobbing, and Garnet couldn’t help but look over, frowning. She wanted to reach out and hold her hand. “Tha-that I love her?” Her thin fingers tangled into her hair, tugging at the locks, and Pearl curled into herself more and more. Garnet couldn’t recall if she ever looked so small.

“Oh stars, my mommy…”

Garnet gritted her teeth and had to look away then, bringing her focus back on the road. That phrase alone, with so much heartbreak and loss behind it, made her want to cry with her, and tears burned at her eyes, threatening to make that want happen. Her grip tightened, enough to make the wheel groan with the pressure exerted on it.

“Pearl…”

Hesitantly, she let her hand leave the steering wheel and instead rested it on her knee, far away enough to not be seen as anything else other than a gesture of comfort. Pearl snatched her hand and squeezed hard, hunching over herself and pressing her wet cheek to the back of her calloused knuckles and crying even harder.

“I loved her Garnet.”

“I know you did. She knew that too.”

“Did she?!” She jerked up, letting go of her hand to gesture wildly. “She didn’t even remember me!”

Garnet let out a deep breath and shifted her eyes to the side of the road, wondering if it would be best to pull over and try to calm down Pearl. Her breathing was starting quicken, and she could hear how her heart pounded. Swallowing, Garnet veered to the right, coming to a stop. She pulled her keys out of the ignition and unbuckled her seatbelt, stepping out onto the side of the road. The zooming of cars passing by stung at her ears as she circled around to the passenger side. She opened Pearl’s door, spared her a single glance, then gathered her in her arms to pull her out and take her seat instead, each fluid movement fluid and simple with her strength. Garnet held Pearl in her arms, rocking her gently, combing her fingers through her hair and shushing her. Her girlfriend’s hands gripped onto her shirt until her knuckles turned white, her face burrowed into the crook of Garnet’s neck.

_I don’t know what to say._

She wondered if silence would be better than trying to comfort her with words. She ran her fingers down and rubbed at the back of Pearl’s neck. Her eyes fixated on the dashboard.

“I’m so sorry.”

Garnet didn’t know what she was apologizing for, her own actions or Pearl’s loss.

\--

Blue was just as much as a mess as Pearl was, her shaggy brown hair more unkempt than usual, her deep blue eyes red and puffy, and her thin frame unable to stop shaking. Pearl left her side and hugged her instead and they both went into the house without a word to Garnet. She didn’t care though; they needed the time together, instead Garnet focused on bringing their bag in. The moment she stepped into the house her senses were assaulted by the unfamiliar. The smell of Blue’s pet cats and the smell of litter, ammonia and cat food made her lip curl up in disgust. She could hear the cats small heart beats, as well as Blue and Pearl’s louder ones, mixed with the sound of the dryer running in the basement and the hum of a tv turned to a dead channel in the den. Grimacing, Garnet set her bag down on the blue loveseat and rubbed at her nose, sniffling. The sound of paws hitting hardwood made her look up. One of the cats sat in the den’s entrance, staring at her. Its fur was standing on end, its tail swishing frantically behind it. Its eyes were dilated to large black circles.

Garnet stared at it for a while; the cats never minded her before. Curiously, she took a step forward and it jumped up to its feet, tail puffed into the air, a long ‘mrow’ escaping it. She took another step. It let out a hiss. One more step sent it running off, obviously not keen on acting on the threat it gave her before. Frowning, Garnet looked at her bitten wrist.

“I guess this puts a nick in being an animal lover.” She muttered to herself, closing her palm and letting out a frustrated sigh. She plopped down on the couch and stretched her legs out, playing with her hands as a way to distract herself. Her mind was racing with thoughts of Pearl and Blue’s grief, their mother’s death, the woman she met at the park, the ever-growing consequences of her ‘condition’, and how she had violated Pearl’s consent.

_Today has been an all-around shit day, hasn’t it?_

 Garnet groaned and rubbed at her face. She wished she had the power to turn back time, to both stop herself from going as far as she did and to convince Pearl to make a surprise visit to Blue’s so she could see her mom that one last time.  In the other room she could hear the two sisters crying and reminiscing over their parent, but their speech was too gargled with tears and hiccups for her to make out what they were saying. Garnet began to wish that she could somehow turn off her hearing; it felt far too intrusive being able to hear what was supposed to be a private moment. She got up from the couch and headed for the front door. Being outside could help muffle some of the conversation. Garnet stopped before reaching for the knob though.

_But that means being outside and exposed to the moon._

Garnet clutched her fist and let her arm drop back to her side. Head turned downwards, she only stood there, unsure of what to do. A part of her wished she brought her earmuffs along with her. She took a seat back on the couch and laid down, choosing to close her eyes and instead try to sleep off some of the hours.

It was a bad idea. If it weren’t for everything distracting her, Garnet would have remembered the nightmares that plagued her sleep.

She found herself back at the house, in bed. The bedroom was dark except for the light of the moon coming in through the window. But even that did nothing to stop the tendrils of darkness crawling over her wall, approaching her inch by inch. Garnet was breathing heavily, her skin glistened with sweat, she was sitting straight and unable to move anything but her eyes. They glanced around the room and tried to find the presence she could sense, but instead there was nothing.

“Pearl?” Garnet found she could speak, but her voice was hoarse and croaky, almost drowned out by the sound of the air conditioner alone.

“She’s not here.” Herself, her own voice answered her back. Loud and clear, laced with a growl. Through the tendrils of darkness slowly covering the room came the figure of herself, dressed in her undergarments, with her afro full of black curls and her own dark skin and wearing her ugly scars. The only difference was the golden eyes that stared at her, entrapping her in her gaze. “I should have gone farther.” She spoke.

“No, I shouldn’t.” Garnet answered back, gritting her teeth. “That was wrong.”

“Remembered how she tasted? How sweet and overpowering it was?” Herself panted out. She found the bed and got on, crawling along the mattress in a way that made the area between Garnet’s legs pulse. The light caught the side of her face, allowing Garnet to see the droplets of sweat sliding down her cheek and dripping off her chin. Herself’s pupils pinpricked, “I wanted to taste it again.”

“I should have waited for another time, when she was willing.” Garnet whispered out.

“I could have taken her then and she could do nothing about it. She could have squirmed and hit me and I would be too strong for her. She would be helpless.”

Garnet had no answer to that, because it disgusted her so much that she had no words to use to express it. Herself was at her face now, inches away, head tilted down so her eyes were hidden by her curls. This close, Garnet could hear her pants, low and growly.

“She felt so hot and tight around my fingers. I could feel her throb against my tongue. I wanted more from her.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“She’s mine to use.”

“I don’t own her.”

“I want her so badly it hurts.”

There was barely any distance between Garnet and Herself. Clawed hands were gripping her thighs tightly, the panting even heavier. With each word, her voice became more and more clouded with lust and need and, underneath both of those, anger. The tendrils were crawling along her bed now, almost able to reach her foot. Herself looked up at last, golden eyes staring straight into her own. It felt like they were looking into her soul, too.

“If I ever get the chance, I’ll do it again.”

“I need to learn how to control myself so I don’t do it again.” Her voice was almost gone while Herself’s voice was louder than before. Slowly, inch by inch, her lips stretched up into a grin, exposing sharp fang after sharp fang, a smile full of needles.

“If I ever get the chance, I’ll do it again.” She repeated. And when Garnet tried to speak, it came out noiseless, her voice gone from her. Herself’s grin widened and, as the tendrils of black shrouded over both of them, she leaned over and kissed her.

Garnet woke up frantically scrambling for purchase on the couch. Her foot pressed into the cushion and her other to the floor, both hands grabbing the arm rest. Her heart pounded in her chest and her breathing came out fast and heavy. Her eyes, burning like she had stared into the sun for far too long, glanced side to side looking for an enemy, only to find none. Groaning, she relaxed and pressed her hands to her face, letting out a shuddering sigh, fingers flexing to dig harder into her skin. Her lower body squirmed along the couch, and after a moment Garnet let out another shaky breath and removed her hands, glancing down with a mix of disgust and shame.

She was wet.

\--

Pearl and Blue kept to themselves in the morning. Grey clouds outside reflected the somber mood well, well enough that if it were sunny out than it might have been considered an insult. Garnet flipped the bacon around to allow the other side to cook, and then turned her attention to the next pan on the other burner to check on the eggs. She had a feeling that neither of them would eat, but still, she would have to try and get them to.

“Remember that time we got into her closet and tried on her heels and jewelry?” The sniffle of Pearl’s voice overpowered the sizzling of the back and eggs. Garnet gritted her teeth and tried to tune out the conversation, that feeling of intrusiveness still well within her.

Blue’s laugh came clear even with her efforts, “We pretended to be her for the day.” Blue’s voice was quieter and lighter than Pearl’s, but still very, very similar. “She was really mad when she got home and saw us going through the underwear drawer.

Pearl let out a hiccupping laugh “Y-yeah.”

Garnet slid the eggs and bacon onto a single plate, where more of the two items of the food were already sitting and cooling. Her own stomach growled at the sight of the meat, mouth beginning to water.

_Not for me._

Still, she stared dejectedly at the plate, then let out a sigh as she turned off the burners and picked it up, walking towards the table only a few feet away. Unlike her and Pearl’s house, the kitchen and dining room was one room entirely rather than separated. Garnet set the plate down on the table.

“You two should eat.”

They both look up at her at the same time, both light blue eyes filled with anguish and grief. Garnet couldn’t help but shift her stance and turn her eyes down to the plate, not able to bear looking at them for more than a few seconds. “Please.” She added on as an afterthought.

Blue reached for a strip of bacon. She managed to get it an inch away from her mouth, but then her hand started to tremble and her lip started to quiver, and then two seconds later she was crying again, dropping the bacon and shoving both hands to her head and slamming her elbows onto the table. Pearl didn’t react to it; she was looking at Garnet.

There was something unreadable in her eyes, but Garnet’ had a few guesses as to what she was thinking: Why are you here? Do you even care? Is this your way of apologizing? Are you trying to take advantage again? Each question made her feel sicker and sicker until the smell of food made her nauseous. Gritting her teeth, she turned her gaze away from Pearl and instead retreated out of the dining room, back into the living room. The two cats were on the couch, one cleaning the other, but the moment she stepped out one screeched and took off to the den. The other however stayed still, staring at her inquisitively. The tip of its tail flicked side to side. Frowning, Garnet started to approach. Still, the cat stayed still. It was on the farthest side of the couch, so Garnet took a seat on the opposite side from it and set her hands into her lap. Light purring almost startled her; when Garnet looked over, the cat was approaching. It set itself onto her lap and rubbed its face against her stomach and chest, licking at her arms. Garnet sat still, surprised. Cautiously, she set a hand on the cat’s back, stroking down to its rump. The purring intensified and it rubbed its face against her harder.

Garnet smiled, but it fell away when she heard Blue and Pearl talk.

“She’s been bad, Blue. Worse than before.”

Blue sniffled. She must have stopped crying. “Wh-what?”

“I thought she was getting better, we had this fight after I got home from your place, and we made up a few days later but…” She could hear Pearl get choked up; hear her heart start to pound. “We… got intimate yesterday. She hurt me.” Garnet could hear the shuffling of cloth. No doubt Pearl showing Blue the many bruises, scratches, and bites she inflicted on Pearl. “I didn’t mind it at first, but the more I think about it, the more I realized how…intentional it was. After that, I tried to make dinner and Garnet didn’t want to me to get out of bed, she wanted to, er, get intimate again. I told her no. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried to get things started on dinner and… she forced herself on me-“

“What?!” Garnet didn’t need advanced hearing in order to hear that one word. The cat startled from her chest, raising its head and ears up and staring at the source of the noise. Garnet pet it, smearing the sweat that was gathering around her palms across its grey fur.

“She didn’t get far, but it was enough. Blue, she-, I’m not even sure if I know her anymore. She’s been so different; she’s been so awful.” Pearl was starting to cry again. Garnet could hear the chair screech against the tile flooring, then the sound of light footsteps as Blue presumably walked over to her.

Garnet’s breathing was getting heavier, her fingers clutching into the cat’s fur. She could feel her own tears sting at her eyes as wave after wave of guilt crashed through her being.

“F-fuck…”

Their voices had dropped into whispers so light even Garnet had trouble hearing them. She was almost glad for that though. The first few of her tears slipped down her cheeks and fell into the cat’s fur. It purred louder. The weight of her actions was hitting her all at once; how bad she fucked up, how irreversible the damage was.

“You need to stay away from her.”

Garnet winced.

“I know I do. But this is so sudden that-“

“Don’t make an excuse, Pearl! You need to stay away.”

_“If I had the chance to, I’d do it again.”_

She remembered the words of her doppelganger; she remembered how her voice overpowered her own and how the doppelganger forced herself onto Garnet like she had done to Pearl. She remembered how aroused it made her. Somehow, from remembering all of that, she knew that both the doppelganger and Blue were right. That if she had the chance, she’d do it again, and that Pearl needed to stay away, lest Garnet hurt her again.

_Maybe even worse next time. What if I change when she’s around?_

Garnet didn’t even want to think about that. She ran her hands down the cat’s back and lightly nudged it off her, getting up from her spot on the couch. She thought to go into the dining room, pretend like she heard none of the conversation. But she had a feeling that that would end up with Blue coming at her with a knife. Instead she stood there, unsure of what to do, tears still blurring her vision and falling from her eyes.

“Maybe I should stay with you for a while. Maybe we need a break.”

Garnet sucked in a breath.

“You can stay as long as you need to. And the only break you need with her is a break up.”

“Blue…”

“Don’t try to defend her.”

“I still love her, Blue!”

Garnet shook her head, forgetting her resolve. And she marched to the dining room door.

She didn’t slam it open, but it was quite loud when she came in. The moment she took in the sight of Blue holding Pearl close to her, she lost confidence in everything she was going to say. Garnet realized that she was still crying, and that she had left her shades on the counter when she started to cook, so the tears were fully revealed to the both of them. Blue’s face twisted into a visage of murderous intent, and Pearl-

Garnet couldn’t tell.

“I,um, I-if you want I can,” She hated how watery her voice was, “I can go pick, pick up some of your things and d-drop them off here.” She took in a deep breath and steeled herself. “I don’t mind.”

“You-“

Pearl pressed a hand over Blue’s mouth and spoke for her. “I would appreciate that.” Was all she said and nothing else. Garnet didn’t know why she expected her to say more, but still it hurt. Swallowing, she made a beeline for the counter and snatched her shades off them, placing them back over eyes in hopes that it would at least cover some of her distraught. Then she gave a nod to Blue and Pearl and, without another word, left the dining room. She marched for the bag on the dining table next to the couch and almost ripped it open with her force, yanking her clothes out of it. When she was sure she got all of them (though she wouldn’t have cared if she didn’t) she stalked towards the door and opened it.

It took every bit of willpower she had to close it quietly rather than slam it.

\--

It wasn’t until dark that Garnet got home after dropping off more stuff for Pearl. The house felt empty and cold. Her face was hot and wet with tears. She threw her keys onto the couch and almost took a seat on it, but at the last moment she changed her direction and instead headed for their garage. It was even colder in there, but she barely cared as she strapped on her gloves and headed for the punching bag.

One jab crashed the bag against the wall, putting a small hole in it. Another, more powerful cross made the hole larger, pieces of drywall and insulation foam fluttering out from it. A growl ripped from her throat as she punched again. The chain squeaked in protest, stinging her ears, making the anger coursing through her burn hotter and hotter. The growl turned into a snarl, sharp teeth bared to the bag as she slashed her hand, trying to catch it with claws that were covered with a glove. A resounding slap echoed through the garage. Her skin prickled, body burning hotter and hotter until she did away with her shirt and instead was left in her sports bra. She jabbed again, threw a cross, a hook at the side, tried to slash again but to no avail, another cross.

 The snapping of a chain startled her backwards. The punching bag fell to the floor, along with the link of metal that she broke. Garnet looked at it, panting, irate, eyes burning. She yanked her glasses off and scrubbed at her eyes, trying to get the burning to stop, but to no avail. Through the garage’s windows the moon shone, less than half full, still waning away into the new moon.

“Damn you,” She growled out, letting her palms drop, allowing the golden eyes to be seen, almost glowing in the dark of the room. “Damn her, damn all of this.”

Garnet moved to sit, crossing her legs over each other, hands dropping into her lap as she looked at them. Her fingers and palms were calloused, her nails sharp and long, her arms dark with hair that almost resembled fur in length. The moonlight reflected off her sweaty skin. Garnet looked up, staring at the wall in front of her, letting out small huffs. Faintly, she was aware that she could hear her own frantic heartbeat.

Her stomach was cramping, her muscles becoming sore even though she barely worked them. Her spine twinged.

It was enough to make her flinch and stop huffing, breath caught in her throat. The feeling of it was all too familiar, striking fear straight through her as she glanced up at the garage windows again, looking at the moon.

_What?_

It wasn’t escalating, but still the threat of change was looming. She shot her gaze back down to her lap, looking at her upturned palms. Breathing in, she started to count to ten, over and over again, until the cramping stopped and the burning began to ebb away. Garnet leaned back on her palms and exhaled. Her shoulders were trembling, and slowly the trembling began to spread until she was shaking like a leaf in the wind. Mismatched eyes filled with tears, and those tears began to spill down dark cheeks, dripping off her chin to wet the floor mats beneath her.

Garnet put her head in her hands, a sob forcing itself from her lips. Her fingers dug into her scalp, claws slicing into the skin. She wanted it to end, she wanted it to stop, she wanted to be back to normal, she wanted help.

She cried out that last thought, a wail that echoed off the walls back at her, ‘help me’. And the echo was the only thing that answered her as she curled into the fetal position and fell over to her side, ripping out hairs and cutting skin and starting to dry heave when she cried too hard, only for nothing to come out but a bit of spit.

It lasted an hour.

\--

That night when she went to bed, she dreamt of the same dream. Sitting on her bed in her room, Pearl nowhere in sight, sweating and panting. The tendrils of darkness reaching for her from their place on the far wall. The only difference was that Herself was already on the bed, grinning before she moved forward and forced her lips onto hers, grabbing her hands in hers so she couldn’t push away. Herself’s strength was superior, and she let out a pleased growl before shoving her tongue in between Garnet lips and taking both of her wrists in one hand so she could grab a breast in the other.

She was anything but gentle.

Hard squeezes, claws raking down her skin and a rough, almost sandpaper-like tongue dragging across the cuts to lap up the blood. Teeth dug into the apex of her neck and on her thighs, hands gripped her hips so hard that it bloomed blue and purple marks. She was gasping, begging for her to stop, kicking at her with her legs and slamming her fists onto her shoulders and her head. But all Herself did was look up and grin, showing off those razor-sharp teeth, before she went down on her and brushed her tongue across her sex, parting it.

Garnet woke up, gasping, shaking, sweating, the cloth of her underwear slicked to her lower lips. She hunched over herself, elbows resting on her knees, letting out a soft moan mixed with pleasure and discomfort. Deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. Fleeting images of the dream danced around in her head, making her pulse with need. She groaned and fell back, turning over and burying her face into Pearl’s pillow, taking in her scent in an attempt to calm herself down. It made the burning worse.

She laid there for the longest time, forcing her hands to stay above her head and not travel lower, hoping that eventually the arousal might ebb away so she could go back to sleep. Through the window the sun started to come, up, casting the room in a dim blue glow, Hunger roused within her, and Garnet opened her reddened eyes to look at the wall, letting out soft pants. Her hands clutched harder at the pillow; she was now staring at the empty space next to her, thinking about how she missed Pearl.

Thinking about how she wanted her.

Thinking about how she wanted to taste her blood.

Saliva filled her mouth, her hands fisted into the pillowcase, claws tearing small holes. The soft groan she let out almost turned into a whine and she curled into herself in an attempt to ground the urges and thoughts swarming her.

_Make it end._

It wouldn’t. Not any time soon. Maybe not ever.


	12. A New Moon (A New Problem)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me- *Is slep*
> 
> Brain- Hey, you know that story we're writing, the one that we update every two weeks.
> 
> Me- Yeah is good, very nice. I slep.
> 
> Brain- Well, we forgot to update it.
> 
> Me- Nah, we updated it last week.
> 
> Brain- Nah
> 
> Me *Checks calendar. Realizes brain was right* OH FU-
> 
> Hope you enjoyed that cringy-ass reenactment of me realizing I didn't update this. Hope you enjoy, I'm going back to bed now.

**_A New Moon (A New Problem)_ **

The dishes in the kitchen and in the dining room almost piled to the ceiling, emitting a smell that irritated her nose every time she walked into the living room. That wasn’t often. Garnet stayed in her room, lying in bed and clutching the pillow close to her so she could take in Pearl’s scent and feel its comfort wash over her fried nerves. She called out of work multiple times, and the times she didn’t she was a zombie walking around, bringing concern and the mood down enough that the captain would send her home with busywork. She still got it done, not wanting to lose her job, but after she half-assed it, she would lie in bed again and do nothing, say nothing, think about nothing, listening to the sound of her own heartbeat and the sound of cars thrumming by. Trying to phase out of the world.

It still hasn’t worked.

She was tired, because she never slept. She was hungry, even though she ate almost every waking moment. She was horny, even though she worked at herself again and again, and she was anxious, even though she was in a locked room with no one inside and senses to alert her to danger. The moon continued to wane, and tonight was the new moon. She never felt more exhausted, more starved, more frustrated, than tonight. 

Her phone never rang, never blipped with a new text, never did anything aside playing the sound of her alarm when she needed to wake up for work in the mornings. She had been forgotten, or Pearl was truly done. Her teeth tearing into her arm had become less about satisfying her cravings for blood, and more about causing enough pain so Garnet could feel at least an ounce of what she deserved. At one point she had torn out a chunk that revealed fat and muscle and an artery, and right before her horrified eyes, she watched the muscles as it threaded itself whole again, the fat as it sludged towards its halves to rejoin, skin as it knitted itself back together, leaving no blemish. Garnet vomited afterwards.

Sometimes she tried to get out of bed and do something, such as go into the garage to train, but there was no point to it. Even with her inaction over the weeks, she noticed that her physique had not changed at all; in fact, it seemed that some muscles were firmer if anything. She couldn’t bring herself to be happy about it. It felt like she was cheating. So she stopped attempting.

Lying down on the bed, Garnet stared off into space, listening to the sound of the air conditioner running as it warmed up the house. It didn’t help much, she felt colder than usual, and even with the blankets she had bundled around her she still felt colder. Her nose was stuffy and her ears were clogged and her senses felt normal again because of it, and her mouth was dry no matter how much water she drank. It was the new moon; she knew it from instinct. Without the moon present in the sky, it was making her sick. Her head swam as she tried to recall any folklore that mentioned that being a thing.

_Folklore barely gets anything right._

Even though Garnet found herself repeating that often, she still looked to it for answers because it was the only thing she had. Shuffling around the bed, she changed positions to the other side of it, Pearl’s side, hissing as the sheets and pillows were colder than the ones she was lying on previously. She scratched her leg with her foot and curled up, staring at the frosted window next to the one covered with cardboard and duct tape. It was cloudy out, snow falling down onto the white-covered streets and sidewalks. It was hurting her eyes looking at all the bright white, but she didn’t take them away, not sure where else to direct them. There was nothing to do. There was nothing Garnet wanted to do.

_Except lay down and die._

 She couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her lips as she shook her head to the best of her abilities when lying on her side. Though Garnet wished that thought could come true most days, other times she thought it was ridiculous that she even entertained it.

That night the street lamp next to her house had gone out, and it was very, very dark. Snow fell down hard, and the moon was absent, and even if it wasn’t, heavy clouds still would have kept it covered. Garnet couldn’t stop shivering, and in her curiosity she took her temperature and the thermometer read 96.2. She didn’t know her resting body temperature, but she knew a degree below average wasn’t a good thing. Bundled in blankets and turning the AC to 78 degrees, Garnet stayed in her bed and watched the storm outside, wondering if Pearl was doing the same at Blue’s house. A cough stung at her throat. A swipe of a thumb across her lips smeared red across her dark skin.

She wished she had someone with her; Garnet didn’t like being alone when she was sick. She felt like a vulnerable animal and every part of her body was bristling in preparation for an attack that was yet to come. Another cough sent a spatter of blood across the sheets and it streamed down the side of her lips to pool onto the pillow and her cheek.

At some point in the night she must have gone unconscious, because when Garnet came to she was freezing and out in the snow, staring up at the moonless sky. Her fingers were numb and starting to turn blue, and when she shoved them under her armpits they stung with pain. The front of her shirt was both wet and crusted with blood. Her chin and neck felt stiff with it.

Stars, was Garnet hungry.

Snow crunched under her bare feet as she headed away from her house and instead around the neighborhood, hands still tucked around her body, body hunched and head forward. Low growls spilled from her lips often and without her control, and after a while Garnet realized that her eyes were burning, shining gold in the dark, dark night.

Snow blew in flurries around her, the wind whipping her curls into her face. Her nose and cheeks felt like ice and she lost feeling in her feet long ago but still she walked further and further and-oh stars she could smell her. Without her say her legs took her to the scent that the wind carried with it, her senses started to reignite after being snuffed. She could hear the faint heartbeat over the wind, smell her perfume and the sweat it almost masked. A hundred meters away at the most. It took her a minute to get there.

She sat on a bench, phone in one hand and purse clutched in the other, wearing a long jacket and skirt and a scarf that covered the lower half of her face. Her blonde hair was shaggy and caught the light of the street lamp beside the bench. The woman was so engrossed in her phone that she didn’t even notice Garnet as she stood a foot away, staring, freezing. Starving.

Her hands flexed into fists and outwards. Garnet clicked her teeth inside her mouth, feeling the sharp points grind together.

The woman’s heart was a steady thump-thump against her ribcage and her breaths were slow. Even closer now, her smell was all perfume, sweat, and alcohol. An awful mix that stung Garnet’s nostrils, but still enticed her to come even closer, eyes on her throat, occasionally moving down to take in the skin that wasn’t covered by clothing.

“It’s too cold to be out here in those clothes, don’t you think?” The voice behind her and the hand that rested on her shoulder startled Garnet back and she whirled around to look at the person. The woman was dressed in a parka, a long skirt, a hood and a tuque that covered most of her face. There was a smile on her lips that showed off wrinkles. “I had hoped to see you again.”

Garnet recognized the voice. It was the lady from the park, the one who had sat with her. Her lips moved up and down, but no noise came out, and Garnet couldn’t help but look back at the blonde woman, seeing that her attention was on them now. Her eyes averted and she pretended to be looking at her phone. Garnet’s mouth filled with saliva. A hand grabbed her wrist.

“Come, we should get you inside, you’re not looking too good.” Without waiting for a response the woman started to pull her along. Garnet tried to reel back, still trying to speak but unable to make the words. The woman’s grip was surprisingly strong and she pulled her along like there was no resistance at all.

Several minutes of walking and they came to a two story house that was all brown paneling and a dark brown roof. A set of stairs led up to a porch that was covered with snow. The woman waded through it, cutting a path clear for Garnet as she pulled her to the door. She let go of her wrist then to take out her keys and unlock the door, pushing it open and leading Garnet inside once more by the hand. It was impossibly dark, and the room was filled with things all sorts of macabre. Shelves lined the dark grey walls, each filled with specimen jars of animals and insects of all kinds. No pictures adorned the walls, and in the middle of the small room was a black oval coffee table, two red arm chairs, and a display of a snake skeleton in the middle of the chairs on a nightstand.

It was cold in the house, but still warmer than the outside. When Garnet tried to sniff the air, she couldn’t get a scent other than dust and wood. No scents of food from the fridge, or the smell of water, or scents of people who had been here in the past. Not even the scent of the woman who brought her in. Had the house ever been occupied before?

“Pardon the decorations, my niece loves preserving and displaying. I’m surprised she doesn’t have the taxidermy wolf out here. That’s her pride; it was all done by her hand.” The woman chatted on. Garnet watched as she peeled off some of her layers, feeling her hunger roar the more her skin was revealed. Her fingers twitched. She started to pant lightly.

“Grief does strange things to us, like having us go out in the cold in our pajamas. It doesn’t make sense to us during grief, and it won’t make sense to us after. We just do it.” The woman turned back to face her and Garnet realized that she still had her hood up and had somehow found a scarf that covered the lower part of her mouth. She had brilliant blue eyes that almost shone in the dark. “Are you hungry?”

Garnet stopped her panting, watching the woman for any sign of aggression or ill intent. Her hands, which had returned underneath her armpits, squeezed her sides tight.

“Yes,” Her voice was a deep growl. Garnet cleared her throat. “Yes.” She said again. It didn’t sound any better.

“I’ll get you something. Take a seat, make yourself comfortable.” The woman said. Her eyes lit up as though they were smiling, and she turned away and moved noiselessly across the floor, disappearing behind a wall. Garnet’s gaze snapped to the couch, pupils dilating. A hesitant step forward. The floor creaked and she jumped back with a warning growl bubbling in her throat, hands squeezing around herself tighter and posture becoming even more hunched than before. Everything was muddled in her head and she couldn’t think a single rational thought to save her life. All Garnet could think about was her hunger.

“Here you are.”

The woman came back after several minutes with a plate full of cubed meats. All of them looked plain without any seasoning to be seen, but to Garnet it was like a gourmet meal as she practically yanked the plate from the woman’s hands and scarfed it down, barely taking the time to chew it. The woman laughed as she watched her.

“You were really hungry, weren’t you?”

It took every last bit of restraint Garnet had to not lick the plate, instead pulling it down so she could look at the woman. Her teeth were bared and she knew her eyes were still golden, but if the woman noticed she didn’t show that she had.

“Now, do you want to sit down and talk? You look like you have a lot on your mind.” The woman brushed passed her to take a seat on the couch, sinking into it with a soft sigh. Garnet didn’t turn to face her.

“No.”

“No? Talking always helps-“

“I don’t need any help. I’m fine.” Garnet growled out. She twitched when the woman hummed.

“Now, that’s not very believable.”

“Who are you?” Garnet turned around, glaring at the woman, at her nearly-covered face, with only bits of light brown skin and wrinkles showing through the gaps.

“Hm, who are you?” She shuffled around on the cushion and rested a hand on the arm of the couch to lean on it. “You first, my dear.”

Garnet had to think about it for a while, her head still swarming with hunger and sickness and growing anxiety. It took ten seconds before her name pushed out of the fog.

“Garnet.”

“Ah, Garnet. I like that name.” The woman’s eyes lit up again. “Fits you well.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You look like a Garnet.” The woman explained.  Garnet’s lip curled up.

“Who are you?” She asked again. And instead of answering, the woman smiled and let out a low chuckle. She patted the cushion next to her, a silent invitation for her to join her on the couch.

“Come sit with me, dear.”

The words didn’t sit well, the demand behind them, how it was an order and not a suggestion. Who did she think she was? Garnet couldn’t help but growl, eyes trailing down the woman’s face to look at her throat. Saliva pooled in her mouth. She wanted to eat. Stars, the hunger…

“Please?” She offered, and for a moment her façade of warmth dropped and she seemed almost sad, lonely even. A small, human part of Garnet gleamed through the animalistic instinct and thought, and she found herself walking forward to join her. The couch cushions were hard, as if they hadn’t been sat on often. It smelt of dust and mildew and staleness. Garnet tucked her legs up onto the couch, up to her chest, curling into herself.

“You remind me a lot of someone I know, you share the same mannerisms.”

“You don’t know me.” Garnet muttered, and her eyes shifted away from her to glance down at the wooden floors. Her foot prints were the only things that cut through the layer of dust.

“And your eyes are so stunning.”

Mild shock ran through her and she glanced over. The woman smiled with her eyes again, hands folded across her lap. Several thoughts reeled through her head, but her lips moved without any sound coming out of them. She untucked her hands from her armpits, showing off the claws that hadn’t been trimmed down.

“Why did you bring me here?”

The woman laughed.

“Why not? I did say that I had hoped to see you around. It is always good to make friends; I don’t have a lot of them these days.”

“What’s your name?” The fog started disappearing, and with its absence Garnet became more aware of everything, like how the woman had dodged her question from earlier. Her eyes smiled again and she looked away, shoulders jumping with a silent laugh.

“Why do you have yellow eyes and sharp teeth? Why are you covered in blood and why do you have claws?” She asked, and Garnet stiffened, “Some questions shouldn’t be answered. Not yet, anyways.” She shuffled around on the couch. “You look like you are feeling much better, and I need to go to bed soon. Do you need me to walk you home? It’s dangerous this time of night.”

“I-“ Garnet shut her mouth, teeth clicking. “No… No, I can- I can get home. Uh, thank you, for-“ At a loss for words, she stopped mid-sentence, gave it some thought, then finished with only a “thank you.”

“Of course. Please see me again sometime. It gets so lonely here.” The woman stood up, letting out a soft sigh, and without another goodbye she took her leave and disappeared behind a corner. Garnet could hear her feet hit the floor boards, then the creaking of the stairs along with her labored breathing and quickened heartrate. Then the opening and closing of a door and the sound of clothes shuffling as she undressed. Garnet decided to get up then, tucking her hands back under her arms and heading for the door.

It was freezing outside. She decided that the first thing she would do when she gets home would be to take a bath. A long one, at that.

\--

Garnet hissed as she sank into the water, the contrast of the hot water against her cold skin painful, she gripped it hard and waited for it to pass, then sunk down further, letting out a small gasp. Her eyes, mismatched and normal again, shut and a deep breath escaped her lips. She reopened them, looking down at herself. At the fur that covered her legs and stomach and the scars that crisscrossed her chest. She brought her knee up, the water around it sloshing, frowning, her hand straying towards her face and tracing the scar on her jaw with her thumb. She thought of Pearl, telling her how the scar wasn’t noticeable, and how she kissed it to reassure her. Garnet remembered getting undressed for bed or changing clothes in front of her and always feeling her eyes stare at the scars on her back or chest depending on which way she was facing. She remembered how vulnerable and insecure she felt. She remembered how she learned to ignore it.

_She hates me. She hates everything about me. My actions, my behavior, my body. Everything._

 Garnet brought her hand up in front of her face, curling her fingers to her palm, flexing them back out, then turning her hand over. The bite mark stared back at her, taunting her. Letting her know that it being inflicted on her was all it took for her life to change for the worst. _You can’t get rid of me,_ it sang to her. _I’m here forever_. The scar stung, and without thinking Garnet brought it close and began licking it in an attempt to soothe the pain. It took her a few seconds to realize what she was doing, and when she did she yanked her hand back, appalled. Over time, little by little, human instincts faded away to make way for animalistic ones. Cropping up more often than not, always without her intention or control. It scared her.

Garnet wandering out into the outside wasn’t something of delusion; she was hunting, and when she scented the blonde lady it was the equivalent to a predator finding its prey. Oh how badly she wanted the taste of blood on her tongue, the taste of human flesh and the feeling of it mashing between her teeth. Garnet would have killed the blonde lady if it weren’t for the woman grabbing her hand and taking her away.

The woman’s blue eyes appeared in her thoughts. How brilliantly they shone in the dark, how much they reminded her of Pearl’s. At that thought, her thoughts turned from something dark to something lewder, the taste of Pearl on her tongue, the heat between her thighs, the way she pushed her away when Garnet tried to force herself on her. Her mind started to muddle again. The taste of her, and how she wanted to taste her again.

The urge washed over her quickly. Garnet wasted no time working at herself with clawed hands, panting and growling, water sloshing around her and over the bathtub onto the floor as she shifted to and fro. Worked until there was a hot burning between her thighs and she started to whine, worked until the water grew cold and she came, thighs quivering and abdominal muscles tensing. Garnet sat back for a moment, relishing in the pleasure that washed over her and then not even a moment after ashamed that she had taken such a memory of Pearl and sexualized it and fucked herself to it without exhibiting a single ounce of self-control.

She drained the water and stepped out, drying off and yanking her underwear on, shame rolling off of her in waves, so much so that she felt like she should apologize even though the pale woman wasn’t even there with her. Garnet crawled into her bed and it was then that she saw that the clouds cleared and the sun started coming up, the room turning a light blue from the light.

Curling up into her blankets, Garnet chose to watch the sun go up rather than attempt to sleep. She didn’t feel like dealing with the nightmares.

\--

Garnet took a seat at her desk, the chair groaning in protest. She laid her arms across the wooden surface, clean-shaven and her nails trimmed, the most effort she had put into her appearance in a while. There was nothing to do but wait for calls to come in or start on her busy work, but the scents of her coworkers around her messed with her head.

_I’m hungry._

_Focus._

_I need to eat._

_I can eat later._

Her mouth wouldn’t stop watering, forcing her to swallow some of it back to keep saliva from leaking out. Trying to distract herself, Garnet grabbed one of her pens and an empty report sheet and started filling it in with a crime she made up.

“Hey, Clarke!”

_Stars, not now…_

“Harrison.” Garnet turned around in her seat, the sight of the taller and larger woman made her skin prickle with the need to attack. Jasper was grinning, hands on her hips, standing tall and straight.

“Been a while since I’ve seen you. Been playing the hooky game lately, eh?” Jasper made a move like she was going to clap on the back, but she paused when Garnet tensed and shrunk away. She frowned. “You alright? You’re not looking so hot.”

She smelled like citrus and perfume and sweat, and oh stars was that combination heavenly. How badly did Garnet want to sink her teeth into her throat and taste the hot blood and soft skin, the strings of muscle wedging themselves into her teeth on the first bite. She would have to pick it out later, but that was a minor inconvenience compared to the reward she would get if she just took a bite of-

“Clarke?”

Garnet snapped out of stupor, realizing that she was staring right at Jasper and her lips had parted. She closed them and hoped that the portion of her teeth that were shown weren’t anything to conspicuous. Flexing her fingers outwards, she dug into her table and focused on her breathing.

 _Calm down now, forget her smell, forget the hunger for just a moment, forget the taste of her flesh on your tongue and your teeth_ in-

“I’m under the weather, but I’ll live.” Garnet muttered out, spaced. Jasper’s look was incredulous and she nodded extra slow, pressing her fists to her hips.

“Riiight.” Jasper scratched underneath her chin, sniffling, “Between you and me, smoking a bowl after work is a better habit than doing it before”

“I’m not high, I’m just sick.” Garnet pressed her hands to her forehead, supporting her weight on her elbows. Her cheek twitched a few times and so did her fingers, “And a cannibal.” A little quieter than her last statement, but not enough so that Jasper didn’t hear. She wished that she was looking up to see her face, but she let herself be satisfied by the small ‘the fuck?’ she muttered in response.

“Uh, Clarke… think you need a few more days. And a doctor. And a strait jacket.”

The eyes that looked up at Jasper were those of a predator. The same old mismatched blue and brown as they have been since the day she was born, but the traces of gold in them were undeniable. She stared off again, lips parting, her breathing becoming ragged, and Jasper stood there disturbed, glancing to and fro and massive arms dropping to her side as she steeled herself. Something changed in her, there was someone else behind those eyes.

“You’re freaking me out.”

She was starting to sweat, her skin starting to tingle, mouth drying and stomach cramping. The tips of her fingers ached and she dug them into her desk in an attempt to soothe the slight pain. Garnet clicked her teeth.

“I…”

_I need to eat._

_I’m so hungry._

“-Need fresh air.”

The chair screeched loudly when Garnet scooted back, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. Eyes followed her as she left to go outside, burning into her back, but even as the burn of their gaze went away, their smells followed her even outside. It swirled with the scent of snow and trees and gasoline. Garnet hit her back against the wall and fumbled with her uniform’s buttons. It was hot, so very, very hot, even with the cold. The sun shone down on her, and frowning Garnet fished her glasses from a pocket and put them on, having taken them off earlier sometime for a reason that had become blurred. In fact, she tried to remember the details of her and Jasper’s conversation, and that wasn’t coming to her either.

_This is bad._

Garnet crossed her arms and scuffed her shoe across the pavement, exhaling through her nose. She wouldn’t be able to get through the day like this, and it was obvious that the meats she had been eating weren’t enough to satisfy this hunger. Garnet had an idea, but she didn’t like it the slightest bit.

_It’s better than the alternative._

Garnet breathed out again and shut her eyes, struggling with herself, with the remnants of humanity that clung to her that told her what she was about to do was disgusting and wrong. Still she walked back inside, down the hallway, into the main offices and right into the captain’s office to request patrol. All it took was the look on her face to get it approved, and when she went outside to her car she took the opposite direction from the route she had been assigned.

\--

Eventually, it stopped twitching. That made it easier for Garnet to take a bigger bite, one full of flesh and fur and liver. The fur irritated her mouth and almost made her want to gag, but that would mean wasting what was already in her mouth, so she kept on chewing. Tears streamed down her face, and in between bites she sobbed. The flesh was the right amount of soft, and the organs were spongey, and it was so undeniably _good_ , but with each bite she felt more and more of herself slip away into the point of no return from where she dangled over the rest of the abyss that she had fallen into.

Blood stained her hands and the area around her mouth and neck. She licked her lips a few times in an attempt to clean it, but more would take its place with each bite. Her teeth scrapped ribs and with a growl she took them between her jaws and broke them, digging into the lungs and heart they used to protect, then forcing her tongue into the broken bones to get to the marrow. Her hunger was almost a memory at this point; finishing the corpse would get rid of the lingering parts. Garnet pulled the corpse away from her mouth, chewing, blinking away the tears that her gathered in her eyes, only for more to take their place.

_Stars, what have I become?_

Garnet ate the rest, licking her hands clean afterwards and even the bones, the roughness of her tongue stripping away the blood and bits of meat that clung to it. She stood up afterwards, several joints popping, leaves falling from her ass and legs as she brushed them off and walked out of the copses. Her car sat ten feet away, parking on the side of the road. Garnet unlocked her door and got in, reaching for her radio and bringing it to her still-bloodied mouth.

“Search turned up nothing. Must have been my imagination.” Radio chatter answered her back, but Garnet ignored it as she set the radio back in its place, leaning back in her seat and sticking her index finger into her mouth so she could lick off more of the blood and dig at the meat that had gotten stuck under her fingernails.

She drove back to her house first to wash up. In the mirror, she was a mess. Her eyes were golden and predatory and she was covered in dirt and blood and fur. She washed up as best as she could and did her breathing exercises until she calmed down enough that the gold slowly faded to blue and brown. Then, as calm as she walked in, she went back to her patrol car and started it, pulling out of her driveway so she could head to the patrol route she was assigned. The tears still hadn’t stopped coming, slipping down her cheeks and falling down and wetting her bloodied uniform.

She was at peace though, at last. Her stomach didn’t feel like it was tearing itself apart and she was noticing scents other than that of prey. Her mind was cleared of thoughts of killing and eating people around her. And for once, she was happy that Beach City had a particularly high stray animal population.


	13. Obsession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An attempt at reaching out stays unanswered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Yeah, so I've been gone awhile.
> 
> Part of the fault goes to the holidays and spending time with family, but most of the fault goes to writer's block, lack of motivation, and burn out. I've struggled for a while on whether or not to keep updating or even post something else because I just don't enjoy Steven Universe anymore, the Pearlnet fandom is dead and gone, and, well, I'm getting older. I'm graduating soon and when I do I can't keep spending my time writing fanfiction. It was a lot to think about, but I had to realize that when I first started writing here, it wasn't because that I wanted an audience or anything, but it was because I enjoyed it and I had fun writing stories that I wanted to read. It kinda stopped being about that once I saw that people actually enjoyed my stuff.
> 
> I think I'll go on for a bit longer. For me if for no one else.

**_Obsession_ **

The full moon was in less than a week and Garnet wasn’t prepared in the slightest. Twice she had gone to a hardware store to look at chains and padlocks that might keep her restrained, twice she went to a sporting store to look at camping equipment so that she could go far out into the woods away from any town. Each time she went home empty handed and more stressed than before. At least this week she had made somewhat of an effort to clean up; the dishes were cleared off the counter and instead piled into the sink, and she had swept up and gone grocery shopping. Hunger stabbed at her, but not as bad as it was before, which helped her ignore it and keep the fridge stocked for more than a day.

Garnet trained more often to keep herself out of bed and to burn off some of the stress and anger. The effect was marginal, but still it was something and testing her limits—or lack of them—kept her occupied for hours on end. She still hasn’t found a limit to her strength yet, nor her endurance when she went for a round on her punching bag. It seemed no matter what she couldn’t tire herself out. Garnet supposed it was a good thing for now.

Boxing gloves fell onto the floor. Garnet rubbed at her hands and shook out the tingling, then stilled the swinging bag. She braced herself on it and rested for a few moments, pulling away afterwards to grab her towel and wipe the sweat off her face and hands. Garnet walked over to the other side of the garage, where her phone was resting on a box. No notifications. Her lips curled up into a frown as she unlocked it and the screen opened up to her messages.

Garnet- Are you doing alright? How’s Blue? (Sent 9 am)

Pearl still hadn’t responded and it was already three in the afternoon. She really shouldn’t have been surprised (or hurt), but Garnet couldn’t help it. She shut her phone off and stuffed it into her pocket, walking out of her garage and into the living room.

_Maybe I should call._

Almost immediately she dismissed the idea. She would just have to be patient. Pearl would call her when she was ready. And no matter what she says, Garnet would accept it. Pearl deserved that much from her.

_Even if she never wants to see me again._

Ignoring the discontent and panic that swelled in her at the thought, Garnet reached the bathroom and started the shower, shutting the door behind her and locking it, removing her clothes and dropping them into the laundry basket she had bought in order to better keep her dirty clothes in check. For a few moments until the shower heated up she gazed at her scars, the clean cuts of her shoulder and the ruins of her chest.

_She hates everything about you._

Garnet squeezed her eyes shut, gritting her teeth. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be. Only another invasive thought that she couldn’t seem to get rid of. She shook off the words and stepped into the shower, washing away sweat and grime. As she ran her fingers through her wet hair, the sound of her phone chiming sent her in a mad dash for it, almost taking her shower curtain down as she scrambled out of the tub. Her heart pounded in her chest as she picked up her phone, then subsequently sank when she flipped it over to see that the notification was an issued warning about severe weather conditions.

_Damn._

She dropped her phone on the mosaic counter and stepped back into the shower.

\--

The next day she made more of an effort to clean the house, making the living room and kitchen look presentable and the dining room mid-way decent. Garnet didn’t know what came over her; maybe it had something to do with the anxious energy welling up in her from the lack of response from Pearl and the impending full moon, but having a somewhat clean house did make her feel a bit better than usual. It gave off the illusion that she was normal.

After readjusting a picture of her and Pearl for the twentieth time, Garnet stepped back and wiped her hands off. Dropping the rag onto the floor, Garnet took a seat in front of the mantle that sat below her tv. All filled with pictures of her and Pearl, gathered from around the house. Originally, Garnet had taken them out to the yard with a bottle of alcohol and a match, but after taking a moment to think about what she was doing, she gathered them and brought them back inside. Still, after a few hours of mulling it over, Garnet didn’t know what had first compelled her to try and burn them in the first place.

The picture sitting in front of her dated back to high school. It was grainy and the photo itself was scratched, but still it was a clear image of her and Pearl sitting on the steps of their school. Pearl had been rattling off about one of her teachers and Garnet, absolutely enraptured by her even at that point, was listening with an intentness that was almost comical.  A picture that once made her smile, made Garnet frown, and made tears sting at her eyes. With gentle hands, she plucked it off from its place at the mantel and held it close to her lap, running her thumb across the glass.

_There are not enough words to describe how sorry I am for what I did to you._

If only she could say it to her face, but Garnet had a feeling that she would never get a reply from her. She would never get the closure that she wanted (needed).

_But I don’t deserve closure. I tried to rape her. There is no forgiveness in that._

She dropped the frame onto her lap, where it slid down her bare legs and onto the floor, and she buried her hands into the thick of her hair, trying to fight back the tears in her eyes and the sob trying to escape her lips. Her claws dug into her scalp, cutting wounds that healed before blood could even bead at the surface. Try as she might to relax her fingers they only curled in more and cut deeper, like her body wanted her to hurt herself. And with what little understanding she had of what being a werewolf does to her, maybe that was the case.

Memories of what happened that night plagued her constantly in her dreams and when she was awake and right now was no exception. The tone of her voice as she said stop, the feel of breast in her hand, her other sneaking down to her groin, Garnet’s own arousal burning in between her legs. Her emotions were always mixed on them. Today, she was lucky enough to feel sad about it rather than aroused.

It took a while before she calmed down enough to pick herself up off the floor and replace the frame back on the mantle, drying her eyes with the back of her forearm and staring at the picture for a few more seconds before she forced her feet to take her to the bedroom, her phone gripped tightly in her hand. An anxious check told her that still no message had come through. Garnet shut her door behind her and took a seat on the bed, tapping on her messenger app and staring at the text she had sent Pearl. It still sat on delivered. Biting her lip lightly enough as to not cut in, Garnet tapped off of Pearl’s contact and instead went to her mother’s.

It’s been a good few months since she’s seen her parents, and two weeks since she talked to them. The last message sent was by her mother, Sapphire.

Mum- Are you okay? (Sent Tuesday)

Garnet was lucky enough that her mom seemed to understand when she didn’t want to talk, hence why she didn’t press when Garnet didn’t respond. It didn’t stop the guilt creeping up in her as she read through the message, then tapped on the keyboard. Her thumb hesitated over the first letter.

“They can’t help me with anything.” Garnet muttered, but she couldn’t bring herself to exit out of the app. It’s been so long since she’s seen either of her moms, so long since she’s talked to them. Her heart ached with loneliness; it prompted her to start typing her message.

Garnet- Could you come over soon? I need someone to talk to. (Sent now)

The response took only a few moments. Her mom always had a strange foresight when it came to incoming messages.

Mum- Of course. Is Thursday good for you? Your mother is off that day so she can come too. (Sent now)

Garnet started smiling, the first genuine one she had in a while.

Garnet- Thursday is perfect. Thank you, I love you. (Sent now)

Mum- J

\--

“So, I’ve been looking at that animal print a lot lately.” Jasper said. She had come over to Garnet’s desk to lean her elbow on top of her head so she could bend down and show her the aforementioned picture. Garnet was bristling, struggling to keep control so that she didn’t attack Jasper. Garnet didn’t like being touched, stars she did not like being touched.

“And?” She hoped her casualness masked how close she was to tearing Jasper’s throat out.

“It seems I might have misjudged how easy it would be to find a matching print. I thought I made a match with a timber wolf, but it’s way too big and way too-“ Jasper paused, pursing her lips as she studied the picture on her phone. “Human…” she finished off uncertainly. Garnet’s shoulders tensed and she had to struggle to relax them.

Jasper lifted herself from resting on top of her head, bringing the phone close to her face and staying uncharacteristically quiet. Agitation bled away. Garnet rocked in her chair and shifted the papers around her desk, keeping her lips in a tight-line.

“I thought it was just a divot in the dirt before, but… no, no that’s definitely a thumb print. The hell?” 

“Let me see.” Garnet grabbed for the phone but Jasper pulled it out of reach, twisting around so she wasn’t facing her. Fighting back a growl, Garnet stood up from her chair and circled around so she could see the photo, but Jasper moved out of the way again.

“Have some patience, Clarke! I’m figuring something out.”

Garnet stood there bouncing on the balls of her feet, trying to calm the anxiety swirling through her. Jasper wasn’t an idiot, there was far too much she could figure out just by taking a closer look at that picture. Maybe if she deleted it off her phone? No, that would place blame and suspicion on her that she didn’t need. The scent of her own sweat started to fill her nose and her fingers twitched against each other. She tensed at the sound of Jasper humming to herself, then watched as she slipped her phone into her pocket and started off without another word.

“Hey, you’re supposed to show me-“

“Shut up Clarke, I have an idea and I don’t want to lose it!” As though she were a child, Jasper pressed her palms against her ears and walked faster, disappearing around the corner of a hallway. Garnet’s sensitive ears could still pick up the sound of her footsteps and a chuckle that raised her temper to a boiling point. A snarl ripped from her throat and spun around to take her anger out on her chair, but as she grabbed it she hesitated. Garnet blinked, then let go. She squeezed her hands until they stopped shaking and focused on her breathing.

_1…2…3…4…5…7…8…9…10…_

It took several repetitions until she calmed down enough to relax her hands and take a seat. Losing control at work was the last thing she needed to do. She needed to hold out until her parents arrive on Thursday, and then talking to them could help calm her and keep her somewhat sane. Hopefully. Her chair creaked as she leaned back in it and Garnet thumbed through the papers on her desk, all blank reports. Her phone rung but she transferred it to someone else. Talking on the phone hurt her ears too much. Though she asked for a patrol several times, the captain wouldn’t budge, telling her to stay at her seat.

It would be another five hours until her shift ends, Garnet had to hold out and look busy until the end. Then she could see her mothers and she could get everything that has happened off her chest. That thought was enough to make her relax further, the last bits of the anger and anxiety leaving her. Garnet picked up a pencil and tapped it against her desk and tried to distract herself with mundane actions.

An hour passed and she was on lunch break. Garnet took small bites of her sandwich while she scrolled through her phone, looking at her and Pearl’s past messages, months before when the love was still strong between them. Her heart ached, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away from them until she got to the very end. Then she scrolled all the way back, looking at the last message sent. By her. Still on delivered.

She was starting to give up on the idea of being messaged back; there was no way Pearl had not seen the message. It was being ignored, and there was nothing Garnet could do about that fact other than go to Keystone to see her, and that would cross all sorts of lines. Letting out a sigh, Garnet finished off her sandwich and crumbled the tinfoil into ball, throwing it on the passenger seat of her car and tossing her phone along with it, pressing her hands to her face, trying to fight off the tears that were coming. She was so tired of crying all the time.

\--

Two days later, when Garnet got home from work, she could see the lights in her living room were on and she could smell the slightly-gross scent of a dog and the perfume of her mother, along with the more natural-woodsy scent of her other mother. Excitement welled up in her and Garnet could barely contain herself from rushing to the door. As she drew closer, the excitement bled into uncertainty, and she stopped just short of the door, hand hovering over the knob. A lump formed in her throat and her thumb twitched up and down, its claw, already halfway grown since cutting it last night, gleaming in the porch light. Swallowing down the lump Garnet bit the bullet and opened the door.

Sitting on her couch were both of her mothers, conversing quietly amongst themselves, their dog sitting in between them, radiating nervousness and fear. When Garnet stepped in they stopped talking and looked at her, even Frog, who tilted his head at Garnet. She shoved her hands into her hoodies pocket and kicked the door shut behind her, looking at her mothers, wanting to hug them, but at the same time too afraid to approach.

“Hi mums,” she settled for saying instead, offering a weak smile that didn’t show any teeth.

“My baby!” Ruby would be the first to close the distance, getting up from her spot on the couch and rushing over with her arms held out wide, crossing the distance to Garnet in a mere second and enveloping her in a hug so warm and welcoming that Garnet could help but break into a smile and hug her back just as earnestly. Sapphire followed afterwards, not rushed like her wife was, but still she walked with a pep in her step and wrapped her arms around the both of them. Frog yapped and leapt off the couch, rushing over to join his owners, but stopping just short of Garnet. She could smell fear on him, but as brave as he was since her mothers first rescued him, he approached Garnet anyway and started sniffing her leg. The dog’s demeanor changed as he recognized her, his tail wagging. Then he wrapped his front legs around her calf and starting thrusting wildly. Garnet frowned.

_Really?_

“How have you been? It’s been so long! Oh why don’t you call more often and- have you eaten today? Are you hungry? I’m making spaghetti if you want some and- Oh, you I couldn’t decide what to bring over but I know you like sweatpants so I bought you a pair at-,” Ruby rambled on until Sapphire moved a hand over to cover her mouth, and even then she still talked for a few seconds before realizing what had happened and, glaring, Ruby stopped talking. Her wife removed her hand. Garnet couldn’t help but smile again, realizing just how much she missed her mother’s wild energy combined with her other mother’s calmness.

“I’ve been better mum. Spaghetti sounds nice. Just don’t put as much red pepper in it this time.” Garnet said and moved to drop her bag down next to the couch. A hand rested on her back and she bristled, barely managing to fight off a growl. The hand started rubbing up and down and she relaxed, recognizing it as one of Sapphire’s ‘we’re going to talk about this’ gestures.

“Aw, it doesn’t taste as good without as much though.” Ruby pouted, but quickly recovered as she walked to the dining room and through it to the kitchen, presumably to stir the spaghetti. Garnet held her breath, waiting for the question she knew her mother had, but to her surprise it didn’t come. Sapphire took a seat on her couch, and Frog unlocked himself from her leg and jumped onto his owner, panting and wagging his tail.

“You haven’t said anything to me.” Garnet mumbled out reluctantly, breaking the silence. Her fingers played against each other and she didn’t meet her mother’s eye. And even after speaking up, her mother still didn’t say anything, instead running her fingers along Frog. Her mother was always quiet, but never this quiet; there wasn’t even an expression of happiness over seeing her for the first time in months. Just silence. Garnet hated it.  Is eye contact what she wanted? She forced herself to look at her, and they remained staring at each other. Sapphire hadn’t stopped petting Frog.

“There’s something different in you.” In, not about. Garnet bit the inside of her cheek and looked away again, clenching her fists. At that moment Ruby decided it was time to come back in, chewing on a plain noodle.

“Needs another minute or two,” She said. She glanced between her wife and her daughter, noticing her wife’s aloofness and how her daughter seemed more reserved than usual. “Bad time to come back in?” Always the observant one.

“No, you’re fine, love.” Sapphire said. She scooted over and patted a spot on the couch, moving Frog onto her lap so Ruby could take her place next to her. Her eyes still hadn’t left Garnet. She figured she probably needed to pull up a seat as well. He mother must be expecting that.

“Are you going to tell us everything?” Sapphire asked once Garnet took a seat on the dining room chair she dragged in. Garnet wanted to say no to her, but instead she nodded her head, already starting off their conversation with a lie. Fidgeting in the chair, Garnet wanted to run again. Talking to her mums was always hard, but it always made her feel better afterwards. Hopefully it would be the same in this case as well.

“Start from the beginning.”

Garnet looked at her wrist. “I was attacked.”

Ruby’s face fell, “We visited you a few times. I’ve never seen you look so-,” Sapphire once more laid a hand over her mouth, and she stopped talking, glancing back and forth between her daughter and her wife. She came to the slow realization that this must have been more serious than she thought, so she closed her mouth and took her wife’s hand in hers, letting her know that she wouldn’t interrupt again.

“And when I woke up that’s when it all went to shit. I became a… I don’t know. Maybe I had some sort of head injury, but I don’t feel the same. I _know_ I’m not the same anymore. I lose my temper constantly and I’m always anxious, I-I drove Pearl away from me. We haven’t spoken in a week. I don’t know what to do.” The information was laced with small lies, and judging by the downturn of her mother’s lips, she had caught every single one of them.

_Just tell them. You almost had it. You need to tell someone._

Garnet grimaced and looked away. Meeting her gaze was impossible.

“That’s not all of it, Garnet.”

“I-.”

_I tried to rape her._

“I told you everything.”

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

_I ate a man and a cat. I almost killed a girl the other night because the hunger was too much._

“Garnet.”

Her shoulders hunched up and she receded more into herself. At that point Ruby got up again to leave and as she passed by Garnet she ran her hand along her back. A growl rumbled up her throat but she forced it back, relaxing only when her mother was gone.

“I’m telling you the truth, mum.” She said.

“You’re not, but that’s okay. Let’s work with what we have then.” Sapphire shifted and let Frog jump off her lap. The cocker spaniel whined and hopped off the couch, heading towards Garnet. Once more he locked onto her leg. “What did you do to drive Pearl away?”

“The way I’ve treated her; I always lose my temper and end up yelling at her or being cold and distant. I apologize afterwards, but there’s only so much an apology can do. She got sick of it and went to stay with Blue for a while. I’ve tried to change it but I… I don’t have any control.” Garnet explained. She had been moving her hands around as she spoke and at the end they ended up in front of her, palms facing forward. She looked at her callouses and at the nails that were starting to peak up into points. If her eyes traveled lower, she would see the damned scar peeking out of the sleeve of her hoodie.

“You always have control.”

“Used to,” She muttered, closing her hands into fists. “Not anymore.”

“Dinner’s ready!”

Garnet breathed an internal sigh of relief at Ruby’s announcement, standing up from her chair and heading into the kitchen without waiting for a protest from her mother. Ruby was already serving the pasta into bowls, and handed Garnet hers once she walked in. She took a seat and waited until her mothers sat with her before she started to eat. The air was tense. The only sound was the forks clinking against the bowls and the occasional sound of Ruby sucking a noodle up. Garnet could feel Sapphire’s burning gaze on her as she took a bite. Her grip on her fork tightened. As she chewed, Garnet couldn’t help but wish that there was meat in the dish.

“You can’t avoid your problems forever, Garnet.”

“The reason why I invited you two over is so I could confront them.” Garnet said, taking another bite.

“You refusing to tell the truth is you running away. You can’t confront a problem that hasn’t been revealed.” Sapphire said. She put her fork down and wiped her mouth off. Across the table, Ruby sunk lower in her seat and continued to eat her pasta, glancing between the two women, unsure of whose side to take, wondering if it was even worth getting involved.

Garnet scoffed, stabbing her fork into her bowl, glaring at it, “I’m a werewolf who wants to eat people.” After the words left her lips, she hesitated on twirling her fork. Relief washed through her just saying the words aloud, saying them to her mothers. She clicked her mouth shut, blinking.

_Was it that easy?_

“You don’t need to be sarcastic. I’m only trying to help.”

_Of course not._

“I’m not being… I… I know you are, mum, I’m just… frustrated.”  

“Do you want to stop talking about it?”

A sigh of relief. Garnet nodded her head and Sapphire said nothing more, and dinner continued without any conversation. Afterwards, Garnet gathered the dishes and washed them. She was starting on the last bowl with she heard Ruby come in.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Garnet responded back and tried not to dismiss her afterwards. She really wasn’t in the mood for this.

“Your mom is hard to talk to sometimes. She likes to try and figure out the problem before it’s even said and, well, I guess that could be more harmful than just listening.” Ruby said. Her hands were wringing themselves and she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

“Yeah, I guess.” She turned off the sink and set the bowl on the towel on the counter next to it. Letting out a deep breath through her nose, she prepared herself for whatever pep talk her mother wanted to give her.

“I’m here for you, Garnet. Always.”

“I know, mum.”

“I’m glad that you invited us over so we could talk, uh, even if we really didn’t do much talking, but it’s nice to still feel… needed… you were always so independent.” The last part was whispered, but Garnet heard it loud and clear and she frowned. It was something that was brought up every now and then by Ruby. Garnet was finished with needing parental guidance and advice by the time she was a sophomore in high school, and she never had any problems figuring things out on her own. Her mothers felt like they missed out on a large part of her life, standing there from the sidelines. Garnet cleaned off her hands and turned to face her mother, shorter than her, enough that she had to tilt her head down.

“Mum… I-I’m a-,”

Ruby looked up at her and Garnet’s words died on her tongue, her mouth hanging open, and it was only when confusion was visible in her mother’s eyes—trained on her lips-- that she closed it.

“I…I’m,”

_A monster? A cannibal? A rapist?_

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes were burning. Stars, she didn’t want to cry in front of her, but the tears were forcing themselves out on their own, trailing down her cheeks.

“Oh baby,” Ruby grabbed her by the hands and pulled her into a tight hug, running her fingers along her back. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I have,” Garnet sobbed “I’ve-I’ve done so many things… I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“Garnet, it’s-“

“I tried to rape her, mum.”

Ruby’s grip on her tightened and loosened. In her head, Garnet could see what her mother’s face probably looked like: full of shock and disgust. Ruby didn’t let go of her and not a word left her lips. The silence was almost worse than if she had said anything at all.

“I… I’ve never felt more ashamed of myself. I feel like I have no right to feel so devastated over it, not when I was the one trying to-,” she couldn’t even say the word again. “I just want to know if she’s alright.”

“You need to wait and see if she even wants you to know that.” Her mother’s voice lacked any of its warmth or expressiveness. It was almost as if Ruby and Sapphire switched place. She pulled away from her, but kept her hands on her sides (she was too small to reach her shoulders), “That’s not something that can ever be forgiven.”

“I don’t want to be forgiven. I just want to know if she’s alright. Her mum died the same day.”

“Oh, Pearl…” Emotion creeped back into her voice, sadness. Ruby’s looked as though she wanted to say more, but she didn’t. Her arms dropped to her sides. “I hope she is too. Her mother’s been sick for a while.”

“I’ve tried texting her, but I haven’t got a respond. I don’t want to push it by sending another.”

“You shouldn’t. Let her talk to you.” Ruby said, and Garnet had to hold back a scathing comment of how she already figured that much. “It’ll take a lot more time than you think. And if she never responds at all, and you never hear from her again… well, you’ll need to accept that.”

“I’m sorry, mum.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Ruby said blankly.

“I know that.” Garnet pinched the bridge of her nose. “We should go see what mum is doing.” She was tired of talking with Ruby.

“Yeah, sure.”

They walked out of the kitchen.

Hours after her mothers left—no progress made at all-- Garnet sat in front of the window in her bedroom, staring at the moon. Almost full. She wiped sweat from her forehead and checked her and Pearl’s messages. Still on delivered.

The visit didn’t help and Garnet considered that to be her fault. The only thing she admitted was her forcing herself on Pearl and even then no new advice came out of that. She was so close to admitting to what she was, she got the words out, all she had to do was dismiss the idea that it was a joke like her mother thought it was. Her fingers curled into her hair and she brought her knees closer, shutting her eyes to shut out the image of the moon. Still it remained in her head, its image taunting her— _Look what power I have over you. I own you now._

Three days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to start doing regular updates now. I say that every time though, lol


	14. Second Time Coming (Oh, and the Agony it Caused)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The full moon incites crazy things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! I'm thinking about switching to weekly chapters soon enough, but for now we'll keep it at biweekly.

**_Second Time Coming (Oh, and the Agony It Caused.)_ **

On duty, sweating, shaking, breathing irregularly, Garnet drove to her next patrol spot. Her hands were cold, her hands clenched so tight around her steering wheel there were finger indents in the faux-leather. She tried to take in a deep breath but she choked on the air and her lungs started to ache, her chest throbbing, her stomach and heart stabbing with pain. Colors bled into her vision and blurred the street and traffic lights ahead of her; cars became shapes, people into thin lines, the sky into some watercolor painting done by a child. By miracle, her vision restored itself before she hit anything, and she steered herself back on course from her drifting into the other side of the road and made her way to her patrol route.

Garnet barely got the car into park before she released a cry of pain, throwing her head back, arching her back in an attempt to get rid of the sharp pain that had settled in it. The pain was nearly unbearable, almost worse than the first full-moon.

And it wasn’t even night yet.

Calls came in on the radio. Idle chatter, disturbances that other officers answered. The radio crackled loud after a minute.

“ _…10-64 near the boardwalk, adult male in a grey hoodie-_ “

It was in her area. Struggling closer, Garnet grabbed her radio and called it in.

“I got it.”

“ _Was reported to have a knife on him. Approach with caution.”_

Garnet hung up the radio and blinked the onslaught of colors out of her eyes, taking in as deep of a breath as she could muster. She set the car into drive, and peeled out of her parking space, heading for the boardwalk.

She left her car near the fry shack and went on foot, stumbling at first, but becoming more sure-footed as the scents of beach-goer’s filled her nose, the hunger making her more alert. Garnet had to only ask one person before she got a clear description of where the man was, and she wasted no time rushing down there, passing by food stalls and the large arcade she sometimes went to with Pe-

_No, don’t think about that._

Running past the building they first kissed in front-

_Stop it._

Between a warehouse and a storage unit, she heard the sound of rustling and smelled the sweat of a man, along with cologne and a touch of cooper. She slowed down near it and got close to the wall, inching close to the corner, then peering down it. True to the description, the man was in a grey hoodie, brown pants, and had sandy blonde hair. He looked to be in his 20’s, and he rooted through a bag in his hands, searching for anything of value. Garnet took in another deep breath, blinking back the colors that were starting to bleed back in again, and rounded the corner, hand near her gun.

“Hands up where I can see them.” She didn’t draw on him. The man jolted up and staggered back from the bag, reaching for something in his pocket. “Don’t reach for that. Get your hands up, now.”

He hesitated, then his hands came up. He didn’t say anything. His eyes were green and trained right on her. No trace of fear, not even in his scent. Garnet’s skin prickled, her senses alerting her to a danger. Still she approached, despite every one of her instincts screaming at her to be cautious.

“Keep them up.” Garnet ordered. Her hand moved around to her handcuffs instead. She drew near him, only a few feet of distance between them at this point. The man still didn’t move. Garnet’s skin prickled even more. She drew her handcuffs. That’s when he sprung towards her, fist crashing into her jaw. Garnet stumbled back, dazed, and the man took the opportunity to snatch the bag and try to run. Pain and confusion bled into boiling anger, and with a roar that didn’t sound the least bit human, Garnet twisted around and pounced, catching him by the shoulders, swinging him around and _throwing_ him into the wall—feet fully off the ground and everything.

His exclamation of pain along with a ‘what the fuck?!’ snapped Garnet back into her senses, enough to calm down enough as to not try and attack again. The burst of energy left her drained; her arms felt like they were filled with lead and her head was a bag of cotton. She hunched over, hands on her knees, and vomited a mixture of her breakfast and blood. It dripped from her mouth in a clotted stream, and when she looked up at the man, one eye was yellow, and the other was blue, her glasses haven fallen from her nose onto the concrete floor.

“What… the…” He backed up into the wall as far as he could. Garnet’s breath caught in her throat. His scent, oh stars his scent, so enticing. She wanted to feel his flesh on her teeth, taste his blood-

His hand reached for his pocket again, and he whipped out a pocket knife, springing the blade. Two inches in length. Her mouth, open to let the blood drip out, stretched up into a wide grin, all blood-stained teeth shown on display.

“Try _it. G_ o o _n.”_ Garnet dared him, the one golden eye shining with amusement. She was still hunched over her knees, still breathing heavily, still feeling as though all her energy had been sapped. But there was something else in her that made her feel great about it, because this exhaustion and pain meant that she would be _free_ later.

“I… Look, it was just ten dollars! This isn’t- just arrest me!” He dropped his knife and held his hands out in front, exposing his wrists. The action sent of wave of his scent into her face. Saliva pooled into her mouth, her fingers digging into her knees. Garnet grinned even wider.

“Ten do _llar_ s is _wo_ rth you _r life_?” She stood tall, hands twitching at her sides, wanting to move and grasp him, angle him enough so she could sink her teeth into the meaty part of his shoulder and tear away at it, tasting the flesh she had craved for so long, unsated by whatever meats she had tried to eat before. The man sat there, speechless, his green eyes going wider and wider, his mouth opening. Was he about to scream? Oh, she would love to hear that, but then again, they were in a public place, so that wouldn’t do. Garnet shot forward and her hands closed around his throat, her fingers feeling the muscles twinge as she squeezed and her palm feeling his Adams apple moving as he struggled for a breath. Hands came up to her wrists, pulling and clawing and _failing._

One side of her face stayed grinning, but the other side of her face began to sag into a grimace, the still-blue eye losing its amusement and instead adopting a twinge of confusion. One hand twitched, the other didn’t. Solidarity became two sides fighting against each other. Garnet squeezed harder, even though the man had gone blue and his eyes completely bloodshot.

“ _I’m…_ I’m so sorry.” She muttered out to him, as his hands stopped pounding at her arms. “I-I’m sorry.” Saliva and blood frothed out of his mouth. Bright green eyes went glassy. Garnet could hear his heartbeat, slow, but persistent.

_LET GO._

Blue eyes stared back at her, Pearl crying, yet unable to make a sound as she tried to force her hands off her slender throat. The bruises and marks from the sex they had still marred her arms and neck. She mouthed something to her.

“I’m sorry.”

_GARNET LET GO._

Yellow eyes stared back at her. Herself grinning, unable to make a sound, but Garnet knew she would have been laughing if she could. She mouthed something to her.

“Us.”

Green eyes had dulled completely, staring straight through her. The heartbeat that was in her ears had stopped. Garnet gasped, jolting back, falling onto her ass and she crawled back. Her hands flew to her ears and she screamed, louder than she ever had before, her throat searing with fire and her lungs aching. Laughter (crying??) spilled out her lips right after and she shook her head so violently her neck cracked.

“Ha, heh, heh, haha,”

Did someone hear her scream? She didn’t know, but Garnet looked up at the man, pupils dilating. She stood up on wobbling feet and searched around, catching sight of a dumpster several feet away. Perfect. She crossed the alley and grabbed the man by his armpits, picking him up as though he were a cat. Garnet carried him over to the dumpster and set him beside it so she could open the container. The flies that were already surrounding it dashed towards him and landed on his neck and face, tasting the flesh, finding that it was good enough to eat.

 They flew away when Garnet seized the man and tossed him in.

\--

Home. She found herself home sometime later. A zombie walking rather than a woman, who headed right for the mantle and plopped down in front of it. Staring at the pictures of her and Pearl, some cracked, others stained with dried water marks. Garnet stared down at her hands, covered with dirt and grime.

An hour after hiding his corpse, she pulled him out of the dumpster and escaped down the back alley; out in the boardwalk she would have been spotted immediately, and his body would be discovered within a day or so had she left it in the dumpster. Whether by miracle or skill Garnet managed to get out of the vicinity of the town without being spotted and, behind the trees, she sat and dug at the ground with a rock until it was deep enough. She stripped him of the identifying hoodie and tossed him in, and covered the hole with dirt like it was something menial. Do the dishes? Check. Fold the laundry? Check. Bury the body of the man you killed? Check.

Garnet clutched hoodie in her hands, and her head tilted down and her eyes stared right through it. It still stunk of him. It made her hungry.

_What have you become?_

_“Us.”_

What that vision of Herself said, that one little word, ran through her head. Us. Garnet fell back onto the floor, staring up at the ceiling, mouth open. Her eyes were golden. The sickness stabbed at her stomach, pain returning to her body, her eyes unable to focus again, but that all laid second to the confusion, horror, and regret she felt.

_No, not regret._

Not a trace of it existed in her. There was no regret, as if the feeling never existed in her at all. Were the other emotions even real? Or was she so desperate to feel that she thinks it is? Her eyes squeezed shut and Garnet exhaled, breaths wheezing. The man had a family, she knew he did, and they would be wondering where their son went.

Nothing. No regret.

Her hand lifted and through bleary eyes she looked at her wrist, at the prominent bite mark.

“You did this to me.” She muttered out, and tears filled her eyes. “I did this to me.” Her hand fell down and she sobbed.

_And I’ll do it again tonight. Another body on my conscious. Another person who never got to say goodbye. Another meal to stave off the hunger._

_For me?_

_For us?_

Her head pounded and she clutched at it, groaning. The sun wouldn’t go down until hours later. Garnet knew she would suffer the entire time until it did. She rolled over onto her side and brought her leg up, and she was reminded of when she laid in bed the same way, the first night she changed, right after Pearl left. How alone she felt then. How alone she felt now. Alone with her pain.

Her fingers dug into the floor and she murmured out an apology, to her mothers, to Pearl, to the man she had first killed, to the man she had killed now, to Jasper for attacking her, to Pearl again. Even to the neighbor’s cat. And Garnet closed her eyes and pretended she had been forgiven.

\--

Her darkness came. Garnet drove out far from the city, turned off road and drove far into the woods. The sun was going down when she left, but now the sky went purple on one side, and dark on the horizon. She opened the door and tried to step out but her leg trembled even with the slightest pressure. Her senses were dimming. Trying to ground herself on the console of her car, Garnet swung both of her legs out and kept them on the snowy forest floor. Garnet needed to undress; she rather liked these clothes.

Her phone, sat in one of the cupholders, started to ring and Garnet jumped and twisted, eyes wide and teeth bared. On the front of the phone the contact name displayed:

Pearl.

“No, no, no why now?”

Her hand alternated between reaching for it and drawing back, and the phone continued to ring, disturbing the eerie quiet of the woods.

_If you don’t answer… will she ever call you again?_

That was enough for Garnet to grab the phone and accept the call.

“H-hello?”

“Garnet?”

Oh stars, her voice. How Garnet missed it. Just hearing it calmed the anxiety searing through her and made her shoulders relax from their hunch. So badly she wanted to reach through the phone and hug her, to do something other than listen. She wanted to ask every question, and none at all.

“Pearl…” She got out after a few moments.

“Hi.” Pearl sounded just as awkward. “I… got your message. My phone was in the shop for a few days.”

Garnet didn’t believe it, but she didn’t care; all that mattered was Pearl answered. “That’s fine, I wasn’t really expecting…How-how are you? How is Blue?”

“We’re better, I suppose. We made the arrangements for the funeral and…well, everything.” Garnet could hear shuffling off in the call, the creaking of the bed. Was someone there with her?! No, she was just getting out of bed, damn it. Stop being paranoid.

 _I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you._ “Did she… ever tell you what she wanted done?”

“Buried. She always said that wasn’t going to be treated like a loaf of bread after death.” Pearl let out a laugh that melted Garnet’s heart. Her head turned to the ground and she smiled and she completely missed the sky turning darker and darker.

Pearl’s voice turned softer, “I want to come home, Garnet… I-I want to talk this out. Blue’s been telling me to leave and, oh, I guess I always was a fool who can’t let go.”

“What I did to you is something that can’t ever be forgiven.” Garnet muttered.

“I know.”

It was getting hotter. Her breath kept catching in her throat. Her skin tingled. And Garnet remembered why she was out here and she remembered _what_ she was. Her hand turned over and she gazed at it. Her fingers wouldn’t stop twitching.

“Pearl-“

“But I want to try and move on from it. I’ve been thinking about it—a lot—and I really want to move on. Maybe I’m being stupid like Blue says I am, but… She’s never dated a Garnet.” Pearl laughed. Garnet grimaced at the pain zapping through her, her free hand lurching out and grabbing ahold of the driver’s door in a white-knuckled grip. She hunched down, panting, blood and saliva falling free from her mouth as it flooded it all at once. The moon’s light burned at her skin. Something called for her.

“Garnet?”

“I could never forgive myself.” Garnet got out through clenched teeth, and her head snapped to the side as her neck popped. The scream she wanted to let out came as a subdued squeak. Her fingers dug into the metal of the car, the bones aching, her nails on fire. Her skin felt like it was going to slough off her any moment. Muscles felt like they would tear; bones like they would shatter.

Wind rustled through the leaves, blowing cold air and snow around. Off in the distance, a deer bellowed.

“I didn’t expect you to. I want to move on, Garnet. We can work with this; we just need to be honest with each other. No more secrets.” Pearl’s voice became stern at the end of her sentence. Garnet’s breathing, ragged and wheezing, became quicker. “And no more… of what happened.”

“I- _Arrrgh!!_ ”

Her spine felt as though it snapped into two, she doubled over, chest almost to her knees, blood streaming off of her bottom lip, veins pulsing from her neck as she strained against the contractions and the spasms. Her spine popped several times and she jerked to the side.

“Garnet?! Garnet what’s wrong?”

Fingernails broke into smaller pieces as dark claws pierced through them, digging into the skin of her sides as she clutched at herself. Garnet arched up and bones snapped, sounding as though she were receiving a chiropractic adjustment.

“Garnet?!”

Garnet threw the phone into the car and fell out onto the snowy floor, kicking up white particles and hardened chunks. She struggled with her far-too tight and far-too uncomfortable shirt, hands struggling with the hem and the collar as they couldn’t decide what to try first. Black fur rippled over her skin, blood blotting up from her pores, staining the purple cloth. She managed to pull off the shirt just as the seams ripped, and made quick work of her pants soon after.

“Are you alright?!”

Golden eyes shot over to where the phone rested on the driver’s seat, her clothes in hands starting to thicken in flesh and lengthen into paws. Garnet threw the clothes into the car and grabbed the phone as best she could.

“ _Don’t come.”_

“What?”

“ _She’s **fine. We’re fine.”**_ Her voice distorted. It was her voice and another’s at the same time. Pain shot through her legs and her knees buckled. Ribs strained as her lungs began to expand. Another scream left her lips.

“Garnet?! I’m coming over! Who’s there with you? What are they doing?!”

“ ** _Don’t come_**.” Garnet sobbed into the receiver. Her hand cramped and she dropped the phone, pressing her palms into the snow. Her arms were unrecognizable from the fur; her ribs finally separated to make room for her lungs and her foot—almost a hind leg at this point—came up to press onto the snow, as if she were getting into a runner’s stance.

Pain. Senses heightening. Few minutes passed. Then it was all over.

The beast howled.

\--

“Garnet!”

Garnet snapped awake from her spot on the couch. One arm was crossed behind her head, supporting it with her palm, the other resting on her stomach. Her eyes, wide and blurry with sleep, glanced to and fro, recognizing her coffee table and the couch she was laying on. She was in her living room. Not a snowy forest.

“Garnet.” Pearl giggled, and she came down and sat next to her, hands running up to the hand on her chest to lace their fingers together. “Did you have that dream again?”

Garnet stared up at her, still wide eyed and wide-mouthed, unable to fathom that she had woken up from a nightmare. Pearl hummed and leaned closer, kissing her cheek. It was smooth, gentle, just like all their kisses used to be. Far too real.

“Yeah… It was a dream.” Garnet muttered, a blush sweeping across her cheeks that she tried to hide by sweeping her hand across them. Pearl giggled again.

“Dreams about werewolves, how ridiculous. Come on, dinner’s ready.” Pearl didn’t leave room for a response as she stood up and skipped into the kitchen, unusually happy. Garnet blinked, sitting up, watching after her, she looked around again. The mantel wasn’t covered with pictures of her and Pearl. The TV was mounted as always; the coffee table was in front of their couch as always. Nothing was out of order. The house didn’t reek of different scents, but rather smelled of food and an air-freshener that went stale sometime ago. Frowning, she pushed herself off the couch and trailed after Pearl.

Her girlfriend had already gone into the kitchen, so Garnet took a seat at the dining table. Her plate and utensils were already sent out for her, the fork and knife perfectly straight and the napkin folded under neatly, all in usual Pearl fashion. Garnet glanced over to the side. The scratch marks that used to mar her side of the table were gone.

_Huh._

Pearl’s humming caught her attention, but her view into the kitchen was blocked. Frowning again, she looked back down at her plate, then at her hands. Her nails were a normal length, her fingertips and palms weren’t calloused, but most of all—when she pulled back her sleeve—the bite mark wasn’t there. Cool relief flooded her and dropped her shoulders, drawing an exhale from her opened lips and stinging her eyes with tears. She rubbed her fingers up and down the smooth skin and felt at her jaw too; no scar. The tears started to fall.

“Here we go, It’s- What’s wrong?!” Pearl dropped the pot down onto the table and rushed to her side, cradling her cheeks in her hands and turning her face towards her. Her cheeks were wet with tears, but through it, Garnet cracked a wavering smile, resting a hand over Pearl’s

“It’s… nothing. I’m just… happy.” She said. Pearl watched her for a moment, still concerned, but after a moment she allowed herself to smile and relax.

“If you say so. Let me fill your plate.” She stated more than offered, taking her plate and heading over to the pot. Garnet sniffed, rubbing her arms across her eyes to clear her tears.

“Here you are. Mostly raw, just how you like it.”

The plate clinked on the table. The mere sound of it roared her hunger to life. Garnet’s eyes burned as she dragged her forearm away, clearing the tears off her face, looking at what was put out in front of her. On her plate sat a mound of flesh folded over itself over and over again like it were taffy, with an eye, the nerve still attached, sitting on top, looking at her.

Green.

“What the fuck?!” Garnet shot back from the table, chair scraping along the floor. Pearl raised an eyebrow, setting her soup ladle and plate down.

“What’s wrong?”

Garnet tried to speak, but only a mess of words spilled from her lips, “What the-why-what, what the fuck- _who_ the fuck is that?!”

Pearl looked at her plate, then back at Garnet. She shrugged, “Dinner?”

“Wh-what?” Garnet blinked her eyes, still burning, and somehow she knew they were golden. Something compelled her to look down at her hands. Long claws adorned her fingertips. Garnet’s gaze shot back to Pearl, who was smiling at her, a piece of flesh in her hands. She took a bite out of it, stretching it until it broke in a wet snap, blood flicking onto her chin. Bile rose up Garnet’s throat.

“You- you ate it…”

“Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I?” Pearl said cheerfully as she chewed. Her eyes went half-lidded suddenly. “Why? You want to share?” And she sauntered over to her, hips popping as she walked, until she came close and deposited herself in her lap. She put the last piece between her lips and leaned close. “Share with me,” she murmured.

“What the hell happened to you?” Garnet’s voice was barely audible.

Pearl smiled even wider.

“Oh Garnet,” She grinned at her, the flesh dropping from her lips, mouth fall of razor sharp teeth. Her eyes became an unnatural silver. “You made me this way.” And she pulled down her shirt collar to reveal her left shoulder, the bite mark there in the shape of a human’s mouth. Garnet tasted blood.

“I-I did that?” She squeaked. Pearl grinned again and she gripped the hem of her shirt and shrugged it off, braless underneath, her breasts covered with a pale fur. She reached clawed hands towards Garnet’s pajama pants, pulling them down until Garnet caught her wrists.

“W-wait, I don’t want this!”

Pearl giggled, “Oh Garnet, you always want it.”

Her hand left Pearl’s wrist on its own and buried into her underwear, finding her entrance and plunging itself in there. She was hot and wet and clenching around her and Pearl let out a moan that wasn’t like any noise she had ever uttered. It was deep and guttural like a growl, and she raked her claws down her back and ground down on her palm.

“Kiss me,” Pearl’s mouth cricked up into a toothy half-smile, her eyes falling half-lidded.

And Garnet did. Oh, indeed she did.

\--

“Gah!”

Garnet’s eyes shot open and she tried to scramble upwards, but the pain racking her body was too immense and instead she gasped and went limp. Her eyes were blurry, but she made out that it was somewhat dark out, and from touch she knew she was laying in rounded out dirt. Frowning, she gathered all her strength to raise her head and she brushed up against something. She glanced up.

The underneath of a car?

Garnet looked down at what she was laying in. A hole, but it looked as though it had been dug. When she looked to the left of her (and slightly up, due to how deep the hole was), she saw a mound of dirt beside her car. And to the right was snow brightly lit by the sun. The area was familiar.

A chill rose bumps on her skin, but the new fur, thick on some parts of her and thin on others, gave some protection. Garnet rested her cheek on the dirt, beyond confused, wide awake, and very, very hungry.

_What did I do last night?_

About ten minutes passed before she found the strength to pull herself out from under the car, and she regretted it the moment her hands found snow because it was warm and cozy underneath the car and _freezing_ out here. Garnet wrapped her hands around her shoulders and glanced around. Trees with yellow and red leaves, covered with snow. Dead silence.

_I was… here, last night._

It was so hard to remember anything. Garnet rounded the car and looked at the mound of dirt—well, more of a small mountain. Frowning, Garnet started to piece the story together as she looked back to the underside of the car. The last time she had woken up after a transformation, she was beyond exhausted and full as far as her hunger was concerned, but now she felt the exact opposite. Her werewolf-self had dug a hole under the car and slept, rather than go out and hunt. Was it because of the cold? Did she not like it?

An ache ran down her legs and Garnet groaned, glancing at the underside again. It called to her, making her remember the comfort and warmth she felt. But Garnet somehow knew that she needed to get home as soon as possible. She limped towards her car, finding her clothes still inside and her phone resting on the driver’s seat. Picking it up, she turned it on and found that her screen had blown up with notifications, all from-

_Pearl._

It all washed over at once, being called, Pearl’s asking to move on, and changing while she screamed her worry. Her insisting that she was going to come over and check on her. Garnet squeezed her eyes shut.

_Oh, that’s not good._

For a moment, she considered whether going home was even a good idea, but then the wind picked up again and she started shivering and she realized that, even if she did run away for a while, she would have to go back eventually. Sighing, Garnet grabbed her clothes from her car and dressed, getting in and starting it and cranking the heat all the way up. She pulled out as best as she could with the hole and pound of dirt, going between the colorful trees,

Missing the person that slinked away.

\--

Garnet didn’t even pull into her driveway before she caught Pearl’s scent, strong enough to overpower everything else, making her abdomen clench with anxiety, hunger, and some arousal. It made her hesitate before pulling in. Would she be able to control herself around her? Gritting her teeth, she turned her wheel and parked to the side of the driveway, turning off her car and stepping out to look at the front of her house.

_Deep breaths._

Garnet approached the door. Her scent was even stronger, and Garnet could hear the sound of a cleaner being sprayed and wiping; Pearl was stress-cleaning, no doubt. She breathed in again, and opened the door.

There’s wasn’t even room to breathe before Pearl dropped everything that she was doing and whirled around to face her, eyes wide and filled with questions, her mouth opening to say some of them, but closing as she couldn’t decide what to ask first. Then she closed her mouth completely and looked Garnet over. The fur on her arms, the clawed hands, the disheveled appearance and how she was covered with dirt.

“What-?”

“Pearl,” Garnet took in a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment, reopening them a moment after.

Golden.

 “I need to tell you something.”


	15. An Explanation of Past Actions and a Newer Garnet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet talks with Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So probably with the next update or the update after that this fic will move over to weekly posting instead of bi-weekly.

**_An Explanation of Past Actions and a Newer Garnet_ **

Garnet still didn’t move and neither did Pearl. She shut the door behind her and the room became very dark, but her eyes adjusted quickly and she saw Pearl as though they were standing in a well-lit area.

“Garnet?”

“Look, I- I haven’t been honest to you, about… anything, really. I was afraid-“ Garnet trailed off, “I… I am afraid that-,” Her eyes squeezed shut and she looked away from her. “You need to stay away from me.”

“What?” Said so quietly with a touch of heartbreak in between the words. Garnet flinched and shrunk back even though Pearl didn’t approach. She hugged her arms around herself and focused on a spot on the floor. Garnet wasn’t sure if she could meet her eyes at all during this conversation.

“I-I’m not… I’m not the person you remember, at all. I’ll-,” Rape you. Kill you. Eat you. Maybe in that order, or maybe the dream will come true and Garnet would make her into a werewolf as well, whether willingly or not. There were so many possibilities that came with Pearl staying and wanting to move on, and all of them were bad. There was no other answer to it, and no way to make ‘stay away’ easier to say.

“Find your words, damn it! What do you mean?!”

“I’m… I’m a monster.” Garnet murmured, hugging herself tighter. Her teeth gritted together, the pressure in her jaw almost agonizing, and she remembered the night before where it broke to rearrange itself into a muzzle. She shuddered at the image and the phantom pain that came with it. Her hand almost came up to rub along her jaw, but she clenched her fist and dropped her arm back down to her side.

“You’re not- Garnet, what you did was _awful_ , and you’re right, it can’t be forgiven, but you’re not a monster for it.” Pearl tried to reassure her.

“That’s not it! Look, you need to stay away from me. Have the house if you want, I don’t care; I’ll find a place to live, just stay away!” Garnet finally looked at her, with nothing but pure sincerity and a touch of exasperation written on her face.

Shame Pearl wouldn’t buy it that easily.

“No! I’m done with this constant back and forth with you and secrets and all the bullshit you’ve been dragging into this relationship lately! If you want me to stay away then you better give me a damn good reason why!” She screamed and took a step forward that made Garnet shrink back again, baring her teeth before she remembered to keep them hidden. Tears were brimming in Pearl’s eyes, but her face was twisted with nothing but anger.

“What? Is trying to rape you not enough?! I took you for having a hell of a lot more esteem!” And now Garnet was getting angry as well, words spilling out without her brain taking time to process them. They hit their mark well; she saw the anger and hurt in Pearl’s eyes and a part of her loved it while the other wanted to go up and hug her.

“I’m trying to give you a second chance and you make fun of me for it?! Fuck you!”

“Oh please do! That’s all I wanted that day, that’s all you’re good for nowadays anyway.” She cracked a grin and her pupils dilated into pinpricks. That’s when Pearl recoiled back and saw her for what she was. The appearance, and the erratic behavior.

“What… happened to you?” She said in a harsh whisper.

The grin start to fall, little by little, until it became a frown. Gold seemed to fade a bit, allowing accents of blue and brown to show through. Garnet looked down at her clawed hands.

“I-I don’t know.” She sucked in a breath. “I didn’t mean that. That was awful for me to say, I… Fuck, you don’t need my apologies, you just need an explanation.” Garnet muttered the last part to herself.

“Yeah, I do.” Pearl hugged her arms around her body as if trying to comfort herself, and now it was her turn to not meet Garnet’s gaze. One look at her made it clear to Garnet that the words had cut deep.

Garnet inhaled, “You’d never believe me.”

“At this point, I don’t care. I just need something- _anything_ from you, Garnet. It’s obvious that trying to move on was a bad idea so give me a reason to-”

“I’m a werewolf.”

That stopped Pearl’s sentence and she looked at her with a furrowed brow and squinted eyes. Her arms dropped from her sides. Garnet couldn’t tell whether Pearl want to yell at her or laugh. She figured it would probably be both at the same time and she would walk herself right out the back door and right out of her life for good. Garnet couldn’t let that happen, though; she needed to press.

“I thought it would be obvious to you or anyone for that matter. I mean, it’s hard to hide these.” Garnet pulled her lips back, baring her sharp teeth to Pearl on full. “And of course, all the hair and my nails. Unless,” Garnet paused to let out a laugh devoid of humor, “You really did notice and decided not to say anything.”

The silence was the worst part. Pearl just stood there staring at her, expressionless.

“I don’t- I don’t know how else to keep on explaining it to you without sound fucking crazy—well, I probably already sound fucking crazy to you right now so I guess I can’t make it any worse than it already is. Last night during that phone call I changed, that why I screamed, that’s why you thought someone else was there with me. It’s- the pain is indescribable.” Garnet raked her nails along her arm, swallowing hard.

Pearl’s gaze dropped, then her eyes closed and she rubbed at her temple.

“Am I… A joke to you? Is that it?” Pearl muttered.

“No, no that’s not it. Pearl, I’m telling you the truth! How could look at me and think that I’m lying?!”Her teeth, the fur, the claws, and yet Pearl looked past all of that and thought nothing of her. Panic rose up in her, but Garnet didn’t get a chance to babble another explanation because Pearl walked passed her towards the door. “W-wait.”

“No.”

“Pearl!”

She reached for the handle and Garnet moved before her mind could catch up, slamming her palms onto the door and shutting it, looming over Pearl. Pearl looked up at her with wide eyes and flipped around so her back was to the door, pressing herself as far away as she could. Garnet could only stare back, shocked with herself. She pulled away, hands up in the air.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“Your eyes.”

Garnet blinked. She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, as if it would get rid of the gold.

Pearl glanced between Garnet’s face and somewhere below her neck. Realization and a touch of fear flashed on her face as she shot forward and grabbed Garnet’s wrist, pulling the sleeve back to look at the scarred bite mark. For the longest time they both stood there, not a word said between them, with Pearl looking at her wrist and Garnet watching her.

At last, Pearl looked up, mouth open as though she wanted to say something. Garnet chanced a grin, showing off the sharp teeth she had tried so hard to hide.

“How is that possible?” Pearl whispered.

“You believe me now?”

“I-I don’t know if I do, but-“ She looked at her mouth, then at her eyes again. “I guess there is not a lot that can explain that.”

Pearl let go of her arm and stepped back, taking all of her in with a growing frown. She tucked her hands underneath her armpits. “You need a bath… and a shave.”

Garnet couldn’t help but laugh, “Yeah, I do. Are you staying?”

“Until I get the full story from you, then we’ll see. Go shower.”

There was something about the tone of her voice that made the relief filling Garnet drain out, and the smile making its way onto her face disappeared completely.

_Of course it wasn’t that easy._

Anger tried to root itself in her, but Garnet shoved it back down as far as she could. Don’t give Pearl another reason to leave. She would just come up with what to say in the shower and hope that it would be enough to get rid of whatever negative feelings Pearl was harboring.

 _Yeah, ignoring the fact you tried to get her to leave. Make up your damn mind_.

Garnet scoffed as she headed for the bathroom.

\--

Rain fell hard outside,  heavy enough that is almost reflected the tone of the conversation. The worst part of it was that Pearl’s expression never changed once as Garnet explained everything as best she could; leaving out some more violent or gross details for later once she was sure she had Pearl convinced. She waved one of her hands around as she spoke, the other occupied by Pearl as she examined her claws and the bite mark. When she finished, nothing else was said for several minutes and Garnet had to resist the urge to prompt Pearl for a response, sitting on pins and needles and trying to keep her leg from bouncing out of anxiety.

Another minute passed and still nothing was said.

“You don’t believe me.” Garnet muttered.

“I just don’t know what to say anymore,” Pearl let go of her hand. “I really don’t.” Garnet didn’t want to push it with a response so she brought her hand back to look it over as well, biting into her lip. This was not how she wanted today to go, though she wasn’t even sure how she wanted it to go in the first place. The rain picked up, small pieces of hail battering off her window and making her flinch with each sound.

“Is it loud to you?” Pearl must have noticed her reaction.

“Yeah. Sounds like it’s happening right in my ear.” Garnet explained and earned a hum in response. Irritation washed over her and she tried her best to push it back down. Last thing she needed to do was snap at her or blow up. Being calm is key in this conversation; she started counting to ten in her head to keep her mind occupied.

_Stars, why can’t she just say something?_

Pearl stared ahead with her legs brought together and her hands clasped into her lap. Back as straight as a ruler, discomfort rolling off of her in waves. Garnet wanted to do something to make her relax, but she knew that would just make it worse. She wished she didn’t feel so stuck. She wished she had some control of the situation.

_Wish I never accepted the call._

“Have you… hurt anyone?” Pearl murmured. Garnet grimaced. That was one of the topics she glossed over and was hoping to avoid all together. Green eyes appeared in front of her and she had to blink several times to get them to go away. Pearl noticed her expression and she bit her lip.

“I have.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know.” That was the worst part of it. She would never know. No one would ever know. No one can ever know.

“This is crazy.” Pearl buried her hands into her hair, slouching forward. She shook her head like she refused to believe it. “How is it even possible?”

“I still haven’t figured that one out.” Garnet muttered.

“We’re talking about _fairytales_ here. Things that we would only see in movies and now all of a sudden it _exists_ ” It was clear the rational part of Pearl was taking over as she threw her hands out away from her head, clearly frustrated and confused. “And you’re… you’re-“

“Its real, Pearl. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”

It was silent for a long time.

Pearl turned her and looked her in the eyes at last. Suspicion and uncertainty written across her face.

“You told me about how much it changed you and how it takes control of you, but how much of that is just you, though?”

Garnet didn’t bother hiding her offense, “What? None of it! Pearl, you’ve known me before all of this, you know that I’d never-“

“I only know what you let me know, Garnet. It was just a question about-“

No, she didn’t want to hear any more of it. Garnet sprang from the couch and went straight into the dining room, seething. Her skin itched and her eyes burned, but ashamed she was to acknowledge it, the latter was because of the tears starting to form. Hands planted down onto the table, the left one right next to the grooved scratch marks.

Pearl yelled from the other room, “I don’t understand how you can expect me help you when you keep acting like this!”

Garnet didn’t respond because she knew nothing pleasant would come out. She let loose a low growl and hunched over the table. Her ears pricked at the sound of Pearl walking in and coming up behind her.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just saying- I mean, what parts of it are just parts of you? Parts you didn’t even know you had?” Pearl tried to explain herself.

“What does it matter? All that matters is that I need to find a way to control it.”

Maybe something not-so-pleasant was about to come out of Pearl’s mouth, but she took one look at Garnet and decided better of it. Hugging her arms around herself, she glanced off into the kitchen. Garnet straightened up and faced her. Mentally she started a count to ten, calming the rest of the anger down, and when she hit ten she spoke.

“I don’t want to drag you into anything you don’t want to be in.” Garnet said.

“You already have.” Was Pearl’s muttered response. Her arms went tighter around her sides.

“I know.”

Silence.

“Garnet,” Pearl let out a sigh and pinched her temple, “What are we anymore? Are we even- are you even-?” Biting into her lip hard enough to look painful, and Pearl went quiet again.

Garnet didn’t want to answer her. She grasped at the table and leaned back onto it, staring down at her feet. The rain picked up, pattering harder against the roof. It served as a good distraction; they both found themselves looking outside the window rather than at each other or somewhere else. Neither of them wanted to answer the question.

“Everything you told me, today,” Pearl paused, “I don’t know how I can help you with it. I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either,” Garnet admitted.

“Is there anything that can be done? Like a cure?”

Garnet winced. She looked it up a few times, sure, but all of it was fabled fiction or plain nonsense. Only one seemed feasible, and that was to find the one her turned her and kill it, but Garnet didn’t even know if the werewolf who mauled her was even alive now, or if it was still in beach city. Or if the method would even work.

“No,” Garnet said “I think I’m just stuck like this forever.” Her hands tightened against the rim of her table. It started to creak and she relaxed her hands, but her fingers still twitched against the surface. Pearl breathed out, eyes falling closed and she looked just plain _tired_. A step forward, then another and she wrapped her arms around Garnet, nestling her face into the crook of her neck while she tensed. It had been sometime since she was hugged and Garnet didn’t even know how to react at first.

Hugging her back was intentional. Garnet starting to cry was not.

\--

“We got something.”

The captain came out of his office and into the main area, face grim. Few people looked up and Garnet only barely paid attention, trading a text back with Pearl about a potential cure she found online.

_Pearl- Wolfsbane and silver mixed together is said to halt a transformation._

_Garnet- Or it could kill me._

_Pearl is typing…_

“Body near the outskirts of town, close to the highway. Officer Harrison said she thinks the rain washed it out from where it was buried.”

That caught her attention. Her muscles quivered with how much she tensed up, a cold sweat already forming on the back of her neck and her stomach twisting. Near the highway? She dropped her phone on the table, looking at the captain, who was staring right back at her.

“Clarke, go help Harrison with the scene. You’ve been on desk for a while.” The captain went back into his office without leaving room for another word. Garnet stared after him, mouth opened. Hands shaking. It took a full five seconds before she realized what was asked of her; she stilled her hands. Grabbing her phone Garnet headed for the parking lot. There was a light snow, completely opposite of the rain from yesterday, dusting her car. Garnet took a moment to sweep it off her windows before she got in and started it, retrieving her phone afterwards.

_Pearl- Have you even come into contact with silver? Maybe it’s just folklore._

She wrote a response with fingers that couldn’t keep still.

_Garnet- Problem at work. Could be very bad. I’ll explain to you later._

The phone buzzed a few more times but was left ignored. Garnet pulled off to the side of the highway, where she could already see a parked police car with its door open. As she stepped out, Jasper came out from behind a few trees. The moments she caught sight of her, her lips stretched up into a wide grin that made Garnet want to bare her teeth in response.

“Aha! Clarke, they sent you?” Jasper said as she approached. Garnet tried not to shrink back.

“Yes. Where is it?”

At that, Jasper’s face fell and she nodded over to the clutch of trees she had just come out of.

“I pulled it out of the way so I wouldn’t get any onlookers. Looks bad through, rain rotted it.” Jasper turned and walked to the trees. Garnet followed. Before they even got close Garnet could smell the rotten flesh, something that was somehow sweet and bitter at the same time, something that made Garnet scrunch her nose up. As they stepped behind it, it became more overpowering. The body lay out on the wet dirt, splayed out with his arms above his head. His flesh was a grayish-pink, some parts of it pulled taut along muscle and other parts bloated. Sandy hair covered the top of his head. His neck was bruised purple.

“Whoever dumped it didn’t bury it deep enough. They were probably hoping the snow would keep it covered for a few months.” Jasper said, not noticing how Garnet had frozen in place, mouth fallen open. “They didn’t count on the rain.” She knelt beside it and pressed a gloved hand to his neck.

“Strangled, that’s obvious though,” She finished and finally looked at Garnet, raising an eyebrow at her expression. “Never seen a body before, Clarke? Why you lookin’ stupid?”

At her words Garnet clamped her mouth shut and tried to come up with a response, “I’m just… surprised it rotted that much with the cold.”

Jasper looked back at it, shrugging her broad shoulders, “Rain didn’t help I guess. Help me tape off the place; I have some in my car from last time.” She stood up and disappeared behind the trees, leaving Garnet alone with the body. At her side, her fingers twitched, tapping along her thighs.

_This is bad._

A part of her wanted to grab it and run off, but doing that was spelling her out as the suspect. Another part wanted to leave it alone and play it by ear. That wasn’t a good option either, all it took was a bit of her DNA on the body, a piece of hair, or spit, or even a fleck of bile from when she vomited in front of him that would trace the crime back to her. Even DNA might not be needed; if they recognized him as the bag-snatcher she called in after, than that would put her on the top of the suspect list.

Garnet couldn’t leave it alone.

Her ears picked up Jasper rummaging through her car. Even though she had a guaranteed minute, Garnet still moved quick, kneeling down near his torso.

_Man in a hoodie. That’s who they recognize him as._

She put a hand to his face, sinking her nails in at the top of his forehead. Old blood leaked from the wounds.

_Just got to make it harder._

With a sickeningly-wet tear, his face came off as Garnet pulled. In a way, it was like a Halloween mask, one that had vessels and slimy blood on one side. Some parts didn’t come off all the way—his left cheek was still attached—but that would have to do. Garnet dropped it to the floor, listening again. Jasper was walking back. Not enough time to smash the teeth. Briefly she wanted to reflect on the morbidity of her thoughts and of the act she had just performed, but now Garnet let out a loud noise of disgust and stumbled back, shaking out her hand of the blood.

Jasper broke through the trees then, “The fuck was that?”

Garnet turned to face her, slimy blood dripping off of her fingers. “His fucking face came off. I thought you said he was strangled?”

A flicker of doubt spread over Jasper’s face. Good, that’s what Garnet needed. Jasper dropped the tape and approached the corpse, lips pulling back in disgust as she saw the underlying muscles and bone instead of skin.

“He was… I didn’t check him completely, though. How the fuck does a face just come off?!” Jasper kneeled down and Garnet tried not to breathe out in relief.  Regret and disgust with herself tried to replace the relief, but she shoved it far down.  It wasn’t needed at the moment.

“Well, being soaked underground from the rain probably didn’t help,” Garnet said, “His skin could just be loose, I suppose.”

At that, Jasper slowly moved her hands away from their spot near his arms, “Disgusting.” She shook her head. “Whatever, forensics will figure it out. Come help me tape the place.”

By the time they finished, several other responders arrived. More police officers, maybe a few paramedics in there with them, but Garnet wasn’t paying attention. Several made work looking around for evidence, other’s worked on putting a tarp over the body as best as they could without disturbing anything crucial to the scene. Garnet inspected the burial spot with Jasper, biting her lip and tensing whenever Jasper wasn’t looking, going stoic when she was.

“Too muddy to tell what they dug the hole with,” Jasper concluded after inspecting the dirt, sitting up on her knees. “Guess the rain helped them in some ways as well.”

“Guess so. See any tools nearby when you were checking the place out?” Garnet asked. Jasper shook her head, not even looking humored at the aspect of Garnet doubting she even did a thorough sweep of the area. Everything about her was completely serious at the moment; Jasper was engrossed in doing her job.

“No, nothing. Checked about a dozen meters out on each side. I don’t think they used tools though.” She stood up and fixed her ponytail tie, which had started to slide off her hair. “Think it was a crime of passion. Nothing about how they were buried seems planned out.”

Garnet froze, face twitching. That prediction was… uncomfortably close. Once more Garnet was reminded of how smart Jasper was when she wasn’t acting like a complete dipshit. Glancing at her bloodied hand, Garnet stared at Jasper for a moment with mismatched eyes that glinted gold if you looked close enough.

_Snapping her neck will be too loud. Tearing out her throat won’t be much quieter. Others will know what happened but I can take them out too._

A stab of pain shot through her head and she squeezed her eyes closed, clutching at her forehead. What the hell was she thinking?! Momentary panic swelled in her chest over what she had done before and what she contemplated doing now, but it dissipated soon and Garnet found herself feeling nothing at all. It was just self-preservation, the ingrained need to thrive. Feeling regret or panic over it wasn’t going to help her not get caught. Garnet stood a bit straighter, flexing her hands and blinking the gold from her eyes.

“Seems that way to me, too.” Her voice as monotonous as she could get it, not allowing any hint of her previous emotions to come through and allow Jasper to pick up on it.

“Not much else to look at here,” Jasper backed away from the grave and turned to Garnet. “What are you thinking, Clarke?”

“Crime of passion.” She agreed, “Want to take it back to the station?”

“Yeah, they’ll be carrying the body out soon anyway.” Jasper started to walk, but she stopped just a few inches ahead of Garnet. She tilted her head back to look at her, “You seem different, Clarke. I don’t like it, whatever it is.” And that’s all that she said as she headed out, passing a few trees into the main scene. Garnet stared after her, rage burning up in her before she forced it down. Let her think what she wants, nothing has changed. Nothing new, anyway.

Garnet looked at the grave, frowning.

_Should have dug deeper._

She walked off.

\--

“I promise you I can handle it.”

Pearl said nothing response as she continued setting out medical supplies onto the table beside them. Garnet sat in a chair in their living room, bare arm out on the table. On top of the table next to the supplies was the silver necklace Pearl had inherited a long time ago from her grandmother. It was time to test some things. She had to flex every part of her arm to keep it from shaking too much; just the sight of the silver unnerved her, as if she could sense it could cause her pain.

“But what if they find out, what if they- Oh, that poor man’s family.” Pearl shook her head, wincing. Garnet and told her everything about what had happened the day of the full moon, and everything that transpired today aside from the fact that she took his face off. That instead was replaced with the same detail she gave to Jasper: Rain and rot loosened the skin.

Pearl finished with the supplies and sat back, hand moving to the necklace, “Are you ready?”

Garnet trembled just by her saying that. Swallowing, she nodded.

“Do it.”

Without much warning Pearl lifted the necklace from its case and pressed it down on Garnet’s forearm. At first, there was nothing, but then a blinding pain like a thousand white-hot knives twisting into her arm shot from the area. Numbing her fingertips. The nerves of her arm leading upwards filling with painful venom. The scream Garnet let out was almost inhuman and she slashed at Pearl, catching her arm with her claws and knocking her back from her chair with a pained yell, mercifully pulling the necklace off her arm as well.

Garnet wasn’t thinking; instincts guided her to scramble off her own chair and press herself into the nearby corner, eyes golden and ablaze with rage, her fangs bared and a deep snarl ripping itself from her throat. She didn’t even calm when Pearl lifted herself from the floor with a blood-stained arm; her pupils only dilated to pinpricks and her snarling went louder and she hunched herself down, ready to pounce. Blisters and burn marks lined itself in the same pattern as the necklace on her arm, bleeding and leaking pus.

Pearl watched her with fearful eyes, but then they softened and she stood up, wincing. With her uninjured arm she swept medical supplies off the table and approached Garnet, kneeling next to her. The snarling increased.

“Okay, no silver,” Pearl muttered to herself, and then to Garnet: “It’s alright; I’m not going to hurt you.” Talking to her like she was an animal.

Pearl reached for her injured arm, drawing back at the answering snarl, “Please, Garnet.”

When she reached again there was no snarl, and Garnet let her take her hand in hers and pull it forward. Garnet watched with suspicious eyes as Pearl cleaned the burns and smeared them with a cooling gel. Little by little, the fog lifted from her mind and she was becoming coherent again. When it did, her shoulders fell from their tense state and she winced as she looked at Pearl’s bleeding arm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even- That was,” Garnet gave it a moment of thought, “Strange.”

“It’s fine; I figured that’s how you’d react.” Pearl waved off the apology as she wrapped her arm and looked to her own injury. She reached for a disinfectant when Garnet grasped her hand.

“Let me.”

Watching her for a moment, Pearl slowly nodded and let go of the bottle, allowing Garnet to grab it and get to work on her arm. Careful with the claws that peaked from her fingertips, Garnet wiped a soaked cotton ball and around the slashes, wincing at the damage she caused. It was almost deep enough to need stitches. She reached for the roll of band aids and wrapped it, taping it in place afterwards. Her fingers lingered on the limb for a moment, and then drew away.

“I’m sorry. I really don’t know what got into me.” Garnet said, not looking Pearl in the eyes.

“Don’t be.” Pearl pursed her lips, “I don’t suppose you want to try that wolfsbane-silver thing then?”

Garnet grimaced, imagining that same feeling in her throat and stomach. All it took was one look at her face for Pearl to know what the answer was.

“I’ll keep looking then. We’ll figure this out, Garnet. I promise you.”

“Coming from personal experience,” Garnet started. Several recent memories swirled around in her head, each and every one from after the attack, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, Garnet seems a bit... different, doesn't she?


	16. A Friendly Old Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet meets up once more with a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o. Chapter quality might not be that good this time as I didn't have a lot of time to edit. Sorry for any mistakes!

**_A Friendly Old Woman_ **

Garnet gasped for air, Herself seated on her chest and bearing down her weight, glaring at her with golden eyes and grinning with bloodied fangs. The corpse of Pearl and her mothers sat in the corner, mangled and limbless, bits of them still stuck between Herself’s teeth. Her arms and chin dripped blood down onto the mattress and onto Garnet’s face.

“I enjoyed it.”

“I could never enjoy that.” Garnet said in retaliation, though her voice barely sounded over Herself’s growly panting.

“I want to be free.”

“I need to control it.”

Herself grinned wider, scooting down and falling onto her elbows so their noses were almost touching. A tongue ran over her lips and Garnet grimaced in disgust.

“I could never be in control.” Another lick, “I enjoy it too much. I don’t want to be cured.”

Garnet couldn’t answer that; she lost her voice.

“Us.” Herself growled, her hands reaching to her throat and grasping it firmly. She replaced her tongue with her lips, kissing Garnet viciously and hungrily, smearing the blood of the people she loved on her cheeks.

\--

Garnet woke up, plastered in sweat and gasping for air, to find Pearl lying at her side. She had gone to sleep on the couch the night before, giving Pearl the bed as part of the agreement they both made for her to be helping her and staying close to her again. But already that agreement seemed like it wouldn’t be followed, because she doubted that this was some act of sleepwalking or anything. Pearl deliberately slept next to her.

Her arms almost wrapped around the smaller woman, but hesitated. It wasn’t appropriate; they weren’t anywhere near any affectionate terms and barely on a friendly one. Sweat ran down the side of her temple and Garnet sucked in a breath, rolling over so she wasn’t so close to Pearl, trying to control the tremors in her hands and the urge to start touching Pearl. No, she couldn’t be near her. Garnet lifted herself up as best as she could without waking the other woman and slid off the couch, glancing over to their make-shift ‘testing’ table they had set up last night.

Distracting herself by putting it away, Garnet headed for the bedroom and changed out of her soaked clothes, then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Almost she felt normal, but deep down she knew that whatever normal she had known before becoming a werewolf was one she’d never get back. The thought alone made her chest sink, but she shouldn’t kid herself by pretending that this was another day in the life of Pearl and Garnet. Flickers of the dream flashed across her eyes and she squeezed them shut, biting into her toothbrush.

No, it could never be like that again.

Spitting out the frothy toothpaste and washing the sweat off of her face. Garnet headed back into the living room to see that Pearl had woken up, resting on the couch with half-lidded eyes, scrolling through her phone. Garnet paused at the end of the hallway, unsure of what to say, wondering if it was appropriate to say anything at all.

_Never normal._

Garnet swallowed and cleared her throat, “Good morning.”

Pearl glanced up and gave half a nod. “Good morning.”

“Want me to make you breakfast?” Garnet offered. Pearl stared at her for a moment and then went back to her phone, saying nothing.

At the lack of a response, her shoulders dropped.

“I’ll make it anyway.” She muttered and started for the kitchen.

“You were,” Pearl paused and Garnet glanced back at her, curious. Pearl was looking at something else, biting into her lip. “You were crying in your sleep last night, so I-uh… It… didn’t mean anything.”

Garnet nodded, “I didn’t want it to mean anything. I wanted to know if you were hungry.” A bit of anger made itself way into her voice before Garnet shoved it back down. No, keep calm in front of Pearl. Don’t drive her away again.

“Oh, we-well, yeah… yes, I am. Thank you.”

“Okay then. I’ll go… make something.”

Something ended up being sausages and bacon and some bread. The bacon was cooked until it was crisp and the sausage had been done through all the way even though a part of Garnet wanted to keep it how it came in the package: raw. Two plates were set out onto the table, topped with two sausages and four strips of bacon. Only Pearl’s had the toast.

It was a struggle to wait while Pearl sat down, Garnet had that same feeling of starvation that she had before, the one that almost consumed her and forced her out into the snow that one night. She hoped that the meat would be enough as she bit into a strip of bacon, forcing herself to go slow and not devour it.

Pearl stared at her as she nibbled at her toast, glancing away whenever Garnet caught her eyes. It would have been annoying in any other circumstance, but Garnet was just glad that Pearl didn’t mind looking at her now. By the time Pearl finished her toast Garnet’s plate was clean and she was eyeing Pearl’s own.

“How do you eat with those?” Pearl asked and pointed to her teeth for further clarification when Garnet looked confused. A blush spread across her cheeks and nose and Garnet ran her tongue along the fangs.

“I just got used to them after a while.” It was barely audible and Garnet didn’t know why she felt so embarrassed, but having the wolfish-features she now possessed pointed out just reminded her how different she was now and how Pearl knew about that difference. It was uncomfortable.

Pearl moved onto her sausages next, taking the time to cut each and every one of them neatly and then eating each piece one at a time, and Garnet felt even more embarrassed that she had ended up devouring the sausage in three bites, spiking it on her fork rather than taking the time to cut it. Once more a reminder of how she wasn’t as normal she was when they sat at this table months ago. Where she took the same care as Pearl to savor every bite rather than trying to sate an endless hunger.

“Garnet, are you alright?”

Her teeth were clenched and she was glaring at her plate, clenching her fork so hard her fist shook. At Pearl’s words she calmed, though, relaxing her shoulders and her hands. A deep breath.

“No, not really.”

Pearl finished off the last of her sausage and moved on to the bacon, “Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing new. Don’t worry about it.”

Pearl looked like she wanted to press, but either she didn’t care enough or figured that Garnet meant what she said, as she went back to eating. By the time she finished eating Garnet was already up and collecting the dishes, bringing them to the sink and washing them, setting them on a dish towel afterwards to dry.

“I tried looking up more solutions and, well… 90% percent of them say to kill you, and the other 10% has to do with silver and wolfsbane.” Pearl said, approaching behind her. Garnet scoffed as she set the last dish on the towel.

“And I’m assuming only part of you wants to kill me?” It was meant to be a joke, but Pearl didn’t take it that way, her face morphing into an expression of offense and dejection that made Garnet curse at herself. “Sorry, I know you don’t want- I was trying-,” Garnet pressed a hand to her head, wiping it down. “Forget it.”

Pearl didn’t say anything, but it was clear that the words had affected her because her expression didn’t change and her eyes traveled to the floor. Garnet wanted to apologize again, but she stopped short and furrowed her brow. No, Pearl was quiet because she didn’t want to admit what Garnet had said was true. The emotion on her face was only to throw her off. Resisting a growl, Garnet walked past her and headed for her bedroom. She needed to get dressed for work.

\--

The drive there was uneventful, and the moment she made her way into the station and out of the locker room the captain told her to get out on patrol. It was the boardwalk again. Garnet opted for sitting in her car rather than go out on foot, cruising down the street adjacent to the beach. There were only a few people out near the water, somewhat surprising considering it was about 8:00 am on a weekday and it was frigid out. Though something itched at the back of Garnet’s neck, telling her something was wrong.

Parking, she got out of the car.

Garnet walked down the boardwalk, scanning here and there, occasionally frowning when the sun caught into her glasses and stung her too-sensitive eyes. The scent of the ocean overpowered everything, but the scent of the beach-goers and the various food booths still caught into her nostrils. Nothing out of the ordinary, but her skin twitched and Garnet could feel herself bristling, preparing for a danger that hadn’t yet made itself known.

_What’s going on?_

For a moment she had to stop and rub at her eyes and shake her head, wondering if she were still dreaming and only imagined waking up this morning, but everything felt too real. Trying to shake it off, she began walking forward again, tenser. The hairs of her neck stood up. Was someone watching her? Garnet whipped around, but saw nothing. Only an empty boardwalk and an old man fast asleep on a bench, a dog right beside him asleep as well.

_Just my imagination._

Frowning, Garnet turned around and continued her patrol. The feeling lingered, but after ten minutes it shifted into the back of her mind and tenseness left her body. Her phone buzzed in her pocket occasionally, but she ignored it as she made her way back to her car. As she got to the park bench, the same feeling brushed over her again.

“What the hell?” Garnet muttered to herself, and this time she glanced up into the sky and at the surrounding rooftops of the booths and stores, trying to catch someone or something. Finding nothing, she peered down the alleyways between the buildings. Nothing there either. Shaking her head, Garnet decided to ignore it again and make her way back to the car, this time walking a little quicker.

Relief washed over her the moment she seated herself in front of the wheel and locked the doors, pulling herself out of her parking space. The radio was on, but most of the chatter had to do with incidents outside of her area; it calmed her nerves only slightly as she made her way down the opposite side of the boardwalk, towards a mountain with a lighthouse positioned on top of it. The further she drew away from that one spot, the more Garnet relaxed.

After a few hours of patrols Garnet made her way back to the station. Snow covered most of the lot and it took sometime parking herself correctly. By the time she got back in it was time for her lunch, but Garnet didn’t take it, instead sitting at her desk and going through her phone.

_Pearl- I looked it up some more and apparently if I scold you it can cure you. Worth a try?_

_Pearl- I’m looking around for wolfsbane. I read something that might be useful and isn’t too dangerous to try._

Hands slammed down on her desk, jolting Garnet from her chair. In front of her, Jasper grinned.

“On your phone, Clarke?”

Back to her usual antics. Garnet didn’t want to deal with them today, so she looked back at her phone and ignored her.

“What? Don’t like being called out? I’m only joking around.” Jasper said and took a seat on her desk, sighing as she stretched her legs out. Some of her hair obstructed the papers on Garnet’s desk. She stunk of dirt and citrus. Garnet put down her phone and looked up at her.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Y’know, you ask me that a lot, Clarke, and my answer will always be the same: not really.” Jasper smirked while she said it, but little by little her expression dropped into something more serious. “Forensics got a look on the guy, still need more time but Peri told me that there’s really nothing incriminating on him. “ Jasper crossed her arms over her chest.

_Good news for me._

“They probably haven’t gotten a full search on him. Not much they can do without the family’s permission.” Garnet replied, setting her phone down on her desk. Jasper shrugged her broad shoulders and stared down at the floor, deep in thought. After a few seconds she snorted and got off of her desk, heading out towards the parking lot without another word. Garnet frowned.

_That was strange._

But then again the only interactions she had with Jasper were either annoying or strange, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Garnet sighed and picked up her phone again, reading the rest of the messages Pearl sent her.

_Pearl- Wolfsbane alone might help calm you and keep most of your symptoms at bay if prepared right. Some sources say to make it into a tea, but I’m not sure if that’s even possible._

_Pearl- Other things say to feed into your urges in order to keep yourself calm… not a good idea._

Garnet frowned, typing out her response.

_Garnet- We’ll try the tea idea. It can’t be any worse than silver._

_Pearl is typing…_

She set her phone down on the desk, waiting for the response to go through while she leaned back in her chair. The office wasn’t that crowded today, and now that Garnet was focused on that, she couldn’t recall hearing a phone call. A slow day would be welcome, but something about it made her hairs stand up on end. It felt off. Garnet checked her phone again.

_Pearl- Can’t find the plant anywhere, only the seeds and we’re out of growing season. I guess we should have known; it’s poisonous after all._

_Garnet-_ _L_

_Garnet- We can’t wait until spring._

_Pearl- I know that. I’ll keep looking._

_Garnet- Thank you. (Seen 2:12 pm)_

Putting her head in her hands, Garnet tried to stuff her worry down. Pearl probably only looked at the first page of results, there was still more to look at. They can figure this out. _Pearl_ could figure this out.

She just needed to be patient.

\--

Later that day when Garnet got home she found Pearl in their living room, lying down on the couch with her feet up, scrolling through her phone. Garnet closed the door a little louder than she usually did, but that garnered no response from her.

“Hello.” Garnet greeted and at that point Pearl looked up from her phone, sitting up from her position.

“Hi.”

“How was your day?” She almost cringed at how stilted the question came out, as if she were trying to make small talk with a stranger rather than her maybe-girlfriend.

Pearl shrugged her shoulders, setting her phone down, “Alright, I suppose. I asked Rose to switch me to graveyard so I can have time during the day to research. I’m not making much progress on that front though,” she glanced away with a frown, and then looked back at Garnet. “How was yours?”

_Right, yeah. More time to research. You just want to stay away from me._

Her fist clenched at her side but Garnet tried not to let her anger show, instead chancing a smile, “Slow and boring, just how I like it. You still went to work while at Blue’s?”

“Of course, I didn’t want to lose my job. The commute was awful, though.” Pearl let out a stunted laugh and played with the hem of her shirt, running her fingers up and down the cloth while her face shifted into more of a grimace. “Uh, so…dinner. What do you want?”

“Anything’s fine.”

“There’s not a lot in the fridge.”

“Anything’s. Fine.” Garnet repeated, and she walked right past the couch and headed for her bedroom. When she walked in she saw that everything had been rearranged and the bed was made, the curtains drawn back from the unbroken-window to show off the waning gibbous. Her eyes tried to draw themselves to it, but Garnet fought the urge and instead focused on changing into pajamas. As she changed, she glanced around to see if any items had disappeared. Everything seemed to be in place, and the room smelled more like Pearl, which was nice.

Satisfied with the state of the bedroom, Garnet left.

It took an hour before dinner was made, and Pearl had gone with bacon-wrapped pork loin, though she pulled the strips off of her own cut after sitting down. Garnet ate it slow, remembering her embarrassment that morning, and as she ate she couldn’t help but wonder if Pearl had purposely made a meat-based dish for her.

_I guess I can’t expect her to act like there’s nothing different about me._

Garnet ate another bite and hummed at the taste. Dry, too seasoned, too tender. It’d be better raw. She tried to eat more of it, but only got halfway before the taste became too off-putting. She sat staring at the piece, until her eyes drifted over to Pearl, still eating, her bandaged arm holding the fork. Her hunger spiked, and Garnet found herself remembering the smell of Pearl’s blood that night: tart and enticing. Pupils dilated the longer they stared at the wrapped wound.

Pearl getting up and grabbing her plate snapped Garnet out of her trance and she straightened up, somewhat confused as to what had happened. It was a little blurry.

“Did you like it?” Pearl asked, looking at the piece on her plate. Garnet nodded.

“Yes, I’m just not that hungry. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’ll wrap it up for you,” And she reached over to her plate with her wrapped arm. And just as the urge to bite into it grew too strong to ignore, Garnet managed to jolt out of her chair and away from Pearl’s arm, backing away. Pearl stood there, staring at her in shock, while Garnet kept her arms tight at her sides and her eyes on the floor.

“What-?”

“I’m going for a walk, I’ll be back soon.” She got out through clenched teeth. Garnet whirled around and headed for the front door, barely managing to keep herself from ripping it off the hinges as she opened it. It was cold out, thin snow covering the sidewalks and the streets, but Garnet didn’t go back in. She walked down a block or two and then turned around to head onto the main street and out of the residential area. Her feet were starting to freeze, but Garnet still didn’t feel calm enough to go back.

_It’s getting worse._

That was no question. It was getting worse and it was getting harder to control. If she wasn’t as quick as she was earlier then she would have torn into Pearl’s arm and possibly even gutted the rest of her before she could even get herself under control. Garnet stopped under a street lamp, holding onto her head, teeth clenched hard enough to almost chip them. She tried to count to ten, but then she had to go to twenty, and from them she had to go to fifty. By the end of it, she still wasn’t calm.

From a few miles away she could hear cars driving, and from the boardwalk a few blocks away Garnet could hear people talking and laughing. Smelling of sweat, flesh, _food._ Garnet could feel the burn in her eyes that told her they were going golden. When was the last time she ate? She couldn’t even remember that detail. The smell of the people called for her and Garnet pushed herself off the lamp, walking towards the source of the scent, but before she could get a foot away she grabbed the lamp again and leaned on it, eyes squeezed shut, fighting with herself.

_I shouldn’t do this._

Oh, but how tempting it was. Human tasted good. Like pork. Much like the slab waiting for Garnet at home if she were to just turn around and leave now before her resolve could set. But Garnet couldn’t get herself to leave the lamp post, still staring out at commercial buildings towards the source of the scent. Her fingers dug into the steel. It was either them or Pearl.

Garnet almost moved.

“My, my; we need to stop finding ourselves in this position.”

She knew who it was before she even turned around. The woman stood next to her in a dark spot away from the street lamp. She was dressed up in her winter clothes again, making it so only her eyes were visible and the very top of her nose. Garnet huffed and pulled away from the lamp, glaring at her.

“How do you keep finding me?” It was more of a demand than a question, and the woman laughed rather than answer, flaring Garnet’s temper and drawing a growl from her lips. The woman laughed again at that and turned around, walking off. For some reason, Garnet felt inclined to follow her.

“You came outside again with the same purpose, but your emotions are all wrong.” The woman said. Garnet fell into pace right beside her, fingers twitching whenever they drew a little too close to her arm. She looked ahead and recognized the direction they were taking: back to the woman’s house. Garnet felt content with going there.

_This is wrong._

Though that thought did nothing to make her stop what she was doing. Garnet was more intent on figuring out exactly who the woman was and why they kept meeting like this, so she allowed herself to be led back towards her home.

It took maybe ten minutes, but it felt like forever to her. The woman walked so slow and Garnet’s mind was running at a hundred miles a second. By the time the woman took her keys out from her pocket and started unlocking the door Garnet was irritable and tense. They stepped into the living room, and just like last time it smelled like nothing and felt like it had never been lived in.

“There we are. Make yourself comfortable.” The woman headed for her couch.

But Garnet wasn’t in the mood to follow what she said any longer, “Who are you?”

Though the woman looked back at her, she didn’t say anything, instead taking her seat on the couch and removing her gloves and shoes. It was painstakingly slow; she pulled at each finger of the glove to loosen it, and she spent the time to untie her shoes and undo the zippers. It wore on Garnet’s already-short temper.

“Tell me!” She snapped and shifted forward, arms out and claws outstretched, her teeth bared.

The woman did not blink, “Hm, no one cares to know about that anymore.” She glanced down at her claws, “Oh, put those away. I’ve given you no reason to harm me.”

“What makes you think I won’t do it anyway?” Garnet did not move from her ready-to-pounce position. She didn’t need to listen to her. She didn’t need to listen to anyone.

“Well, aren’t you human?” The woman said, “Your eyes tell a different story, though. So maybe not all the way.”

Garnet finally relaxed, but her arms were still kept tight at her side and she still glowered at her, lip curled up. “No, I’m not. Not anymore.”

“You gave up.”

“What?!”

“You gave up on your humanity, and so soon? Even after you found your mate again?” The woman clarified, and she went about removing the bundles of scarfs around her face, revealing more and more wrinkled brownish skin. Not even seeming to care that Garnet stood in front of her in shock. Utterly surprised that she knew about her and Pearl and trying to figure out what to do first: question her or kill her.

Garnet decided that answers were a little better.

“How do you-?”

“I’m not sure. Why did you give up?”

Garnet gritted her teeth, “I didn’t give-“

“You letting yourself become more violent, you’re allowing yourself to fall into your animal desires. I call that giving up. You were doing somewhat well before.” The woman said.

At that point it became too much for Garnet and she bounded over towards the woman, grabbing her by her thin neck and digging in her claws, thrusting her back against the couch and forcing her to look her in the eyes. The woman looked back at her with mild surprise, but that was it. Nothing else.

“You’re not being very nice right now.”

“How do you know all of this?!” Garnet demanded, “You’re- you’re the one that’s watching me, aren’t you?! What do you want from me?!”

“Well, you getting your hands off my neck would be nice.”

Garnet only held tighter, digging in even more to draw out warm blood. It called her hunger forward and she started to salivate, leaning in closer to the woman, who showed nothing but slight annoyance and maybe a little bit of amusement to go along with that. A low rumbling growl escaped from Garnet’s throat.

“What do you _want from me?_ ” Her voice became more of a deep growl and her skin started to tingle.

“Change is looming on you; I can feel it. You should calm down, Garnet.” The woman said.

“ _How do you know?!”_ When the woman didn’t answer after a moment Garnet jerked her forward and slammed back onto the couch, dragging her claws around her neck to create deep slashes. The woman winced in pain. “ _How do you know?!”_

“Oh, look at your arm, that’s a silver burn, isn’t it? You poor thing.” The woman said instead of answering her. And that was the last straw, Garnet moving her claws along towards her jugular, but she stopped at that last inch of space, faltering at the sharp pain in her abdomen. Her face twitched rapidly and she winced, backing off of the woman and sinking down onto her knees, panting, clutching at herself.

“I told you that you needed to calm down. Deep breaths now; it’ll pass.”

Though it felt like forever, it eventually did after several minutes of suffering through the sharp pains and waves of nausea. By the end of it, Garnet felt sick and far too drained to be angry anymore. She stayed on the carpet, not even feeling capable of moving. The woman sat patiently on the couch, looking at Garnet even though her neck still bled.

“Are you okay?”

“How do you know… about all of this? About me and the werewolf stuff and how to get myself under control if I’m starting to lose it. How do you know?”

The woman shrugged, “Practice, I suppose.”

Garnet winced at a fleeting pain in her back, digging her fingers into the carpet.

“How can I get it under control?”

“I could show you.”

Garnet finally looked up at the woman, eyes shifting back into their mismatched brown and blue. “Who are you?”

And the woman smiled at her, rubbing at her neck and smearing the blood onto her hands.

“I don’t really have a name anymore. Though-” She paused for a moment, pulling her hand away from her neck to examine the blood and show off the deep gash in her neck, the bleeding having stopped completely.

 “Some call me Blue Diamond.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter by far!
> 
> But maybe... it's short because its leading up to something? (Thinking emoji)

**_All Leading Up_ **

“Blue Diamond?” Garnet asked, still on the carpet, now staring up at the named-woman. Blue Diamond sunk back into the cushioning of her couch, resting casually on the arm rest with her legs crossed over the other.

“Silly, it works, doesn’t it? Come sit with me, Garnet.”

Garnet lingered for a moment on the floor, but eventually she lifted herself on shaky legs and took a seat on the couch as far from Blue Diamond as possible. She seemed somewhat amused from the amount of space, but didn’t say anything about it.

“If you want to have control over yourself, then you must have a stronger desire to control it” Blue Diamond said and then held out her hand “Let me see your wrist.”

The hand hovered and Garnet made no move to offer her arm. Instead she sat staring at the wrinkled, bloodied hand with some disdain, curling into herself to avoid any possibility of touching Blue Diamond. No, she couldn’t trust her. What if she was trying to hurt her? There was nothing that Blue Diamond has done to prove herself sincere. Her lip started to curl on its own accord, drawing a smooth laugh from the woman in front of her.

“Paranoid little one, aren’t you?” Blue Diamond rested her hand in her lap, smirking. “I suppose I can take a look another time, such as Saturday.”

“Saturday?”

“You will be willing to meet me then, won’t you? We want to get to work quickly.” Blue Diamond said.

“Alright.” Though something clawed at her side, telling her to forget about the arrangement and to forget about Blue Diamond, telling her that there was something wrong with it all. Though Garnet chalked it up to be some inkling of the beast, trying desperately to keep her from learning control.

_Nice try._

Garnet sat up and headed for the door, almost stepping outside when Blue Diamond called from the couch:

“Now, let’s be good until then, won’t we? Show your desire.”

Frowning at the choice of words, Garnet responded with a stilted nod and left the house.

It took several minutes to get back home, and as Garnet walked up her driveway she could smell Pearl’s scent concentrated in the living room, particularly near the window. She was waiting for her. Garnet didn’t really feel ready to face her. There would be questions and she wasn’t in the mood to come up with an explanation other than ‘if I stayed any longer than I would have killed you.’ By the time she got to the door she was already tense and aggravated again, hand hovering over the knob.

_I can just turn around and never look back. It’s too damn cold out for that though._

She opened the door and kneeling at the window was Pearl, her hands still grasping onto the rim of it, but she was looking at Garnet and already starting to open her mouth to question her.

“Are you okay?”

Not what she was expecting, but still Garnet was annoyed with it.

“No, not really.”

“Do you want to talk?” Pearl rose from the window, hands twiddling together, making the aggravation bleed out from Garnet. It replaced itself with affection. And then she wanted to get closer.

_No. Knock it off._

“Not tonight,” Not tonight always translated to ‘not at all’, but Pearl pretended that she didn’t know different and nodded, leading herself over to the couch and taking a seat. Garnet watched after her for a moment, wondering if it was right to join her. The boundaries were still set, but right now she seemed relaxed enough from her worry. Garnet took a step forward and the splitting urge to hold down Pearl down and fuck her against the couch prevented her from taking anymore. Sucking in a sharp breath, she looked away, a firm blush spreading across her cheeks.

“Seriously, are you okay? You’re acting strange.” Pearl asked.

“When haven’t I been strange? Did you find anything else on curing me?” Garnet changed the subject, glancing back at Pearl after the urge had waned a little. She was pursing her lips while she pulled out her phone.

“Not really. I think I can get wolfsbane though. Not from a very… trusting source though. Gregslist.” Pearl said and Garnet winced. Chances are it was a scam. Maybe Blue Diamond would have some? She’d have to ask on Saturday. Garnet shook her head and rubbed at her eyes.

“Well, I’m ready for bed. Goodnight, Pearl,” Her maybe-girlfriend frowned at the dismissal but otherwise said nothing as she raised herself off the couch to allow her to set up for the night.

“Goodnight, Garnet.”

She wanted to give her a hug, but hesitated. Pearl stood there tense, and Garnet wondered if she was having the same dilemma. Instead, she turned and stiffly walked to the bedroom, shutting the light on her way, leaving her in the dark living room. For moments, she stood there. Her fist clenched, then relaxed.

_I really did ruin it._

Nothing she could do about it now. It needed time, and sitting here being sad about it would do nothing. Garnet fought back the tears and instead made her bed on the couch, collapsing onto it and falling asleep after an hour of restless turning.

\--

When Garnet awoke after what seemed like hours later, she knew she was dreaming. There were only a few times in her life when she managed to lucid dream, and she enjoyed those times. But now she was panicking, knowing that this would be a nightmare. Garnet tried to get up, but she was stuck to the couch. Glowing golden eyes watched her from the corner.

“Why do I keep coming?” She panted out, her throat on fire, “I don’t want to be here.” The eyes narrowed, but Herself made no move forward. She was licking blood off her hands, her face and shirt smeared with it. Garnet had a feeling it belonged to Pearl.

“Talk!” Even in her dreams, her patience was thin, and even at her demand Herself still didn’t respond. She tried to pull herself from the couch, but she couldn’t. Her nerves began to fry with each passing moment.

“I want to be here.”

“No, I don’t,” Garnet cringed, face scrunching into a mix of distaste and confusion. “Why do I talk like this?”

“I’m talking to myself.”  Herself responded, crawling over closer to the couch. She sat near the foot of it and rested her chin on her arms, staring at Garnet.

“I’m not me.”

“I’m becoming me.” Herself said in response.

Garnet sneered, “What am I?”

“Whatever I like to be.”

Garnet settled for calling Herself ‘the beast’. Far from original, but Herself didn’t deserve the privilege of having an original name, “Why do I keep coming?” She asked again.

“I want to be here.” The beast said and then yawned, closing her eyes.

“No, I don’t”

The beast said nothing, feigning sleep for a few moments, before her eyes reopened and she narrowed them at Garnet. They spoke at the same time, “I don’t trust her.”

Blue Diamond. The beast raised her head and crawled onto the couch and over to Garnet, hovering over her.

“She’ll hurt me.”

“I’m just afraid,” Garnet sneered at her.

“No, I’m cautious.” The beast said. She dropped to her elbows, their noses almost touching. “As I should be.”

“What am I trying to say?”

The beast said nothing, staring at Garnet right in the eyes, the intenseness of the gold forcing Garnet to look away after a moment, uncomfortable with how predatory they were. Claws raked down her shirt, creating fuzz where they trailed down. They drew lower and lower.

“Stop.”

“I am powerless.”

“No I’m not.”

“Do something, then.” The beast grinned at her, showing razor sharp teeth. Garnet struggled, trying to kick or punch or even buck her off, but she could move, sealed in her spot, at the mercy of the monster above her. She watched with gritted teeth as the hands trailed down into her stomach and, instead of going lower like they usually did, burrowed in. Ripping the flesh like paper and plunging into the sludge of organs and vessels, wrapping her hands around her intestine and pulling it out of place.

It didn’t even hurt; it felt like a tug, like someone pulling at her arm, and then a feeling of emptiness that burned and stung. And luckily, Garnet woke up right before the beast bit down on the long, bloody cord in her hands.

\--

Sweat ran down her face and dripped off her chin. Garnet sat hunched over herself, grabbing at her aching stomach and trying not to cry out. She pressed herself to the side of the couch, covering her eyes and trying to regulate her breaths. It was starting to turn a dark blue out and the windows were frosted over, yet Garnet felt like she was burning up.

After a minute she caught her breath and slowly laid back on the couch, cringing at the dampness of the blanket beneath her. Her hand didn’t leave her stomach. Every other moment she trembled slightly, shifting in her spot as rolling waves of anxiety kept her from calming down, until finally she sprung from the couch and made a beeline for her bedroom.

She almost burst through the door, until the sound of light breathing and a slow heartbeat reminded her of who was behind it. Garnet sucked in a breath, holding the handle but not opening it, almost afraid to. She swayed back and forth as she stood there, her courage waning with each passing moment, until finally she forced herself to open the door, glancing inside. Pearl was bundled underneath the covers, sleeping on what was usually Garnet’s side of the bed, curled into a ball.

Garnet took a hesitant step inside, biting into her lip. She shouldn’t be doing this, they set boundaries.

_But she slept with me last night._

Still, she shut the door behind her and continued to stand there, wanting to get into bed with Pearl but still struggling with whether or not it was the right thing to do. Her feet moved on their own, taking over to the bed until Garnet hovered over Pearl. She always looked so peaceful when she slept.

Garnet reached for her shoulder.

She remembered forcing herself on her, almost a month ago.

Her hand pulled back.

It would never be the same, would it?

Garnet left the room.

­­--

She never got back to sleep, instead spending several hours on the couch scrolling aimlessly through her social media, taking in none of the information presented to her, her eyes glossed over. Snow clouds covered the sky and the room was a soft blue when Pearl finally came out of the bedroom, rubbing at her eyes. She spotted Garnet on the couch.

“Good morning,” Pearl murmured, still clearly asleep.

Garnet shut off her phone, “Morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Alright, I suppose. You?”

“Pretty good.”

An awkward pause followed the next several seconds until Pearl shuffled off into the kitchen, sniffling. Garnet’s eyes pricked at the sound of pans clattering and the fridge opening, her stomach cramping from hunger.

_I should have made it earlier._

Though would having it ready when she woke up be considered coming onto her? Garnet didn’t know anymore. Her phone fell to her chest with a ‘thunk’ and Garnet rubbed at her eyes, groaning aloud. She was tired of it all. She shouldn’t have asked Pearl for help.

A little later Pearl set the table up with plates of food, taking her seat at the opposite end of Garnet. They ate without so much as a word, though sometimes Garnet glanced up and caught Pearl’s eyes, which quickly darted back down to her plate. Her temper rose little by little with each instance, until finally she slammed her fork down. Pearl jumped.

“Stop it.”

Pearl set her fork down too, “Stop what?”

“That. This. Stop acting like I’m a-“

_Monster? I already am._

“-Stranger. I know things will never be the same and I know you can barely tolerate me-“

“I can-!”

“But it hurts doing this. Just talk to me, or stop walking on eggshells for fucks sake!” Garnet finished off almost in a shout, her teeth clenched and her hands gripping the table hard enough to turn her knuckles white. Pearl shrunk back for a moment, but then her gaze steeled and she crossed her arms.

“I don’t ‘tolerate’ you, Garnet. I love you, that’s why I came back and that’s why I’m helping you, but right now you’re making yourself a very hard person to love. You need to change your own attitude before you tell me to-“ Pearl must have saw the hurt on her face, because she stopped mid-sentence and bit into her lip, her fingers toying with the extra folds on her shirt. “We both have things to work on.” Pearl finished off quietly.

Garnet couldn’t look at her, so she stared down at her almost empty plate instead. Making herself a hard person to love, Pearl always had a way of putting things eloquently. She was sure it would hurt less if Pearl said that she didn’t love her anymore.

“Yeah, we do.”

“Where were you last night?”

Garnet shrugged her shoulders, “Walking. I ended up down at the boardwalk before I turned back around.”

“Why did you leave?”

There wasn’t enough time to think of a proper response and Garnet fumbled with her words for a moment. Then something clicked in her, and she made eye contact with Pearl.

“If I stayed any longer, I would have killed you.”

The look of shock almost made Garnet feel good, “What?”

“I was hungry, and I wanted to eat something fresher. I wanted you.” She paused for a moment, thinking about last night where Pearl was on the couch and how she wanted to join her. “I want you.”

And of course, Pearl just sat there, mouth opened, clearly not having expected any part of that response. It almost made Garnet grin, but she managed to resist the urge. The chair squeaked across the floor as she stood up, and Pearl left her seat as well, backing away.

“Knock it off,” Pearl warned, “You’re-“

“Scaring me?” Garnet finished for her.

“You’re not yourself.”

“I’m myself, alright.”

Step by step, she circled around the table and made her way closer to Pearl, her eyes never leaving hers, arousal and hunger swelling in her. The more she backed away, the more Garnet advanced, fingers twitching at her sides, wanting to touch soft flesh. Pearl’s back touched the wall and Garnet sprung forward, catching her wrists and shoving them up above her head, pressing so close their chests almost touched.

“Get off of me.” Pearl growled out.

Garnet answered with her own growl, “No.”

“Snap out of it.”

“I’m just fine.”

Pearl kicked at her shins and feet, but Garnet barely flinched. It hurt, but the pain wasn’t bad enough for her to want to back away. Her grip tightened around the lithe wrists, bloom red marks on the surface that would no doubt form into bruises later.

“You’re really trying to get me to leave again, aren’t you?” Pearl hissed, her face contorting with both anger and pain. She gave a hard jerk that almost moved her, but was just short of enough power. Garnet let out a low laugh.

“You really think I’m going to let you leave this time?”

And finally whatever strong façade Pearl was trying to put on disappeared, and she looked absolutely terrified. Blue eyes staring straight at her filled with the realization that whatever could be done to her, she wouldn’t be able to stop. That was enough for Garnet’s grip to slacken and for her own expression to morph into one of surprise and slight confusion. Blinking, she pulled away from Pearl clutched at the side of her head, where a headache started forming.

Garnet wanted to say something, but nothing would sound sincere or even begin to make up for what just occurred.

_I’m sorry? I wasn’t in control? What happened? No, forget it._

Instead, Garnet stumbled away into her bedroom and shut the door.

\--

The continuous buzzing of her phone against her chest woke Garnet up from her small nap. Bleary eyed and still groggy she fumbled around for it until she managed to get into in a somewhat secure hold, turning it on to check the notification.

_Mum S- Why haven’t we heard anything from you? (Sent 2 minutes ago)_

_Mum R- BABY R U OK? (Sent 10 minutes ago)_

_Mum R- SORRY CAPS LOCK (Sent 9 minutes ago)_

_Mum R- IM NOPT PANIKING I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN IT OFF (Sent 9 minutes ago)_

Frowning, Garnet opened Sapphire’s message first and responded as best as she could in her half-asleep state.

_Garnet- I’ve been really busy. We can talk today a little later._

_Mum S is typing…_

Garnet rolled over to the other side of the bed, stretching out her stiff legs and back and letting out a low growl of satisfaction. She sniffed the air and caught Pearl’s scent concentrated in the living room. She hadn’t left. She didn’t know if she should be relieved or worried. The chime of her phone kept her from delving too deep into her thoughts.

_Mum S- Please do. Ruby and I are going to bed in a few hours._

Garnet dropped her phone to the mattress and covered her eyes, letting out another growl. Slinking off the bed, she headed for the window and drew the curtains, revealing its seat and the waning moon far off in the sky. She took a seat, goosebumps raising on her arms from the cold wafting through the cracks. Her phone chimed a few more times, but Garnet didn’t move from her seat, curling up into herself and indulging her urge to stare at the moon. It relaxed her and made her feel restless at the same time. She wanted to go out and run, but at the same time she wanted to sit and bask in the glow.

_How much of me is left?_

Her arms tightened around her shins and her chin sunk into her knees.

_Why won’t Pearl leave?_

_Will I even let her leave?_

How long did she have until there were no fragments of her left, and all that remained was the monster?

The door opening made her look over, catching Pearl’s eye through the small crack between the frame. She was checking in on her, and just by her face Garnet could tell that she didn’t expect to see her awake. Words almost left her lips, but then they sealed shut and Garnet turned her gaze back to the window seat. Her ears pricked at the sound of feet walking across the carpet.

Nothing was said, but Pearl climbed onto the window seat with her on the opposite side and took up the same position: her knees tucked in and her arms around them. Together they looked out, though Pearl’s gaze was more focused on the falling snow then the moon. Garnet bit into her lip harder and harder with each passing moment, trying to not to say anything, not wanting ruin the moment. Eventually, it became too hard to resist.

“You need to leave me.”

“I probably should.”

“You’re not going to, though.”

“No.”

Garnet sighed and turned her head, surprised to see blue eyes looking right back at her intensively. Swallowing, she tried not to turn away again, “It’s just going to get worse from here on out.” She muttered.

“I’m not going to leave you to self-destruct,” Pearl said.

“You’re not responsible for me. And you can’t do this to yourself; you’ll just end up hurt in the end.”

“So be it.” And Pearl looked away, signaling that she was done talking about it.

Garnet let out another sigh, rubbing at her eyes. Why couldn’t she just listen? For a moment, she thought of her leaving instead. It would be in the middle of the night, maybe while Pearl is working, and she would leave her phone behind and only take some of her clothes. And Garnet would be gone from everyone. They could move on without her; life always had to go on.

Pearl moved closer, running her foot along Garnet’s ankle and catching her attention. For a moment they looked at each other, and then Garnet took the invitation in her eyes and moved to bring her into her arms. It was far too tense to be a proper hug; it was devoid of affection and filled with something akin to defeat. She rested her chin on top of her end. Pearl’s heartbeat dominated every other sound in the room and it almost lulled her to sleep if it weren’t for fingers running across her jaw, rousing her.

“What’s it like?”

“Hm?”

“You know what I mean, what’s it like?” Pearl repeated a little sterner.

Garnet had to think about it, trying to find an in-depth explanation that wasn’t just ‘hell’.

“It’s… weird. Sometimes I feel like I’m in full control of everything, but other times I feel like I’m looking through a window while someone else does things for me. I… I know I am my own person, but sometimes it feels like that I’m someone else entirely.”  She trailed off more and more, until her voice was barely a whisper. Her hands gripped at Pearl’s shirt and she found herself pulling her closer. Thankfully, Pearl didn’t resist the attempt.

“You are different.” Pearl muttered.

Garnet didn’t know what to say to that; she chewed on her already tender lip and looked outside the window again, trying to relax the anxiety starting to well up within her. There was nothing to be scared of.

“I mean, sometimes I feel… powerful. I can hear and smell people coming from a mile away and see in the dark and I can lift three times my weight, but,” Garnet paused, “None of it outweighs the cost. I want to be normal again. I want to be me again.” She finished off. Arms around her side held even tighter. Something wet started soaking through the cloth of her t-shirt.

“We’ll find a way.” Pearl said. “I promise.”

Garnet didn’t take it to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't feel bad if you got confused by the dialogue between the beast and Garnet because honestly I was confused while editing it lmao. Substitute the first-person pronouns for second person pronouns and you should get the gist of it. Chances are I'll write a translation down here later


	18. A Lesson to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet meets with Blue Diamond learn more about control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear we'll get this to weekly updates eventually, i just need the time rip

_**A Lesson to Remember** _

The next few days Garnet slept worse than usual. Anxiety crushed her chest each time she closed her eyes and whenever she managed to get to sleep, the beast would be there to greet her in the living room and exert its power over her. Eventually she made the decision to just stop making the attempt and instead use the time to do something productive. She burned out on all her research material within the first night, finding nothing that could possibly help her condition, and eventually the next few nights she just worked out, testing the limits of her strength and endurance.

Pearl came into the garage the third night.

“You need to sleep.”

Garnet paused in the middle of her pull-up, none of her muscles even so much as straining from the fixed position. Her shirt had been discarded to the other side of the room and she was dressed in her sweatpants and a sports bra, though Pearl didn’t show any sign of caring about that. Blushing, Garnet dropped from the bar and crossed her arms over her chest, covering herself.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. I know you haven’t been sleeping and we just talked about this the other night about how I’m not going to let you-“

Garnet interrupted before Pearl could go on anymore “I know, Pearl. It’s fine, I’d rather stay awake.”

“What’s going on?” Pearl almost demanded. She approached and Garnet stiffened, biting into the inside of her cheek to fight off a growl. Every part of her was tense and her coming close wasn’t helping. She wanted to be left alone. Thankfully, Pearl seemed to realize that, because she took a few steps back.

“Please, Garnet, we need to communicate if want this to work.” Pearl tried instead. The gentleness in her voice dropped Garnet’s shoulders by an inch and allowed her to take steadier breaths than the raggedness they took on before. Though she felt inclined to tell her about the nightmares, Garnet wasn’t sure how to approach it. Tell her about the manifestation of the beast? Or how Pearl almost always appeared as a corpse? What about that one dream were she had turned her into a monster like her? She swallowed and looked towards her discarded shirt.

“I just have trouble sleeping; I have weird dreams.” Garnet went to grab her shirt, hoping that Pearl would get the signal that she didn’t want to talk anymore.

She didn’t, “Weird how?”

“They’re… frantic, they don’t make sense, hard to distinguish if they are real or not.” Garnet said curtly and shrugged on her shirt. She could hear Pearl come up behind her and tensed again, lip curling. Until a dainty hand slipped into her twitching one.

“Come on,” Pearl said and tugged her without waiting for a response. Somewhat confused, Garnet stood there for a moment, before finally she walked along with her, out of the garage and into the living and down the hall, towards the bedroom. It was frigid in the room, the cardboard protecting the broken window rattling quietly from the wind blowing outside. The materials to fix it sat in front of the seat—Garnet had just bought them today.

_Gotta get around to that soon. Pearl must be freezing in here._

Pearl tugged her towards the bed and it was then that she dug her feet into the carpet, keeping them from going any further towards it. She was chewing on her bottom lip, glancing between the bed and her, frowning at how the urges already started to bubble up. Pulling her hand away, Garnet took a step back from her.

“No,”

“Garnet-,”

“We-“

“Garnet, I want you to- You need to sleep, okay? It’s… fine.” Though as she said it Pearl hugged herself and looked away, eyebrows furrowing. No, it wasn’t really fine, she just wanted it to be fine. Glancing back at the bed, Garnet felt it calling for her, her eyes already starting to droop and her body sagging with exhaustion. It was tempting. Gentle hands grabbed onto hers and started to pull her along, Pearl carefully walking backwards towards the bed. When they got to the middle she guided her down.

“Pearl-“

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Let me do this for you.”

She let a sigh, knowing that this wasn’t an argument she was going to win. Straightening out and shutting her eyes, Garnet could hear Pearl climb onto the other side of the bed and go under the covers. And though she sat far away from her, she still brushed Garnet’s heel with her foot, letting her know that it was okay. And Garnet, with one last sigh almost in defeat, closed her eyes.

\--

And woke up on top of her.

Her hands were on her shoulders, keeping her from moving, the taste of blood in her mouth. Pearl’s clothes were rustled and torn in place, and the smell of fear, arousal, and blood permeated the air. Terrified blue eyes stared straight up at her golden ones, partly begging for mercy, partly resigned to whatever was about to happen. Garnet blinked, mouth falling open, and jumped off of her, scrambling away and looking at her bloodied hands.

“I-I-“

_Please be dreaming please be dreaming please be dreaming._

Blood leaked down from a cut on Pearl’s face and from her neck, where prominent bite-marks marred along her pale skin. She was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and the stench of arousal was coming from her. Garnet tried not to look down, she really did, but slowly her eyes went their own way towards her legs, and subsequently filled with tears when she saw her pants were gone and her legs were covered with scratches and teeth marks and blood stained the blanket between her legs.

“I-“

Garnet got off the bed and backed away.

“I-“

Choking on her words, she whirled around and seized the doorknob, yanking it open, coming face to face with a rotting man, his missing arm dripping with old blood and necrotic flesh, his eyes, almost rotted out of his skull, staring right at her with contempt.

 **“You can never change.”** He growled and took a step forward, and Garnet took a subsequent one back, glancing back at Pearl, who looked just as terrified. **“You need to die.”** And he reached for her and closed his remaining hand around her neck, squeezing hard enough that his fingers punctured in and scrapped the slimy muscle and arteries. Lifting her off the ground, the man smiled at her.

**“It’s the only way.”**

“GARNET!”

Her eyes opened again and she let out a gasp that quickly turned into a sob, clutching at the bed sheets hard enough that it hurt, curled into herself enough that her knees almost touched her chest. Garnet started heaving, pulling her hands away from the sheets and covering her face, gasping and crying, hot tears wetting her palms. From behind her, Pearl wrapped her arms around her shoulders as best as she could and nestled her head into her neck, rocking back and forth with her.

“It’s not real, it’s not real, it was just dream. It’s okay, I’m here, Garnet.” She whispered in a loop, running a hand along her neck and hooking her arm around Garnet’s face, brushing her sweat-slicked hair out of her eyes. “It’s okay.”

Garnet didn’t know what she wanted to do: shout at Pearl to get off of her or hold her back. Her mind was running at a thousand miles a minute and she couldn’t keep her eyes focused; they darted back and forth along the room. The hand ran along into her hair, fingers catching into her curls and tugging them somewhat painfully, and she let out another choked sob. Pearl hooked her leg around her hips, pulling them even closer together.

“It’s okay.”

She couldn’t control herself; Garnet twisted her neck back and kissed her hard, hand coming up to hold her in place in case she tried to move. Her lips could barely move without curling into another sob, but Pearl didn’t seem to care much because she kissed back softly, running her thumb along her forehead while gently scraping her fingers along her scalp. What little rhythm they could muster Garnet tried to enjoy, but her mind kept flashing back to that dream and she wanted to pull away almost as much as she wanted to get closer. Eventually the former won out and she pulled away, staring Pearl in the eyes, face twisted into a grimace. Pearl’s hand moved down and her thumb moved along Garnet’s cheekbone.

“Gold.” She muttered and Garnet’s cheeks bloomed red, her gaze shifting elsewhere, tears still leaking in a steady stream. Pearl brushed some of them away.

_I’m the one that’s supposed to be doing this._

Stars, she hated feeling powerless and she hated feeling like she needed to be taken care of. But she couldn’t deny that it felt good to be in Pearl’s arms right now, even if a part of her was screaming about how it was all wrong and much too fast for the both of them. Garnet tried to move away, but instead she found herself getting closer and closer until they were chest-to-chest.

“This-“ Garnet paused to sniffled and to gather her scrambled thoughts, “Sucks.”

Pearl gave a half-hearted laugh, “I could imagine.”

Garnet lightly pushed at her until they both pulled away, staring at each other somewhat awkwardly now that distance has been established between them. Glancing passed Pearl’s shoulder to look at the clock on the nightstand, she saw it was somewhere close to two in the morning.

“We should get to bed.”

Glancing back as well, Pearl nodded, “I suppose.”

Tension filled the air almost immediately, thick enough Garnet could almost feel it on her skin. Pearl scooted to her side of the bed while she remained on hers, watching her move with eyes that she realized were burning. Golden. Predatory. Staring at Pearl and moving down soft skin to the places her hands ached to touch. Visions of the dream flashed in her mind and Garnet squeezed her eyes shut and turned away from her, getting under the covers.

_It isn’t right. I shouldn’t have kissed her. That wasn’t right._

Garnet tugged the blankets under her chin and stared at the wall, breathing somewhat ragged, her throat raw from the crying. She could feel the bed shift, dipping down on her side as Pearl moved closer to her and grazed her back with her hand.

_No._

Would she be able to control herself? Did Pearl even know what she was asking for, or was she so tired and worried that she didn’t care about the boundaries they had? Maybe it was all in Garnet’s head. She rolled over and allowed her to sink into her arms, and she rested her chin on top of her soft hair, letting out a sigh and fighting the urge to rock her hips against her. She was in control of this. She needed to be in control of this.

“Goodnight, Garnet.”

“Goodnight.”

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Pearl said and after a few minutes, fell asleep. Eventually, the mental exhaustion from the crying and from fighting against herself took its toll, and Garnet went to sleep for the second time that night.

\--

Blue Diamond’s house looked somewhat different during the day. It was early in the morning, early enough that Pearl wasn’t even awake by the time Garnet left the house. She texted her that she’d be out for a bit and didn’t elaborate any further, knowing and accepting that it would mean coming up with another excuse when she eventually returned home. Going up the steps and standing in front of the door, Garnet caught the scent of Blue Diamond, concentrated in the living room. Did she know she was coming?

Frowning, she rang the doorbell and stepped back, not even having to wait three seconds before the door opened. Garnet swallowed, immediately taking in the sight of the silver around her neck, resting on a turtleneck sweater that didn’t permit it to touch her skin. Just being somewhat near it made her nervous, the burn on her arm itching as if reminding her of her last encounter with it.

“Hello there.” Blue Diamond said and stepped aside. When Garnet remained rooted to her spot, she smiled and lightly touched her neck. “Oh, I suppose this makes you nervous. Good, that was the reason for wearing it. It’s part of the lesson.” She stepped aside and it was only when she was a good few feet away that Garnet stepped inside the dark house. All the curtains were drawn, and when she shut the door behind her it went fully dark before her eyes adjusted and looked more dimly lit. Despite this, Blue Diamond found her way to the couch without much trouble, and looked at her like she was expecting her to join.

“Don’t be afraid to come near me, you can’t be afraid of this.” She said. With another swallow, Garnet walked over and took a seat on the far side of the couch, still eyeing the metal chain. Blue Diamond scooted closer, almost seeming amused how she shrunk back and bared her teeth in response. She removed all the distance between them, their thighs touching, and Garnet was almost falling off the couch from leaning back.

“Don’t be afraid.” She repeated. Little by little, Garnet tried relaxing herself, but the silver just being near her made her feel somewhat hot. Either it was only in her head or an actual effect of it, she didn’t know and didn’t care. Her instincts were screaming at her to get away from it.

“Silver always had a spiritual stigma around it for a reason; it wards off evil as they say. You’re not evil, but it still has its effects.” Blue Diamond explained, then took Garnet’s hand, tightening her grip when she tried to pull it away. Pulling her fingers close to the chain, she paused when her middle finger was only an inch away from the metal and Garnet was whimpering in terror. “Do not fear it.”

She touched it to the metal. A wisp of smoke rose from the tip of her finger and Garnet let out a yelp of pain, desperately trying to pull away, but to no avail. The pain was searing; it felt like she stuck her finger onto a red hot stove. Blood seeped down into her palm and it was only then that Blue Diamond let go. Garnet reeled her hand back, whimpering, looking at the third degree burn with a mix of horror and anger. Instincts told her to attack Blue Diamond for causing the pain, but she couldn’t bring herself to move any closer to her and that damned necklace.

“Good, you lasted longer than I thought, now, let’s-“

Anger won over her fear and Garnet pounced, fingers outstretched and digging her claws into the woman’s shoulders, drawing blood. Her knees planted down on her stomach, pinning her lower body to the arm of the couch while Blue Diamond hung over the side, surprised from the sudden attack. Glistening fangs flashed against her wrinkled neck, golden eyes staring straight at her blue ones.

Blue Diamond smiled.

“Very good. Very, very good. You overcame your fear, didn’t you? Look how close you are.”

Golden eyes then glanced down, looking at the silver chain barely an inch away from her skin. Close enough that she could feel a phantom burn across her chest. Garnet whined and moved away from it, anger bleeding back into fear and anxiousness as she scrambled off the couch and onto the carpet, away from Blue Diamond.

“This is going well so far,” She moved back into her original spot, settling onto the cushion. Her smile went a little wider, “I’m proud.”

“What kind of lesson is this?!” Garnet demanded. She growled when Blue Diamond laughed in response.

“A hands-on one. Control is about fighting over your first instinct and instead going for the better one. Your first instinct was to get away from me, wasn’t it?”

Garnet had to think about it, the last minute blurry. Maybe it was?

“I think so,”

“And you overcame that to defend yourself?”

Defend didn’t seem like the right word at all, though Garnet still nodded. She was unsure of the point she was trying to make, but she supposed it would become clearer as the lesson went on. Hopefully, this would be the only time the silver necklace came into play; her finger throbbed dully and an aching fire spread from her finger to throughout her hand. A deep, primal part told her to lick the wound clean, but Garnet resisted it as much as she could.

“Now come join me again; you’re no use on the floor.”

Garnet hesitantly stood up from her spot and took a seat next to Blue Diamond. She eyed her suspiciously when she reached into the pocket of her jacket, pulling out a small glass container filled with some herb. It smelled odd.

“This, is wolfsbane.”

Garnet’s eyes slightly widened and she almost made a grab for it.

“This will not harm you; it’s more of a-“

“Suppressant.” Garnet muttered.

“Ah, you know of its effects, then?” Blue Diamond smiled. “Good.”

“I don’t know all of it.”

“It alleviates some of your ‘symptoms’ and puts you into a weaker state that I suppose you can refer to as human. However, it’ll make you sick and very tired. Like a flu,” She laughed at the comparison, though Garnet didn’t offer the same reaction, too focused on the one thing that could supposedly help her be ‘normal’—or as normal as she could manage. Blue Diamond noticed this interest with a smile.

“I suppose you want it?” She shook it teasingly, smiling at Garnet’s reaction of inching a little closer towards it. “I can let you borrow some, but not today. This is just for the lesson.”

Garnet’s gaze tore from the bottle to her, “What’s the point of this?”

‘Learning your weaknesses.”

“I thought it was-“

“Control, it’ll come.” Blue Diamond said and opened the bottle, gesturing for Garnet to hold her hand out. With some hesitation, she did so, and some of the herb was spread into her hand. Garnet watched it for a moment, expecting some sort of burning or tingling sensation, but there was nothing. Then, after a few moments, Garnet felt her energy draining from her, her eyelids growing heavy. It became harder to hold her arm up, and then a pressure grew in her stomach and throat and behind her eyes. Groaning, she grabbed the bottle from Blue Diamond’s hand and shook the herb back in it, thrusting it back to her.

“Unpleasant, isn’t it? Do you really want to use it?” Blue Diamond asked. With the pressure still building in her head, it took Garnet sometime to find the answer she wanted. Blue Diamond waited for it patiently, closing the bottle and setting it on the coffee table, leaning back on the arm of the chair casually.

“Isn’t it better to be coherent and functional, rather than detached and sick?”

_It’d be better to be human._

“I guess,” Garnet finally slurred out, pressing her palm onto her temple in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

Blue Diamond nodded and continued, “When you think of yourself, do you think you’re split into two beings? One being you and the other being the werewolf?”

Garnet had to think about that. No, not all the time. She mostly thought of it as her, but a different version of her. The only time she ever thought she was split into two people was when she was dreaming and the beast was there with her. But then she thought about it more, and she thought about how it felt like there were two sides to her fighting for control, how sometimes she would do sometime and not ever remember doing it. The feeling of being shoved into the passenger seat.

“Yes.” She finally answered.

A frown, “You are not. You will always be Garnet, and only Garnet. Never anything else. Everything you do, is your doing whether you realize it or not.

It was uncomfortable to hear and it stung in a way. Attempting to rape Pearl was completely her doing, she accepted that, but what about what happened the other day? And how she barely remembered it? Garnet wanted to believe it was something other than her. But would that mean it was an illusion, or something her brain chose to shut out to make her think it wasn’t her?

“Always accept responsibility for whatever you do, Garnet.” Blue Diamond sounded completely serious. There was no smile, no warmth in her eyes, or opening in her body language. She was cold, like she had been replaced by something or someone else. Those blue eyes suddenly seemed frightening and Garnet looked away, not wanting to stare at them any longer.

“I will.”

“Yes, you will.”

\--

Garnet couldn’t pull into her driveway when she got home, as two cars occupied the space. For a moment she was confused, but then a realization came over her and she let out a groan. She had forgotten about her mother insisting they came over today. She looked at her bandaged finger and the scabbed burn on her arm, frowning.

_Mishap with a stove._

Settling on that excuse she shifted into park and pulled her keys out of the ignition, stepping outside and walking up to her front door. Upon opening it she was immediately greeted by the smell of a strong chili and almost went to cover her burning nostrils. No one was in the living room, but she could hear the sound of Pearl chatting with Ruby in the kitchen, and through the overpowering smell of the chili she could barely detect Sapphire in there as well. Preparing herself mentally she crossed the threshold into the dining room and entered the kitchen.

Ruby was on a step stool, stirring the large stock pot of chili and adding spice with her other hand.

“That’s more than enough mom, I could smell it walking in.” Garnet said and subsequently announced her presence. Pearl, leaning on the counter next to the sink, looked away from Ruby and towards Garnet, as well as her two mothers, Sapphire previously being hidden behind her wife.

“What are you talking about? I don’t smell anything.” Ruby said with a raised eyebrow.

Garnet internally cursed, shooting a look at Pearl, nervousness written all over her face.

“Eh, might have been something else then. How was the trip here?” Garnet changed the subject.

“Oh, awful! No one in this damn town knows how to drive and they all walk out into the street with- oh I swear one of these days I won’t hit the brakes and let them find out the hard-“

Sapphire, ever the voice of reason, spoke up then, “And then you get sued for everything we have, Ruby.”

“Well I know that, but still, they would learn a lesson!”

“No vehicular manslaughter, hun.” Sapphire said with no trace of humor in her voice, which it made it that much funnier to Garnet who couldn’t resist a chuckle, relaxing little by little. Ruby huffed and turned her attention back to the chili, muttering under her breath while she stirred it.

Pearl broke the momentarily silence, “Where were you?”

“Out. What were you guys talking about?”

“Stuff.” Pearl answered back in kind. Though there was no malice in their tones it still made the air somewhat tense and her mothers shifted uncomfortably, no doubt sensing it. They stared at each other for a moment, then looked away, communicating something in silence.

“So what have you been up to?” Ruby asked.

“Not much, just working and training.” Garnet answered, “Pearl’s-“

“I’ve doing much of the same. Not a lot going on in our lives right now.”

Of course, whenever Pearl was lying she had this bad habit of talking over people and her voice would always pitch higher, and sometimes if it was a particularly bad lie she would laugh in a way that was stunted and not natural at all. She did all three of those things and Garnet had to resist the urge to pinch her temple in frustration, shooting her a look. No doubt her mothers would pick up on that; they knew about her bad lying.

_Damn it Pearl._

“Uh-huh,” Ruby said slowly, squinting at the two of them while simultaneously pulling the spoon up to her mouth to taste the chili. Smacking her lips a few times, she added on ‘needs more spice’ under her breath.

“If you say so.” Sapphire finished for her.

Garnet strode over to Pearl, staying close to her, having to resist the urge to put an arm around her, “We say so.”

It was going to be a long three days.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Regular updates are bi-weekly Sundays!


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